Do I wanna know? - Jamie Cook

40 - Conversations

- Can I talk to you about something? - Jamie asked nervously.

- Sure - I replied, and then my phone started to ring.

- Sorry - I said and checked who was calling. - It's an unknown number. Maybe it's something related to my job applications - I said to Jamie and answered the call.

- Hello? - I answered the phone call.

- Good morning, am I talking to Phoebe Adams? - a woman asked.

- Yes, this is she -.

- My name is Alyssa and I'm calling because you have been selected for an interview at Domino Records - she said and my jaw dropped. - You will receive an email during the day with all the details. Congratulations -.

- Thank you - I replied and then the woman hung up. I was in shock.

- Who was that? - Jamie asked and I looked at him with wide eyes and a smile plastered on my face.

- I got a job interview. At Domino - I said, smiling from ear to ear.

- What?! That's amazing, love! - he said, excited, and pulled me in for a hug. - I'm so proud of you - he said and kissed my forehead.

- Thank you - I smiled and kissed his lips.

- What did you want to talk about earlier? - I asked him after a couple of seconds had passed.

- Oh, uhm, it's nothing - he shook his head. - Come on, we have to go and celebrate - he said, grabbing my hand and getting up from the bench.

We ended up having an early lunch at a small cafe we found. I was buzzing with excitement, and couldn't stop smiling. Jamie told me all the time how sure he was that I was going to get the job. I had applied to the sound technician position, and even if I didn't get it, I would still be proud of myself for getting that far.

After lunch, we returned to Jamie's apartment. I was finishing packing some of my things, when he entered the room and sat down on the bed.

- Uhm, remember I wanted to talk to you earlier? - he asked me, and I turned around to look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

- Yes. What's up? -

- Me and the lads are going to play at the Olympics opening ceremony - he smiled.

- Oh my god - I said, shocked. - I'm so proud of you - I said and straddled his lap.

- We would like you to be there - he smiled, and rested his hands on my lower back.

- I'd be happy to - I smiled, and kissed him.

- Why didn't you tell me earlier? - I asked after breaking the kiss and Jamie looked away.

- We weren't sure if we could play. We are going to record a new album - he said, and sounded a bit sad.

- But that's good, right? - I asked him. - Right? - I asked again, because I got no answer.

- Yes, but the thing is ... - he said, and his eyes met mine. - We're going to Los Angeles to record it - he said and I felt like I was hit with a truck. I thought now that the tour was finished he was going to stay in the country, and if they recorded an album it would be in London, like their last one. But I was wrong. He was leaving.

- Oh - I said, and got up from his lap and sat next to him. - For how long? -

- We don't know. But we booked the studio for almost a year - he replied and I felt my heart sink.

- But why? The last album was done in just a few days -.

- Yeah, but we had everything ready. We only had to record it - he answered. - But this time, we want to do something different. Something big hopefully - he said and stopped for a couple of seconds. - We're going to write there, finish the songs and take our time - he finished, and waited for my answer.

- I don't think I could do long distance, Jamie - I said, and swallowed the lump in my throat.

- We don't have to, sweetheart - he said and grabbed one of my hands. - You can come with me - he said, searching for my eyes, but I was too busy looking at the carpet and trying to process everything.

- You know I can't - I mumbled, and then looked at him. - I can't leave my family, my friends. I might get a job now - I sighed. - I just can't - I shook my head.

- I can't do this - I said and my eyes welled up.

- You can come and visit me whenever you want to. I will come here as well - he said, and squeezed my hand.

- No, Jamie. I can't do this. Us - I shook my head, and I could see the heartbreak in his eyes.

- What do you mean? - he replied and his voice cracked.

- You know what I mean - I said softly and a tear rolled down my cheek. - We need to end things -.

- No, please - he said. - We can make this work - he added and I could feel the pain in his voice.

- We can't - I said and got up from the bed, drying my eyes.

- I will wait for you. Once I come back I will search for you - I heard him say behind me.

- I can't say the same - I said and turned around. - Don't expect me to wait for you and not move on, and to come crawling back to you once you come back - I shook my head. He remained silent after that.

- I will go somewhere else now - I said and closed my bag.

- No, wait. I can drive you home - Jamie replied.

- I think it's better if you don't - I said. - Please don't reach out. Don't make it harder - I said with the strength I had left.

- Okay, I won't - he said, defeated.

- Thank you for everything - I said and gave Jamie a sad smile. I walked towards the bedroom door and before I left, I gave him a quick look.

- Bye Phoebe - he said.

- Bye - I replied and walked to the main door.

I left the building with tears streaming down my face. I stopped a cab and gave the driver the address of one of the only people I knew in the city. Once I arrived there, I stood outside the small house. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. After a couple of seconds, the door opened.

- Hey - I said.

- Hey, Phoebe. What's wrong? - Nick asked with furrowed eyebrows, and as soon as I broke down crying, he hugged me tightly.