Loving Luca

51. Like Sugar And Honey

Rosie

It's been 3 whole day...3 whole fucking days of nothingness, 3 whole days of the most intense, earth shattering pain anyone could ever experience. 

I sat here in his bed just thinking...
how do people go on with life? How do you continue to wake up everyday knowing that someone you love is never going to walk through your front doors ever again?
How do you eat? how do you sleep? how do you even breath? All I have done is sit here.
I can't eat anything, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, I can't even get up, even breathing feels like a task I can't do.

Kade and Lee keep bringing me food but I just can't eat it, I can't fucking do anything without him.

I cradled the bear I had gotten for him as I cried fiercely into it, just trying to wrap my head around how they haven't found him yet. All they've found is a boot and a sock.

I know deep down in my heart that he's gone, I know I'll have to live the rest of this life feeling nothing but pain, but I don't think I'll be able to handle it too much longer.

I keep thinking of ways I could do it, maybe jumping, maybe a gun, just something quick so I can be with him.
And maybe, just maybe god will grant us the chance to have a family up in the heavens.

I finally found the strength to go into my room to change into some fresh cloths. I got myself up feeling wobbly and unstable from not really getting up for the past 3 days.

I made my way into my room with the help of a guard who had been guarding the door every night, he held onto my arm as he guided me into my own room.

"Thank you" I whispered as he nodded a 'your welcome'.

I took my cloths off as I changed into a long sleeve top and a pair of track suit pants, in the process I managed to get a glimpse of myself in the mirror...I looked a lot better than I had a few days ago besides my swollen puffy eyes, my stitches looked okay, my wounds seemed like they were healing well, the swelling in my face was going down and the colour was turning light grey and yellow. I was getting better...but my heart wasn't.

I pushed back my tears as I grabbed a blanket and pillow from my bed, heading straight back into Lucas.
I didn't want to be away from his room for long, it felt like I was with him, I could smell him everywhere, it just felt like home, like he was next to me already...

🦋

For hours I just laid on his bed hugging the huge body pillow in between my legs as if it were him.

I looked out the window at the dark cloudy sky, although it was only 3pm it was still very dark from the black clouds that covered the sky, the rain was hammering down as the trees swayed in the wind.

I took a deep breath feeling a few tear drops fall from my blood shot eyes... only a few fell...I barley had any left to cry, my body dried out.

I let the breeze from the open window hit me like a truck...it felt soothing.
I was wrapped up in his soft blankets, hugging onto the soft pillow while the wind blew kisses onto my body, the sound of the rain brought my heart to beat in rhythm, and for just a second...I forgot.

My eyes shut and within seconds... I was sleeping, sleeping for the first time in 5 days...

🦋

I slowly opened my eyes as I heard lightning crashing against something, the wind still blowing onto my warm body.

I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes trying to wake myself up...just before I could feel any form of relaxation, I realised it wasn't just another nightmare, it was real.