Loving Luca

32. It Could Always Be Worse

Rosie

It's been 3 days since Lee told me I had to move out.

They're giving me a week before I need to be out.
How ironic, merely months ago I was begging to to be set free, yet here I am, finding it harder then I should to be set free.
Not only am I unstable with money but I also don't have a job since Luca had quit for me a few months ago.

I was still in a depressive state since that night, all I can think about is his hands on me. I can still smell his breath on my neck, like whiskey and brandy mixed together on Christmas night with only sinful requests at hand.

I feel like a zombie, or a ghost. I'm looking after myself, and it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. I'm not eating nor drinking, I can't sleep for the life of me, I'm too afraid to fall asleep, whenever I do I just wake up in a sweat.
I see him every night in my dreams, invading my everything.

I knew Luca had been gone on business since Lee told me I had to leave. He had went to Barbados or something like that for some reason. I cant think about Luca right now though, he's the last thing I want to think about right now; or ever again for that matter.

Right now I need to focus on getting my old job and apartment back. That's the first step.

I told Dylan I was going into Brooklyn today to see what I could sort out.
Surprisingly out of everyone Dylan was the most comforting to me the past few days... which is ironic since he called me a street rat a few weeks ago.

Nobody knew I had heard him but I did. I've forgotten and forgiven though, I know he was only looking out for Luca, and I can't blame him, they've been friends since they could walk, at least that's what the photos say.

Dylan offered to go with me but I refused. I need to be alone. I don't want to be near any man right now, no matter their intention.

I grabbed my scarf and beanie from the night stand as it was furiously snowing out today. I blew out the candles and incense like I was always taught in every home I've  ever lived in.

I scrambled down stairs warming up my hands with my gloves as I leant down over the fire place to warm them up. Even my feet feel like they have frost bite.

I had been given a burner phone yesterday incase I needed anything while I was in the city. Which was quite surprising considering they wouldn't care less if I dropped dead on their doorstep. I think it's more a case of ownership, they think they own me, therefore no one else can touch me, that is until the weeks up.

I went into the city yesterday too to see if I could find anything but there was no luck so I'm going back today to see if my old apartment can take me back.
Let's hope for the best.

I haven't been speaking to them unless I really needed too. I was just as angry with them as I was Luca, none of them bothered to hear me out, not even for a second.

The only reason I was tolerating Dylan is because he's the only one actually trying to be somewhat comforting these past 3 days, by comforting I mean a few short words here and there.

Once I finished warming up my body, I plugged in my earphones and played
- Jade bird: "what am I here for" one of my favourites.

I began the short walk to the bus stop just a few blocks away from...Lucas home.
It was so cold out my cheeks felt like they were burning. It's funny how the body can hardly tell what it's feeling when it's too hot or cold, it almost gets confused.

I rugged myself up in long pants and boots with 3 layers of jackets on, a scarf, a beanie and gloves, but still I was freezing my ass off, or what little I have of one.