Loving Luca

48. A Pain and angst Like Never Before

Luca

Although I didn't show it, I was beyond excited to see her, I just couldn't wait to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I missed her.

Giving her that necklace before I left, it was a promise that when I came back it would be a ring this time, she didn't have to know that though.

Being away from her and having my life at risk made it even clearer to me that I didn't just want her as my wife one day, I wanted her as my wife as soon as possible.

So when we pulled up to the house I just couldn't help myself, I got out from the car, grabbed some of my bags, I waited for the boys to grab some of theirs and we finally made our way into the house....

"Hey! Stop" Kade yelled out.

For fucks sake. What?!

"What kade! If you don't mind I'd like to get inside to see my girlfriend!" I spat out angrily.
Fuck me.

"Stop..." he whispered.

"Where are the guards?" he asked worriedly.

I didn't understand what he meant until I looked around...nobody was guarding the house, nobody was guarding the door. Something wasn't right, my heart sank.

I dropped everything and ran into the house...

As soon as I swung the door open, it felt like my heart had been ripped from my body and stomped on a thousand times over and over again...

Blood was just...everywhere, the house was tipped upside down, glass shattered in the kitchen, a puddle of blood at the bottom of the stairs.

"No...no...no! NO! NO!" I screamed out.
"FIND HER!!!!"

I can't breathe.

I ran as fast as I could up the stairs checking her bedroom, it was empty, the bathrooms, the spare bedrooms, I ran into my room just praying she'd be there... I stopped in my tracks as I saw a love bear and chocolates in the centre of the bed.
"FUCK!!"
I can't do this.

"WHERE IS SHE! WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE!" I screamed out running down the stairs as I put my hands above my head trying to catch my breath, the tears just fell and fell and didn't stop.

"Lee where is she!" I hiccuped and screamed as I cried out, the most vulnerable state I'd ever been in or even seen in.

"W-where gonna find her okay, where gonna find her" he consoled me as he fought back tears, he just held me as I fell into the cold red floor.

"I want her back! where the fuck is she?" I cried out letting myself fall deeper.

I needed to get up, I need to find her now.

I stood up and marched my way into the kitchen...I squeezed my eyes shut as I put my hand over my mouth trying to contain my broken voice... there was a cake baked on the counter, it was purple blueberry, my favourite, there was writing in the centre.
"Welcome home my love".

I don't want to do this anymore...

"LUCA...it was Ivan, the cameras were on the whole time...there's footage" Kade spat out.

Fuck.
What have I done?
I should have been here.
I should have fucking been here!

I slammed my fists into the walls again and again and again until I felt the blood trickle down my knuckles.

"Luca stop! Please" Zane cried out as he stood there.
None of my men have ever seen me in this state...because I've never been in this state.

When I find him I am going to rip him apart, I am going to murder him just like I murdered Carter.
To think the blood on the floor was Rosie's made me vomite.
I couldn't hold it down, I vomited all over the sink and I cried out in pain from my heart tearing.

I felt the devil enter through me again, I felt the devil I had pushed down months ago rise up within my soul.

I grabbed my phone and gun and ran out into the street.

"Where are you going son?!"
"Luca please come back we'll find her!"
"Luca!"

They all yelled out for me but I could barley hear them, all I could hear was her....shouting for me, calling my name... begging for me to save her.

I got behind the wheel and put my foot down....

And for hours on end I just...drove, I drove everywhere I thought she could be, and she was no where.

I slammed my fist into the steering wheel feeling the full force of what was happening,

"Fuck you!! Fuck you for taking her from me!!!"
I screamed up like I was talking to the god I had believed in yesterday.
I put the gun to my head just wanting to end the pain... but i cant...I need to find her, I need to bring her back to me...

I marched into the house to see it was spotless, there was no blood, no glass, no broken furniture...no cake...no Rosie.
It was just...empty...so full of furniture...but so empty without her.
I stood there staring into the empty kitchen just imagining her standing there cooking her favourite food...pizza... she loved her pizza.
I pulled my hands up to my eyes as I let the tears fall once again.

It was late, 3am.
I can't sleep, my men haven't slept yet, they've been up all night in the base room trying to find any information.
I've got my best men out here on the computers trying to track her, the necklace I gave her had a tracker in it but it kept glitching in and out at different locations.

"You need to sleep Luca" Lee admitted while he placed his hand on my shoulder trying to make me feel better.
I'm not going to fucking feel better until I have her here in my arms.

"I can't" I cried out, almost inaudible.

"Here, take this" he said as he handed me a phone. I furrowed my brows in confusion as he just nodded for me to put the phone to my ear.

"H-hello?" I gasped into the phone trying to hide my broken voice.

"My boy!" it was my mother.

The sound of her voice just made me break down right there.
I exited the room and headed upstairs into my room.

"M-mum?" I whimpered.

"I know your hurting baby, we're gonna find her okay. Lee told us everything, your father and I have already sent out the boyens to look for her"

The boyens were a special team over in Italy, they're what we would call when we really wanted to find someone.

"Mum I can't do this without her...I love her more than anything in this whole fucking world"

"I know baby, we're gonna find her...but I need you to sleep okay... you can't find her and protect her if you aren't rested okay... can you do that for me?"

As much as I hate the thought of wasting any time on anything other than finding her...I knew she was right.

I sighed into the phone knowing I had too sleep, just for 30 minutes.

"Okay" I whispered.

"I love you my son"

"I love you mum".

The phone hung up and within seconds I felt myself falling. I hugged the love bear she had brought for me, I hugged it so tight, and I just cried right into it, wishing it was her.

Please come back to me baby...your my light in this dark world...your my everything...you're me.