547 days

28/2/2023

dear diary,

I didn't want to write today, didn't have much to say, and my thoughts are the same as any other day. I've typed so much but i keep erasing what i've wrote.

(a beautiful song to listen to: bella notte)

(6 letter wordle: silver)

Im so confused. still. clarity, stability, something.

listening to Young and beautiful by lana del ray but the piano version so theres no singing and its beautiful, will always remind me of the great gatsby now.

last night i was thinking about how we planned to go to castle coch and never did, that was his idea actually.

This is such a random diary I'm just writing whatever idk

I just had this Iranian snack we bring with us from Iran it's called lavashak. I had already brushed my teeth so I need to brush again
it's so sour and tasty it's literally dried fruit roll ups.

I love these

Also this was my food I made

Doesn't look appetising but like it was good
It looks bland but seasoned it up and had dips on the side

A Moroccan football player Hakimi has been accused of rape and I hope it's not true

Idk
Have stuff on my mind kinda

I'm Tired. In all aspects

struggled getting out of bed this morning
Probs sleep soon

I currently have 15 unopened snaps
But I've been getting back to my friends on iMessage, tash had a cat scare and thought her cat was hurt, she wouldn't have told me if I hadn't have asked how she is
Bless her
I texted her randomly to check up on her asking how she is and she was scared but then she sent me a pic of her cat and her cats fine

Can't believe it's march tomorrow
I have one more day left to make up for my fasts, need to make it up before Ramadan starts. I might start taking less to eat in uni like just cut it down to a fruit salad so my body starts adjusting to Ramadan from now because the first few days of Ramadan is always hard for me. But I think I'm gonna be on my period the first week of Ramadan anyway, literally this time next month.

21:19pm

I did speak to my cousin in Turkey today, I'm 8 years older than him, it was weird having a full blown conversation in Farsi , I had to translate everything in my head and I didn't know some words in Farsi so I literally said them in English lol it's so hard sometimes. I speak mixed with my parents but mainly English.
he's Iranian but lives in Turkey and last time I saw him was three years ago I genuinely love him it was mental to see how much he's grown, he literally sounds like a man now, he's no longer that small boy I once knew, I once used to feed, used to rock him til he fell asleep, used to change his nappy or wash him or take him to the toilet. I'm telling you I was the babysitter in the family like I was the cousin babysitter, which is why I'm so close to the younger ones, and the older cousins were my babysitters so I'm close to them lol. I don't actually have an older female cousin on mums side of the family, my oldest sister is the first female cousin.

Before I fall asleep
I just want his snuggles. A moment of 'weakness' after trying to be strong ?
21:36