547 days

Serenity

Serenity - the state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled.

Today was a really good day alhamdulilah. I am sat on my floor reflecting on my mood and emotions throughout today and not once did I feel stressed. Not once did I feel sad, (I briefly felt sad during my meeting) and not once did I overthink or feel overwhelmed during the day.

Do you know how long it's been since I've felt this free? How long it's been since I've felt this care free and calm and relaxed? I could cry from feeling so at peace. It feels extremely relieving.

I also ate so much chocolate but it tasted sooo gooooooood. It was Black Forest Cadbury, possibly my new favourite chocolate and you know what? I don't even care. If my body felt like eating that much chocolate today then that's fine. I'm not gonna feel guilty for eating so much.

Urgh I can't tell you how happy I feel, I wish this would last but I know it won't cos nothing will. Sad times come and go and it's the same with happy times too.

There's a lot to say about today but also don't want to go into too much detail in case this gets found by my family and I want to keep today as low-key as possible.

Let's just say, I cherished every moment with Lorenz. I think it would be really boring if he didn't make me laugh either. Not being able to be goofy or laugh with someone you love would be boring but he knows how to make me laugh and he's funny. I find him funny, even if he stupidly prefers orange juice over apple juice. He'll soon realise that apple juice will always be superior.

I've just bought a case for my new phone, I need to start using it. So my parents will probably text him soon to be honest. The new book came. I finally confessed to him that it was in a different language and I felt bad cos he ordered me the English version and it arrived so I'll read a bit before bed but that was nice of him.

From what I've read so far, the concept of the book (1000 boy kisses) is to write down a thousand special kisses you receive from your husband. All the moments you've felt the kiss was particularly special, you write down on a piece of paper and put it in a jar, until it's a thousand small pieces of paper all enclosed with a sweet memory of a kiss.

I probably already have ten special ones I can think of. Would take me a while to reach a thousand. Although I tend to find pretty much anything special anyway. Let's see if I have a special kiss from today. A forehead kiss.
He always gives me really long forehead kisses. I love all of his kisses but there's something about his nose and forehead kisses, they linger in a good way and I love it. I also love it when he kisses the top of my head too. I just like all his kisses lol, I feel like he means them. Even the small ones he probably thinks I don't notice.

I did say ages ago that I'd try and find something beautiful that happened during my day and write about it.
Something beautiful today?
- There were lots to be honest. I saw Honeys beautiful face, I truly have a lot of love for her, more than she realises.
- Lorenz being genuinely happy. I liked his little stupid dance he did to Justin timberlake. I joined him lmao. That was beautiful.
- I also liked snuggling. His head buried in my neck and I could hear his heart and feel his deep breaths.
- he also got his new bike. He's been waiting for it for ages and it finally came. I briefly saw it and it looks nice to be fair, but I can't help but feel worried. I just think they're dangerous but if he likes it then it is what it is. He's responsible though but other drivers on the road may not be:/ 
But I was happy for him.

I don't knowwwww. I'm actually really tired right now. Honey FaceTimed me but I quickly rejected it as I was with my mum but I'm free to FaceTime her back now but I'm just gonna have a shower and sleep and chill. We can just talk tomorrow morning on the way to placement instead.

Things with my mum have been really good today. Almost as if nothing happened. I have to give credit to my mum, she's a really good mum despite everything I've done. She has every reason to not speak or treat me with love but she's being kind and I can't fault her.

I'm going to sleep in my sisters room I think. Sometimes I like sleeping there. Although I prefer my room cos it's cosier. I feel like my spirit animal is a cat because they like small places too and will try and fit in a small box. I'd like a big house, who wouldn't? But I love small places. My room is smaller than my sisters room and I find it cosier but my sisters room is more peaceful because of the colour.

Anyways. Like I said, I wish everyday was like today.

Good night diary. - 21:11pm
From a very happy Punjabi princess. (He randomly called me that today, but I'm the OG Persian princess)😌