547 days

Thursday night

Discussing Valentine's Day and trying to stay humble.

Starting to notice the weight gain.
It's not me being insecure I'm not really insecure but it's about noticing some things fit a little tighter and just trying to be healthy. I want to go to the gym again but I can't really afford it rn, I mean I can but I need to be spending smart. I might do home workouts for the time being and then get into gym again.

Our snack cupboard is LOADED. We have a whole cookie jar and I had vegan cookies too and they were so good. I normally drink soya milk or almond milk so I just had a warm mug of almond milk to fill me up.

Lorenz called me on his way home from work and it was nice to speak to him. Honey had to get a few words in there lol. Still want his cuddles though. Sucks being such a physically affectionate person, crave and want his touch all the time. Like I'd do what I'm doing now but with him. Like eat food and watch whatever with him by my side. Idk.

Valentine's Day is coming up. I'm not gonna get him anything. Because I know it'll cause an argument. I am still annoyed he hasn't accepted my Christmas gifts like I've literally wasted £200 he could at least accept them😩 I'll get him a card. I love cards and keep my cards and I think he keeps his. I'm a very thoughtful card writer lol. I put my heart into it.

I remember this time last year I was so excited for Valentine's Day. I remember speaking to him on the phone about it when I was out in town. I was talking to him over the phone about my fave perfume and he was like "well Valentine's Day is coming up" basically hinting he would get it for me. I don't remember which perfume it was, probably YSL perfume. It would be nice to receive flowers off him though with a cute note. I'm a simple girl. I think. I don't ask for much. Just to be treated right.

He's never bought me flowers and I get why bc of home life but I'm an old love soul and love little notes and thoughtful cards and flowers.
I have bought flowers in the last and brought them home because I've bought them for the house.

The concept of V day is strange because you should always love and gift each other things and be sweet and affectionate and thoughtful 365 days a year, not just that one day on 14th feb.

I don't think I'm a materialistic person. And I try and not ask Lorenz for anything because I don't want to come across as a "gold digger" but it's nice to be spoiled and treated. Or to know the person was thinking of you. He told me he was looking for the Black Forest Cadbury chocolate and he knows I love them and it's the thought itself that matters to me. Or how he goes out of his way to get me water or Morrison donuts.

Funny how it's all food with me lol. Imagine brand new air forces 😳 I love the new shoes he got me the other day as well they're fancy, was gonna wear them to placement today.

But I feel bad wearing branded clothes to placement. I don't know if this is me overthinking things but the area our placement is, seems a bit deprived. It's not a well known area and you can tell from the type of patients who come in, that it's not booming economically if you get my drift, but the people there are friendly , probably the friendliest people I've ever come across. The location of an area has nothing to do with its people, but id feel bad wearing "expensive" or "branded" clothes there. So I wear my normal white Nikes you can't see the Nike tick or I wore my nike airforces the other day but my scrubs are long enough to cover the tick.

I just don't wanna seem like it's "showing off"? I don't know if that makes sense. Id rather dress down, I dunno.
19:22pm