547 days

🤷🏻‍♀️

I just wanted a little playful, tease banter back. How we were. It's so serious now.

I get how tash was feeling when she opened up to me the other day. When you try and put in effort and they make you feel unworthy and unwanted.
It's like I'm on edge, do I say this? Can I say that? Shall I send this?

Honestly I bought the lingerie for us. Wanted to spice things up a bit, is that so wrong? I actually thought of him thinking which colour he'd like as well. I'm trying to put in effort.

I'm lying in bed wide awake eyes open watching the hours go by.

Just want to sleep and never wake up. Pretend I don't exist and my life is a dream.

I remember we had a massive argument in his car one time and even then, when he was so mad at me, we went to Costa, he pulled me in for a hug and kissed me. He bought me water without even asking if I wanted it cos he knew I did. I just want us to talk things over. - 1:28am

There's not a tired bone in my body anymore. I've been lying awake. Cos I care too much and think too much and somehow am starting to blame myself? What's worse is I know he's sleeping peacefully. Just like last time when he broke my heart and I knew he was sleeping peacefully and I was struggling to sleep. - 2:46am

3:29am- sat downstairs watching tv as I can't sleep and need to take my mind off things. Alarm set for three hours time. Don't think I'll get any sleep tonight lol.

4:03- been reading to keep my eyes tired but nothing is making me want to sleep. If I put my phone away I stay awake lying in bed. I have a headache . Alarm set for two hours now , this is perfect.