Venus Serene

Goodbyes hurt

I slowly opened my eyes and immediately remembered what day it was. My mom's funeral. I didn't want to go but I know my mom would want me to get out of bed and continue with my life so this is a start.

I heard Eli in his closet doing something but I figured he was just trying to find his suit so I went to the bathroom to get ready. The funeral was in a few hours. I had to read the obituary and Jupiter chose to do the eulogy since he felt like he should be the one to do it. I haven't checked on him since she died and I feel bad about that because it has to be harder for him than it is for me for obvious reasons.

He killed her and didn't even have control over his mind when he did it. But I haven't really been talking to anyone lately because I've been trying to recover but it's taking longer than I thought. 

Eli came in the bathroom as I was about to get in the shower and hugged me. "Good morning" I say. "Good morning, amore" "this is a very long hug" "I know." He says as he buries his head into my neck. "Ok, I need to get in the shower" "wait, you're warm and I'm cold" He says, pulling me back. "Then turn the heat on" "no, it's the middle of the summer."

"Then just get in the shower with me where it's warm" I pulled away and then turned the shower on. I got in and Eli was right behind me. When I got under the water it stung my skin because of all of the scars that still didn't heal all the way but I didn't care. Some part in me wanted it to hurt.

"I'm so tired" "I know, baby, but I also know you can get through this. I'll be here for you and love you until I can't anymore" I walked closer to him and kissed him. "Thank you" I say. "Always."

We took our shower and then got out to get dressed. Since her funeral wasn't until a few hours from now we both just put on regular clothes. I just wanted time to go as slow as it could because I wasn't ready to go to her funeral. This might sound bad but I wish we didn't have to have a funeral for her. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. 

I went up to my vanity and started fixing my hair. I hadn't straightened my hair in a while mostly because I was scared of heat damage but today I was gonna take the risk. 

It took me four hours to straighten it but at least I got the job done. "Finally" I say as I put the hair straightener down and let out a deep sigh. "You're just now getting done?" Eli asks me. "Yes" "you look beautiful as always" "thank you" I say.

I looked at the time and I had one more hour until her funeral. I got up and went in my closet and pulled out a dress that I had been planning to wear to her funeral. The theme was white instead of black. Our mom would kill us if we gave her a black funeral.

It was a white floral dress that my mom had gave me when I was twenty since it didn't fit her anymore. I didn't try it on so I didn't even know if it still fit but if it doesn't I'm gonna make it fit.

I took the dress out and put it on, surprisingly it fit perfectly. "Eli, how does this look on me?" I say, turning arounds so he could see. "Do a 360 for me" I turned around and then stopped. "It looks gorgeous on you" "thank you." I say with a smile. That was actually the first time I smiled since my mom died. 

I went to the back of my closet where all of my shoes were and chose white heels.

I took them out and put them by the bed and then went downstairs. I came down here to fix something to eat but got distracted by the knives that were sitting in the dish rack. They were just sitting there, out in the open. I could easily just grab one and- "Venus" I turned around and Eli was walking towards me. "Yeah?" "What are you doing?" "I was- I don't even know" "well..are you hungry?" "Yeah" "ok, I'll fix you lunch" "ok." I say and then walk to the living room. 

I sat down and turned the tv on when I saw my dad calling. I wonder what he could want. "Hello" "hey, how are you holding up?" "Fine I guess, you?" "Yeah, me too, anyway, when my men were on the Sicilian Costas's base they found your mom's body" "how? Wouldn't she have been blown into pieces?" "Usually, yeah, but she wasn't. I still don't know if we should show her body at her funeral today."