The high school coffee boy || DNF || high school AU

34. June 10th

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♡♛George's POV♛♡

Journal entry June 10th 2023

hello, haven't been in this book in a while. A few updates on whats happened recently with me.

I have a boyfriend! He's amazing, his name is Clay/Dream and I love him so much.

my eating disorder hasn't gotten any better, Dream tries to help, a lot. At one point it was okay but, it feels like its the only thing I'm able to control in my life right now. I feel worthless if I eat too much, like I'll never be good enough for anyone. For Dream.

I'm mutual everyone and I've made a few very good friends, Sapnap, he's in love with my other friend Karl and they are dating. They're an amazing couple and I know they'll make it far. I've also met some while working at the café, Tubbo, Tom, Ranboo, and Phil. Three of them are kids, and one Dream is planning on adopting and I know I'll be there when it happens. I'm with Dream until the end.

Ranboo is probably one of the sweetest kids around. He is always a little bit quiet and shy though, his life at home is rough thats why Dream is going to adopt him. His parents are horrible and will lose custody as soon as they are reported. Clay cares so much about Ranboo, as if he is his own.

My self harm hasn't stopped, its gotten worse. It's gone from 1-2 cuts a night to 3-4 and I can't stop, Dream doesn't know. I don't want him to worry about me further, especially now. Especially since he already knows about my bad eating habits.

I know I should be happier here, I have so much more here than I did in England. For some reason, I miss it. I miss the rainy days which Florida barely has, I miss the school programs, I miss cheer even. England seems so nice right now I hope I can visit soon.

I am just kinda done living in this blank life, it almost feels like i'm living in the same day over and over again only changing when my friends actually text me. I miss the times where I wasn't worried about my friends liking me or my looks or anything like that, I just wish I was normal again.

I miss just everything about being younger, I had more time and more freedom but now it's all go go go and it never stops. Maybe it's normal but I hate it, I wish I had more time with people I love like my friends.

Every time I say something I always regret saying anything at all, it's almost like my words just disappear once they're said anyways so what's the point. I feel ignored almost, but it's no one else fault, it's just mine.

I make everyone around me miserable and I have so much proof. From my classmates reminding me everyday to my friends barely even answering me anymore I'm so close to just shutting my phone off and throwing it away because no one ever talks to me anymore.

People I thought cared are either gone or don't talk to me at all. It's all "I'm busy" "I'm tired" "oh sorry I have to go" and I'm so sick and tired of being lied to, it hurts. It feels like everyone I love hates me and anytime I show that love they turn around and leave.

I'm done. I'm done living in the dark of everything never even getting out because every day just blurs into one feeling like a repeat. I wish that everyone noticed me more and that I was actually appreciated but, I'm not at all. I'm just some dumb boy who can't even understand questions on homework, I cling too much to others and I know everyone is done with me, I'm just annoying.

Dream is very very important to me and without him my life would be so bland maybe even non existent who knows if I'd still be here without him by my side. He entered when my life was just starting to fall apart, right when my insecurities came into play.

Dream's random approach of him basically forgetting that he had to mention his name turned into daily conversations and he made me feel so important and wanted.

He's my best friend, boyfriend, and hopefully one day my husband. Without him I wouldn't be here. I don't think he knows how much I love him and care for him, how much I want him to open up to me but I respect his boundaries i don't want to lose him even if it results in constant worry. He's more amazing than he'll ever know, I just want to help him. I wish he knew his battles didn't have to be fought alone.

I feel like Dream is uncomfortable mentioning how he feels and maybe even doesn't trust me. I feel bad for trying to push him sometimes, especially since it never works. I'm hoping some day all the problems he has will flood out and he will realize I've been here since the beginning. I'll never leave no matter how bad it gets because I know how much it hurts when someone leaves because you're simply being human.

I don't know when I'll enter again, let's hope I get through everything, Dream stays, we can adopt Ran, and everything will start looking up as much as possible.

Let's hope everything from June 10th gets better, everything from today...improves.

929 words
A/N
Thank you sm for reading honestly it means a lot especially since school is so shitty right now and it's getting harder and harder to find time but I promise I'm trying as hard as I can love you guys have an amazing day. As I am on winter break writing will get easier unless my writers block comes into play! Love you guys so much.