Firsts & Lasts

Bonus Chapter One.

When she does, she uncaps the stick and hands it to me. "Pee on this bad boy for ten seconds, that's it," she says, holding it out. I swallow again and shake my head. "Nov-"

"Take one with me!" I cut her off. Her perfect, dark brows furrow. "What?" she questions. "I'm not pregnant." I groan and sigh at the same time. "I know, but just pretend that you think you're pregnant and worry with me! Please, it'll make me feel a lot better," I plead. She looks at me for a long moment and rolls her eyes. She closes the pee stick and places it on the sink before grabbing the other ClearBlue test and unpacking it. I start to smile and clap my hands. She pulls it out of the box and shows it to me. "You first," she says, moving out of the way so that I can use the toilet. I nod and pick up the test. I pull down my tights and hold the test between my legs while I pee. I close it quickly after and place it facing down on the sink.

I clean myself and flush. "Your turn, bestie," I say. Maddy passes by me and does the same routine as me, setting her test face down. I wash my hands while she does. She puts down the seat to the toilet and motions me to sit on it, so I do. She washes her hands next. My leg starts bouncing up and down nervously as I stare off into the distance while we wait five gruesome minutes. "Did you tell Valdez?" she interrupts the silence. I shake my head as I look at her. "No! Please don't say anything, not even to Xan," I beg. "Nova, I would never. I promise," she says and I nod. "Thank you," I mumble.

She nods, bending over to be the same height as me. "And if you are, whatever you want to do, I'm here for you. Always." She smiles and then leans in, kissing my cheek. A small blush creeps onto my face as I nod. I rather not think about being pregnant so I try and think of the possibility that I am not. The rest of the time, we don't say a single word. "I think they're ready," she says, motioning her head towards the tests. I chew on my bottom lip as I nod. I stand up and walk toward the sink. I stare at the tests anxiously. "You check yours first!" I say, panicked. "Nov-"

"I want to know if you're pregnant!" I interrupt. I know she's not, I'm not stupid. I just. . . I'm less panicked if I believe my best friend is going through this same journey as me. Maddy sighs and nods. She must understand. She picks up the test and flips it over. Her eyes widen and she drops it to the ground. My heart skips a beat in panic. "I picked up your test by accident!" The color from her face drains. "You're pregnant, by the way," she adds. My heart drops to my butt as I shake my head. I look at the counter and see. . . wait. "Maddy," I say, picking up the other test, "this is my test!" I turn it over and the words PREGNANT slap me in the face. I yelp and drop the test to the ground just like my best friend did with hers.

Then, realization slaps me. "What!" Maddy says. I don't say anything as she bends over and picks up both tests. She looks at both of them and starts shaking her head. She's realizing what I just did. She looks up at me slowly. Her face paler than usual, her hands now shaking. "No," she mutters. "We're both pregnant," I whisper. She drops both tests to the ground and makes way for the other boxes of unused tests. "That's wrong! I'm not pregnant," she says angrily as she starts unboxing another test. "But. . ." I start. She pulls out another one and slaps it against my chest. "We're not pregnant. Here take that one," she says.

She gets another one and makes a beeline for the toilet. She sits down again and pees on the pink stick. My head is all over the place. False negatives are common. False positives. . . are rare. She flushes and gets up. "Go, Nov." I don't bother arguing with her. Maybe she's right. I pee on the second stick and we wait the same amount of minutes. "You look at them," Maddy tells me. I nod slowly and pick up both of our tests.

Two lines. Two lines equal pregnant.

I look up slowly. "Pregnant again," I whisper. She snatches the tests from me, her eyes flitting from one to the other. She walks backward, still looking at the tests. She lowers herself onto the toilet where I once sat. She's upset. Maddy doesn't want kids. She never has. Her parents weren't great to her and I think she fears she'll be just like them. I know she wouldn't be but I can't change her mind. If she doesn't want kids, she won't have them. The thought of being pregnant at the same time as my best friend excites me, but I don't show it. Although I am scared shitless — excuse my language — having my best friend going through the same thing, right by my side, makes me feel at ease. But she doesn't want this.