Firsts & Lasts

First Goodbyes.

Novalee

"Nova! You in there?"

The pounding on my door wakes me from my sleep. My head is pounding but not from a hangover, from how much I cried. The knocks on my door have stopped, but I rush to the mirror. I wipe off the leftover makeup from last night off my face as a fist collides with my door again. "Novalee?"

It's him.

I take a deep breath and adjust my oversized t-shirt on my body. I'm wearing shorts under, but the shirt is too long to tell. I walk towards the door and open it. Christian stands there and releases a deep breath, almost like he'd been holding it in. "Why weren't you answering your phone? I've been calling you for like an hour," He says. The door is open enough for him to come inside, so he does.

I shut the door after him and follow him deeper into my room. "I knocked out once I got home, what time is it?" I ask. He looks down at the Rolex watch on his wrist. "1 in the afternoon." I furrow my brows, "And you barely came looking for me? It's been hours," I say. I left his house at around 8:30 this morning to go to the coffee shop.

"I accidentally knocked back out when you left. I got fucking worried when it was 12 and you weren't back yet, so I went out looking for you," He explains. I nod my head a couple of times. "I went looking for you at the coffee shop and asked one of the baristas if you had came in earlier. They told me you did, but you never came back to the house. Did you like, forget?" The confusion on his face is clear.

I let out a chuckle and shake my head. "No, but something funny happened there. At the café," I tell him. I cross my arms over my chest and take a step back. He notices it, so the confusion never leaves him. "What happened?" He asks.

"Remember our waitress? The blonde from Grill Barons? You remember. Anyway, I ran into her at the coffee shop." My eyes never leave him despite how angry I am. I need to see a reaction and I'm lucky enough to catch one early on. At the mention of her, his face dropped a little. Of course, being a better actor than me, he recovered immediately. That's all I needed though.

"She let me in on your little rendezvous at the Sigma party that same Tuesday before we went to eat there," I tell him. His furrowed eyebrows stay in tact. "What are you talking about?" I roll my eyes and laugh a little. "Can we skip the part where you act like an idiot? I know you cheated on me Valdez and do not say you didn't because she showed me all the proof I needed. If you don't remember that's because you got shitfaced and don't tell me you didn't. I was there with you the next day."

He flinches at my one curse word. I've never been one to curse unless I'm really mad or annoyed and right now, I'm both of those things.

"Novalee, listen to me," he steps closer, but I step back "I never slept with her," He lies. I turn my head away from him and laugh. See I'd have more respect for him if he didn't lie to me. "Chris, I saw the fucking video," I mutter. I hate cussing and I hate that I want to cry again. I don't want to show emotion around him anymore, even though I'm hurt. He doesn't deserve that.

"What fucking video!?" He raises his voice now. I take another step away from him and tuck my hair behind my ears. "The video of you going down on her. It was you. I saw your face in the video so unless this girl is a video photoshop God, then you can't stand here and say it wasn't you." I can feel my face flush pink from anger. It's also from embarrassment. I can't believe I let him fool me for a second time.

He doesn't say anything.

"Tell me, Chris," I pause for a moment "did you or did you not get really drunk at Sigma party?" My voice has grown soft. I don't want to yell. I don't want to fight. I just need him to admit this so that we can both move on with our lives. From each other.

He stutters, "I did." For about the fourth time today, my heart drops to my stomach. He cheated on me. "And what happened at the party? Hm? Do you remember?" I ask. My arms find their way across my chest again while his have fallen to his side. He looks around the room like he's searching for answers. He doesn't remember anything. I know he doesn't.

We were friends before we started dating. He's told me before how he doesn't always remember the girls he sleeps with because he gets super drunk sometimes. I saw his eyes in that video, they hung low. He was really drunk. I stayed in bed with him most of the next day because he had a hangover. Besides him having to go to practice, we never left his place.

"I don't remember," He finally says. I scoff and a smile tugs onto my lips. I'm far from happy, but enjoying my own misery helps me cope sometimes. "Figured," I say. I look at him and I can tell this is hurting him as much as it is me. He hurt me again when he said he wouldn't and didn't want to. I don't know if that was a lie, but right now, I don't really believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

I step closer to him and stab my finger into his chest, "You sat in front of my parents and told them you wouldn't hurt me. You tried so hard for what? You had already messed this up." A tear manages to slip down my face, but I wipe it quickly. I don't know why I try and hold back my emotions. I shouldn't have to, but I can't have Christian look at me and feel bad. He should, but this isn't what I want. He cheated on me. It's his loss. He should feel bad for himself.

He doesn't say anything again, his face is expressionless too. He doesn't care. My hand falls back to my side and I take a step away from him again. "You said you loved me." The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. For weeks I've been telling myself that he didn't love me. That he said it because he was drunk, but I think I didn't want to believe that. In this moment, I still don't.

But a man who loves you, would never do anything to hurt you.

His mouth gapes open a little like he wants to say something but can't. I say, "Don't. It's not like you meant it. I know that now." He closes his lips again. If he loves me, he'll say it. He'll say it right now. Even if it won't change anything.

"I'm sorry," He says, his voice low. It doesn't look like he's sorry. I shake my head. "No, you're not. I don't need your apologies anymore, Christian. Just leave," I say. I walk past him and climb into my bed. I just want to go to sleep again.

"Nova-"

"Leave, Valdez!"

The door slams a couple of seconds later.