Firsts & Lasts

First Nights.

Christian
December 23

"Did you get your ticket? I emailed it to you."

"Yeah, mom, I got it. I told you I could've bought it myself."

"I didn't want you wasting money on a ticket to and from."

"I have the money, but alright."

"I'll see you there, we'll meet up at the hotel and go to dinner. Your father doesn't know we'll be in town anyway."

"He hasn't called you?"

"Yes, but I didn't answer. Has he called you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't answer either. Fuck that."

"Christian."

"Sorry. Alright I'll see you in a bit, mom"

"Okay, love you."

"Bye."

After I hang up on mom, I close my duffel bag. I won't be in Vegas for long so I didn't pack much. Coach wants us back home by the 26th. We practice that day at 7 p.m.. I'll be home that same day anyway, so I'm not worried about not making it.

I look around my room and see my dress shoes in the corner. Fuck, I forgot to pack them. I walk over and bend over to pick them up. I wince as I do so. I've been working out a lot and going hard in practice. We play in the Orange Bowl on New Years Eve and we need to win that game to get to the National Championship. I'm not losing that game. Period.

I pick my body back up slowly. I unzip my bag and shove my shoes inside, closing it back up. My flight leaves in an hour. It's only 3 in the afternoon. Moms flying in from Georgia so her flight is a little longer than my one hour one. I look at my phone again and see a text from Xander.

Xan: wya

Me: Still @ the house

Xan: ok. lmk when you're home stud

Me: will do.

Although Xan doesn't know the truth about my dad, he knows we don't get along at all. He told me to come home with him for the week off we got, but I couldn't. I told him it would be okay since my mom was coming too. My roommates all left on Thursday. Rhys went home for the holidays with Cgc in New Orleans and then Xander went to his hometown in New York City. I've been alone for four days and it's been boring.

I'm not used to living without roommates anymore. Usually I go home with Xander for the holidays, so this time it's different.

I throw my duffel bag over my shoulder and pocket my phone. "Did I miss anything?" I say, looking around my room once more. I got my moms gifts, but they're in the car already, so no I'm not missing anything. I close my door and head downstairs. I lock the door behind me and throw the extra key under the mat. I have one attached on my keychain anyway.

Las Vegas, here I come.

+

I cut my steak with my knife before I eat it. I haven't been to Vegas in a couple of years, but mom and I always come to this steakhouse when we decide to come here. "I need to say something," Mom says. I look up at her and set my knife and fork down. My heart starts pounding right away as I try to not think about all the terrible things that can potentially come out of her mouth in a couple of seconds.

"I know you don't like your father, Christian, but please I don't want this beautiful holiday to get out of control. I just want to spend time with my family," She pleads. I clench my jaw to keep myself from saying anything I'll regret. "Tell dad that then, not me," I say, picking up my utensils again. I stab the steak on my plate and put a piece into my mouth.

"He invited us for a reason. I think he wants this to go well, so I'm just asking you to not take offense to anything he says." I will never know why and how this woman still defends my father. Over me. It happens more than I can even process and it's aggravating. This is why I don't like spending the holidays with either of my parents. I rather be alone now that I think about it. "If he starts with me, I'm gonna defend myself. If he keeps his mouth shut, then so will I," I tell her, my voice calm.

She sighs, "I don't want any fights. Not between you or your father or between me and your father." I shake my head, putting down my utensils again. I can't even fucking eat comfortably. "If he starts a fight with you, I'm stepping in. He's not getting away with shit, I don't give a fuck if we're at his house. We'll leave if he wants us to," I say. Mom winces at my use of curse words. My father and I both do it a lot and she's always hated it. "Sorry," I add, not really meaning it.

"Please, Christian," She pleads. I'm not making any promises to her. I know I'll break them and I'm tired of breaking promises to people. So I say, "I'll try. No promises." She knows this is the best thing she'll get out of me. I'm stubborn, she's very aware of this. "Okay," She says.

Novalee

"Do you think you'll find out before the year ends?" Mom asks me. She's wrapping gifts for my family. We've been on FaceTime for about an hour now. I shrug, painting my fingernails white. "I hope so. These things take time. If not this month then maybe January? I don't know, I'm growing impatient," I groan lightly. "Have you talked to Dalton about it? Maybe he can get better insight on it than you," She suggests.

I close the nail polish bottle and set it on the nightstand. "He always gives me updates and he hasn't gotten a single one either. I guess this casting crew is keeping quiet about the show. It's supposed to do well just like the other one I got shut down for at the beginning of the school year," I tell her. She starts wrapping another box and nods her head. "How long did that one take?" She asks.

"Like two months." I frown. She sucks her teeth. "I know. I was trying not to rip my hair out every second I didn't know if I got the part or not," I tell her. She laughs a bit which makes me smile. I look at the time and it's ten meaning it's twelve in the morning for mom. "Mom, it's late. You should go to sleep already!" I tell her. "I know, I know. I'm just gonna wrap this last gift." She holds up the box to show me.

"I'll call you tomorrow, I have to get up early. Go to sleep right after that gift, I mean it!" I point a finger at her. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Okay, mom, I will," She mocks me. I laugh a little, "Love you, mamma. Night." I blow her a kiss and she blows one back before I hang up.

The music I had playing on my phone before mom called me continues playing. I set it on the nightstand, lowering the volume down a bit. I switch off the lamp and the room goes completely dark. The curtains on the window don't allow any light into the room.

After months of stressing out over school, I can finally rest for a couple of weeks until the spring semester. I passed all my finals luckily, so the only worry I have left is whether or not I got the part of Avalon or Farrah. Or neither. I hope it's not the latter. I've been dying to know any kind of information, but Dalton and I have heard nothing. This is the same way I was earlier this year with my audition for the big Hulu show.

I know this is a process, but being as impatient as I am, it's hard waiting. I know I have to though.

I close my eyes and attempt to fall asleep. Better that than letting my head overflow with overwhelming things.