Firsts & Lasts

First Confession.

Novalee

I grab a water bottle and some Ibuprofen from the kitchen and return upstairs to Chris' room. He's sitting on the edge of his bed, staring off into space when I return. I set both the water and pills on his nightstand, before walking over to him.

Once I stand in front of him, he catches my eyes and smiles. I can't help but return it. "We need to get you in bed, babe." I say. He nods. I start to unbutton the slacks of his pilot costume and he flinches. "Whoa, are we having sex tonight?" His lips turn up into a smirk. "Nooo, you're too drunk for that. I'm changing your clothes so that you're more comfortable." I tell him. He doesn't say anything after that and watches as I pull down his pants.

He wears that smirk still and I slap his arm very lightly. Then, I unbutton his shirt and he watches again. "Stop enjoying this." I say in almost a whisper. He looks up at me, "am I dreaming?" He asks. I chuckle, shaking my head. He smiles. I pull his long sleeve off, leaving him in only boxer briefs. "Okay, get into bed." I demand. He drags himself onto the bed and gets under the covers. I pass him the three pills and the water bottle. "Here."

He doesn't hesitate to throw them back into his throat and drink half of the cold water. "Tasty," he deadpans. "Very!" I mock and get up from the bed. I figured I'd stay the night, so I brought some clothes with me. I zip down the full black body suit I'm wearing as Christian stares at me. My cheeks flush as I don't know what he's thinking. He's quiet. "Yes?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything, so I remove the suit completely, leaving me in my black bra and panties. He groans lightly and throws his head back onto the pillow. "What," I ask worriedly. He picks his head back up, "so no sex?" He says hopeful. I tilt my head slightly. "No." I say. "Hmm. Okay. You have to lay with me though." He slurs. I grab my t-shirt from my bag and slip it on over my head. I unclasp my bra underneath my oversized shirt and take it off.

I put it inside my bag and then take out my socks. I slip those on and then switch off the lights of the room. It's dark but the street lights illuminate into the room so I can still see pretty clearly. Once I'm next to Christian, he gawks at me. Before I can say anything, he says, "you sleep with socks on?" He asks. I roll my eyes. Seriously? "Who doesn't?" I retort. "Normal people, Novalee."

I chuckle and push him lightly. He scoots closer to me and pulls me by my waist so that we're almost completely touching. He tucks a piece of my straight hair behind my ear. "Beautiful." He says. My face flushes at the compliment, but luckily it's too dark to notice. He probably knows I'm blushing though since I always do.

I place my hand on his waist and he flinches a bit at my touch. My hands are cold. "Sorry," I whisper. He only shakes his head, his eyes still focused on me. I've never been around a drunk Christian Valdez. It's kind of intimidating. "Did you have fun tonight? Not thinking about what happened earlier anymore?" I hate to bring it up just in case it ruins his mood, but I have to ask.

"No, what happened earlier?" He slurs. He's still drunk, just a little bit more drowsy now. "Nothing." I say. He doesn't ask about it anymore. His father called him again earlier. He said he talked to Chris' mother and let her know he wouldn't be bringing a date to Christmas this year. Why? He has no idea. He still doesn't know Chris is actually going, but he thought he'd let his son know.

I think he did it to spite him. That or  he wanted to make Christian want to come. Chris' dad knows he hates when his parents talk to each other. I know all this because he rants to me occasionally. I like learning new things about him, so I listen. Even though this is not new to me, his relationship with his parents has evolved (not in a good way) since sophomore year of high school.

My at home life is...fine. Though he does like hearing about my parents and such. I don't like talking about them only because I feel bad, but he says he doesn't mind. I know my parents will love him, I'm just waiting for that time to finally admit to them that I'm dating again. It'll take some time for them to get used to the idea, but I know they'll be happy once they can meet him. Whenever that might be.

He stares at me deeply causing my face to heat again. The house is always set at 69 so despite the warm California weather outside, it's cold in here. I pull the covers up slightly, looking away for a second. When I look back, he's still staring right at me. "What?" I whisper. He brings his hand up to face, cupping my flushed cheek. He rubs his thumb over my freckles. His face is almost expressionless so I can't tell what's going through his head right now.

"I just," He pauses. I study his gorgeous features, but I get nothing. Hmm. His lips part slightly, but nothing comes out. He closes them tight. I furrow my brows in confusion. Maybe he did remember about the conversation with his father earlier. "You can say it." I say. He looks down at my lips, then back at my eyes. "I just.. love you, Nova." He says in a whisper. My whole body freezes from shock. Did I hear that right? His hand is still cupping my cheek and I start to wonder if he felt my jaw tighten.

Somehow I get my vocal cords to work. "Like.. as a friend?" I question. I'm stupid but not that stupid. I think I know exactly what he meant. He shakes his head, "as more." His voice is still low as if he's scared someone will hear him. I can't react in a bad way because he's staring right at me. It's not that I want to, I just don't know how to react honestly. He loves me? More than a friend? How? Why?

I can't say it back because I'd be lying. And I feel like shit for even thinking about it. Christian means a lot to me, but love? I haven't loved anyone in a while. I don't think I'm there yet, but I'm so scared to tell him that.

A lightbulb flashes on inside my head. He's drunk right now. Maybe this is just the alcohol talking because there's no way. I know for a fact he's never been in love with anyone. It's not that easy to know whenever you're in love with someone. We're talking about Christian Valdez here. He's never been in love and he's..him. I hate that I still look at him and see some player, but it's kind of hard to forget about that. I have to. He's my boyfriend now. Only mine.

I don't realize that I haven't said anything back until he speaks again. "I'm tired, can I fall asleep?" He still slurs a bit. His hand falls from my face and I try to read him. Nothing. I don't know how he's feeling. I also don't know how to respond to his last confession so I stay quiet and just nod. He closes his eyes right after and he breathes evenly a couple of minutes later. He's asleep already.

His body isn't touching mine anymore, so I turn around and face the window. The light from outside doesn't bother me as it flashes right at me. I would turn around but looking at Christian is making me sad. I don't know if he meant the 'I love you' but if he did, then that means we're not on the same page. He feels more for me than I do for him. I've never been in this position before. I always fall way too hard for the other person. Maybe that's why I get my heartbroken.

The fact that this is Christian though, hurts me differently. I want to love him, but I'm absolutely terrified. We haven't been dating for long, maybe three weeks? How does he love me? It starts to be confusing after I continue to keep thinking about it. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping the thoughts running across my brain get tired. I need to sleep. I look at the clock on Christian's nightstand; 3:45am.

Perfect.