This is where I belong ||httyd fanfic||

4.GUILT PART-1

This is part 1 of the chapter . And this will also be focus on stoick and gobber . And I hope u guys will like it . And i am writing it for more days than the previous chapter T^T. 

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"Hiccup , where are you ?" Stoick questioned as he walked back and forth in his son's room , hunched over and in a state of extreme depression , re-eyed from days of sobbing with wrinkles forming that looked like they belong on the face of a man far beyond his years. "Why haven't you come home yet?" 

Stoick was out of his mind with grief and worry : it was now day four since Hiccup had disappeared . Stoick had hoped that at the end of every passing day that it would all be some prank just to spite him, and Hiccup would just give up and jump out of whatever hiding spot he found as if it was all some type of a game . He hoped his boy would have come home by now , home to him where he would just welcome him without even a lecture of any sort, but he hadn't. 

Since Hiccup ran away , Stoick had been spending the days searching the island for every hour the sun was up , and spending all night in his son's room, Frankly it was both saddening and concerning for the other villagers to see their chief in such a pitiful state , but he didn't care . Stoick just wanted to all of a sudden wake up from all of this and find his son in his bed instead of himself , dismissing it all as a bad dream. 

But it was not a dream. It was real life .

But one of the many things about the whole case that truly baffled the village chief . If Hiccup wasn't on the island ,then he had to be out at sea somewhere , and that meant he had to have a boat ; he certainly couldn't swim across an entire ocean to another island , no one could. But when he checked with his brother and snotlout's father spitelout and gobber , he found no boats were missing from port . What could that mean? 

Aside from that Stoick was now in his room, it was almost like Hiccup had ceased to exist , and Stoick had felt like rubbish because of it. It felt like it was all his fault . He was the one who had driven his son, his only child, his only piece of Valka , away. Sure , Stoick knew full and well in recognition of his constant duties as chief that he wasn't the perfect father. But who was ? it's not like anyone had really boiled parenting down to a science. 

Ever since Valka was lost to them , Stoick and Hiccup grew apart over the years , to the point of just keeping him in the house while he was busy. It got to the point that stoick couldn't stand to look at Hiccup , and automatically contorted his face into a shameful scowl too much, which was understandable in some ways according to spitelout and the other villagers . Hiccup was a scrawny boy, his habit and figure earning him the infamous reputation as 'Hiccup the useless'. The villagers always gave him their heartfelt condolences for being 'cursed by the gods' for even being saddled with such a sorry offspring. But there was more than just his diminutive size that made Stoick angry every time he looked at his son. Heredity also attributed to that - Hiccup was the living image of his mother, looking and acting almost exactly like her. Since he thought that he had managed to move on past the grief of loosing his wife , but seeing her every day , in Hiccup , the child who she made him promise always to protect , was the blade that cut through his lies like butter . It seemed like he was punishing his own son for bringing up those long-lost memories, for not obtaining a single trait from him to balance out the resemblance to Valka in his mind , and perhaps that was what had caused him to resent his father in turn. 

Stoick thought that practically everything she said was ridiculous , but he loved that woman anyway; if nothing else, she knew how to make him laugh. He used to listen to valka ramble on and on about silliest things , enough to make any viking who liked having their feet planted in reality tie themselves off to a ship mast and cast themselves off the sea , but he always let that go. Her crazy stories and amazing imagination were what got him to fall in love with her in the first place . But when Hiccup did it. he was the viking who wanted to be cast off . Every word or idea a chaotic crack in his firm land born of order and tradition . Dear gods, that boy gave him a headache every time he so much as opened his mouth. 

Stoick shook his head - for him to even think that! Why should Valka get a free pass and not Hiccup? Were they not flesh and blood ; was the boy not his son . Didn't his ideas amount to anything?

Emotionally exhausted from days of self-punishment, Stoick lifted himself up from Hiccup's bed and made his way down the stairs . His duties to Berk weren't going to wait for him to get better : they didn't when it was Valka, and they won't now that it was Hiccup. Making his way down the stairs he opened the large door to find Gobber standing there right in front of him , his knuckles raised as if about to knock on the door himself . Stoick sighed ; he truly wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone . He just wanted the world to go away and leave him drown in his own self-disappointed . "Eh, so...." Gobber finally started after a long awkward pause, nothing the stressed and sorrowful look on his face, "How ya holding up , chief?" Stoick said nothing , instead turning away and setting down the hill as if Gobber wasn't even there. 

Gobber hobbled after him , looking worried . He knew his friend would be in bad shape, but the way Stoick looked when he opened the door- he was truly looking at a broken man. "Now , hold up, Stoick ! Ya can't keep goin' on like this!" Gobber reassured him, " Iccup..... Iccup was...."

"DON'T SAY IT GOBBER !" Stoick shouted all of a sudden with so much force his face turned red from the strain on his lungs. He didn't want to hear any kind of comfort from anyone; he knew what he did was unforgivable and no one was going to convince him otherwise. "Hiccup ran away, to get away from us, get away from ME! Gods, I am such an idiot! I couldn't have been bothered to be a decent parent, not even once!" 

"Under normal, or better circumstances , I'd be inclined to agree with ya," replied Gobber with his usual brand of humor. "But let's not go overboard here. If there's one thin' I've always noticed between ya and Iccup, It's tha' the two of ya had.....'communication issues'". Stoick growled . "If your goal is to give me a pick-me-up, let me just say you're not off to a good start." 

"Just bear with me 'till the finish , would ya?" Gobber said, although t be honest , he had no idea where he was going with his little pep talk. "Look , he's stronger than ya' realize . I know fur a fact tha' wherever he is , he's gonna be alright. He's not gonna let a few words get the better of him." It was meant to be kind words from a friend , but it only made Stoick's fists clench in jealousy . Gobber had been practically raising Hiccup in his place for all the time Hiccup was in the forge. That was supposed to be his job. And the end result was Gobber , who wasn't even related to him , knew Hiccup better than his own father ever did.  

"Oh , and you know that for a fact ? Even after I read that little letter of his" Stoick growled darkly, disturbing Gobber for a moment as the chief then slowly chuckled and then burst into forced laughter. " You think that weak little piece of trash is STRONG?! you talk like you know him inside and out! That's supposed to be me ! "

"Now, Sto-" 

"We all should have known this was coming , Gobber . The runt couldn't tough it out , not even once! We should be glad he's gone , no more houses being destroyed , no more free handouts to the dragons . He was nothing but a nuisance and everyone knows it." Stoick continued to laugh , even as what little piece of him that wasn't consumed by guilt was trying to beat him bloody for even spouting such horrible words, and Gobber behind him glaring like he was about ready to do the same. "Come on, I say we throw a party like the other said ! out with the old and in the new! No one will miss that tiny , spineless litt-"

Stoick was abruptly interrupted when Gobber grabbed him by the shoulder , and spun him around to give him a solid punch in the face . Stoick collapsed on the ground and was left completely dazed. "Listen ta' yerself ! What's wrong with yo, Stoick?" Gobber shouted - it was now his turn to do so . " Saying such things abou yer boy. Disgraceful! Is this truly Stoick the vast, our chieftain who has guided us to safety and kept us together for who-knows-how-many winters? No wonder 'Iccup up and ran away!" 

Gobber took a moment before realizing what had just said , and what effect it had on its target. Stoick snapped out of his daze, and was beginning to silently sob on the ground. Other vikings, who had heard the commotion - really they would have to be deaf not to - were shocked and saddened to the verge of tears to see their chief in such a state, each remembering their own parts in what they had lost. Everyone turned their heads away, a small gesture of kindness to a great man who had lost everything .

"Oh.. son... I'm so... so sorry"

see you guys again with a new chapter . BYE ^U^