Firsts & Lasts

First Attack.

He comes back with the binder and puts it between us, opening it up. He grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. "Look." He points at a picture in what I can imagine is a binder full of them. "That was my first pee wee football game." The picture is a tiny Chris with a football uniform on and football in hand. His mom and dad bend down next to him, smiling. They look like a happy family, so I smile.

I realize that that family isn't what it was then. "My team won. I even scored a touchdown, my dad was esctatic." He actually smiles despite talking about his father who he despises. I think the smile is for my sake. He flips the page a couple of times and points to another picture. "Mom and Dad's unnecessary wedding, I was three years old." Chris's mom is in an expensive looking wedding dress, carrying him on her hip. His dad has his arm wrapped around his wife's (now ex-wifes) waist and they're both admiring their son.

For Christian, I wish this was still how it was.

"Why unnecessary?" I ask. He rolls his eyes playfully, "They're divorced now, that's why." He smiles, not even caring that they're not together anymore. I think he strongly prefers it. I let out a weak chuckle. I feel better, but my chest hurts a little bit. "You're an adorable baby," I say. He looks up at me from the picture. "Even now?" He asks. I smile again, "Even now." He leans in and pecks my nose.

I turn the binder and start flipping the pages myself. I admire all of the pictures of Christian, a lot of them are with his family. I notice he has this binder tucked away in the drawer he told me he never opens. I wonder why he chose to distarct me this way.

Then something hits me. My eyes widen.

I climb off the bed and walk over to the drawer. It's still here, unopened.

Christian mentioned to me that he never uses this specific drawer because it has a bunch of old things so I put the gift I got him for his birthday there. I didn't think I was going to need to hide it for that long and it totally slipped my mind until now. Did he see it? Or was he too focused on trying to distract me? "Nova, what is it?" He asks. I pick up the small, bag where I put my gift to him in. I turn around and he looks down at the bag in my hands.

"I was wondering what that was," He says. Oh. "You saw it?" I ask him. "Just now. I told you I never open that drawer." He doesn't look like he's lying. I walk over, getting back into his bed. I hand it to him, "I got it for your birthday, but you know." I don't want to talk or think about our fight that night, so I avoid saying it completely. He takes the small bag from me and looks up to meet my gaze. "You didn't have to get me anything, Nov," He sets the bag down to grab my hand.

"I know, but I wanted to. I think you'll like it," I brighten up again and sit up straight. I pull my hand away from his so that he can open what I got him. "Open it," I say. He looks at me for a little longer before opening the bag. He looks inside and pulls out the small, velvet box. I smile at my gift and he looks at me. "Don't you think it's a little too soon, Johänson? I just met your parents two days ago."

I tilt my head and slap his arm playfully. He chuckles. "Open it completely before you speak," I tell him. He opens the box and I fidget with my fingers. I don't know if he'll like it, I just said that. He looks at it for what feels like an eternity. He pulls out the chain I got him, the number 28 hangs from it. Let's just say it was kind of expensive, but so pretty I just had to get it for him.

He finally looks up at me and I smile softly. "Do you like it?" I ask, a bit nervous for his response. He's been quiet for the past minute. I don't want to tell him his silence is triggering my anxiety again, but it kind of is. "How much did this cost?" He ignores my question. I don't know why he asks me this. He knows I am not telling him that. "It doesn't matter, I got it for you because I knew you'd like it," I smile "you do like it, right?" I add. He looks down at it again.