Dreamland Review Archive

What Happened at the Lake (CLO)

I, personally, do not like the words taking up a big chunk of the cover. From my standpoint, please understand that I am not a graphic designer and only a reviewer, so this type of stuff is more of an audience standpoint that has bias. I know that there are people that love having the words take up the cover; but for me, I feel like it takes away from the potential that the background will have. The title with your name part and the words takes up almost half of the cover, which could have been used to add more horror or eeriness in the cover or lower the hand part and add more to the full background.

III. Blurb

Onto the blurb. It is... I am not sure how I feel about it. Does it get to the point? Yes. But is it executed properly or done in a good form? Not sure about that. The problem I have is that it tries to build suspense, but I am not sure it was executed well enough. Like you know what to do to have suspense or anticipation, but it feels like it lacks the qualities to draw the audience in. Also, quick thing, you need a period after "...if I had never entered the lake."

I could see your intentions and what you wish to execute with a question raised, a bit of info of the setting, and a first-person perspective, but it doesn't work for me that well. I really see potential, but you need to go back and look through on how to really make suspense on it.

IV. First Sentences

For this segment, I will be including the first sentences in the "The lake" chapter and "Morning buzz" chapter. So, to begin! I will say, I like how you improved the quality of suspense and horror elements. I will mention this quickly, I write in horror and suspense so I will be extra picky on this section since it is what I strive for. With these lines... I am confused. Okay, let me do a quick disclaimer, no hate to you, as the author. I actually like these types of beginnings where English has evolved into a different style with word placement. But I think you begin getting lost in the way you order the words that it just seems so grammatically incorrect that it throws people off. At least for me. "And again you might not the wind might be blowing." Easier ways to execute a poetic element but this just doesn't do it for me. I will quickly move on, but I feel that if your intention was to make it quite poetic, you need to look back at other suspenseful poetry and see similarities. Not telling you to fully change your style, but I can see your intentions and it just isn't working as well as I hoped it would. I love these types of things at the beginning of chapters and especially as a "prologue" it is quite nice, but I feel you can improve this more.

I will say, I am quite biased with what I am about to say so just for that, and knowing myself, I will not count this towards the rating. I HATE the "waking up in the morning" trope. I never liked it and felt it weakens the suspenseful beginning to a world-building someone can do.

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