Almost Real (T)

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Almost Real written by TenaciousPterodactyl

Almost Real written by TenaciousPterodactyl

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i. COVER & TITLE

I don't like this cover. To me, it's a bit too simple and the title is too hard to read. I like the colours and the idea of the design, but it doesn't work well with the fonts in my opinion. I'd recommend getting a new cover by working with a designer (as always, tons are in my resources reading lists).

As for your title, on the initial impression, I think it's a bit simple. Once I read the blurb, I understand the meaning behind it, and I like it a bit more. The only suggestion I have to further connect the two is to place your title in your blurb somewhere. This gives readers that full-circle moment and is extremely effective to making readers want to go on.


ii. BLURB

Wow, your blurb has a hook! It's effective, tells us what we're going to read, and it does an excellent job of piquing interest. However, I think it goes on too long. That is, hooks should be slightly confusing, but we always need to reel them in quickly after and put our readers back on track to something they can understand.

Basically, I think you need to take out the question "what if your favourite TV show was real?" To me, that was just a little too much abstract information after that great hook. I had nothing to ground me, and we're already on the second paragraph. This is a simple fix. Take that question out, then start the second paragraph like this: 'From its cheesy first episode to its brutal ending, Hailey has never faltered in her love for the captivating TV show Sexy and Surviving.'

Now this first sentence gives us something to hold onto, immediately, which I would argue is vitally important after an abstract hook. This sentence has now told us our MC, the TV show's name, and a bit about it.

After that opener, I think your blurb is one of the best I've ever read on Wattpad. The note about her math homework, the attractive character description, the fanfictions, it gives us an incredibly unique description on who Hailey is.

To avoid confusion, I think the third paragraph should begin with a better transition to connect it to the ending of the second paragraph, since I did feel that transition there was jarring. In addition, the dead sister mention was way to out-of-the-blue for my taste. If you give a quick mention of that in the first paragraph, that problem will be fixed as well.

Now, your blurb is awesome, but I'd argue it's just too long. A lot of time, authors don't realize that you're allowed to info-pack in a blurb, and you don't need filler sentences, as long as you use exact grammar rules. So here's my rewrite of a more condensed, streamlined version of your last three paragraphs, starting from that different transition I recommended:

That's why when Hailey wakes up in her favourite fictitious apocalypse, she's delighted. Instead of avoiding questions about college applications and her dead sister, she's battling zombies, flirting with Fang, and may even be able to fix the show's notoriously horrible ending. That is, until she realizes that something isn't quite right. This almost-real version of the show is going rather off-script, the characters aren't the ones she remembers, and she's pretty sure she's falling for the villain.

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