Dreamland Review Archive

Nothing But Another Shadow (T)

Nothing But Another Shadow

SpartanCatlord

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

I don't love your cover. There's a lot to improve there. For starters, the font you've chosen is difficult to read and I don't really see a fantasy vibe coming from it. Second, the picture you chose is vague and a little blurry. I'd recommend requesting a new cover from a designer on Wattpad or fixing yours up on your own. I have a reading list with the artist that did my cover as well as another cover shop that is useful if you'd like.

I LOVE your title. It's unique, eye-catching and draws you in. Great job here. What I love about it is although it's abstract, I definitely see how it relates to the story.

Your blurb is good, but it took me a couple of tries to get through it. As always, I never recommend starting a blurb with a name. Although the name might be significant to you, it means nothing to us readers yet. And another reason I discourage this is that EVERY Wattpad book blurb seems to begin with a name. What can you do to make yours unique? Basically, keep your first paragraph, but change it up a bit to make it clearer and easier to read:

Working as a mercenary for the Sheer is bound to involve some sticky situations. What Dyasen didn't expect, however, was to end up with a childish and painfully persistent voice stuck inside his head- one who can hear his every thought and doesn't hesitate to speak on them.

Now, I think this entrance to your story is a little clearer and more developed, and it brings in the name at a less abrupt time. As for the rest of your blurb, you have some super good lines that just need to be refined to make an overall more appealing blurb. How about this (here's my full suggestion):

Working as a mercenary for the Sheer is bound to involve some sticky situations. What Dyasen didn't expect, however, was to end up with a childish and painfully persistent voice stuck inside his head- one who can hear his every thought and never shuts up about it.

But as it turns out, perhaps meeting the voice wasn't just bad luck. Maybe that voice is the gateway to unveiling a plot that has eaten away at the Empire for nearly six years.

With the help of a naïve but eager girl, a cold-hearted bodyguard and a reluctant assassin, Dyasen must trace clues towards the true threat, hoping to secure the safety of the Empire and its people.

But their differences will only get starker when they discover each other's lies.

After all, the world only gets darker when one is given eyes.

So, in addition to clearing up your sentences, I've taken out some things I thought were unnecessary and chunked up the writing. Of course, you can do whatever you want, so it's up to you to determine how to restyle your blurb. But I would restyle it- even just a little. 

Also, I'd like to mention how much I appreciate you stating there is no calculus in your book. It was a big dealbreaker. All joking aside, something like that in your blurb is a smart move. It shows us you have charm and you know how to make us laugh. I enjoyed it.

10/15

Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

Your grammar is quite well-developed! I don't see any persistent issues with the way you write. However, you do sometimes write a sentence that I find hard to read or confusing- but I believe that simply a lack of repetitive editing and maybe experience? I can't recommend anything specific to help with this other than reading and writing as much as possible and going through and restructuring. I always tell writers to read their work out loud. If you can't read it nice and fast with no mistake the first time, your writing isn't clear enough.