Throne of Dragonix (T)

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Throne of Dragonix written by Baqkns

Throne of Dragonix written by Baqkns

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i. COVER & TITLE

First things first: your cover. I'm not a HUGE fan, but it has the essentials. It looks pretty professional, but it is lacking. The main problem is the massive subtitle. I like the meaning, but is just too big; it takes away from the cover. I recognized this cover, because I think you got it made by Natt Kuznetsov, a graphic designer who is not only incredibly talented but also a friend of mine! Since I recognized the cover, I went back to that chapter in the cover shop to look at the other covers that were offered. I think the two last covers are your best bet, or the blue/green cover with the circle and the dragon in the middle. Those ones are far more eye-catching and less cluttered because of that subtitle. Again, the one you have is still pretty good.

your title brings up no criticisms in my mind. It represents the genre and is pretty unique. No problems there!


ii. BLURB

The big issue with your blurb is the size. It is very long, and that's a problem. Readers get overwhelmed by that chunk, even if all the info in it is written beautifully. So you should try to pick out the absolutely essential parts of the blurb and scrap the rest.

Another idea I have is to take away the quote part of the quote. Since that makes no sense, I'll elaborate. I think you should write it without the quotes and the person who said the quote. Take out the quote part and just make it a sentence. It's more powerful that way because we're not trying to figure out who Dragneel Bloom is, we're only focusing on the meaning of the quote. That's one option, but I personally would take out the quote all together, because it is a bit confusing. It's a cool piece of writing, but the problem is, readers have to think for a moment to understand it. Readers don't want to do that--not on the first line of a potential book blurb. It should be kept simple in the beginning, if that makes sense.

Rewritten below:

The darkest day in Dragonix's history: the self-sacrifice of the Emperor to stop the war of Dragon Cry. Nine throne candidates from the Dragon Clans rose to compete for the position of Emperor. But, to everyone's surprise, a tenth competition appeared: the Great Aide's Ace.

Dragonix faces the danger of another rising rebellion. Out emerges two Dragon Frontiers each with their own objectives. But amongst the chaos, a third party appears.

Dragneel Bloom, a wandering warrior with unknown origins, is summoned by the Great Aide to adhere to the origin of the third party with him as its pillar.

A rebellion is bound to happen.

So actually, I didn't take any info out really. I just streamlined the sentences. This makes the blurb shorter and more concise. Also, I put the blurb in present tense, because blurbs should always be in present tense. Why? Because present tense is more 'happening now' and in-your-face kind of style. I don't know. I just think it's better. I also just fixed up two comma errors.

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