Dreamland Review Archive

Auburn's Fall (V)

Title: Auburn's Fall

Author: Pinestripe37

First Impressions

Title: I thought at first that the title was Autumn's Fall, which sounded like fun wordplay, but no it's Auburn's Fall. It's still fun wordplay though, with the main character being named Auburnfall and Auburn's Fall can be a reference to autumn. I'm curious now though if Auburn's Fall means we're going to see the "fall" of Auburnfall.

Cover: The cover definitely gives us what the story is about: a chicken in autumn. I like the color scheme, it's very autumn. However, there are parts of the cover that can be made better. I asked graphic designers from our community to help me with pointing out what could be improved. What they told me was that there is not enough contrast between the main subject of the cover (the chicken) and the background. Play around with the lighting or outline of the subject or just change the background altogether to create a contrast. The text is also too small and blends in, so they suggested using a bigger font and using a color that's more visible against the background. The two words are also too far from each other, and it is ill advised because it can make reading the title difficult (one of them thought Fall was the author's name). The author's name is also not on the cover, making it easy to steal by other people.

On a note, I'm going to advertise our community's graphics shop if you want to request a cover: https://www.wattpad.com/1221059013-dreamland-graphics-information

Blurb: The first sentence is a bit too continuous. You could cut a few parts of it through commas. As such:

As the autumn leaves fall down the trees and shades of orange fill the forest and the sky, the days grow colder.

Autumn doesn't need to be capitalized, as it is a common noun.

The first line is fine, it gives us a setting. It's currently autumn and there's a forest. I do wish there's a bit more establishment of whether or not this place is near a human settlement or not? Like, is this the countryside or nah? Because it later says there's a coop, but I'm not sure why Auburnfall is outside of the coop.

The second paragraph works. It gives us a goal (shelter) and a conflict hindering the protagonist's journey for that goal (her fear of her flockmates who live in the coop). You could change the ellipsis into a question mark, but that's a minor preference of mine.

Shelter is a must, but what happens when bad memories return and the hen finds herself fearing her flockmates? Will she find the courage to join them in the warm coop?

General Thoughts

Before I start, I'm sorry for your loss. Autumn is a very beautiful chicken and I hope she can rest in peace.

Now, first of all, I love the drama in your writing style. The narration has a sense of melancholy that has hit me since the first chapter. I think that's what you were going for so kudos. It sets this somewhat gloomy yet peaceful atmosphere that I can't help but love. It helps me in immersing myself in this beautiful autumn forest, where life is slowly changing to winter, a temporary death before spring's rebirth. I think this dramatic, somewhat purple prose-y style definitely works for setting up this piece.

I also like how you manage to show that your characters are chickens. You don't explicitly say they're chickens, but through context clues and subtle details such as feathers, combs, squawking, clucking, etc etc. you manage to impart the image that yes, the point of view character is a chicken and the other characters are chickens as well. I really like that.