Dreamland Review Archive

Return of the 13th Zodiac (V)

Title: Return of the 13th Zodiac

Author: earlfangs

First Impressions

Title: Return of the 13th Zodiac is a pretty functional title. It sums up the main conflict of the book and it's fairly unique that it can stand out a bit. However, I would say hearing the title, it made me think this was a Western-inspired fantasy rather than an East Asian-inspired one. I was taken off guard when I first saw the cover to be honest. I can see though that you have influences from both west and east here so that's really just a minor thing.

Cover: I like the art on the cover. It shows us the characters and shows off their character. They both look like cunning characters and it seems there's an interesting relationship happening or will happen between the two. I do like the fact that the background is simple enough to not make the art too crowded. However, the title is very crowded. The black script font over the other font makes it hard to read, as the green and black of the text are just mixing for me. I suggest removing one of the two fonts, probably the script font. The text placement is also a bit weird, and the author's name squished on the top is also a bit hard to see and read.

Blurb: First line is fine. It sums up what kind of world this is (swords and magic), giving us an idea of the genre. And then gives us a clue as to who the main characters are, their main personality trait (vengeful), and what their motivation is. I do wish that the "ultimate goal" is a bit more specific rather than vague? Like say, since you mentioned they're vengeful, I would think their ultimate goal is revenge. That could be just said out clearly by saying "...to achieve their ultimate goal of revenge." and it attracts readers who are out looking for revenge stories.

As for the extended blurb, the transitions work, but also confused me a bit. I assume based on the blurb that Ophiuchus is a clan and that they've become fallen. If so, then for the third sentence in the first paragraph, you could just word it like this:

"Shu Yue, the scion of Ophiuchus, conceals her true identity in pursuit of power and revenge."

It's clearer and isn't repetitive by mentioning clan again after already mentioning it in the previous sentence. If Shu Yue isn't the scion of Ophiuchus, then the structure of this paragraph is confusing and I would suggest revamping it.

The second paragraph is fine, it gives us an idea of Shu Yue's character and her skills. It also gives us an idea of how deep her motivation is in regards to pursuing her goal. She's relentless, and will not stop even if it means making herself the enemy of an entire empire. And readers who are attracted to that type of character can get attracted to that part.

However, the transition to the third paragraph is a bit clunky? I feel like the first sentence fits better elsewhere and you could transition between the Shu Yue paragraph to the Liwei paragraph in a smoother way. As such:

[ first paragraph, setting up Ophiuchus ]

Ophiuchus has fallen. The clan lost its honor and status when the seventh-generation leader was executed for treason.

[ setting up Shu Yue's character, goal and motivations ]

Shu Yue, the scion of Ophiuchus, conceals her true identity in pursuit of power and revenge. Armed with her clan's secret martial art, a sharp wit, and a faithful fox-human servant, the ambitious heiress seeks to regain their former glory, even if it means making herself an enemy of the entire empire.

[ setting up a conflict; sets up Liwei and the mystery to his character ]

However, another player emerges—a spirit beast named Liwei, whose presence changes the whole game. Whether he's a predator, prey, or companion, Shu Yue has yet to determine.