Dreamland Review Archive

Zero O' Clock (T)

Zero O'Clock written by --caramel

i. COVER & TITLE

I love the aesthetics of your cover and wouldn't hesitate to call it appealing. However, it's really simple. Maybe you're okay with that, but this isn't the kind of cover that is going to jump out at a reader in the way it could. I would suggest looking for a new cover through a graphic designer. You could keep the picture, but adjust the way the font works and the manipulation of the overall cover.

Your title is interesting and original, so I don't have any problems there.

ii. BLURB

I usually advise against using a quote in your blurb, but I think yours works pretty well. However, I think you should take it out of quotations. This way, it'll seem less like dialogue and more like posing a question to the reader, breaking that wall and pulling them in. In addition, take the 'extended synopsis inside' out, or at least put it at the end. You have minimal words to hook your readers; don't waste them on something like that. 

Now, as for the actual blurb, I love how short and to-the-point it is. I wouldn't recommend any changes other than erasing everything after 'the clock is ticking' in other words, take out the 'or' and the last line. They didn't really add anything and just made the blurb end on sort of a half-final note. Other than that, you've got an awesome blurb!

1 1 / 1 5

i. PUNCTUATION

#1: THE COMMA

Your biggest issue is commas. You have a problem with separating clauses. Just a quick review: clauses contain both a subject (who you're talking about) and a verb (what they're doing). If a group of words has both of those, it is its own clause and needs to be separated from other clauses by a comma. Look at this example: