Dreamland Review Archive

Music In Midsummer (CY)

Title: Music In Midsummer
Genre: Historical Fiction
Author: MissLacybee

Cover: 98/100
Right off the bat, your cover is an amazing aspect of your story. Anyone scrolling by on Wattpad can immediately guess the genre, which is a good thing, and your font really goes well with it. The only thing I can say is that there's not a whole lot of wow factor. Your cover's really simple, but one that's good at the same time.

Blurb: 95/100
Again, great job! Your blurb is short, offers some about the plot, and leaves you with questions. The only thing I can critique is that some of your word choice sound boring compared to the rest. Try to keep up the fast paced and mysterious vibe. I also think you could've used a better question at the end to really tie it all together. I've made a few edits, but don't feel super inclined to use them because it's good already:

(No edits made to first paragraph)

After a disastrous entrance into society, Katherine's clumsiness lands her in a sticky situation, one she cannot escape. Lord Thomas has invited her to his home, and suddenly, Katherine finds herself surrounded by mystery. (The rest of this paragraph is great too!)

Will Katherine succeed?

And will she ever find her place in this world of music and mystery?

(Again, great job on the blurb. I only made very minor edits, really just what I would've written instead.)

Initial Impressions: 90/100
This story is really, really well written. I only noticed minor errors--which I'll get to in a minute--but for the most part, everything was amazing, especially your dialogue and descriptions. Your characters were great, and they definitely make this and engaging entertaining story! Now for some mistakes:

Dialogue: I know I said it was amazing, but no one is perfect. Here's a few things you may have missed maybe proofreadfing. When doing dialogue, an sudden change in thought is seperated from the rest by an em-dash, which is essentially just a really long dash. I write on mobile so I have no problem typing them, but remeber that if you have to use single dashes, use 2 (--). For example: "I--erm, well--" He coughed lightly, ducking behind a hand. "You see, I would not usually have--I mean, my brother--" Also remember that the words around the em-dash are also connected to it, like in the example above. Also, quick capitilization error in "erm."

The only other error I noticed is that occasionally you forgot to cpitalize the beginning of a quote, but only in the cases that the sentence was split in half. Just remeber that the beginning of dialogue is ALWAYS capitalized. (I couldn't re-find an example, so I made up one): "I like it," he said, "But it's the wrong color." Remember to capitalize "but."

Other Errors: Repitition was ocassionally an issue within your descriptions. Though not grammatically incorrect, try to avoid using some of the same words over and over in a sentence. It may just be my own opinion, but it makes reading a book less interesting. One example is when discussing Ms. Bellmont's ear trumpet. Here's the sentence I fixed: But old Miss Bellmont, an ear trumpet held to the side of her face, merely looked up..." I did bother including the original sentence, but took out an extra "ear" because it's kind of self explanatory that an ear trumpet has something to do with your ear, and this way the sentence flows a little better.

Another slight grammar error I noticed was one already pinted out by a couple comments but, I'll point it out anyways. The original sentence is: "Now, they stood huddled by the drinks table, muttering behind their fans and casting scandalised looked in my direction." This sentence should be: "...muttering behind their fans and casting scandalous looks in my direction."

"Scandalous" serves better than "scandalised" as an adjective, and "looks" serves as a noun instead of "looked" as a verb, which shouldn't be a verb because the verb is "casting." Sorry if that was complicated, but just remeber to slightly reword this slight hiccup and it'll be fine.

One more comment is to remember to make use of commas. Occasionally, it's good to make a sentence abrupt with an extra period, but sometimes a sentence flows better with a comma. Here's a fixed example (the period used to be before "and") "The music sprung into life, and accordingly, so did we."

Finally, the most miniscule error of all: Put a period after Mr. and Mrs.

Further Analysis: 98/100
I absolutely loved the 3 chapters that I read of your story. The things you asked to be specifically reviewed in your comment were pretty much already perfect. Your characters were amazing, and I think the story's off to an epic start. Your structure's great, the plot is perhaps a little fast moving, but I personally like it, and it's just an all around great book. I would work a little on transitions between events, making it a little more natural and fading into one another a little more. You definitely need to fix the beginning because it starts with your wonderful intro, and then very abruptly switches to the ball. Perhaps elaborate a little more on Katherine's clumsiness or supposed idiocy, and work it slowly into the ball scene.

Final Notes: 95\100
This is a great story! Keep up the amazing work, look in to fixing a couple of the things I suggested, and then you'll have a practically perfect story on your hands. Your writing is beautiful, and I can't wait to see this book when it's finished! Sorry for taking so long on the review, but I hope it's helpful!

--Cyprus S.