Everything Sinister

Forty-Seven

Mumble. Mumble how much you want. Mumble whatever it is you feel, whatever you cannot say out loud... I will always hear it.

Everyone deserves to laugh

Sometimes I wish I could let you go.

~DL

Kiss yourself off my skin. Kill me with your touch. Ruin me until there is nothing to destroy. I need you to shatter me before I become whole.

~LA

~

I was sitting on the edge of my seat. Families were casting strange looks my way and I calmly puffed out my cigarette.

My fingers were sticky from the sugar I still felt burning my fingertips and my eyes hurt from the lack of sleep. Every time I tried to close my eyes, every time I fucking blinked, I heard those small voices. The deep ones, the sweet ones and the velvet ones that soon turned hoarse.

I caught a cold and my nose was stuffed. I could feel the water below my knees, the stones digging in my feet.

I closed my eyes and took the smoke in like an old friend.

He wasn't here.

I opened my eyes. The disappointment flooded through me. And then anger suffocated me like the softest pillow. So that was what love felt like. I felt that cruel rage creeping up my spine, slowed down by the sweet touch of nicotine. I shouldn't have trusted him, I thought.

I was thinking about him that whole week. About the way, we laughed, about the things that happened between us these past weeks. It seemed like a lifetime. And it has only been a couple of months that I have been trying to find myself in him. I was trying to find something I owned in him. So I could hate it as I did myself. I suppose I wasn't very satisfied with his heart. The heart he has put into my hands so many times before, careful not to scare my shy palms away.

I wasn't as much disappointed as I was angry and I wasn't as angry as I was disappointed. So that is what love feels like, I thought.

I was sitting on the edge of my seat, realising what heartbreak really felt like.

My phone rang. My hand fell from my chest where it felt no heartbeat and it touched the screen, lifting it to my ear.

"Hello?"

Breathless words and pacing in the background flooded my ears.

"Dammit, Lovelle! Where are you? I have been trying to reach for a half hour now! Is your flight late? I have been waiting for three hours. I mean I knew, you were lying when you said you are getting cigarettes but if you're with someone else, at least have the decency and tell me! I mean that is what that safeword is for isn't it? I mean where are you? Are you with him? I-"

I looked up. Dumbass. He was at the wrong gate. I watched him with void eyes as he rushed to me.

"I'm so sorry, Lovelle. I'm such an asshole. I don't know what I thought. I was waiting here two hours before your flight was due... to be sure, you know. And then when you weren't coming... I started overthinking. Dammit. So stupid..."

Demont sighed greatly when I didn't give him any response. I felt like dying.

My lover kneed to me and gripped my hands and kissed them tenderly, and one might wonder why was he making the heart of this monster, beat.

"Let's get you home," he whispered. He grabbed my bag and swung it over his shoulder. Then Demont lifted me in his arms, slowly. He didn't mind that I wasn't saying anything. He didn't mind I closed my eyes and gripped his shirt.