Aera

Never Have I Ever

"I think this industry can be really scary" I admit shyly.

"It's like you have millions of eyes on you and they're all waiting for you to mess up or not meet the standards they have placed on you... Having people analyze your day-to-day decisions...Having to be a role model for people to look up to...well every day I'm scared...I'm scared of making that one wrong decision that can be the downfall of everything"

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"Or maybe I've already made that decision... I know I'm no saint... I haven't always been the best member...friend...daughter...sister"

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"I guess I'm terrified of the day it comes to light and that's when the...the hate the...the "cancel culture" comes into play and I let everyone down"

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Holding back my tears, I take one more deep breath as my voice cracks, "I'm scared"

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"Anddd Cut"

Flipping my hair behind my back, I smile sadly at the crew as I continue holding my tears back.

I wasn't planning on getting so personal when it came to the documentary but I guess I had to show the fans the real me.

Why I come off as shy and quiet at times...

"That's really good Aria" The director offers me a small smile.

Wiping my tears away I laugh sadly, "I'm sorry did I ruin the atmosphere in the room?"

"No...not at all" She waves it off while the crew offers me a smile.

It was still early in the morning where I was placed in a quiet room that had a couch with lights set up everywhere.

Just like an Interview.

"Can I ask more questions?" The director asks while I smile and brace myself for more footage.

"You are thought to bring life into the group and lift the mood when the atmosphere is down, do you find that as part of your job especially being the Maknae?"

"Umm...I think my Unnies sometimes feel pressure being the older ones and I guess I want to be the one to cheer them up...I think a lot of Maknaes feel that way."

"I think there is this certain image "Maknaes" must-have or what people expect to see out of them, you know they have to be a bit rebellious and bring in that childlike essence in the group so yeah it's my job but I don't think I really look at it as one, Maknae or not I would probably want to uplift the mood."

"And you've always been the Maknae correct?"

Nodding my head, "I entered the company when I was 13"

"And how was that?"

Swallowing the lump in my throat, "It wasn't easy" I admit with tears in my eyes, "Coming alone to a new country where you could barely speak the language and then be thrown into a system with all of these rules and harsh criticism ...it was hard"

"Is that when your members helped you out?"

"Well originally YG had plans to debut a different girl group, so I was placed in a different age group where I grew close to those trainees. But it was all just really competitive...you didn't know what the company was really doing with you or their plans for the other girls so it was all just competitive"