UMSHADO

CHAPTER 61

BONGA

#NOTEDITEDSORRY

I run to stop her from leaving my ass cause I know she’s at her last straw now. She’s in the lounge, sitting on the carpet and drinking whisky straight from the bottle. I sit down next to her, take the bottle and drink from it.

“ I’m not the person you fell in love with. Learning these secre6 my mother kept from us changed me. It made me question myself and you. How can I trust that you won’t keep secrets from me that could destroy our family like how my mom did. That is very wrong of me to compare her to you cause you are nothing like my mom and you could never intentionally hurt me like how I have hurt you and lied to you. … ” she takes the bottle from me and drinks then gives it to me.

“ you asked me not to hurt you and the boys and I promised you that then I go and do the very same thing I promised you that I wouldn’t do. You did tell me that if I mess up you’re out of the door. Please don’t leave me baby I’m begging you. I wouldn’t know what to do without you in my life. You’re everything to me simphiwe. I will never love another woman they I love you and our kids. I should have told you my fears and what I was thinking instead of keeping them from you.. You’re my confidant and I failed to confide in you my wife and you keep on begging me to talk to you and I just couldn’t. I am ashamed baby about what my mom did. I am so very scared too… ”

She looks at me and takes my hand. “ what are you scared of?. ” O turn and face her.

“ I’m scared that I hate my mom for what she did. I’m scared that I want to kill her for ruining all of our lives. Mbuso or dad might decide to kill her and the fact that it would hurt me and at the same time it wouldn’t hurt me scares the shit out of me. I want to forgive her for what she did but then how do I do that when my brother was robbed of his mother and brother. What if this whole thing ruins my relationship with my brother. Zipho is in Joburg and wants nothing to do with our mother. Our little brother is hurting right now and he refuses to see us  or talk to us. He loves our mother so much and bearing what she did broke him more than it did to all of us. I’m worried about sims. ”

“ You have to give him time, remember that zipho is not like you or mbuso. He’s a free spirit who doesn’t want things to be forced down his throat so all of you have to stop forcing him to talk and come back home. He will come back on his own time when he wants to. Right now you should all support him from afar. Your real with mbuso can never be ruined by anything or anyone, unless you  hurt luh in some way that would piss him off. What I’m trying to say is even though the both of you don’t share the same mother it doesn’t change that you love her and mostly you both love each other very much and your bond as brothers is very strong. Your blood brothers bonga and that is never going to change  I wish you would have talked to me about what you are feeling and we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. ”

“ I know baby. I would her this fear when I think about telling you all the things that scare me. ”

“ you were scared that I’ll somehow I’ll see you weak and nit this strong composed man who has everything together. What made you weak in my eyes bonga was when you chose to have an affair. I am not just your wife when things are good and all rosy. I’m your wife in everything good bad and the ugly. You don’t get to make decisions about what I should know and what not. You don’t get to keep things from me cause that would mean I’m only getting the half of you not all of you if you keep sharing the good things only and not the bad and very ugly. I love you bonga, your family is also my family. The family’s dirty laundry is my dirty laundry too. I hate feeling like my husband is is afraid of talking to me because he thinks I’ll see him as a weak man but when I look at him I see man who’s mother has hurt him so bad. The woman whom he loved and adored hurt him in ways he didn’t think we’re possible. I have proven to you that I love you and you can trust me. I can never judge you bonga for your mother’s actions but only your own. You are an amazing loving and caring man and I love you. I am giving you another chance to make things right between us because if you try bonga I will leave your cute little ass and I won’t look back.” She tears up.