I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{44} Fucking Up My Mind

There was a knock on my bedroom door and I didn't have the energy to open it. I didn't want to talk or to see anyone at that moment, the only thing I kept seeing was me pushing Crevan away from me to stop him from trying to something with me. But that one was scarier. I pushed him into a deep black hole and I wasn't happy about it. I felt miserable because I wouldn't get to see his blue/brown eyes again.

I groaned and covered my eyes with my hands. I needed to stop thinking about Crevan. He was a total jerk who needed to get his act together before I do something I might regret like hitting him in the balls and punching him. Fuck that. I'll just beat him up until he actually gets the message. I cut my trail of thoughts when I realized that I sounded like a bully.

What in the hell was he doing to me? He didn't do anything wrong. Wait, yes, he did! I groaned again and the knocks got harder. Was it just impossible for everyone to leave me alone for one day? I just wanted to look up at the stars and forget the problems I have.

"Zayden! Open the door, dipshit! You have a visitor!" Eden yelled from the other side of the door. Who wanted to see me? I hoped it wasn't one of Crevan's idiot friends. I got up of my bed and swung the door open to see Rhett with his hands in his pockets. His brown eyes snapped to mine and he gave me a small smile.

I raised an eyebrow and was about to say something when Eden opened his mouth. "What the hell took you so long? We've been standing here for ten minutes, Zayden."

What the hell was he doing at my house? How the hell did he know where I live? A small memory popped out of my mind and I remembered when Rhett gave me a lift home and the indecent we had.

"Next time you could have leave the visitor downstairs, dickhead," I moved my glaze from Rhett to Eden. Eden rolled his eyes and went behind Rhett and pushed him inside my room. "Dad said to take him upstairs and that he's going out."

"Where is he going?"

"I don't know. Maybe to buy another beer", Eden said with a shrug. Of course. My dad hasn't stopped moping over Rachael and getting depressed for even a moment, he was too deep in that shit. I told my mom about it and she said she couldn't do anything about it, even when I asked her why, she didn't answer me. I knew that my mother wasn't telling me something, and I had to figure it out by myself, but I didn't have time. As you could see, I was a little busy with some idiots.

Dad only ate, watched TV, ate again, and went to sleep. He sometimes went to work but that was only in Thursday and Friday and he told his boss that he was sick and wasn't going to stay late. It was only an excuse so he didn't have to go to work and see Rachael. I felt bad for my father, but seriously, he needed to man up. He had mom and he should've been happy. I nodded at Eden and before he walked away, he smirked and gave me an thumb up. Dickhead.

"Come in," I said and moved out of the way. Rhett nodded and walked inside; as soon as he was in he started to look around my room while I closed the door. He was wearing a black leather jacket, blue jeans, and clean black converse. I looked down at mine and they were dirty, but I wouldn't call Eden's art work ugly. He was almost getting his regular skin color, and he didn't have bags under his eyes, but I knew under the leather jacket were the cuts on his arms that were covered in band-aids. "Nice room," he commented and looked around my room more.

I sat down on my bed and looked around and frowned. There was nothing nice about my room. It was a medium room, the floor was clean, but then all the walls were covered. There were band posters, superhero posters, game posters, and movie posters on my walls. Eden said it was cool in there, and that he was going to do the same for his room.

And he also made a clear point that he has been always surprised because there were no pictures of naked girls scattered around my walls, like his school kids said about their brother's rooms. I remembered how I laughed when he said that and he laughed too. I forgot how I laughed but I hoped it was better than Eden's.