I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{43} Forget

"What do you want, Crevan? I have homework to do," I said while I glared at him. I really didn't want to be there at that moment, standing in front, or being anywhere near Crevan. I didn't need any more "Crevan-doses" for the day, I've seen his face and heard his voice before, and that was more than enough to me, why did I have to go through that again?

I had the next day, the next one, and the next, and so on. I hated that feeling I got whenever I saw him of, all I wanted was to hug him and punch him in the same time, and he gave me a headache and a warm feeling in my stomach, too. I needed someone to explain that to me.

"Can we talk in the car?" Crevan asked and smiled. I felt my lips twitched and a giddy feeling in my stomach formed. I looked away from him a second to try to calm down my heart, and I wiped my hands on my pants to dry off the sweat.

I narrowed my eyes at him and said "Why?"

He shrugged. "To talk about the English project."

My eyes turned cold. "You’re lying."

He looked panic for a second but tried to act calm. "No, I really want to talk to you about the English project. Please, Zayden."

He took a step closer to me and I had to look up at him because I was short and he was taller. His hair wasn't covering off his face as usual, and I could see his blue eyes, but there was some brown on them, too. I tilted my head in amazement and out of the corner of my eye I saw his lips turned into a smile.

I kept looking at his blue/brown eyes and felt his cold breath, brushing on my face. I felt something warm on my cheek, and without breaking our eye contact, I lean into the warm thing. I felt a thumb caresses my cheek and I knew it was his hand.

"You're so cute, Zayden," he whispered softly. That was the first time I heard him saying something softly and quietly, it made my heart jump. His face started to come closer and I followed him, like I was hypnotized.

Something was making me do this because the next thing I did was gripped his jacket for him to come close and as his lips was inches away, my mind snapped back to reality, and started yelling at me, "What are you doing? This is the guy who made a bet about his friend to save his own ass! Jerk! "

I released my hold on his jacket and pushed him away as hard as I could. I heard a starch and then a thump. Crevan was on the floor and he looked in pain. I shook my head and glared at him.

"Whatever you did to me was not fucking cool. This is a sick joke and I want you to leave me the fuck alone, asshole," I said angrily and I wanted to punch him but that was wasting my energy. "Forget what happened and go back to your life."

He looked hurt and confused and something else which I didn't care about, because I was focusing on getting as far away from him as I could, I just wanted him out of my sight. I walked away and then I glanced behind me to check if he was following me, but he wasn't.

I slowed down into walking when I felt an ache in my heart when I remembered what I did to him. I pushed Crevan so hard that he fell on the floor and I walked away doing nothing. But the thing that I was worried about at that point was, why the fuck did I care? 

~~~~~~~

  I walked past Eden's room to the bathroom and locked the door behind me as soon as I was inside. I pulled my hair and groaned. I didn't care if it hurt but I was really pissed. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a stress, confused, and angry boy with brown hair and grey eyes. Why have I suddenly started getting those weird feelings?

I've never felt like that before, for the first time I was confused and had nobody to help me. I wished that all of those problems would just go away, and for me to get back my normal life, but they kept coming back. I wished that Rhett, Crevan, and Alexandrina would all go away and leave me the fuck alone, but they wouldn't do that. Why did they keep coming back? What did they want from me?

I wished...

I wished...

I punched the mirror and felt nothing at all; I stood still and looked at my reflection in the mirror, and all I saw was just parts of me, and maybe that was how I felt. Parts of me were breaking and I had no idea how to put them back together.

Then I checked at my fist to see if I had any cuts on my hand and I didn't. It was only red and I knew that would be sore and hurt the hell out of me later. I knew my parents would ask about the mirror and how did was it broken, but I didn't care.

I had more problems to take care of. I sighed and walked to the bathroom door, I was going to leave but then I changed my mind. I put my head on the door and sighed again. I hoped that Crevan would forget about what happened. Why has he done that to me in the first place? Why did he call me cute? Why did he want to be my friend? Was he going to kiss me?

I wished Crevan would forget me like how I was going to forget about him. My heart ached when I thought of that and I put my hand on my chest. Why did my heart hurt when I thought of him forgetting him? I looked at myself in the broken mirror again, and I knew how the rest of the day was going to be for me, thinking of Crevan eyes, my heart, my hand, and the event that happened. All I wanted was to forget about it and move on, though.