I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{29} Session 6

The event that happened today and the stuff the principle told me was just unbelievable. Alexandrina looks and sounds innocent. She may be whiny at times, but I never seen her hit someone let alone me. Why would she think I did something to her boyfriend? Did Rhett tell her what happened?

I don't get why he needs to tell her everything about me or what I did with him. He needs to shut his mouth because he doesn't know who he's with or what's he doing to himself, her, and me. This is why I wanted no friends or anyone to bother me.

I was happy alone with no friends but Rhett, Crevan, and Alexandrina had to come. I wonder what Crevan is doing now. I haven't talked to him in days and why do am I thinking about him?! I groaned and try to think of something else but Crevan kept coming to my mind. Why these two boys are keep coming back to my mind?

What are so special about them that I can't keep my mind off of them? Why did they come to me when they had other people in the whole school to bother? I closed my eyes and put my head on top of my book bag. I need to get some sleep before I go to my therapist and tell her what happened today and how to get these thoughts of Rhett and Crevan out of my head.

☼♀►

I hear a voice calling my name softly and I fluttered my eyes open to see dark green eyes. She moves back and she had a big smile on her face. "Glad to see you awake, Zayden. I had to wake you up because I would get fired if I let my patience sleep when I should be helping them." I yawned and sit up, stretching my bones. I groaned and starch my head, confused as why I'm in my therapist room when I was in the hallway.

"Rhett carried you here. I didn't want to drag you and you would have waked up," my therapist said and sits back behind her desk. I feel my lips twitch and I wanted to slap myself. I'm getting giddy over a boy touching me? Touching makes me mad and I hate when someone touches me. But...I didn't feel mad. I feel happy and embarrassed.

I looked down and said "Tell him I said I don't want him touching me and he could have waked me up." I heard my therapist sighed and it sounded like she wasn't going to tell him. I swear these two are going against me. Their like a team who are working together to do something to me but I don't know what. I looked up and she was looking for something on her desk. I get up and walk toward her desk.

"What are you looking for?" I said and grabbed some papers on her desk. She jumped and looked up at me and takes off her glasses. "Um...I'm trying to find the picture with me and that guy you asked me about a long time ago."

"Why? Are you going to tell me about him?"

"Maybe but tell me your day first."

I groaned and I didn't feel like going back to my seat. "You can sit on my desk if you want Zayden."

I feel my lips twitch and I quickly sit on my therapist desk. "Rhett and I went out for a drive. He told me we was going to do something fun and for some reason I went with him. I met his mother and we made cookies and he something in his pants but he wouldn't tell me. His mother was laughed the whole time and I didn't understand. But we got in the car and that's when everything went crazy. His attitude changed and was speeding like a mad man! I thought we were going to die but he finally stopped. He said he was sorry and he doesn't what came over him and I slapped him for trying to kill us. He took me home and he tried to say he was sorry but I'm angry for just saying sorry. I told him to leave me alone and I went home." While I was talking, my therapist wrote everything I said and I felt terrible. I shouldn't feel terrible after what he did but it’s like I should forgive him.

"It sounds like your deeply angry at him but he didn't have control of his feelings, Zayden. Maybe it was something you said or did that made him drive like a mad man," my therapist said.

I nod and jumped off my therapist desk. "But I wonder what he was thinking while he was driving like that."

"Why?"

I glanced at her and rub my chin. "I have no idea."

I hear the chair squeak and my therapist was next to me. "Then ask him. He might tell you if you just ask him."

I frowned and walk over to the window. "After I told him to leave me alone, he did. He wasn't at my locker, he didn't look at me when he came out of your room and I feel..."

I don't know what I feel. Guilty, terrible, sad, mad, all these emotions are driving me crazy because of Rhett. I shook my head and turned my attention to my therapist. "Okay, I'll do it but what if-"

"Zayden, have I told you that I was pregnant?" She cut me off.

"No..." I said slowly. I sit down on the chair and she follows me. She sighs and takes off her glasses.

"Well I was. When I told my parents I was pregnant, my dad didn't too well because he thought I was young to have a baby. My mom was so excited that she threw a baby shower next the day. Things were going great. I told my boyfriend and was excited as I was. Everyone came to my house, they checked up on to touch my belly, my cousins giggled because of my stomach. They thought I was balloon because of my stomach!"

My therapist chuckled at the memory. I don't why she is telling me this but I knew there was a point to this. "Then I found out my boyfriend cheated on, I got fired by my job, and my dad died. My mom couldn't work because of her health and I knew I had to do something. My water broke and I went to the hospital. I had a cute little girl name Angelia. She had the same eye color as me and an amazing smile but..."

My therapist eyes water and I quickly get up and hug her. I don't know why I like hugging her or why she's warm when I hug her, but right now I don't care. She needs some comfort and I'm going to give it to her. "I had to give her away! I didn't have any money so I had to let her go! I wish I can take her back but I can't!"

"Did you ask the family?" I whispered patting her back.

She shook her head and said "No, but I know they love her and if I take her away, they'll feel horrible and I took something precious from them." She sniffed and I kept patting her shoulder. We stay like that for 5 more minutes until I looked at the clock. I slowly let go of her and grabbed my book bag.

"Are you going to be okay?" I said and looked her one more time.

She nods and grabbed a tissue next to her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking, Zayden and remember to ask Rhett why he drive like a mad man."

I nod and grabbed the door knob but my therapist voiced stopped me. "Also, is there anything else you want to talk about besides Rhett? I know there is something going on." I knew that we were getting personal in our lives so I might as well tell her about Alexandrina and my home life.

"Alexandrina told the principle I threaten her and I should be careful with her. And my home life, my dad is seeing another woman but I hope they don't get serious."

"Why?"

"There's a lot of things but the main one is: He has a family and she's not going to be part of it." I opened the door and walked out of my therapist room.