I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{11} Session 3

My therapist cleared her throat and I answered her. "I finally got her name. I didn't want to know nor care but her name is Alexandrina. I thought it was going to be a preppy name because she's bubbly and weird but it isn't."

She nodded her head and wrote down what I said. "I think I had her before but she stopped coming."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

She shrugged her shoulder and grabbed her cup of coffee and sipped it. Why would Alexandrina stop coming to therapy? Why has she needed to come here? She seemed like a perfect girl with a perfect life. What could possibly be wrong with her life?

"Anyway, what happened today?" She put her cup down and wrote down more.

"I walked into the lunch room and found a bunch of kids sitting in MY table. I sit there every day even when school started and nobody talk to me. I walk over there and sit then everyone stops talking and look at me. I don't what's their deal, but then I remember I'm the "new" kid here. They start asking me questions, like what I like, what I dislike, what's my hobby," I said.

She nodded her head, "Was it a big surprise for you to have someone question you about yourself? Did it felt nice that someone wanted to know you?" Was it good having someone ask about myself? I was annoyed during the whole time because they wouldn't be quiet and kept asking me questions over and over but a weird feeling came to my heart and it wasn't cold.

"Yeah, even though they were annoying and wouldn't shut up, it was nice having someone ask about me. I never had anyone ask about me, besides my mom." 

"At least you took my advice. You're making friends and maybe you shouldn't push people away. One day you might need them and you'll be glad that you have them with you." She said with a smile on her face. I felt my lips twitch and I took out my sketch pad.

"What do I draw next?" I asked changing the subject. I didn't want to hear someone say that to me. It made me feel guilty that I have to push people away for a reason. Sometimes I wished I had friends because I was lonely, but when I get bored and looked around the lunch room, I noticed drama happened. Breakup, make up, fights, crying, doing drugs, and the one I hate mostly was suicide. I shivered when I think of suicide.

"Zayden, are you okay?" My therapist asked. I nodded my head and she didn't look convinced and want to ask me more but shrug it off. "You still have to draw about your feelings. We'll be done with expressing your feelings in 3 weeks. Your next project is opening up."

"But I'm opening up to you already," I said glaring at her.

She rolled her eyes and put her glasses on. "That's not what I meant, Zayden. Besides telling me about your school problems, tell me about your family problems."

I quickly gathered my stuff and was about to put my bag over my shoulder when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and turned around. "Don't get upset, Zayden. I'm doing this for your own good," she said her eyes turning warm.

I glared at her and shrugged her hand off my shoulder and said, "You aren't doing shit."

I walked to the door and opened it roughly. I wasn't going to tell her anything. She didn't need to know anymore. I was normal and I didn't need help.