Little Bella ( Twilight Fanfic )

Chapter 18. ( Adam )

She stared at herself in the mirror. A woman in the prime of her year, young and beautiful stared back at her. She sat in a rocking chair in a small dark room. A mirror was situated right in front of her, taunting her. The gloominess of the room reflected her frame of mind perfectly.

She never considered herself beautiful, talented or special. She knew what her purpose was in life. She was a mother and she lived for that cause. Her ability to love and care for a child was everything she had.

In that one task, she had failed.

Her eyes went to the small boy in her arms. His big blue eyes stared blindly up at her. She didn't have the heart to close them, knowing that she would never see them again. Suddenly the gravity of her loss hit her fully. She was never going to see him laugh or even cry again. He would never grow up in the handsome young man she had imagined he would become. Pride had shown in her eyes every time she had looked at him. Every day since he was born she had seen this picture of his future self in her head, always surprised of her own certainty in the rightness of this picture. A woman's intuition she had called it, a mother who knows her son best. She now cursed her arrogance. Losing her precious child was something she had not foreseen. In her pride she had thought he was untouchable.

She hadn't been there to protect him. She had left him alone and now his future was lost. His strong, little hand was still enveloping her finger, holding on to the life he wasn't going to have. She felt her heart rip apart, shred in a million pieces. It was never going to heal. Her little boy, the sole reason for her existence, wasn't with her anymore. There were no tears caressing her cheeks. The pain was too deep. No amount of tears was going to make it better.

In the mirror she saw herself gently rock her bundle of joy, kissing his forehead and caressing his blond hair. She quietly sang the lullaby to send him off to his dreams. She had sung it to him every night of his life, even when he was still growing inside her. This would be the last time and when the last words left her lips, she knew it would be the end of her as well as the lullaby.

She had no life. Why would she stay in the world that took her boy away? Her heart, her soul, her everything. She spoke his name quietly, saying goodbye to his life and her own.

'Mommy! Mommy!'

'Shh, sweetheart. Everything is all right. I am here.'

Esme was there, pulling Bella into her arms. Alice had warned them beforehand of Bella's dream and that she would need Esme when she woke up. They were all gathered in her room, watching Bella anxiously. Edward was standing in the far corner with Alice, Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper was close by with Carlisle and Esme. He could sense that Jasper was tired mentally.

The last four months he had taken over Edward's habit of staying by her side and watching her sleep. Jasper's gift was the best way to protect Bella. He had helped her control her emotions every night right before she went to sleep by doing exercises with her. Edward felt very grateful for this, because it had clearly helped. Bella's life had not been in danger this time, maybe Jasper was right when he told Edward that he had this gift to help Bella.

Edward stayed away most of the nights. He was afraid of infecting her with his past. He knew it probably wouldn't help, but he hoped that his past would elude her if he wasn't close to her anymore during night time. So far he had been lucky.

Right now Jasper was using his gift extensively. The anxiousness of Edward and the rest of the family members wasn't helping his cause much. Jasper sighed deeply, pulling his focus back to Bella. She was calming down more quickly than the last time. She was crying a lot, but her body seemed less stressed. Carlisle agreed with this assessment and put down the medical equipment he had readied just in case. Edward stiffened when he suddenly heard her voice. It trembled through her tears, but Edward realized she was singing. It struck the others just as it struck him. She was singing her own lullaby. None of them had heard the lullaby before they met Bella, so they had figured it was something she had taken with her from her former life. In between her song, there was something different. She spoke a name to which she sang the song. It wasn't to herself, like normally.

'Sweet Adam, close your eyes.'

Multiple things happened at the same time. Esme froze and Jasper felt her spike in emotion. Bella stopped singing, looking up with tears in her eyes. Alice watched the future seeing Esme's stress intensify. Carlisle's eyes fixated on Esme, a concerned look on his face. Edward read her mind.

How could I have forgotten?

It was her only conscious thought, but blurry images were running through her head. It took Edward awhile to understand what the images meant. It was a human Esme standing in front of a cradle singing to her baby every night. She began to sob and Carlisle kneeled beside her, taking her face in his hands. In that moment Edward hated their inability to cry. It was what Esme needed most right now. It took her a long time before she unfroze her posture and steadied Bella in her arms again.

'Until now I didn't realize that I lost some of my human memories when I chose to end my life. I didn't forget Adam, but I did forget the one thing that was the essence between my connection to my son. It was probably because of the stress of losing my child that I severed this connection.' She took a deep breath. 'The lullaby, Bella's lullaby, is the exact song I made for my son when I first knew I was pregnant.'

I didn't even remember I sang him to sleep. All came back to me when she said his name in the song.

Edward was shocked by this revelation, but he was even more shocked by Esme's next thoughts.

This song is my own creation, there is nothing like it in the world and I suppressed it. There is no way Bella could know this song.

Edward figured the same. Bella knew the song the first day they met, way before she started dreaming of the past. How did she know the song? It was the proof of Esme's love to her child. Was she meant to know it?

All these emotions are driving me insane!Jasper thought, while he fled the room.

He needed a break and Alice followed him out, always there for him. Rosalie and Emmett followed not long after. Esme had Bella securely in her lap. Carlisle got up and pulled Edward out of the room. The last thing he heard was Esme's lovely voice.

'Sweet Bella, close your eyes.'

Like I said this chapter will be longer than the other one. So do you love it or hate it. Vote to let me know and also don't forget to comment.

clariza0809...