Little Bella ( Twilight Fanfic )

Chapter 16. ( Impossibly healthy )

Edward walked into Bella's room quietly.

'How is she?' He asked.

Sleeping soundly. No signs of any dreams or nightmares.

He sighed relieved. There was no way he could handle another dream in the same night. He was still hoping fruitlessly it was a onetime thing.

'May I?'

Rose bowed over Bella and softly kissed her cheek. She got up and left for the door.

Don't wake her up.

He slowly walked closer and took Rose her position on the side of the bed. He kept his eyes on her face. His heart was stinging painfully while he stared at her beautiful face. His sweet, innocent Bella. Why couldn't he protect her better? So far, he let her get abducted by a bunch of wolves and let her have nightmares that almost kill her.

Her hair was curling on her pillow. Softly he caressed a string of hair out of her face and tugged it behind her ear.

This so-called gift of hers scared the hell out of him and not only because it was hurting her, although that was his main concern, but also because his past held horrors that were mostly his own fault. He was not proud of those years and he was going to have to tell her about them.

He saw himself with red blazing eyes, standing over the bodies of the men he had killed. He could feel the life draining from his victims, see the light go out in their eyes. He remembered very well what it felt like to be a murderer, to be a monster. Did she have to experience this with him? Did she have to see his shame?

It was not so much for himself that he was so afraid. If she would be scared of him, or dislike him because of his past actions, it would hurt him immensely, but it was exactly what he deserved. He was afraid, because he knew how it felt like to carry the memory of committing a murder inside you. He would do anything to spare her from this fate. Her innocence was going to be shattered in a million pieces. He couldn't accept that, she was just a little girl.

He could hate himself for the mistakes he made. It was one thing to pay the price for your own mistakes but a whole other thing if someone has to pay the price with you, especially if that person is someone you love.

He loved her so much. Every day of the past year he had felt his love for her grow. She was so completely in tune with him now. When she was hurting, he was hurting more. She was his world.

He sat at her side, brooding about it for the rest of the night.

Early in the morning Alice came storming into the room, very excited.

I just won the privilege of waking Bella on her birthday from Emmett. I cheated of course, but he doesn't know that.

She smiled broadly and Edward didn't understand. He felt as if nothing could make him smile ever again.

'Did Jasper explain what happened?' He asked incredulous.

Her expression went from joy to horror very fast. She sat down next to Edward.

I am so afraid for her, Edward.

Her brow furrowed.

My past is hidden from me. What if my past is so traumatic I forgot and she has to experience it instead of me. I can't live with that, but I can't even help her. I am so useless.

He understood her frustration completely, but he felt even worse. He wasn't just useless, he was making it worse.

The only thing I can do, is make this day perfect for her, starting now.