Officially Blake's

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 17 

NICOLLE’S POV 

“You’re such a bitch. Alam mo ba ‘yon?! Kung kayo na ni Andrew sana sinabi mo sa’kin, para hindi ako nagmukhan gtanga. Fuck you, Nicolle. Fuck you. You were leading me on. Napakasama mo! Napakalandi mo. Alam mo, tama ako nung una eh. You’re a fucking slut. A good for nothing bitch.” 

Was I just imagining? Or did Blake really say those words? It hurt so much.

It hurts so much that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. It hurts so much that I don’t even feel anything at all.

How could I? How could I possibly do that to him? Am I really leading him on with all these confusions submerging me down? Pulling me down to the unending derriere of this chaos of emotions swirling inside of me, ripping my heart apart, and breaking my mind into two. Or is there even a rear end?

How stupid can I get? 

I’ve been crying since yesterday. I felt sick. More than sick, I felt like crap, ruining everything. No, I didn’t cheat on him. Of course, I didn’t. I didn’t because I know what it’s like to be cheated. I know what it’s like to feel left out. of course I didn’t cheat on him because I know better.  

I didn’t dare hold my tears back. It’s ironic how I wanted to stop crying but I couldn’t. I shivered. I shivered. I shivered and along with more affliction and emotional maladies, the memory came flashing back to me.

He told me I was a good for nothing bitch. And for a second, I believed him.

He left me right there, crying. When black spots started to interfere with my vision, Andrew stepped closer and gathered me in his arms. And being the weak girl that I was inside, of course, I had to cry all over Andrew. I knew he didn’t mind me crying. I knew he really wanted to be there even if he didn’t have to. He even pressed me closer to him as I tightened my grip around his waist. I closed my moist cheeks right where his heart was beating calmly.

Gently, he stroked my back. A gesture that I translated as Andrew is here. 

Here he was again, being the ‘best friend’, bringing out the weaker side of me. I pulled away and looked up to him. He cupped my face with his hands. I can see how concerned he was about me. He didn’t even mind the bleeding of his lips and nose. I felt really sick. I had this incredible boy hurt. And worse, I had ruined a 15 year old friendship.

I was worthless. I was useless. I was a scrap.

I was a good for nothing.  

Tears started to roll down my cheeks again and Andrew brushed them carefully away with his thumbs. He was smiling at me. He needed not to say anything to comfort me. He just had to smile like that at me.

“I’m sorry.” 

That’s all I said to him. It was a mile from enough, but that’s just what I can do. I wiped the blood from the side of his lips carefully with my thumb, not wanting to hurt him. He smiled and pulled me again to him. It was as if he read my mind. He knew that I needed someone. I needed him. As a friend.

I needed him to tell me that Blake was lying. Blake didn’t mean any of what he said. I needed him to tell me that… that I was just dreaming.

But I know this is the reality. What happened was real. And he couldn’t do anything to change what happened. I couldn’t. Blake couldn’t. No one could.

It was just as dramatic as it life itself.

Screw it.

After what seemed like forever just living in a comforting yet painful silence, we went inside the café to apologize to everyone and luckily, they understood. We helped them clean up and we stayed there for a while for milkshakes. I was just quiet the whole time and so was Andrew. Blake did this for me. The waffle castles, the photographs, the band, the roses.Everything.The effort.The sincerity. And I just let it slip from my hands.