Sunflower in the evening
Standing in the garden
Taking up that space
No power can compel me
Back into the daylight
Let that evil wait
***
Harry's POV
January 28th
Jumping out of the car, I slam my door shut, and comb my fingers through my hair as I make my way to the front of the building, holding a bouquet in my hand which is wrapped and kept held together with a yellow ribbon.
Lately, I've been feeling like I haven't thanked Ariana enough for being so patient with me, so I thought about getting something nice for her.
She'll probably complain like she usually does when I give her small gifts out of the blue, because she doesn't like receiving them, but this is honestly a gift for me too.
Seeing her smile is enough to make me feel better and the minute she sees the colorful flowers and one tiny sunflower mixed in with the bunch, I'm having a feeling we'll both feel a bit better.
She gets flowers and I get a smile, it's a win-win.
I stand still for a moment, looking inside the glass window as I watch Ariana laugh with Rita, smiling just as big as she did when I dropped her off earlier, only this time it appears to be more genuine.
She's been under so much stress since the party, and I think she feels like she needs to somehow fix me so I feel better again, but really all I need is time.
I'm not sure how long it's gonna take for me to feel better and comfortable in my skin again, but I have a feeling it might take a while.
After I came home with my haircut and I saw the look on her face, I instantly felt guilty and assumed she was upset with me.
She wasn't though. She was nothing but supportive like she usually is, but I still have a feeling she was holding back what she was actually feeling.
It's been a few days since then and not much has changed.
She tried to paint my nails again the other night but when I told her I wasn't ready she made it clear she understood, but I have a feeling it still hurt her...and when she saw I was no longer wearing my jewelry, including the ring she got me for Christmas, that's when she finally spoke up to me about it.
I felt terrible and again thought she was getting angry and impatient with me, but she just asked if there was anything she could do to help me get comfortable again. And while I wish there was something that could help, I know this is something I need to do on my own.
We also talked about my mother some more, and talking usually helps so I felt a little better.
Before the party, I hadn't seen my mother in ages. I always kept my distance after I started becoming the person I always wanted to be. So when I finally felt like myself, I knew if I saw her again she would take that away from me.
Maybe it's my fault for being sensitive by letting her words affect me, but whenever she speaks to me the way she did, I feel like the same boy I was ten years ago all over again.
I completely dissociated from my normal state of mind until Ariana found me in the bathroom. I barely even remember what happened in between that short time, but one thing I know is I hated it.
I'm not sure what I would've done if I were alone and she wasn't there to save me.
Blowing out a deep shaky breath, I look down to my feet and scrape the bottom of my shoe against the concrete, before I walk over to the door and swing the glass open until I hear the sound of the bell ringing above my head.
As I step inside, Rita pushes her way through the old creaky wooden swinging door, and widens her eyes when she looks at me, throwing her apron down on the counter.
"Is that my Harry?" she questions as she walks out from the back counter, approaching me with open arms, "I almost didn't recognize you with that new haircut! How are you honey?" she pulls me into a hug, swaying back and forth on her feet while she groans tiredly from how tight she's holding me.
"I'm alright," I laugh as I rub my hand gently against her back, "how are you doing? It's been a few days since I've last seen you" I state, pulling back while her hands stay rested on my arms as she looks at me.
"I'm good, wanna sit with me and chat? Ariana's almost all finished cleaning up" she smiles, pointing at the booth we always sit in when we come to visit.
Shaking my head yes, I follow Rita over to the booth and sit down with her while Ariana brings out two coffees for us a few minutes later.
What started as a normal conversation, turned serious when Rita had asked me about my mother's birthday party. The only reason she knows anything about it is because I reached out to her when my mom first called me.
I know I haven't known Rita long but she's sort of taken that mother role away from my mother when she decided to walk away. So when I first spoke to my mom the only person I felt like I could talk to was Rita.
So I did, and the conversation went well. She even gave me some advice on how to go about the situation, hence why I kept my calm with the way my mother was talking to me. She made me promise I wouldn't retaliate, so I didn't.
I'm not sure why I feel so comfortable and open with Rita about these kinds of things, because I hate talking about my mom with anybody else other than her and Ariana, but ever since I've met her she's had that comforting energy radiate off of her and it truly means the world to me.
"What did she say about your hair?" she cocks her eyebrow, giving me a questioning look while she takes a sip from her coffee cup, "It looks great by the way. You look very mature" she smiles.
Smiling from the compliment, I look down at my rings and spin them around my finger, "she just said it looked ridiculous along with everything else. I was sort of expecting it though" I shrug my shoulders like it's nothing.
"That's why you're not wearing your jewelry?" she tilts her head and pinches her lips tightly together, "you know I haven't seen you without that cross necklace around your neck ever until now" she huffs out a laugh.
Nodding my head, I drag my fingertip against the top of my glass as I laugh, "yeah, it was my dad's. I took it off when we got home but didn't really feel like putting it back on I guess" I blow out a shaky breath through my pinched lips.
When I look back up at her she looks back at me with a disappointed look on her face, while she rests her arms on top of each other on the table, "why are you giving her that power baby? I like who you are. Ariana likes who you are and I know for a fact you like who you are so why change now?" she questions.
I wasn't expecting her to ask me upfront like that, and while I was expecting a serious conversation, I'm taken a bit by surprise and don't know what to say.
Because I don't know why I'm giving her the power. I don't know why I care so much, but for some reason I just do.
I wish I didn't. But I do.
"I'm the same guy I was. I promise. I just don't really feel like wearing the jewelry and stuff right now. I need a few days, that's all. And Ariana's always being supportive and kind when I'm struggling. She gets it" I explain to her.
"Of course she is. I wouldn't expect anything less from her," she smiles, looking over at Ariana through the open window in the back kitchen, "she's a sweet girl Harry. And you're a sweet guy. You both deserve to be happy, alright? Don't let anyone get in between that."
I agree, nodding my head while she looks at me intently, but as I'm about to respond to her, Ariana comes back out from the kitchen with her purse on her shoulder and phone in hand.
"Ready to go?" she asks, approaching us both at the corner booth.
Standing up from the seat, I walk over and place my hand on Ariana's lower back, Rita handing her a box of leftovers while I hold the flowers in my hand, as we say our goodbyes.
She glances down at the sunflower and pokes her bottom lip out before stepping up on her tiptoes to press a short sweet kiss to my lips followed by a soft thank you and I love you.
My planned work. That smile is all I needed.
"You two drive safe," she smiles, hugging us both one last time, "oh and Harry, Marco wanted me to tell you he said hello," she smiles, "I almost forgot. I'm getting old" she sighs.
What?
What the fuck did she just say?
Did she just say, Marco?
My question quickly gets answered when Ariana's entire body becomes stiff, and her words die down in her throat when she starts walking to the door and treats what Rita just said like it was no big deal.
I try looking down at her but she ignores me, while I'm already biting down hard on my teeth as I feel my entire body go red when my blood boils from hearing his name leave her lips.
Why the fuck didn't Ariana tell me? Why am I just now hearing about this? I left to get her flowers for maybe ten minutes, I don't understand.
I swear to fucking god I'm gonna kill him if he laid a finger on her.
Pushing my way out of the cafe, I pull my hand away from her hip, and walk straight to the driver's seat without saying another word to her, feeling like I'm going to snap at any second.
When I slam the door shut, I rock my head back against the headrest and turn slightly to my right as I watch her open up the car door, climbing into her seat with a worried look on her face.
The second she closes her door, she looks down at her hands and remains quiet while I try to find the right words to say without getting angry.
"Why didn't you tell me as soon as I walked in there? Why didn't you text me right after he left?" I question, speaking through my clenched teeth while I feel my face heating up as I speak to her, imagining her in a room alone with him.
"I'm sorry," she speaks quietly with a hint of guilt in her voice, "I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to say anything in front of Rita so I was going to-"
"Were you planning on telling me or not? Because the way you acted normal and comfortable with that is so unlike you Ariana" I shake my head, cutting her off as I look ahead at the brick wall on the side of the cafe rather than looking into her eyes.
The only reaction I get out of her is complete silence, which happens to be just as loud as her words could ever be, triggering me to blow out a slow heavy breath through my nose, before I toss the flowers I had in my hand in the back seat of the car.
"Harry I can explain" she reaches over and tries to touch my arm, but I pull away from her and cross my arms over my chest instead, waiting for her to go on with what explanation makes up for the fact she was planning on lying to me.
I'm not sure what I'm more pissed about. The fact she was going to hide something from me, or the fact I left and had no idea she was left alone with Marco.
I'm just as angry with myself as I am with her.
"Go on then," I glance over at her and cock my brow, she instantly looks away from me like she can't stand to see me so upset, "please explain to me why the hell you didn't tell me what the fuck happened in there Ariana" I speak to her in a sharp tone.
"I didn't want you to worry!" she shouts back in the same tone, causing my eyes to widen when her loud voice takes me by surprise, "I handled it. I'm fine. Everything is fine."
I swallow harshly, pinching the bridge of my nose as I shuffle around in my seat and keep my eyes ahead of me, laughing under my breath in disbelief as she starts bouncing her leg in her seat beside me.
"You didn't want me to worry?" I repeat her words in a whisper, her head snapping in my direction while I think over everything I'm feeling right now, "and you think everything is fine?"
"No, I didn't. I never wanted to worry you and it was stupid but I had good intentions" I see her shaking her head in the corner of my eye, "and no everything is not fine right now but I meant we're both physically fine and I'm confident that Marco won't hurt me. He just wanted to talk."
"He just wanted to talk?" I snap back, feeling my blood rush to my cheeks as I shout, "and you're confident?" I laugh, "I'm not! He's a killer, Ariana. He kills people. He's not your friend and I can assure you right now he doesn't just want to talk to you. He has reasons and you're being too naive, once again, so you obviously can't see that."
"I'm naive?" she asks in a louder tone, "I didn't ask for any of this. So of course I have no fucking clue who has good intentions or not, but he clearly knows something so I'm sorry for wanting to hear him out, and I'm sorry for worrying about your mental health, and I'm sorry for trying to do something on my own for once in my life."
What the hell does that mean? So because I had a bit of an argument with my mom I'm not allowed to know when my girl is in trouble? That's ridiculous.
All of this is ridiculous, including her excuses.
"I didn't ask for this either!" I yell back at her, "But, great! If you want to do everything on your own go ahead!" I shout in anger, wishing this entire conversation could end already, "But remember that means you're gonna have to pick yourself up off of the ground because I surely can't do that forever."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I could see her entire expression change, and I instantly regret the words that leave my lips, when she stares at me with an offended glare.
I fucked up.
Her eyes slowly start to water, and my entire body relaxes and becomes less tense as I knock myself out of my angry daze, and realize how badly I messed up with what I said to her.
I didn't mean any of that. I don't know what happened but I didn't mean it...
"You know what," she flings her seatbelt off of her shoulder and places her hand on the door handle, looking back at me with her legs turned like she's about to get out of the car, "fuck you, Harry. I've never once asked you to help me, remember that!"
When she tries to step away, I reach over and grab onto her arm, trying my best to stop her from getting out, but when she tries to pull away and winces when I don't let go, her tears fall from her eyes.
"Let go of me!" she snaps, fighting me as she shakes around and tries to pull my hand away from her.
"Ariana please just get back in the car," I beg, my eyes now watering when I see the way she looks at me like I'm some monster, "please I'm sorry, just talk to me."
I'm not trying to be an asshole and I'm not trying to hurt her, but where the hell is she going to go? She could get kidnapped if she tries to walk home and I hate that she hates me right now, but her safety is my first priority.
"I don't want to talk to you! You're only gonna give me a free therapy session I didn't ask for just so you can throw it in my face later. How's that fair? Oh wait, it's not. So I'm done talking to you" she pulls back, releasing herself from my grip, and then opens up the car door and jumps out.
Without any hesitation, I jump out of the car and follow her, slamming my car door shut, I run around the car and catch up until I'm standing in front of her, bending at my knees while I try to grab onto her face and look into her eyes, she rocks her head back and sighs.
"Please baby, just get back into the car" I beg, darting my eyes back and forth between her eyes while she looks at me like she hates me even more.
"Please don't baby me right now," she shakes her head and pushes my hands off of her, "because I know I fucked up but what hurts the most is you're not listening to me. I'm trying to apologize. But what you're not realizing is hurting me isn't going to help you make a point you're just being an asshole."
Clamping my eyes shut, I drag my fingers against the inner corner of my eyes and nod my head, "I know. I know I fucked up and I'm sorry. I should've listened to what you said and I'm sorry for raising my voice just please don't leave."
She looks down at her shoes, shaking her head while I place my hand on her cheek, urging her head back up to connect her eyes with mine, while I drag the pad of my thumb under her eyes to wipe away her few tears.
"I accept your apology," she looks up at me, "and I'm sorry for not being honest and I promise I will be from now on, I just knew you were already under so much stress as it is so I didn't want to make it any worse. But now that I think about it, it's clear that was a bad idea so I'm sorry...I really am" she speaks with sincerity.
" I understand. Thank you. It's okay."
"I want to go to Ashton's though," she then speaks suddenly, speaking so quietly and quickly, I'm starting to think maybe she was worried I would tell her she wasn't allowed, "maybe for the night...I think we both need space" she shrugs.
I would be lying if I said that didn't feel like a knife to the chest, but if space is what she needs, then I'll do whatever it is she wants.
Running my tongue against my cheek, I nod my head as I crease my brows, narrowing my eyes while I try to hold back the hurt I feel, but deep down I know space is what we both need, "are you still mad at me?" I ask.
"I'm not mad," she shakes her head, "I just want to talk to Ash right now" she mumbles under her breath, sounding a bit insecure with her statement.
"Alright. I understand. I'll take you to see Ashton..."
***
This is the first time I've genuinely felt like there was a wedge between these two, and although it is hard for me to write, it's so necessary.
Stay Golden.