"So you really didn't have sex with Charlie?" Christy pressed, pulling into a empty parking space in front of an ice cream parlour.
I sighed loudly and turned my head to look at her, "No, for the last time. I just kissed him."
"Okay! Okay! Fine. I'll stop, I just had to be sure..." Christy murmured, digging into her purse.
"Way to question everything I do!" I hissed in annoyance.
Christy shrugged as she opened her wallet, still not looking up at me, "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife over night."
"Clearly." I grumbled.
"Fuck..." Christy mumbled. "I forgot to get my money from Sammy."
"I'll pay for you, let's just go in." I replied, staring at her with wide eyes.
"No... he promised me cash." Christy explained, pausing and wincing as we finally made eye contact. "Do you mind if we go... or do you want me to drop you off at home first....?"
"Fuck that, I can handle going there with you. I'll stay in the car." I assured her.
"But what if-"
"I don't care. I'll be in the car."
Christy sighed in defeat, "Okay... I promise it'll be a quick in and out."
I exhaled a shaky breathe and sat back in my seat. Christy could clearly tell that this was a risky thing to do, bringing me around the Four Roses when there's a 50/50 chance Billy is there right now. Christy put her key back in the ignition and started her shit rocket, glancing at me as she put the car in reverse and slowly backed out of the parking space before peeling off.
My mind was all over the place, my heart was pounding against my chest and I felt extremely nervous as I rested the side of my face against the window, noticing the familiar buildings outside, telling me that we were getting closer and closer to the Four Roses.
An empty feeling came over me as Christy slowly pulled in the parking lot, parking as far away from the doors as she could. My eyes scanned all of the parked cars, landing on Billy's. Gulping, I turned my attention away from the car and just stared out my window, staring at a random piece of trash blowing in the wind.
Christy winced as she turned the car off, turning in her seat and staring at me awkwardly, "I'll be quick."
"I'm fine." I reassured her.
Christy nodded and placed her hand on the door handle, "Five minutes, tops. I promise."
"Go." I insisted, watching as Christy scrambled to get out of the car and watching as she jogged across the parking lot and headed inside of the bar.
Sucking my teeth, I pursed my lips and stared down at my freshly painted red nails. Who was I becoming? Any other time my nails would be short and chewed from my nervousness and coated with chipped black nail polish. I ran my tongue across the inside of my bottom lip, feeling the scar tissue of where my snake bite lip rings use to be before pressing my tongue against the inside of my cheek and pulling down the visor to stare at myself. The girl looking back at me was someone I wasn't sure I recognized.
I was stronger now than I was when I first moved here - both physically and mentally. My black locks were now lightened to a brunette colour, my lip rings gone and my makeup done properly and not dark as I use to do it. Not only has my appearance changed... but so has my life.
Sighing to myself, I closed the visor and stared out the window. My eyes instantly landed on Jennifer and Billy. My blood boiled and my eyes narrowed into a cold, hard glare. Billy appeared to have just walked out from inside the bar to grab another pack of cigarettes from inside of his car when Jennifer climbed her skanky ass out of her piece of shit car and immediately rushing over to Billy.
My mouth fell agape as I watched her stare up at him with lustful eyes, placing her stupid hands on the sides of his neck. The worst part of it all, he didn't push her away or seem bothered by what she was doing. Instead he nodded towards the bar doors, motioning for her to follow him inside. She giggled and wrapped her arms around one of his own and followed him inside the bar.
Nothing but pure rage coursed it's way through my veins, making me see nothing but red. Gritting my teeth, I struggled to unbuckle my seatbelt, throwing it back behind my shoulder before yanking open the car door. Normally, I would have shivered from how cold it was out right now but my adrenaline had me feeling like I just dragged myself up from hell.
Pausing, I stopped and took a couple of deep breaths.
"What am I doing? I don't care about Billy anymore... I don't want anything to do with Billy anymore..." I whispered to myself, unaware of how strange I must have looked talking to myself.
"I'm gonna fucking kill that bitch." I declared, storming across the parking lot towards the bar doors, my heels clicking against the pavement as I did so.
I took one last deep breath before slamming the side of my body up against the bar doors, sending them flying open. The typical rock music playing throughout the bar was loud as usual, cigarette and marijuana smoke lingered throughout the bar and I could hear people who noticed me come in whisper to the person beside them. My eyes scanned the area, landing on Jennifer just as she was getting up from her chair that was beside where Billy was sitting at the table him and his boys always sit at.
Clenching my jaw, I balled my hands into fists and took long struts towards Jennifer who was just about to lean down and whisper something to Billy. Bodie and Heco were the first to notice me, both of their eyes widening and mouths falling agape as my arm extended and I grabbed a handful of Jennifer's make bleach blonde hair, spinning her around and pulling my right arm back and slamming my fist against her face.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Jennifer cried out in pain, pressing two of her fingers against her now bleeding lip.
That was all she was able to say before I punched her in the face again. Unlike the first time when me and her fought and I only hit her in the chin, this time I was hitting her square in the face, surely going to break her nose if I keep hitting her dead center of her ugly face. Jennifer tried to grab my arms and push me back away from her but all that did was make me angrier.
"I fucking told you!" I screamed, grabbing her by her hair again and throwing her down to the floor. "STAY. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM. HIM"
"What the fuck is going on?!" Sammy roared as he rushed out of his office to see what all the commotion was all about.
Everything happened so fast that Billy finally had just realized what just took place in front of him. His eyes shot up and landed on me. Jennifer slowly tried to push herself back up but I retaliated by kicking her in the chest, sending her flying back down, my heel flying off and under the table as I did so.
"YOU STUPID CUNT!" Jennifer screamed as I hunched over and punched her one more time in the side of the head.
Suddenly I was picked up off of my feet and carried out of the bar so fast that my head almost spun. I glanced down at the arm that was wrapped around my waist, seeing all the familiar black tribal tattoos.
"PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed like a child, flailing in his grip, kicking my legs up like a three year old having a tantrum.
Surprisingly Billy did exactly just what I asked, placing me down on my feet. I winced as a sharp rock cut the bottom of my bare left foot, remembering that I was now only wearing one high heel. My one knee bent and the leg that had no shoe was straight, I looked stupid. My tank top had been pulled out from being neatly tucked under my black pencil skirt.
"The fuck are ya doin'? You're pregnant." Billy hissed.
"Oh fuck off! You didn't care about me being pregnant a month ago when you screamed at me and shoved me around!" I shouted back.
My lip began to quiver as I watched Billy stand there with an emotionless facial expression. He didn't seem mad at me for what I had just done, he didn't seem happy to see me after all this time, didn't seem fazed that I was crying, he didn't appear to be anything besides empty. He wasn't the smart ass, moody Billy that I had fallen in love with. Now he was someone else, revamped by tragedy and cold as the only motive he appeared to have was revenge.
Tears ran down my face, probably bringing mascara with it. He just stood there, staring at me blankly as if I wasn't even there. A lump formed in my throat, my mouth became dry, my body was trembling in anger and he didn't care at all. I know I'm not innocent - given the fact I just got back from making out with Charlie at his house - but I was genuinely hurt over catching Billy with Jennifer. Not that they were doing anything besides drinking, but given our past - I'm pissed. Clearly the feelings I thought I no longer felt for Billy... were still there.
"I'm pregnant with your... BABY!" I howled, ugly crying. "You piece of shit!" I spat, gasping for air from bawling so hard.
"HOW COULD YOU TREAT ME HOW YOU DID THE NIGHT I TOLD YOU?!"
I pounded on Billy's chest, bawling uncontrollably as he tried to wrap his arms around me. I was surprised he was allowing me to hit him as much as I was, "You liar! You said, you.. you said you protect what's yours!" I sobbed dramatically, refraining from hitting him anymore and instead just falling against his chest in defeat.
"I'm sorry about that, Amber. But... that happened because I'm no longer who I use to be." Billy stated calmly.
Growling in annoyance, I pushed myself back away from him, "YOU'RE A LYING PIECE OF SHIT! You can't keep making excuses! YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS PROT-"
"I AM!" Billy roared, silencing me mid-sentence.
His nostrils were flared, his chest was heaving in and out and to say that he looked pissed off would be an understatement. At least he was finally showing some sort of emotion. Sniffling, I carelessly wiped away running mascara and stared at him in disbelief, shaking my head slightly.
"HOW?!" I screamed, "You're too busy hanging around with that fucking whore!"
Billy raised his eyebrows as he let out a laugh of disbelieve, "From what I hear, you're up in her category. Does this guy Baggy saw you with, know that you're pregnant and fuckin' him?"
My jaw clenched and without realizing what I was doing, I brought my arm up and slapped Billy across the face as hard as I could. Billy narrowed his eyes, face stricken with rage as he lunged for me, grabbing my upper arm roughly and pulling me against his chest.
"You wanna fuckin' know why I ain't going around you?" He asked in a harsh, hushed whisper. "I stabbed one of the mother fuckers who killed Joe, in the chest a few days ago. You know why I stabbed him? Because they killed the only family I had left."
"They started a war that I'm going to finish." Billy stated firmly. "You and my kid are the only ones I have left, use your fucking head once in awhile and you'd realize why I'm keeping you out of sight." He added, releasing the grip he had around my arm and shoving me back away from his slightly.
"It's for your own good, you stupid bitch."
"But I love you." I sniffled. "Why do you have to do this?! You could get ki-"
"THIS IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS." He screamed, spit flying from the corners of his mouth. "They're all gonna fuckin' pay."
He snorted hard, clicking his jaw to the side, "This is the life I live. It's never gonna change."
"Please Billy... we could go away... we could leave this life." I cried pathetically.
"We could start new..."
Billy became tense, sighing loudly before making eye contact with me, "I can't."
"Well..." I whispered, staring down at my one heel and my one shoeless foot, "I can't wait around to find out if you live through this or not.... I'm sorry."
Billy nodded slowly and placed his hand on the back of my neck, pulling our foreheads together. I shut my eyes and let the tears flow freely from the corners of my eyes. I felt Billy gently kiss my forehead before resting his forehead against mine again, "I love ya more than anything."
Sniffling, I stared up at him and shook my head, "Not enough to leave this life for me though..."
Billy sighed through his nose and frowned, "I told ya that ya weren't cut out to be involved in this life."
"I guess you were right...." I whispered softly.
Billy pressed his tongue against his cheek before cupping my face and crashing his lips against mine roughly, kissing me as if he was never going to get the chance to ever kiss me again. Little did I know it was because tomorrow is the day him and his boys going after one of B-street's members. Tommy had found out where one of them work during the day, giving Billy and his boys that window they needed.
"Amber?! What the hell?! Did she hurt you?! What the fuck were you thinking?!" Christy scolded, storming out of the bar.
"-How dumb can you be?" Christy asked, before noticing Billy standing in front of me.
Billy glanced at me for a moment before staring over at Christy and nodding his head up at her, acknowledging her presence. She folded her arms across her chest uncomfortably, trying her hardest not to look him in the eye as he stepped back away from me and casually walked back towards the bar entrance.
My world felt like it had just been turned upside down. As soon as I heard the bar doors slammed behind Billy, I instantly buried my face in my hands and started to cry hysterically. Christy had to wrap her arms around me and lead me to her car.
I've never experienced heartbreak before, but I'd imagine this is what it feels like.