The apartment smelled like a mix of lemon Mr. Clean and Pinesol / homemade lasagna. My mind has been racing ever since I found out that I was pregnant. Two weeks have already gone by since I found out I was pregnant over at Christy's house. It was getting harder and harder to keep this from Billy, I even felt like he was starting to sense something was wrong. But luckily for me, Bones has been keeping Billy pretty busy so I didn't really get to spend too much time with Billy as I've pretty much been asleep whenever he's come home. Now, he's finally not "working" for Bones tonight so of course me being me, I'm nervous and trying to think of how to tell Billy or if I should even tell him in the first place. Whenever I get stressed out, I clean. Everything.
The curtains were wide open, allowing sunlight to shine through the freshly washed windows. My music was cranked, I was in a t-shirt of Billy's that I tied in the back and a pair of black short shorts, yellow cleaning gloves on and I was busy cleaning every surface I could find.
Of course I wanted to tell Billy, I mean... after all, this is his child too. But, given how he reacted the first time we ever had sex at his apartment when I brought up not being on the pill, I don't know if this is a good idea to tell him. He can't really tell me what to do anyway as I'm keeping the baby, obviously... but... what if he does? is he like that? surely he wouldn't tell me to do that... would he? Well... of course he would, it's Billy.
"Yo! Amber! You in here?" Joe called as he walked into the apartment and took his shoes off. "Holy shit, it smells... clean in here."
"I'm cleaning." I replied in a bland tone, walking by with a spray bottle of cleaner in my hand and a sponge in the other.
"I see that. What's that other smell?" Joe asked sniffing the air around him.
"I'm making dinner." I replied dully again with a shrug.
Joe nodded and casually walked over to the couch, "Where's my brother?" He asked, plopping down on the couch.
I shut the door behind Joe, annoyed that he hadn't done so, "I don't know. But he's suppose to be here soon."
Joe stood back up from the couch and squinted his eyes as he dug into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out his pack of cigarettes. I made my way over to the oven where I checked the lasagna while Joe placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it, "You tell Billy yet?"
I scoffed before stomping over to Joe, "No I haven't and can you not smoke in here?! I just cleaned this whole fucking apartment. Go smoke on the balcony!" I scolded, shoving Joe roughly in the shoulder.
Joe smirked and blew smoke in my direction making me cough up a storm, "See! that's why you need to tell Billy, Miss. Amber." Joe lectured, pointing a finger at me.
"Just go smoke outside before I shove that down your throat!" I threatened, clicking my jaw to the side.
Joe smirked but did what I asked him to do. I bit the inside of my cheek absent-mindedly as I thought about what Joe had just said. I winced as I watched Joe smoke out on the balcony, zoned out and in a trance of my own. It's been weird how Joe seems to be the only one "excited" and "happy" for me out of everyone. Christy and Megan are obviously excited but Christy is a realist... she knows this isn't going to go good once I tell Billy. Then again, she could be wrong... maybe he wants kids? Ugh, I doubt it... I'm worrying myself sick over this.
I sighed loudly as the oven timer awoke me from my thoughts. I exhaled a shaky breath, running my fingers through my hair as I made my way back into the kitchen where I traded out my cleaning gloves for oven mitts. I shot my eyes over in the direction of the balcony where Joe was coming back inside from, while I opened the oven door halfway and reached in for the lasanga dish.
"FUCK!" I roared, dropping the lasanga plate down on top of the stove and ripping off the oven mitts, carelessly throwing them down on the counter.
Joe immediately ran over to where I was standing, "What happened, Amb?!"
"I burnt my fucking arm on the oven door." I responded through gritted teeth, nodding over at the oven.
"That's why you're suppose to open the door all the way..." Joe stated dully as he walked over to me casually, "Lemme see." He added, staring down at my arm.
"No! Joe! Don't touch it!" I exclaimed, yanking my arm away from his gaze.
Joe rolled his eyes, "Fine, whatever. Deal with the pain, I'm gonna have some of this lasagna."
I rolled my eyes and left the kitchen, leaving Joe in there to dish himself out while I made my way to the bathroom to deal with this now throbbing burn mark on my inner forearm. I bit my bottom lip as I turned on the taps, using my free hand to open the bathroom mirror to find medical supplies while I held my burnt arm under the cool water. Wincing loudly, I picked up a thin cloth and some burn ointment and turned off the taps before heading back out into the living room.
"This is good." Joe mumbled, a mouth full of food.
"Thanks..." I mumbled under my breathe, more focused on the burn.
"You have to tell him soon, Amber. You know that right?" Joe said, swallowing his food and raising an eyebrow up at me.
"Thanks Captain Obvious." I grumbled.
"It's been how many weeks now? Have you even went to a Doctor yet? That's my niece or nephew in there, I'm just as worried about this as you are." Joe stated, shaking his head at me before taking another bite of food.
I sat up straight and sighed in annoyance, "If that's true then you will understand why I'm holding off on telling him."
"If you don't tell him, I will." Joe threatened.
Scoffing, I stared up at Joe wide eyed, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. It's his kid too, that's not fair to hide it from him." Joe replied, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek.
"If you tell him and I will legitimately kill you." I tried to sound scary as I threatened him. Joe chuckled, swallowing the food in his mouth. I sighed, "Please Joe... I promise, I'll tell him soon... I just need time to take this in, myself."
Joe sighed, "Fine... I won't say anything."
"You promise?" I pressed.
Joe rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I fuckin' promise. But he's gonna freak when he finds out that everyone knew before he did."
"Joe..."
"Fine, fine. I promise, I won't tell Billy anything." Joe promised, sincerity all across his face as he spoke.
"Thank you. I'll tell Billy when I'm ready." I replied.
"By yourself?" Joe asked, taken back.
"Yes, Joe. All by myself." I replied.
"Really..."
I sighed, "Yes! I'll tell Billy."
"Tell Billy what?" Billy asked, coming inside of the apartment and interrupting Joe and I.
Joe glanced over at me and gulped, staring back down at his plate of food leaving me alone to think of a good lie. I bit the inside of my cheek nervously as Joe slowly chewed his food and stared at Billy awkwardly. Billy placed his car keys, cell phone and wallet down on the table and glanced over at Joe and I, waiting for one of us to answer his question.
"Oh..." Joe started in a muffled tone from the mouthful of food. He swallowed and glanced at me, seeing the worry in my facial expression, "Tell you that she accidentally broke a cup while she was cleaning...?" Joe winced.
I sighed in relief, "Yeah! Sorry... I just went on a cleaning spree... cup broke, shattered everywhere..."
Billy shrugged, clearly not giving a fuck about a cup. He made his way over to me, holding out one of his hands at me and nodding at the medical supplies. Joe mouthed 'Sorry' behind Billy, apologizing for his lame attempt at thinking of something to tell Billy on the spot. I glanced at Joe for a brief moment before staring up at Billy who was now standing in front of me and handed him the burn ointment and cloth/ some sort of medical bandage. Billy snorted as he sat down on the coffee table in front of me and took hold of my arm, gently.
"You've been busy." Billy stated as he started to apply ointment over the burn on my arm.
I winced as the throbbing pain worsened, "Yeah... had a lot on my mind so I took to cleaning."
Joe gave a faint laugh as he placed his fork in his now empty bowl and stared over at what Billy was doing to my arm, "Ha. That's a fucking understatement."
My head snapped over in Joe's direction, my eyes squinted into a glare burning right through Joe. Joe raised his eyebrows at me, staring at me like I was the one in the wrong. I continued to glare at Joe as he made his way back into the kitchen where he began to wash the bowl and fork he had just used.
"Did you find any photos of Billy with hair while you were cleaning?" Joe asked from the kitchen.
Billy's jaw tightened as he stared over at Joe, "What do ya want?"
Joe chuckled, "Awe come on Billy, don't change the subject. I know you must have a photo of you with hair laying around here somewhere."
"What the fuck do ya want?" Billy asked again, this time sounding annoyed.
Joe scoffed, "What do you mean 'what the fuck do ya want?'. It's September third... why do ya think I'm here?"
I groaned, dreading the fact that summer was now pretty much at an end and winter is just around the corner. I cocked an eyebrow up and stared at Billy, watching as his facial expression hardened, clearly in deep thought about Joe mentioning the date. Billy exhaled a heavy sigh as he began to wrap my the burn on my arm.
"So?" Billy asked, not looking away from what he was doing to my arm.
"So... happy birthday bro. Jesus, hostile much?" Joe chuckled, coming back into the living room.
I gasped, "It's your birthday?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Doesn't matter." Billy replied flatly.
"He's just mad he's old as fuck now." Joe chuckled from where he was now sitting.
"How old are you?" I asked softly, feeling awkward at the fact that I don't even know how old my own boyfriend really is.
"He's 40" Joe answered sarcastically.
"What the fuck did ya do?" Billy asked, tracing his fingers along my now bandaged burn while staring at me.
"Nah, I'm just fuckin' with ya, Amber. He's 28 today." Joe added.
"I was getting lasagna out of the oven.. the door was half open so I burnt myself when I went to pull it out." I replied to Billy's question - ignoring Joe who was still laughing and talking amongst himself in the background.
"Pay attention next time." Billy said dully.
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Just another day." Billy said lowly, standing back up and walking over to where he set his cigarettes down.
"Do you always have to be such a Debby Downer? It's your birthday! I could have made you a cake!" I exclaimed, jumping up and running over behind Billy. "Please! I wanna make you one." I pouted.
Billy sighed, clearly even more annoyed now, "I don't like cake."
"Bullshit. I'm making one." I stated firmly, folding my arms across my chest.
"Good, you guys can bring it to The Four Roses later. We're celebrating your birthday bro." Joe joined in. "Speaking of which... I should probably get going. I'll see you guys in a few hours, alright?" Joe added, heading over to the door but stopping before opening it, "Oh yeah, try and keep it PG alright?"
"Bye Joey." I chimed as Joe walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind him.
Billy lit a cigarette and inhaled a long drag off of his cigarette before staring over at me. He frowned as I folded my arms across my chest yet once again and shook my head slightly, "What?"
"I just cleaned in here." I stated, still shaking my head at him.
Billy didn't argue, instead he just made his way over to the balcony and stepping outside. I sighed loudly as I followed behind him, staring at him with a blank expression as he placed both hands on the railing of the balcony and stared off into space, his cigarette between his lips. I frowned again and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, resting the side of my face on his back.
"You suck for not telling me earlier that it's your birthday." I grumbled.
Billy sighed and flicked his cigarette over the balcony before turning around and facing me. He kissed the top of my forehead and wrapped his arms around me.
"Missed ya." He said softly, changing the subject again.
"Yeah?" I asked seductively, pulling on his belt.
Billy smirked, glancing around before staring back down at me and shaking his head slightly, "Gonna give me my birthday present?"
I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back a sly smile, "Well, since you never told me it was your birthday... I can't possibly think of something I could give you."
Billy pursed his lips, thoughtful for a moment, "I can think of something."
I giggled at the feeling of Billy's facial hair tickling my neck as he started to kiss my neck and lead me backwards into the apartment. The back of my legs hooked the couch and a small gasp escaped from between my lips as I landed on my back down on the couch. Billy hovered over me, still kissing and biting my neck. I stared down at my stomach, making sure that Billy didn't press his body down on me... just in case. Joe's right, I need to see a doctor soon before I start showing.
My eyes widened as Billy started to press against me. I winced, having to think fast, I pressed my hands against his shoulders and used all my strength to push him off me. He stared at me blankly for a split second before I sat up and pushed him down on his back, climbing on top of him. Our eyes locked together as I grinded myself against Billy, slowly pulling off his shirt that I was wearing. I leaned my head back and moaned slightly as Billy's hands ran up my sides and around to my back, unhooking my bra and letting it fall down my arms.
"Happy birthday mother fucker!" Heco shouted as the door suddenly flung open.
I gasped and practically fell off of Billy and down onto the floor where I lunged forward, grabbing the shirt that I had just pulled off of myself and quickly slipped it on.
"Oh shit, God damn son. Get some." Baggy laughed hysterically, nudging Heco in the arm with his elbow all while pointing at me.
"What the fuck do you want?" Billy asked between gritted teeth, standing up and walking over to them.
"Bones wants to see you, man." Bodie answered for Heco and Baggy as he too walked into the apartment. "Tried to call ya but no answer.... now we see why." Bodie stared at me and then watched as Billy walked over to the table, grabbing his cigarette pack and shaking out a smoke.
"Don'tcha know how to fuckin' knock?" Billy asked, glaring at them between squinted eyes as he lit his cigarette with one of the candles that were lit on the center of the table.
"Sorry..." They all said awkwardly.
"What's that fat fuck want?" Billy asked, staring at his phone screen.
"Dunno, just said he wants to see you... and soon." Baggy answered.
Heco stared at me, a smirk across his lips as he stared me up and down. He shot me a quick wink and I snarled at him in disgust before storming past the three of them and heading into the bedroom to get ready to go to the Four Roses. I sighed loudly as I stared at my clothes that were now hung neatly in the closet. I didn't know how tonight was going to go, considering I can't drink. I hated working at the Four Roses especially now that I'm pregnant, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol that lingers throughout that bar is enough to make me sick. I didn't even want to be there when I had to work, I definitely don't want to be there on days that I don't work, but it is Billy's birthday... it's the least I can do.
"Sorry about that." Billy said as he walked into the bedroom.
"It's okay..." I whispered softly, still searching through the closet for something to wear tonight. "At least they didn't see me topless."
Billy placed his half smoked cigarette down in the ashtray on the night stand and pulled his shirt off over his head so that he could put on a different one, "Ya mad?" He asked as he pulled the new black long sleeved shirt on over his head.
"At them? no. At you? Yes." I replied honestly, grabbing my black heels from the bed and tossing them on the bed.
"For?" Billy asked, placing the cigarette back between his lips.
"For not telling me its your birthday." I replied. "I would have never of known if it weren't for Joe saying something."
"Well, now ya do." Billy replied shortly.
"You're an ass..." I mumbled, folding my arms across my chest.
"So I've been told." He retorted making me roll my eyes.
"I got some shit to do. I'll see ya at the Four Roses." He told me, walking up to me and placing his hand on the back of my neck and planting a kiss on my mouth.
"Yeah, yeah." I grumbled, pulling away from him.
"Hey-" Billy started as he placed two fingers under my chin, lifting my head up to look at him. "I love you."
I smiled and sighed, "I love you too. Happy birthday, Billy."
------------------------------------------
"You haven't told him yet?!" Christy and Megan both exclaimed from my living room.
I sighed, curling the last strand of my hair, "No... But I will."
"Oh yeah, Happy birthday Billy! By the way, I'm pregnant. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Christy mocked me, shaking her head as she came into view.
"Thanks for the boost of confidence." I murmured as I applied my lipstick.
"You need to tell him and you need to see a fucking Doctor." Christy lectured me.
"Or at least see a doctor, Amber." Megan joined in, now standing next to Christy watching me get ready.
I sighed loudly, "Fine. I'll go tomorrow morning, alright?"
"Oh, I know you will. Because I'm coming with you." Megan stated smugly.
"I'm coming too." Christy announced.
Both Megan and I stopped what we were doing and stared at Christy in amazement, "Really?"
"Yeah?" Christy asked, cocking an eyebrow up. "Is that so hard to believe or something? You're my best friend, I want to be there for you."
"You're going to be awake?" I asked, chuckling in disbelief.
"I'm not drinking tonight, so yeah I am." Christy replied proudly.
"I'll believe it when I see it." Megan mumbled under her breathe making Christy glare at her.
"Ugh, shut up. You guys ready to go yet?" Christy asked changing the subject.
"How do I look?" I asked with a nervous sigh.
"Hot." Megan and Christy replied instantly.
"You sure?" I asked, holding my stomach.
"Oh relax, you won't show for a long time. Now get those heels on and lets get this cake to the Four Roses." Megan reassured me.
"Thank you guys for buying a cake." I thanked them, slipping my feet into my black 6" heels.
"We even got 'Happy Birthday Billy' put on the cake." Megan exclaimed excitedly as we all piled into the kitchen where the cake was sitting on the counter. "And candles. But there was only 12 in a pack. So... I guess he's twelve according to the cake."
"Did you know he was 27 when I started dating him?" I asked Christy.
Christy shrugged, "Yeah? So? What, did you expect him to be our age?"
I rolled my eyes, "No... I just never really asked him how old he was."
"That's... kind of weird, Amber." Christy said slowly, lifting her eyebrows and shaking her head.
I shrugged, staring at Megan and Christy. Christy was wearing a black short fitted dress, revealing all of her arm tattoos and her large back piece, her bangs were pulled back and in her infamous long mohawk/ shaved sides, and wearing black 6" heels with spikes on the back. Megan on the other hand was wearing a black baby doll shirt, black ripped up skinny jeans, hair straightened, black leather jacket and of course, six inch black heels like Christy and I. Me, well, since I'm pregnant and prone to throwing up at random smells, I wanted to just wearing shorts and a shirt, but oh no... that wasn't good enough for Christy. She has me wearing black skinny jeans, black 6 inch heels - obviously, and a black tank top. Apparently it's normal for all of us to dress like Johnny Cash.
"How nervous are you to tell Billy?" Megan asked as she carefully picked up the cake off of the counter.
"Nervous." I replied honestly.
"I honestly think you're overthinking this, Amber. Billy loves you too fucking much to just be like, 'bitch get an abortion or get the fuck out of my life'." Christy piped in.
"How can you be so sure...?" I asked slowly.
Christy scoffed, "Billy has NEVER treated a girl like he treats you. He's never had a girlfriend, like we've all said before... he usually just fucks random girls and that's it. But then you come along and all of a sudden you're his girlfriend and living with him? Yet you think he's just going to up and make you get an abortion or move out." Christy explained as I locked the apartment door once we were all out in the hallway.
"No kidding." Megan murmured, carefully making her way down the stairs, the cake still in her arms.
"I sure hope you're right..." I sighed, following behind them out into the parking lot where Jack was parked waiting for us.
"I didn't really take Billy to be the type to eat cake." Jack stated as the three of us girls climbed into his vehicle.
"Well, if he isn't... I'm sure everyone at the bar will be." I muttered, putting my seatbelt on.
"You feeling alright?" Jack asked, staring at me from the rear view mirror.
"I'm feeling good today." I replied with a weak smile.
Christy rolled down her window and lit a cigarette, "Mind if I smoke, Juno?"
"What I wouldn't give to have a drag..." I whined, turning my head and staring out the window.
"I'm sure you will survive." Megan chuckled from the front seat.
I smirked and kicked the back of her seat. As we drove to the Four Roses, I drifted off into my thoughts as I stared out the window watching all the other cars go by. Were people actually right about how I've softened Billy? Well, more like... Billy has a softer side only towards me. Everyone I've met here has either had an opinion or something to tell me about Billy. I know how he can be sometimes... but he's different when it's just him and I. Hopefully he's still the same way when he finds out that I'm pregnant.
First things first, I need to go see a doctor first thing in the morning. Then I have to go to the bank and set up a savings account, literally work my ass of at that shitty fucking bar and save all that I can. Then after that, I need to tell Billy. Hopefully he doesn't tell me to get an abortion... because if he does, I'm leaving and I guess living on Christy's couch most of my pregnancy until I save for an apartment of my own for my child and I. Ugh, even just thinking the worst makes me stressed. Maybe Christy's right, maybe I'm just overthinking this.
"Amber?" Christy asked, poking me in the shoulder and awakening me from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked, confused.
"We're here... weirdo."
Here goes...