The days kept passing and it made Soonyoung lose all hope. There was nothing left.
There were no more tears to cry and nothing else to say to anyone anymore.
There was nothing.
There was nothing worth fighting for if it was impossible. This hit Soonyoung hard.
"H-Hi Jihoon.." The boy could barely get out as he slowly walked into the room.
He was sick, but no one knew other than himself. "I don't feel good today.. I'm sorry I was late."
He let out a shaky breath and felt pain in his body, but he sat down anyway.
As if natural, he held Jihoon's hand.
"Ultimately I thought we'd be okay.." He paused and let out a sigh. "But this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I can't imagine what you're feeling."
He waited as if he would've gotten a reply.
He closed his eyes and after two minutes he sadly smiled, letting out a breath.
"I'm still hoping I guess.. Jihoon give me a sign if you could hear me." He held Jihoon's hand to his lips. They were always cold.
He wanted to wait forever if that meant he would be granted a reply.
But deep down he felt like that would never come, he admit.
He kissed his hand and sighed, getting up. "I think I should finally eat. I'll be back."
He smiled gently even though Jihoon couldn't open his eyes to see it.
Soonyoung pulled his frail body to stand, now using the pole as all his support, unlike before.
He had never felt this tired in his whole being.
He started walking though, and left the lights off when he left.
Soonyoung held onto the wall and dragged his feet behind him.
"I can do it." He told himself. He was shaking even though he didn't feel cold himself.
It felt like forever, but he made it to the vending machines.
He didn't want to waste time trying to find food in the cafeteria area, and plus he only had two dollars.
He pressed the buttons to find something to eat. He picked crackers.
He turned to leave and saw people walking down the halls.
He looked into the cafeteria area and saw some people in wheelchairs, but with their family.
He saw people smiling despite their conditions, and it reminded him of Jihoon, of his smile.
Of how they snuck out together when he was in the wheelchair, and even though it ended bad, Jihoon was still so thankful.
Soonyoung didn't say anything and tossed the crackers away. With a tired face, he went back to the room.
He'd wouldn't be able to eat.
~~~
Soonyoung later woke up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he sat up.
He had a nightmare, but he couldn't remember what it was about.
He looked around the room, and saw it was still dim and dark.
He looked on the bed and saw Jihoon still there, the same state.
He leaned so his back was against the wall and ran a hand through his messy hair, and let out a shaky breath.
It's been weeks.
Soonyoung looked at Jihoon and felt all the horrible thoughts flood into his head again.
He couldn't do it.
Soonyoung looked away and shook the thoughts of hatred from his head. He really hated himself.
But it was like everything went mute when he saw a drawer labed, "tools" on it next to where he was sitting.
It was like everything he was thinking about went away, and curiosity took over after ten minutes of just looking at it.
While almost showing no emotion, Soonyoung opened the drawer and saw metal utensils.
Practically the worst thing to see when in a mental state of intensity.
Soonyoung picked one up, and nearly accidentally cut his finger because it was sharp, he hadn't realized.
But he held it close to him and inspected it, using only his eyes.
He slowly moved his arm closer, not releasing his stare from the utensil.
His mind urged him on silently.
It was like his movements held no resistance, and he moved his arm closer slowly.
He was buzzed out of this thoughts when he heard a frail, weak voice.
"h-hyung..?"