When Shisui came face to face with Itachi again, nothing else seemed to matter to him. The pair engaged in battle for the sake of keeping up appearances, but carefully made their way further and further away from the others so they could speak without suspicion.
"What are you doing?!" Itachi hissed as he lashed out as his cousin, their kunai meeting between them with a loud clang. Shisui winced and stepped back as Itachi weaseled his kunai out of his grip, pulling out another from his weapons pouch.
"What does it look like?" retorted Shisui, leaping back at Itachi and aiming for his face once more. "Holding you lot back."
"The plan- was for- you- to get to- Suna!" snapped Itachi angrily, no longer bearing his cousin's well-being in his mind as he punctuated every word with a well aimed blow. "Are you stupid?! Do you realise there's no way out of this for you now?!"
As much as Shisui wished that this would be just a friendly spar between him and his best friend, he knew that unlike every other time, they wouldn't be walking away together.
"You knew that if I didn't return, you'd get thrown into the mess too!" was Shisui's reply as he was struck to the ground, before quickly rolling aside and getting back to his feet. "I know your father! He would never let either you or Sasuke back into the clan without my corpse at his feet!"
"And what does that matter?!" exclaimed Itachi angrily, reaching out once more to deliver a much deserved right hook to his cousin's face. Shisui choked and stumbled backwards, inaccurately swiping his kunai at thin air in order to regain his balance. As blood trickled from his mouth, he stretched his neck and dropped his kunai, getting into position to cast a jutsu.
"Gōkakyū no jutsu!"
"SHISUI!"
Itachi was livid as he dodged his cousin's attacks, weaving past the continous spout of fire erupting from Shisui's mouth as he edged closer to speak to him.
"You're a fucking idiot, do you know that?!"
Itachi ran towards Shisui and jumped into the air, launching down on him with every bit of fury he could muster. Before he could make contact with him, Shisui suddenly vanished and appeared a good five feet away from him, watching Itachi turn on his heel.
"Itachi, try harder."
"Try harder? TRY HARDER?! SHISUI, I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU! I FUCKING WISH I COULD RIGHT NOW, THOUGH!"
"Itachi, I know you're angry with-"
"Like hell I am!" Throwing any kind of jutsu out of the window, Itachi stormed up to Shisui and violently yanked him into the air by the front of his shirt, outraged by his cousin's idiocy. He had had the perfect opportunity to run away and be with Tera- but no. His sorry little ass decided to find his way back here again. "Why are you doing this, Shisui?! What are you doing?!"
"Doing what's right," said Shisui, looking down at his cousin with an empty look in his eyes. "You have a family to go home to. You need me dead the most."
"Izumi and Yuta could live without me for a few months," said Itachi in exasperation, clenching his fist as he lowered Shisui back down to the ground. "My father would get over it!"
"No. He wouldn't."
The pair stood face to face as the sounds of the others clashing in the background rang in their ears, boiling into a muffled collection of indiscernible white noise.
"Shisui," said Itachi in a calmer, more collected voice. "Please. Get over yourself. Just go, go join Tera. She needs you. Sasuke would probably chase you, but he's nothing you can't handle."
"No. Tera needs rest. She needs freedom. She needs independence. I love her, but we all know what happens to the woman I love, right?"
"Shisui, if this is about Izumi-"
"I know it's not. This is about Tera. I loved Izumi, she loved you. I loved Tera... and I know Tera loves me. But I don't deserve to live. As much of an asshole and arrogant prick he is, I know Sasuke could take care of her. You need to get back and take care of Izumi and Yuta. I don't deserve to live."
"You've done nothing wrong!"
A sudden wave of guilt revealed itself in Shisui's eyes, and it was then that Itachi realised that Shisui's problems were far deeper than they appeared.
"They gave me a little girl," he said shamefully, voice dropping to barely more than a whisper. "Kagura was only fifteen, Itachi. She had no idea what was going on."
"You had no choice!"
"Yes, I did. Yet I still chose to. Why, Itachi?"
"I don't know? Because it was a part of your job?!"
"I kept thinking to myself, maybe if I had moved on from Izumi, I could've avoided this situation," continued Shisui, his rant only just beginning. "Maybe, if I had just found someone else, and settled down when you did, I could've been free from this. If I had just gotten over myself and my stupid feelings, I wouldn't have had to violate her the way that I did.
"Do you know the amount of times she cried, Itachi? Even with the genjutsu, she would beg me to stop. When she found out she was carrying, she tried to kill herself. Don't even get me started on the amount of times she tried to run away. Why did I keep doing it? Why didn't I stop when I had the chance? Before everything blew out of proportion?"
The guilt that Shisui was admitting made Itachi's heart sink. All this time, he had no idea he had been bearing all this remorse.
"You're not a bad person, Shisui," reassured Itachi gently. "You deserve a good life too. You deserve to be loved."
As a weak smile cracked across Shisui's lips, it was in plain sight for Itachi that his cousin had already made his decision.
You deserve to be loved and cherished by someone you love and cherish. You deserve happiness.
"It's because I'm selfish with love that I end up causing more problems," he said in a soft voice, his eyes glazing over as he thought of the good times he had spent with Tera. "Because I was selfish with Izumi, I ended up hurting Kagura. I'm not going to be selfish with Tera and cause harm to anyone else. I know I can't escape this time."
For one of the strongest shinobi in the clan, in that moment, Itachi certainly didn't feel like it.
"Fugaku wants me dead, right? Because that'll make him feel better about losing his precious weapon?"
"Shisui, no," said Itachi sternly, eyes scanning him carefully. "Don't be a drama queen."
"Itachi, as much as you love your father, even though he wouldn't dare to lay a finger on you, he wouldn't think twice about killing Izumi and Yuta," stated Shisui, making Itachi wince. It was the cold, hard truth. In the clan, no one except Sasuke and Itachi were safe from Fugaku's wrath.
"They're the only other ones he can really do harm to," continued Shisui, tapping his foot. "Ayumi is safe here. There's no need for him to waste my children either once I'm gone. After all, they're not mine, but the clan's. I won't let Izumi and Yuta get in harm's way."
"I won't let you die," warned Itachi, stepping forward and grabbing Shisui's collar. The latter sighed and pushed his cousin away.
"Tell Sasuke to take good care of Tera if he gets the chance, okay? I know they have potential. Despite how they met... he's grown. A lot. I hope she sees that."
"Shisui..."
In that moment, Itachi's eyes mirrored Shisui's as they both welled up with unshed tears.
It was time for their final goodbye.
"You better take care of Izumi and Yuta, okay? I'll haunt you if you ever screw them over."
There was a brief silence, and tears began to roll down Shisui's cheeks as memories of Tera flooded his mind.
What do you mean Haku's not a boy?!
It's called common sense, Shisui. Something you don't have.
You placed a bet on the gender of my child?!
I really do hope you'll be able to experience love one day, Shisui. After everything you've done for me, you really deserve it.
I didn't want anything bad to happen to you, so I caved and came back!
You deserve to be loved and cherished by someone you love and cherish. You deserve happiness.
I was loved and cherished, thought Shisui warmly as he reached for his kunai. Knowing what was going to happen, Itachi shut his eyes.
He couldn't watch.
I was loved and cherished, by someone I love and cherish. I had my share of happiness.
Thank you, Kohana-chan. Thanks to you, I could experience love.
I'm sorry.
***
"Hokage-sama! There's one coming up behind us!"
I remained in Kakashi's arms with Ayumi tucked safely on top of my chest as we sped ahead, Kannon sensing a new presence entering our vicinity.
"Kakashi!" barked Tsunade. Not needing any further instruction, the grey haired ninja stopped to put me down before dashing back the way we came, leaving me to rush ahead with Tsunade and Kannon.
Out of the blue, Ayumi began screaming her lungs out, and I put it down to the fact that I was now running at full throttle with her bouncing around in front of me.
"They had one job!" snapped the Hokage, looking furious as she led Kannon and I away from the ruckus. "Luckily for us the Suna shinobi have been alerted! Kannon, keep an eye out for Gaara and his siblings! The more of us there are, the better! We don't know how many Uchiha are lurking!"
"Yes, Hokage-sama!"
As I sprinted further and further away from where Shisui had left us, I felt nothing but an overwhelming sadness crash over me. It seemed like I was getting nowhere; I was running towards an unknown location. The emptiness Shisui had left in my heart was agonizing. I was scared, I was lost. I thought he would be the one to protect me, until the end. I loved him. I thought he loved me. My mind was running amok with all these thoughts, feelings and what ifs.
They confounded me to the point where I just wanted to stop and give up.
I wasn't the type of person to hold on to false hopes.
So I let go of the hope of Shisui returning alive.
And as I ran alongside Tsunade and Kannon, clutching a wailing Ayumi to my chest, I cried.
The pain I felt in my heart was incomparable to anything else I had ever felt.