"Are you really doing work right now?" Adam kissed Eli's neck, breathing in the smell he loved so much and peeking over Eli's shoulder at his computer.
"I am," Eli turned his head and Adam stole a kiss. "I was looking at an article on Brent's movie and then this thing with Scarlett popped up."
"Hmm," Adam squinted at the screen. He knew there was some drama with Maddox's little sister but he hadn't seen for himself. "Is that a joint? And a beer? Jeez, one month on a Justin Bieber tour and even Princess Scarlett is-"
"Shh," Eli interrupted. "She's like my little sister too. You know this is fake. Don't be mean."
"I wasn't," Adam kissed Eli's shoulder. "Why are you on TMZ anyway?"
"It's work, you know this."
"Uhuh," Adam turned his head to kiss Eli's neck and watched the goosebumps break out. He smiled. "When can you take a break?"
"Mm, I shouldn't, but give me-" Eli's phone started ringing. "Sorry."
"It's Dax," Adam's heart jumped when he saw the name on the screen. "Do you think it's Chloe?"
"I don't know, hang on," Eli answered. Adam sat down next to Eli so he could see his face. "Slow down, what?"
Adam held his breath. Over the past week, Dax and Brent had been with Chloe to see several different doctors and specialists. He didn't really understand the details but according to her doctor she wasn't doing everything other kids her age could or should. Every time he talked to Brent, Adam got a little bit more worried. Mostly because Dax and Brent didn't seem that worried and he wondered if they were taking it seriously enough.
"Okay, we're coming. I just have to wake up Clay," Eli stood up. "What can we bring? Anything?"
"I'll get him," Adam ran to the stairs. He tried to seem calm when he went in to get Clay, who'd fallen asleep in the car on their way back from breakfast. Eli said he was too old to take naps but Adam had hoped if they let Clay sleep it would mean more sex. Instead, Eli was working.
"Dad?" Clay sat up almost as soon as Adam walked in. He looked very confused. "Is it morning?"
"Yeah, you just had a nap. Let's put your shoes on, we're going to see Hannah," Adam wasn't sure he could promise Chloe or even Colin, not that Clay really wanted much to do with the toddler.
"Yay! Let's go now!" Clay scampered out of bed and found his shoes without Adam needing to remind him or plead for him to hurry up.
"Wow, that was so fast," Eli complimented as he rushed into the room. He went to Clay's closet. "Why don't you and Dad get in the car and Papa will catch up?"
"Okay, hurry, Dad," Clay grabbed Adam's hand and pulled him to the door. Adam watched Eli digging around the back of Clay's closet, tucking a half used pack of diapers under his arm.
"Diapers?" Adam questioned.
"Yeah, they have a new baby."
"Dad! We gotta go now! Hurry!" Clay tugged Adam's hand.
"Okay, okay," Adam followed Clay down the stairs. His thoughts were running way too fast. A new baby? That didn't even make sense.
But Eli came out of the house with a few of Clay's old baby things and Adam knew he'd heard right. Leave it to Dax and Brent to end up with a new baby completely out of nowhere. Knowing them, they were probably both freaking out at how sudden it happened.
It was no surprise that by the time Adam and Eli got to Dax and Brent's house, it was already crowded with other family members. Clara was already organizing movers to rearrange furniture and make space for more baby stuff in the baby room.
Before long even Clay had a job to do to get the house ready. Adam found himself sorting and carrying loads of laundry around. He was surrounded by tiny pink clothes, everywhere he looked, things that seemed so impossibly tiny.
"Hey, they're almost back," Eli came into the laundry room and paused. Adam looked up just in time to see Eli's eyes running over his body.
"What are you thinking about?" Adam laughed.
"Uh, nothing, just," Eli's face turned red and Adam knew he was lying. "You look so, uh, comfortable, there with baby clothes all over."
"Comfortable?"
"Like you're used to it?"
"And that's a good thing?" Adam grinned and the slightest twitch of Eli's eyebrow told him he'd guessed right. Sure enough, a second later Eli gave him that look that usually signaled he was about to start ripping Adam's clothes off.
"You have no idea, do you?" Eli crossed the room. "I have a thing for daddies."
"Do you now?"
"Mhmm."
"Okay, well," Adam put his hands on Eli's shoulders, holding him back before they could get too far into a messy situation. "You'll have to tell me all about it tonight."
"Right, tonight," Eli seemed to snap out of it. "Okay, yes. So, um, what can I take?"
"Here," Adam finished sorting the last of the clean baby clothes.
Dax and Brent and their kids got home soon after that, new baby fast asleep in her seat. The kids were all excited, even Colin, who seemed like he had no idea what was happening. Clay took one look at the baby and then got more interested in playing with Chloe than looking at the new baby.
"Do you want to hold her?" Brent asked Adam after they'd gotten settled in. Adam caught Eli's eye before he agreed. The look on Eli's face was priceless.
Clay was worn out by the time they left that night and Adam couldn't blame him. It was an exhausting day in a lot of ways. But Clay held it together until they were in the car on the way home and he asked the question that no one could answer.
"Papa, when am I gonna get a baby sister?"
"Uh, I don't know," Eli looked at Adam and then turned around to face Clay. "Do you want a baby brother or sister?"
"Hannah and Chloe just got one today. Can't I have one today?"
"No, not today."
"Why not?"
"Normally it takes a long time to get babies," Eli took a deep breath. "And I don't know if you will get a brother or a sister, we don't get to pick."
"You can't pick? Why?"
"That's not the way it works."
"Why's that not the way it works?" Clay huffed. "Where do you even get a baby?"
"Well," Eli paused. Clay obviously didn't care to know the answer.
"Dad, can't we get one too? Now?"
"Clay, you heard Papa," Adam glanced at him in the rearview mirror. Clay's face crumbled.
"I don't want to wait a long time, you never get me anything I want," Clay started to cry, the full-on wailing he normally only managed when he was so tired he couldn't cope anymore. "You forgot me."
"Nobody forgot you, Clay," Eli sighed. "We love you, big guy."
"I need a baby too-o-o-o-o."
Adam was always happy that they didn't live far from Brent and Maddox but he was especially grateful when Clay was overtired. It took Eli so long to get him into his pajamas that Adam had to go in and help. Before long, Clay had kicked Eli out of the room and Adam was left alone, singing to him and rubbing his back while Clay sobbed.
"Normally I wouldn't give in like that, but he was so done," Eli groaned when Adam finally got to their room. "I knew we were pushing it but you were holding baby Aimee again and I just couldn't resist watching a few more minutes."
"I'm sure I can hold her anytime you want," Adam laughed, bending over Eli to kiss him. "Are you looking at pictures?"
"I was, but now I just want to get you inside me as fast as I can," Eli practically threw his phone to the side.
"Mm, should we talk though?"
"Do we need to?"
"At some point," Adam smiled, feeling Eli's hands under his shirt. "It can wait."
"Yes, Daddy, it can," Eli kissed him again.
"I don't know about that as a nickname like this," Adam made a face. Eli pulled his shirt off. "It's a little much."
"Feel this before you decide," Eli picked up Adam's hand and put it on his hard cock.
"I see your point."
"I figured you would."
By the time they were done, Adam had all but forgotten about the talk they needed to have. Eli was curled up to him, head on his chest. He let out a heavy sigh.
"Is it bad that I don't want to have a baby right now?"
"Um," Adam blinked a few times. He felt Eli move a little. "No, I mean, are we even like...I mean, we know we'll have another kid, right?"
"Yeah, one day," Eli seemed to relax. "I know we both want that. But right now I just kind of want sex all the time."
"I've noticed."
"Shh."
"Having a baby doesn't mean we have to stop having sex though, right?" Adam hoped. After all, Brent and Dax had 4 kids and he couldn't imagine them going without.
"No, it's not a have to," Eli lifted his head so he was looking up into Adam's eyes. "It's that you're so tired nothing sounds fun anymore."
"Okay, that sounds awful."
"Things are just good right now. Besides, Dax is going to go on tour soon so I'll be gone."
"Right."
"Don't look so sad," Eli smiled. "You can come visit."
"I didn't realize I looked sad," Adam admitted. He tried to imagine what his life would be like without Eli around. "I guess I should start working though."
"If you want," Eli nodded but Adam caught the glimmer of hope in his eyes. He was quiet for a minute. "Do you think you could take care of Clay while I'm gone?"
"I think so?" Adam wasn't sure. He'd never been alone with Clay overnight but it didn't seem like it would be that much different than when Eli was there.
"I think so too."
"Good."
"Let's get through visiting my Dad next week and figure out the baby stuff after that, I guess," Eli took a deep breath and put his head down.
"I want to get married first," Adam felt Eli tense up. "Before we have a baby."
"That's going to take some time."
"Is it?"
"Yes," Eli took another deep breath. "I, um, you know I want to get married and have another baby, maybe two. I know we're not good at going slow, but that's a big step."
"Bigger than having a baby?"
"No, but having a baby seems far away."
"So is a wedding," Adam rubbed Eli's back. He let the idea sink in. Eli was more nervous about the idea of getting married than he was about having a baby. It didn't make much sense on the surface but if Eli was still thinking about how his first marriage ended... "Um, Eli?"
"Yeah?"
"Sit up," Adam shifted so Eli could get up. Eli sat, his cheek already pink from being against Adam's skin so long. Adam sat up so he could look him in the eyes. "I love you."
"Adam I didn't mean-"
"You don't have to say it back. It just felt right."
"I love you too," Eli leaned forward to kiss him. "I know you love me, that's not why I need time."
"Okay. Well. As long as you know, I guess."
"I know. And I love you too. Clay's loved you forever. We'll get there," Eli smiled.
"I'm not rushing."
"Okay."
Adam kissed Eli one more time and they turned out the light before curling up again. When Adam started to drift off he heard Eli whisper "I love you" one more time.
They spent the rest of the week getting ready for their trip to Georgia. Eli and Clay drove to the airport in a separate car, still able to come and go without attracting paparazzi attention. Adam wasn't so lucky - the media wasn't camping outside the neighborhood gates anymore but somehow they managed to find him every time he left the house.
No one seemed to pay attention to Adam on the airplane, but Eli and Adam bought seats in different areas just to be safe. They couldn't risk having Clay call Adam "Dad" in front of anyone. To be extra careful, they kept their distance at the airport until the very last second, meeting Eli's brother in the most remote corner of the airport possible.
"Levi, this is Adam," Eli gestured. "Adam, my brother Levi."
"His fav-o-right brother, ain't that right?" Levi grinned and instead of shaking hands with Adam, gave him a big hug. "This is our youngest, Hank."
"It's nice to meet you. And Hank," Adam smiled at the little boy. Hank hid his face in Levi's shoulder.
"He'll warm up to ya. C'mon, Dad's already fit to be tied that y'alls flight got in while he's at work," Levi explained.
"Dad, what's tied?" Clay still hadn't figured out how to whisper. "Like my shoes?"
"Um, yeah," Adam actually didn't know. He'd never heard the expression before. "I think Uncle Levi just means your grandpa wanted to pick us up himself."
"So did someone tie him?"
"No, it's uh, an expression. Something, um, people say that is another way of saying something," Adam thought he'd come up with a pretty good definition but Clay was not pleased.
"An espression is anodder way to say something?" Clay frowned. "Why can't you just say it?"
"Because life is more interesting that way."
"No, not really," Clay shook his head. "Are Hannah and Chloe gonna be there when we get there?"
"No, we left Hannah and Chloe in California."
"What's California?"
"You know what California is!" Eli finally rescued Adam.
"Oh yeah. Where we live," Clay took Eli's hand too. "Papa, is that our baby?"
"No, that's your cousin Hank."
"When are we getting our own baby?"
Thankfully that question made Levi laugh so hard it distracted Clay and Eli didn't have to answer. If only Clay were so easily distracted for the rest of the ride. He was so good on the plane that Adam knew asking him to sit in the car for another hour was just too much.
"Here we are, Clay," Eli announced as they pulled up to a house. "Grandpa's house."
"Finally," Clay sighed. "Grandpa needs a new house. Not so far. Like Gma and GrandJeff."
"Are you kidding me? This house is awesome," Adam was impressed before they even got through the door. "It's so cute!"
"You think?" Eli seemed surprised.
"I love this house," Adam helped Clay down from the truck. Clay grabbed his hand as the front door of the house opened and kids came running out.
"Whoa," Clay whispered. He looked up at Adam with wide eyes.
"These are your cousins, Clay," Eli gestured. Clay seemed reluctant to go but one of the kids grabbed his hand and soon they were all off to the backyard.
The rest of Eli's family seemed as loud and energetic as the kids had. Adam had prepared himself for all kinds of questions but once he'd been introduced to everyone they went right back to preparing for dinner. It gave him a chance to step back and watch how everyone interacted with each other.
"Sorry, it's so crazy now that everyone has kids," Eli apologized as they were getting in bed that night. Clay was so worn out he'd barely protested when they put him to bed. "Tomorrow should be a little quieter. Just Dad and Nikki and Levi's family will be here."
"No, it was great," Adam insisted. "Everyone was exactly how you described them. Even Gideon."
"Especially Gideon," Eli rolled his eyes. "He talked to you more than I thought he would though."
"He was fine."
"He's gotten a lot better," Eli scooted over to snuggle against Adam. "Dad didn't talk much, did he?"
"No, not really," Adam kissed his cheek. "I thought your family would have questions and stuff."
"I did too. They seemed pretty accepting though."
"Really? That's good then," Adam could relax if that was true. He felt Eli squeeze him.
"Don't worry, Levi likes you and that's usually all that matters."
Adam knew Eli was right because over the next few days he felt like his brothers and their wives, even Gideon, seemed to open up to Adam a lot more. They were all very nice, and Levi's kids called him "Uncle Adam," as if they already knew he was there to stay. The longer that went on, the more Adam wanted to stay and soak up the feeling of having the big, loving family he'd never had.
The night before they were supposed to go home, the whole family came over for another dinner to say goodbye. It started out just as crazy loud as the first night so Adam was shocked when Eli's father cleared his throat and the room got quiet.
"So, Eli, should I be figgerin' this means you'll be makin' me fly all the way out to Cally-fornia for another cheap backyard weddin sometime soon?" his dad asked. The room was so quiet Adam could almost hear Eli sweating.
"Uh," Eli licked his lips. He glanced at Adam and then back at his dad but didn't say anything, cheeks getting redder by the second.
"Mr. Warren, we don't have any plans yet, but I'd love to have the privilege of marrying Eli," Adam put his hand on Eli's leg, hoping the gesture would calm him down. Eli's dad fixed his eyes on Adam.
"Well y'all have my blessin but iffen you want a backyard weddin I don't see why you cain't jus' do that here in my backyard 'steada makin' me cross tha country," Eli's dad shrugged.
"And we would," Adam felt Eli tense up again. "But I plan to spoil Eli with a big fancy wedding. So how about if I promise that if we make you come all the way to California for that we'll get you a huge hotel room so you feel like it was worth the trip?"
"Oh now," Eli's dad grinned and shook his head. "You know anytime I get to see ma boy it's worth a trip. S'pose I could take you up on that though, since you offered."
"Please do," Adam looked around. "You all can, if you want. And don't tell me you won't take the gift, between Eli and I we have enough frequent flyer miles we could live another lifetime and never use the points so you're really doing us a favor."
"Well when you put it like that," Levi laughed and that broke the silence.
Eli seemed to relax as everyone started talking again. He squeezed Adam's hand and reached for his water glass. Adam watched him for a few more seconds to make sure Eli was really okay. They hadn't talked about marriage since Eli told him he needed more time so Adam hoped he hadn't crossed a line.
That worry turned out to be for nothing. As soon as dinner broke up and everyone was moving around the house, Eli grabbed Adam and dragged him into the dark hallway, pushing him up against the wall and kissing him hungrily.
"Whoa, what did I do to deserve this?" Adam laughed.
"I love you so much," Eli wouldn't stop. "That was amazing. You're amazing."
"Um, thanks?"
"Shhh, just wait until everyone's gone."
"Mm, okay," Adam knew what the look on Eli's face normally meant but they didn't exactly have enough privacy at his Dad's house to mess around so he tried not to get excited.
The house started to get empty as it got close to bedtime for all the kids. Adam offered to put Clay to bed so Eli could spend more time with his family. Clay was worn out but sharing a room with two of his cousins so Adam knew the odds of him actually getting enough sleep were pretty low. Still, he tucked Clay in and read a few books until he was sure the kids were at least calm enough to rest.
On his way back down the hall, Adam overheard Eli and his dad talking in the kitchen. There was no one else around so Adam paused to listen.
"Don' screw this up, ya heah? You found a real keeper this time. Not like the las' one," Eli's dad was saying.
"I know, Dad, believe me, I know," Eli took a deep breath, as if he'd already said it a few times.
"An' bring my grandson out here more."
"Yes, Dad."
Adam waited until the conversation moved on to the family's garage before he went into the kitchen. Eli looked so happy and relaxed as he listened to his father talk about work, shooting his brother Levi a look every now and then that Adam could only guess was something they'd probably done their whole lives. When Levi looked over at Adam he got a mischievous look on his face and nudged Eli. Eli grinned back and motioned for Adam to come sit with them at the table.
"Dad, whyn't you tell Eli about your new friend," Levi prompted. Their dad sighed.
"Aw hell, Levi, ain't I tole you we ain' goin' there?" he glared.
"You have a...friend?" Eli looked excited so Adam knew that was good news.
"She jus' started sittin with me at church, thas all."
"Oh did she?"
"An' she stops by the garage every week," Levi added. "Sometimes twice."
"Naw, it ain't like that, Eli," their dad shook his head. "I ain't gonna be with another woman. Not like that."
"Dad, if you want to, you can," Eli reached for Adam's hand. "It might be nice to have a friend."
"I bin over this with your brothers. T'aint happenin."
"Well, if it did, it would be okay," Eli shrugged. "I'd be happy to see you happy."
"I'm happy enough," their dad stood up, as if the conversation was over. "Don't leave tomorrow till you say goodbye."
"We won't," Eli promised. His father left, not even looking back.
"He's gonna go text her where he thinks we don' know," Levi whispered. "They bin talkin' 'bout two months now."
"That's great," Eli was still smiling. "Hey, uh, can I take your truck now?"
"Naw, go on," Levi cracked up and pulled the keys from his pocket. "I'll listen out for Clay like I promised."
"Thanks," Eli's cheeks were bright red and Adam felt his groin reacting before he could even start guessing what Eli planned to do. Levi gave Eli another nudge and got up. Obviously Levi already knew what was going on. That explained the look the two brothers shared when Adam walked in.
"Are we going somewhere?" Adam tried to sound innocent but his mind was already running through possibilities. Was there an hourly motel somewhere in town? It didn't seem like Eli's kind of thing but they'd pretty much kept their hands to themselves for the whole trip so it was possible. Or was he just wishful thinking?
"Yeah, uh, kinda," Eli didn't make eye contact with either of them as he got up. Levi laughed and Eli's face got a little bit redder.
Adam followed Eli out to Levi's pickup truck. It was so shiny it almost looked like it was from a movie set. From the bits and pieces of conversations Adam overheard, he knew Levi just kept rebuilding the old truck to keep it running, like a never-ending project.
"It's really great," Adam ran his hand over the hood of the truck.
"What? Oh, yeah," Eli seemed startled to hear Adam speak. "Levi loves this truck. I don't care anywhere near that much about cars."
"I wondered about that."
"It's just not my thing. My brothers love them, obviously, they could talk trucks all day every day for the rest of their lives."
"You still do all the stuff though," Adam thought of all the tools in their garage.
"I just hate spending money on something I can do myself," Eli shrugged and turned on the truck. The radio was set on a country music station. "Uh, so, I thought we could go for a drive."
"Okay," Adam guessed from the look on Eli's face that "a drive" meant more than he was saying. Or was he still just hoping? He fastened his seatbelt.
To Adam's disappointment, Eli did seem to be serious about the drive. He showed Adam around the small town, pointing out his high school and a few other places. It didn't take much time before they were back on a one-lane road.
"There's more to see, I mean, I didn't think you'd care to see the Starbucks or the Walmart really," Eli sounded nervous.
"I'm good," Adam agreed. It was a little hard to read Eli's expression without any light on his face. The lights on the dashboard didn't do much and the further they got down the road the fewer streetlights there seemed to be. Even the houses were far apart from one another. "Are we heading back to your house?"
"Not yet. There's something I've always wanted to do," Eli turned onto a darker side street.
"What's that?"
"One of those things I always heard my brothers talk about doing," Eli squinted through the windshield. "I think it's...here," he pulled onto a dirt road.
"Um, exactly where are we going?" Adam couldn't see anything in the dark outside the beams from the truck's headlights. The road seemed horribly rough, almost like they were driving in an open field. He grabbed the door handle when Eli hit a big hole and the truck lurched precariously.
"Mm, here looks good," Eli pulled off the road and put the truck in park. He killed the headlights but left the truck running. "I think I'm supposed to play it super cool but I don't have enough swagger to pull it off so..." he unhooked his seatbelt and scooted across the seat until he was sitting right next to Adam. Suddenly it all made sense.
"Shut up, I love this," Adam laughed. He'd heard country songs about taking back roads before but he'd never imagined anyone actually ever did it.
"Back in high school I always imagined what it would be like to bring a guy out here," Eli kissed him, barely pausing long enough to let Adam get his seatbelt off. "As soon as we started talking about this trip I knew I'd make it happen."
"Ooh, baby, I'll make all your dreams come true," Adam couldn't help it and was relieved when Eli started laughing too.
"I love you so much," Eli kissed him again, holding Adam for longer. "Ugh, I wish I were a little shorter."
"Why's that?"
"So you could fuck me in here," Eli whispered right into Adam's ear, sending a shiver down his spine.
"I'm gonna need to see you pent up a little more often if this is what I get," Adam did his best not to gasp when Eli reached between his legs.
"Shh, tour's coming," Eli reminded him. "Let's not go there."
"I know, you're right," Adam closed his eyes and tried to stay in control of his hips. Eli was right, the space was a little too small for everything he wanted to do but they would be home in their own house the next night.
"Fuck it, get out," Eli leaned over Adam to open the door.
"Here?"
"Yeah, they don't call it a truck bed for nothing," Eli practically shoved Adam out of the truck.
Once the truck door closed and the cab light went out, it was so dark that Adam kept his hand on the truck so he could find his way to the back. Eli had shut the truck off and was climbing over the other side.
"How did you even see where to step?" Adam squinted.
"The tire. Course you're the one who lifts more than twice my bodyweight, you should be able to just pull yourself up."
"Different muscles," Adam found the tire and managed to heft himself up off the ground and over the side of the truck. "Alright, where were we?"
"Getting naked," Eli moved closer and Adam had to assume from the faint movements he was pulling off his shirt.
"That I know how to do," Adam tugged off his own shirt and reached for his pants. "Did you bring lube?"
"Yep, we're good."
And they were. Adam was still discovering new things about Eli's body and that night was no different. Being in the dark like they were meant Adam had to feel his way around a lot more than usual. It gave him an excuse to slow down and that meant he could take his time when he found a new spot that made Eli moan.
"Oh god, Adam," Eli seemed out of breath before Adam really got started. "I love you but now is not the time for this slow heavenly torture."
"Heavenly?" Adam licked the crease where Eli's ass met the back of his leg again.
"Tomorrow you can take all the time you want but tonight, hurry. Fuck."
"Sorry, I was having fun."
"I am too but we're still outdoors and this isn't the way I want our relationship to go public."
"Ah, yes," Adam hadn't forgotten they were outside but he hadn't been thinking about what that meant either. "Alright, faster it is. Get on top."
Eli straddled him, giving Adam the best access to stroke him while Eli eased onto Adam's cock. Normally Eli took it slow but that night he took Adam to the hilt without so much as hesitating. The groan seemed to come from his toes.
"I missed this so much," Eli sounded like he might cry.
"Are you alright?" Adam rubbed Eli's back.
"Better than alright. Just another second, keep touching me."
Adam waited for Eli to adjust, stroking his cock and kissing him as hard as he could. He'd never seen the sex-starved side of Eli before, not even at the very beginning and Adam had to admit he liked it.
"You're full of surprises," Adam told Eli when they'd put themselves back together well enough to go home. Eli was driving slowly but they were back on paved roads so Adam knew they were getting closer to his house.
"In a good way, I hope," Eli glanced at him.
"Yeah, definitely in a good way," Adam kissed the back of Eli's hand. "Thanks for bringing me here. To meet your family, I mean. The sex was good too, but I'm really happy I got to meet everyone."
"Oh," Eli paused, as if he hadn't expected Adam to say that. "Well, um. I'm happy too, and I'm really happy they liked you."
"Me too, I was worried about that," Adam wondered about Eli's reaction for another few seconds but when Eli changed the subject, Adam decided to let it go.
______________
Eli set to work as soon as they got home from the trip to Georgia finishing up his degree. It felt like torture but he knew if he pushed himself he could finish before Maddox's next tour and that was all he wanted. He finished the last of his classes in just two semesters and vowed he would never go back to school ever again. Justin and Clara threw him a "small" party to celebrate which meant the whole family was there, plus Adam's parents/managers and a few of the guys from work.
"So now what?" Maddox asked when Eli went to sit down and eat. Maddox was feeding baby Aimee, who was barely even a baby anymore.
"What do you mean now what?" Eli laughed. "Now we start tour rehearsals."
"I know, but after that," Maddox spooned mashed potatoes into Aimee's mouth.
"I don't know yet."
"Okay," Maddox nodded. "Well, um, I know you probably have something in mind, but can you just talk to me first? Like give me a chance to make an offer?"
"Make an offer? For what?" Eli watched his best friend take a deep breath. Dax looked nervous when he looked at Eli again.
"I want to keep you, Eli, if I can. Not just because you're my best friend but because you're so good at what you do. You know everything about how we work and I don't know how I could find-"
"Dax, I'm not going anywhere," Eli interrupted. Maddox just blinked, like he wasn't sure if he should believe him. "I didn't go to college so I could get a different job, I went so I could be better at what I'm already doing. There's so much to know and Tim and Mack can't teach me everything and do their own work."
"Really?"
"Really. You can't get rid of me that easy," Eli laughed and shoved Maddox. Dax shoved back.
"I'm glad. I was worried."
"Don't be."
"Okay, but if you're not looking for a new job, what are you doing next? Get married?" Maddox grinned when Eli choked.
"Uh, yeah, one of these days," Eli turned to see if Adam was close enough to hear them talking. "It's, uh, we're going to do that."
"Okay, calm down," Maddox laughed. "Don't get all weird on me. I didn't know that was such a hard question."
"It's not that it's a hard question, it's just, you know," Eli tried to think of how to explain it. "I just need to be sure that, uh..."
"Eli?"
"What?"
"You love him, right?"
"Of course," Eli's shoulders relaxed. "He loves me too, I know that, I just don't know if I'm really...enough."
"Are you serious?" Maddox looked shocked. "Why would you say that?"
"Well, look at me, Dax. I'm not Cole."
"Thank God. You don't need to be Cole, Eli. You don't need to be any other celebrity either. I know I wasn't happy when I first found out about you and Adam but I was wrong," Dax shook his head. "I mean, the way he looks at you, it's incredible. He's nothing like Hunter either, you don't have to worry."
"I wish I knew that for sure," Eli looked around again. "I just don't think I can give him what he needs. You know, sex wise."
"Oh," Maddox's expression changed to a different kind of shock. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"Well," Maddox glanced at Adam. It was not the comforting reaction Eli wanted. "I don't know about that."
"Me neither," Eli felt the tension in his shoulders again. "I know there's more to marriage than good sex but it's still important, you know?"
"I do," Maddox nodded. "For what it's worth, I was always happy. Brent too, and I know that because he still talks about that time he came to see me on tour."
"Yeah, but it wasn't like being with Cole, was it?"
"No, but it wasn't supposed to be," Maddox frowned. "Adam doesn't expect you to be like Cole either."
"So he says, I just have to be sure," Eli knew he should have known Dax wouldn't understand. He didn't feel like trying to explain while they were surrounded by so many people, Adam included.
Maddox let it go, rolling his eyes like Eli was being stupid. He started talking about the kids and Eli tried to push all the thoughts about not being good enough for Adam from his mind. It was just the one thing Eli knew he couldn't fix about himself so he found himself obsessing.
That night Adam was quiet when they left the Bieber house and Eli wondered if Maddox had said something. It didn't help that Clay was still hyper from being around the other kids so they didn't exactly have a chance to talk.
When Adam was still quiet after Eli put Clay to bed Eli knew he had to ask. He just wasn't sure he wanted to have the conversation again. Adam always insisted he was happy but Eli knew better.
"Are you okay?" Eli didn't turn the light off when he got in bed.
"I'm actually way better than I thought I would be," Adam nodded but didn't smile. He turned to Eli, holding his arm out like he always did at night. "I can't believe it'll be a whole year tomorrow."
"A year," Eli repeated. The words felt like a brick. How could he have forgotten? The anniversary of Cole's death was the next day so it was no wonder Adam was a little quiet. "It doesn't seem like that much time has passed."
"Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't," Adam took a deep breath. "But I think it's because I have you and Clay that I don't feel as sad as I thought I would. I mean, tomorrow I'll probably be a disaster but I already know I'll be okay once the day is over. I don't even want to think about how it would feel if I didn't have you."
"I'm glad you have me then. Both of us," Eli turned off the light so he could snuggle into Adam's arms.
"I'm so glad. I couldn't do it without you. I love you so much, Eli," Adam kissed him.
"I love you too."
It seemed like Adam fell asleep right away, leaving Eli awake and alone to think about the past year. The sound of Adam's slow, steady breathing normally lulled him right to sleep but that night Eli couldn't relax. How could he let his pathetic doubts stand in the way of everything he knew for sure about his relationship with Adam?
The question kept turning over and over in his mind. He knew Adam didn't expect him to be everything Cole was and in most ways that was good. Eli would have happily taken the bulging muscles and at least a fraction of Cole's talent in bed, but otherwise Eli knew he could give Adam everything he wanted. So why did he have to let his insecurity hold him back? Especially since Adam kept insisting that Eli's presence was such an important part of his healing process.
Eli checked his phone, the picture of Clay on Adam's lap grinning at him from the lock screen and making him feel even worse. He'd already decided to be with Adam forever or he never would have involved Clay. That was why it felt like there was so much to lose, and it wasn't just about him. Clay didn't deserve to get hurt just because his father was too afraid to make the commitment he knew deep down he wanted to make.
Anxiety seeped in further as Eli realized he did know. He wanted to marry Adam and have another baby or two. They were already a family and no amount of fear or doubt had stopped that from happening - but they could ruin it if Eli didn't push past it before Adam's patience ran out. As terrifying as it felt to think about it, Eli knew he would have to propose to Adam before Adam started asking when Eli thought he would be ready.
Then he really couldn't sleep, plans and ideas filling his head. Adam couldn't wear an engagement ring without the public figuring out he was seeing someone new. They hadn't taken their relationship public and Eli knew from his years of studying celebrities that the fastest way to ruin something special was to let the media get ahold of it. So he would have to be creative with whatever he did.
Eli wasn't sure what time he fell asleep but he woke up to the sound of the smoke alarm. He was out the door before his mind fully registered that Adam wasn't next to him in bed. His first stop was Clay's room. Empty. Eli dashed down the stairs, nearly tripping over his own feet as he rushed to find Clay.
Clay, as it turned out, was sitting at the kitchen table laughing like he'd never seen something so funny as Adam stood on a chair to turn off the alarm. Eli's ears were still ringing when Adam got down, giving him the most adorable guilty look.
"I'm so sorry. I just thought...I've seen you do it a hundred times," Adam looked like he was about to cry.
"Everything's okay?" Eli couldn't see anything wrong but the expression on Adam's face told him the real problem wasn't a visible one.
"Clay asked for eggos and you were still sleeping so," Adam shrugged. "I'm sorry, I thought I could handle...I should be able to handle frozen waffles."
"You make toast all the time, of course you can make a-" Eli stopped when he saw the pan on the stove, waffle burnt to a crisp. "You put the eggo on the stove?"
"Well, I tried the microwave first but for some reason it was too limp the first time and the second time it was hard as a rock. Then I remembered they're usually a little golden colored like grilled cheese and I've seen you make grilled cheese so I thought maybe...but no."
"Eggos go in the toaster," Eli was pretty sure Adam had seen him make Eggos before too but he didn't want to push it. "You can totally handle it."
"I'm sorry, I just," Adam blinked a few too many times. "It's not supposed to be this hard."
"It's alright, just get another one."
"We're out now."
"Oh," Eli's pulse was still moving too fast so he took a deep breath. "Why don't we go out for breakfast?"
"Because you don't want to be seen in public with me."
"That's not it at all, Adam."
"I'm sorry," Adam took a slow breath. "I know that. It's just that everytime something like this happens I realize how useless I am."
"You're not useless. What would you have done if I wasn't here?" Eli moved closer to Adam, preparing to hug him.
"Taken Clay out to eat. Or made cereal," Adam sighed. He dodged Eli's hug and Eli tried not to take it personally.
"See, you're fine. Let me get dressed."
They took separate cars to the restaurant and Adam surprised Eli by taking the back exit out of their neighborhood. After Adam's comment about how Eli didn't want to be seen with him, Eli wasn't sure what to think. But Adam seemed a little better by the time he caught up and sat down with them at the table.
"You know," Adam took Eli's hand under the table as they were waiting for their food. "As much as I hate today, it also means it's almost our first real anniversary."
"That's true," Eli thought back to the plan he'd made the night before. "I want to do something special."
"We should, definitely."
"No, I mean, I have something in mind."
"Really?" Adam looked surprised. "Oh."
"Yeah, um, I hope that's okay," Eli almost held his breath but Adam smiled.
"Of course, that's awesome. Thank you."
"Sure," Eli hoped Adam would still think it was awesome as it was happening. He tried to keep his face from showing how nervous he already was.
"The only thing I want," Adam let go of Eli's hand. "Is for us to stop sneaking around. Maybe after Dax's tour we can announce?"
"Yes."
"Yes? You look terrified."
"I'm sorry," Eli took a deep breath. "I'm afraid of how people will take it."
"That's almost another year from now. They'll be okay with it by then," Adam looked at the window. They were sitting in the furthest corner from the front door, as hidden as possible. "It doesn't feel like a year. It feels like yesterday and 100 years ago all at once."
"Exactly."
"I feel really old right now."
"Dad, you are old," Clay hadn't been listening to their conversation at first but he'd clearly started at some point.
"Thanks, Rotten," Adam reached over to tickle him. Clay squealed happily, giggling until the server came over with their food.
"Look, this waffle didn't burn!" Clay pointed to his plate. He turned to the server. "My dad burned the other one. So we came here."
"It happens," the server smiled at Eli. He shrugged but smiled back. "Um, you work with Maddox Bieber, right?"
"Yes, I still work for Dax," Eli prepared himself for the request. He never knew what the fans might ask next.
"Sorry, I know I shouldn't bother you but can you just tell him to stop having babies?"
"That's none of my business," Eli bit his tongue. He saw Adam stiffen too.
"We just want Brent back," the server didn't seem to pick up on Eli's warning at all and glanced at Adam. "Maybe now that Cole's gone, Bradam can-"
"Are you kidding me?" Adam hissed. He had such a firm grip on his water glass that Eli was almost afraid he could shatter it. Could that even happen? "Do you know what today is?"
"Saturday..."
"Cole died a year ago today. Today. And you want to stand here and talk about a stupid publicity stunt my managers made up?" Adam wasn't yelling. He was terrifyingly calm, so calm that it didn't seem like anyone else in the restaurant noticed their conversation had taken such a turn.
"There's a video, everyone knows-"
"No one. Knows. Anything," Adam interrupted. "We were horny teenagers. I'd never been in love, I had no idea what those words even meant. Brent was convenient. That's all. It was never real. Any of it."
"I-um-" the server looked on the verge of tears. Eli felt like crying too. He'd never seen Adam lose it on a stranger before, not even the day Cole died. And what did he mean it was never real? It sure felt real every time it almost ruined Brent and Maddox's relationship.
"Send out your manager," Adam turned his head, signaling the end of the conversation. The server took one step back and then ran.
"Dad, what happened?" Clay was braver than Eli.
"I threw a grown up tantrum," Adam sighed. "It was very bad of me."
"We're going straight home," Clay sighed, repeating something Eli felt like he'd said every day for a year. "You need a nap."
Adam smiled and finally met Eli's eyes. "I guess he does listen to us after all."
"Yeah, he does," Eli smiled at Clay. He still felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach but he tried to relax a little.
"Sir, I'm sorry," Adam stood up, smile vanishing. The restaurant manager was on his way, a panicked expression on his face. "I overreacted."
"No, please," the manager protested. "We've already had several conversations with our staff about boundaries. It's-"
"I was an asshole," Adam shook his head. "I'm having a hard time today and I took it out on our server."
"Of course you are, we understand. Please, let us pay for your meal."
"Absolutely not."
Eli managed to calm down enough to get Clay to eat while Adam explained that he didn't want free food and he didn't want their server to be in trouble. The manager couldn't seem to understand, but he didn't argue when Adam pushed two crisp $100 bills in his hand.
Clay was the only one who finished his meal that morning. Eli choked down a few bites and Adam got halfway through his plate before giving up. He seemed more upset than before their breakfast but still managed to pull himself together before they stepped out of the restaurant.
"Our friends are here," Clay announced as he took Eli's hand.
"Our friends?" Eli looked around. He didn't see anyone they knew, just a crowd of paparazzi snapping shots of Adam.
"See? They come take our picture when we go places," Clay explained and Eli's heart sank. "I like them camera people, they're funny."
"You like them?"
"Uhuh. They really like Dad," Clay pointed as Adam ducked into his car, surrounded by photographers. "But they shouldn't play in the street."
"You should tell them," Eli snorted. To his despair, Clay shouted exactly that.
"Hey Camera People! Is not safe in the street! Come play on the side-rock!"
"Thanks, Clay," Eli gripped his son's hand a little tighter and tried not to walk any faster. Just as he expected, Clay's admonition earned a few laughs but also caught the photographers' attention. They could have escaped unnoticed before but after Clay's outburst they were part of the story.
"Can I see?" Clay asked when someone got a little too close for Eli's comfort. "Can I see the picture?"
"Sure," the photographer held the camera out so Clay could see.
"That's a bad one, don't post that," Clay made a face. The other photographers laughed.
"Thank you," Eli smiled at the photographer. "We'll get out of your way now."
"No problem. What are you doing today?"
"I'm not working, so I have no idea where Maddox is," Eli decided to play dumb. The photographer gave him a look that plainly said he saw right through it.
"We had breakfast," Clay announced. "Dad burned my waffles so we came here. And he was sad because of Cole. He died a long time ago but Dad is still sad. Papa too. And I colored a picture of a pirate."
"And now we have to go," Eli was relieved when he saw some of the photographers walking away. "Here's your picture, Clay."
"Yeah, see, here," Clay grabbed it to show his "friend." "I made him blue from the water."
"Do you want a picture with your pirate?" the photographer offered.
"Oh, Clay, what do you say?" Eli was stuck. Either he rushed Clay away and gave everyone a reason to wonder about the breakfast with Adam or he hung out and hoped that Clay was distracted enough not to mention Adam again.
"Please and thank you!"
"Eli are you dating anyone?" the photographer asked as he snapped a picture of Clay.
"That's not news," Eli hoped his laugh seemed real. "No one cares who I date."
"They might."
"He loves my dad," Clay insisted. "They had a fight but it's okay because they love me and they love each other."
"That's true, and that's the end of this conversation," Eli warned the photographer.
"I'll send you the pictures," the photographer nodded but he was smiling as he backed away. Eli hurried Clay into the car so he could avoid any other questions from the few remaining photographers lurking around.
"Papa, how come they ask so many questions?" Clay wanted to know as soon as Eli was in the car.
"That's their job. They tell stories to go with their pictures," Eli was still shaky but it felt better to be in the privacy of the car where no one could hear them.
"They tell stories about me?"
"Well, no," Eli smiled. "Normally they just tell stories about Uncle Dax and Uncle Brent or the other guys in his band."
"Like Dad."
"Yeah," Eli wasn't excited to tell Adam the story when they got home.
Unfortunately, Adam already knew what happened because by the time Eli and Clay got home the pictures were already online - along with a story about how Eli and Hunter might be getting back together.
"What did you say?" Adam demanded as soon as Clay was out of earshot. "Why would they think this?"
"I didn't say anything. I told them no one cares who I date. Clay said-" Eli tried to explain but Adam didn't want to hear it.
"Oh my god, you let Clay talk to them?" Adam ran his hand through his hair. "Eli, we-"
"I know," Eli interrupted. "I don't want Clay in front of them either, but it's going to happen no matter what we do. He knows they follow you around, Adam, he doesn't know it's not normal and I don't want him to figure that out until he has to, hopefully when we can explain it to him better."
"You should have just told them the truth," Adam shook his head.
"Seriously?"
"It's better than letting them think you're back with that asshole."
"You don't have to be jealous, Adam, I haven't even spoken to Hunter since we sold our house," Eli felt his phone ringing and he didn't even want to look at it.
"Answer that," Adam huffed. Eli pulled his phone out. Justin.
"I know, I really stepped in it," Eli sighed before Justin could say a word.
"I thought you did a great job," Justin told him. "You did what you had to do. You can't put words in Clay's mouth. "
"How did you know-"
"There's a live video. Not from the paparazzi, from a fan," Justin added that part before Eli had time to even get upset. "She was worried you'd quit your job with Dax so she went live in case you confirmed it."
"Ugh, why does everything think I'm just an employee?" Eli hadn't meant to snap at Justin but he was so sick of the rumor. Adam's eyes widened.
"Don't take it personally, kiddo, you worked your ass off to prove you were more than just a fan with Dax. Now people see you as an important part of the team. It's only logical, you know?"
"I guess."
"Keep your head up. You did a great job."
"Thanks," Eli didn't feel any better as he hung up. Adam still looked upset too. "Justin. The only person on the planet who thinks I didn't fuck everything up."
"I never said you fucked up," Adam rolled his eyes.
"You might as well," Eli checked his phone again. 40 new texts in the time he was on the phone with Justin. "Okay, Justin and Levi are on my side."
"What did Levi say?"
"How are them people so dumb? I ain't take my kids to work with me," Eli hadn't even planned to read it with an accent but he saw Adam's mouth twitch into almost a smile and knew he'd slipped.
"I'm on your side, Eli," Adam took a deep breath. "I'm just mad at the world today. I mean, I lost my shit on some poor college kid who couldn't tell the difference between fiction and reality."
"Yeah, and suddenly our $40 breakfast cost us $200," Eli bit the inside of his cheek. "Still...convenient? That's pretty harsh."
"It's not a lie though. Brent was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Adam shrugged. "We both were, I guess, I know we had feelings for each other but I can't say it was love anymore. It wasn't. We were just-"
"Horny teenagers? Not really. Horny teenagers get caught sneaking around, maybe ended up grounded or something. They don't drag out their relationship for 10 years and almost destroy a marriage in the process."
"It wasn't 10 years, it was barely even 5 months," Adam shook his head. "I never had Brent all to myself, he was always with Dax too and they weren't married yet."
"It feels like it was a lot longer than that."
"It wasn't. And I thought he was my whole world, but I know better now, Eli. Being with Cole, watching him die, it changed everything I know about love and what it means to be in love with someone. I can't call what I had with Brent love and mean it the same way I do when I say I love Cole or I love you."
"You can say it about me though?" Eli felt like holding his breath. What Adam said made sense but it still hurt, much more than Eli expected.
"Yes, without a doubt. I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you know it too," Adam reached for Eli, running his fingers over Eli's jaw. "I love you, Eli."
"I love you too," Eli closed his eyes and Adam placed a soft kiss on his lips. "You're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone everyone thinks should be part of your staff?"
"I can't wait to tell them you're the one in charge. How do you feel about..." Adam didn't finish his sentence and Eli opened his eyes to see why. "You know, uh, role play?"
"Uh, what?"
"I just had a vision of you calling me into your office, like uh, you were my boss or something," Adam shrugged. "I don't know, is that too weird for you?"
"I've never done that before," Eli would have been distracted any other day but that afternoon it was just one more reminder that he and Adam were never going to be a perfect match. Even though Adam loved him, more than Eli could even believe, they still had a lot to work through.