Fanboy (boyxboy)

Human

As he headed down the hall, Eli saw Adam's bedroom door open just a crack. Then he saw Clay's face peek out. As soon as Clay saw Eli he shut the door.

"Clay!" Eli gasped and ran to grab him. "Get out here!"

"I'm sorry, Papa," Clay burst into tears as soon as Eli opened the door. "I was looking for Cole."

"Baby, Cole's not here," Eli scooped Clay up and carried him down the hall to his bedroom.

"I want him to come back," Clay sobbed. "Everybody is so sad cause he died but he can come back so we won't be sad."

"No, he can't come back," Eli took a slow breath and sat down on his bed. Clay slid off his lap but stayed close. "Remember how sick he was?"

"So sick and they couldn't fix it," Clay nodded. "Now we can't see him."

"That's right."

"But Papa, Jesus died."

"Yes, and do you see Jesus?"

"No, Jesus is in here," Clay pointed to Eli's chest. "And here," he tapped his own chest.

"Exactly," Eli rubbed Clay's back.

"Is Cole in there too? In my heart?"

"Forever," Eli couldn't fight off the tears anymore. "It's okay to be sad, Clay. That's normal."

"How did he get in there?"

"That's what happens when you love someone."

"Did it hurt Cole?"

"He was sad and he felt sick, but when he died he couldn't feel that anymore," Eli explained.

"Can he eat pizza now?"

Eli relaxed a little as Clay's questions got easier to answer. He seemed very worried that Cole would be bored or hungry. But he still didn't seem to understand that death was forever.

The funeral was beautiful. Cole and Adam planned it together before the tour so no one had to make decisions. They just got dressed and showed up.

It was the only good thing about Cole's death. The time to plan meant there were no tough conversations or questions. Cole had thought of everything. And since Adam was just a shell of a person it meant Eli didn't have to force him to make choices. It was hard enough getting Adam to sign all the required paperwork.

But paperwork was easy compared to the more difficult task of getting Adam out of bed to eat. It was the only thing Eli wanted from him and Adam wouldn't do it. All Adam wanted to do was sleep, smoke pot or cuddle with Clay for as long as Clay would allow it.

Even the weather was beautiful the day they buried Cole. By the time the small ceremony at the church was over the sun had come out and burned off the morning haze. Eli felt like throwing up when they got to the cemetery and he saw the crowds of fans and reporters lined up along the fence.

As if it weren't bad enough that everyone was there, they fell silent when Adam got out of the car. It was eerie to hear the reverent hush and watch Adam, red-rimmed eyes fixed on an invisible point in the distance, walk past. Every now and then Eli heard someone sniffle, but otherwise it was far too quiet.

Once they were safely inside the cemetery, Cole's chosen burial plot was far enough from the entrance that it was sheltered from view of the crowds. They were able to go on with the private burial service without even a helicopter flying overhead.

Maddox and Justin sang a song together as the attendants lowered Cole's coffin into the ground. Eli was surprised to find out Cole would even be buried since he'd donated his body to research but Dr. Burton assured him he'd only taken as much of a sample, whatever that meant, as necessary. Eli didn't ask for more details.