(A/N So this goes along with his new song Patience from the album if you haven't heard it I am sorry but it shouldn't confuse you either way)
Shawn POV
"Stupid car," I whispered as I messed with the engine of my car. It had been acting up. I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends as I let out a frustrated huff. I then wiped the sweat that was building along my hairline.
"Shawn?" A voice called. It was soft. I rolled my eyes, knowing who the voice belonged to. I set down the wrench I had in my hand. Then I turned to her. She was wearing a sweater and some jeans. Her shoes were dirty and her hair was messy. But her hair never looked bad. She never looked bad. I looked back at my car and started to work.
"What do you want?"
"To talk."
"I thought you already did that with Nathan."
"Shawn it isn't like that."
"Yes it is. Why don't you just leave," I sneered, slamming the hood of my car shut.
"Just let me explain," she begged. I stopped and turned. I leaned against the hood, my palms against the metal.
"Explain what Y/N?"
"This is a really confusing situation," she muttered.
"First you say you love me," I stood and walked up to her. "Then you say you don't?"
"Shawn I never said I didn't love you."
"Yes you did."
"No Shawn I did not."
I laughed.
"I wake up in the morning. And I am all alone."
"Shawn I had to go early," She tried explaining.
"I thought that too. Until I walked into the cafe and you were kissing the guy and told him you love him."
"But Shawn-"
"What do you want?" I asked vaguely. She bit her lip. Then sighed.
"To talk," she muttered. I turned back to my car.
"Didn't you already do that with Nathan?" I asked sarcastically.
"Shawn you know it isn't like that okay I-"
"Really Y/N? It isn't? Go tell him that," I said, shutting the hood of my car.
"We aren't even together Shawn!" She yelled. I glanced back to see her fist clenched and her eyes brimming with tears.
I just stared at her for a few seconds. Then leaned against the car, my palms against the hood.
"No. You did not tell me physically that you didn't love me. But if you loved me you wouldn't have kissed him and told him the same thing."
She stood silent.
"You knew it would betray me. That is not love."
"Shawn I don't know what to do. I don't know what I feel. I am trying to figure it out," she wiped her eyes.
"Well I can't sit here like we are on The Bachelorette and I am waiting for you to decide Y/N. I am losing my patience," I shook my head.
"I need time Shawn. I need to think."
"And I need answers Y/N. I need to know that I am not hopelessly in love with a person who is in love with someone else!" I yelled. "I need to know if I am chasing after something that isn't a thing!"
She played with her fingers. Then looked up at me.
Then she kissed me.
I hated it.
Because it felt so good.
Because it reminded me how good they all felt.
All the kisses in my room, on my bed, outside the school, at the movies, in the cafe, in my old car that I wish would already fall into a lake. Every single time our lips connected. It was perfect. Everything was right.
Even if it was with the wrong girl. Everytime we kissed, it was just right. The world was always shut out. None of it ever mattered.
But this time, I could also imagine how she kissed the other guy. How she probably kissed the same way. I used to think we had more passion than anyone else. But what if she had the same connection with him as she did me? I pulled away. And looked at her. She was staring into my eyes. Her mouth was still slightly open, her lips barely apart. She looked like she was silently begging for me to say something. But I just tugged my lip between my teeth, stuck my hands in my pockets and walked inside my house, slamming the door.