Eli was at his computer, looking over the latest updates to Maddox's schedule, when he heard the garage door open. His heart sank. Hunter was home.
An entire month had passed since Eli learned Hunter's awful secret and he didn't feel any closer to knowing what he should do. He'd talked to their counselor, to his brother Levi, and even to Pastor Ben, from Adam's church. Each one of them said pretty much the same thing: it was up to him to decide what he was going to do.
Hunter came in a few seconds later. He looked around and then gave Eli a sad smile.
"Where's Clay?"
"Napping," Eli couldn't keep the smug edge out of his tone. He was so damn proud he'd gotten Clay to take a nap every day and he didn't care who knew it. Naps were a game changer - a life changer, if he was honest - and he dreaded the day Clay gave them up.
"Good for you," Hunter looked appropriately impressed.
"Thank you," Eli couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Are you working?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Maybe we can talk tonight?"
"Sure," Eli felt a sinking feeling but he knew they couldn't avoid talking.
Clay was ecstatic when Hunter went in to get him after his nap. He started shrieking and talking baby talk so fast, like he was trying to tell Hunter everything he'd missed while he was gone. It was adorable but made Eli feel sick. Clay loved Hunter so much. He had no idea, and couldn't know, how much Hunter hurt Eli.
They made it through dinner and bedtime, not really speaking except to help with Clay. Eli did have to admit it was easier having someone around to help. Then again, he might as well hire a nanny if that was all he wanted.
"I got to think a lot during this trip," Hunter stood in the door to their bedroom. Eli sat down on his side of the bed. "I told David that I need a break."
"From who?"
"From him. I promise, Eli, no lies, no tricks. I'm not going to call or text or see him - no contact at all until we know what we're doing."
Eli didn't know what to say to that. He hadn't expected to hear Hunter say anything other than he wanted to break up. It was almost like another weight on the pile.
"Are you sure?" Eli's mouth was dry. "I mean, I didn't think you wanted that."
"I do," Hunter walked over to sit down next to Eli. "I love you, Eli, I really do. You were right about everything you said. If you want to stay married then I'm ready to give it a try."
"I don't know how to believe you, Hunter. I hear you, but I don't trust you anymore and I don't know how to fix that."
"Do you want to?"
"I want," Eli paused, trying to think of how to end that sentence. "I want to be married to someone who's all mine. Someone I can trust. I really wanted that to be you."
Every single emotion Eli felt over the past month came to the surface at that exact moment and he started crying. Again. It was the first time he'd cried in front of Hunter and he was so wrecked that he couldn't even push Hunter away when he put his arms around Eli.
"I'm sorry," Hunter whispered.
The next few weeks were so much harder than Eli ever expected. Hunter was trying, he was doing everything right, but it all seemed empty. He wasn't acting any different than he had when he was still secretly keeping David on the side.
One day Hunter came home with a printout he handed to Eli before he went to make dinner. Eli read it over quickly.
"What is this?" Eli felt sick.
"My test results. I thought you should see they all came back clean."
"This is disgusting, Hunter. This makes me feel so gross," Eli threw the paper on the kitchen table. "I don't want that."
"I know you don't want me to be with anyone else, but you need to know I was safe and that you're safe with me," Hunter picked up the paper and put it in his stack of work stuff.
"I would have known that if you hadn't cheated on me."
As gross as he felt about it, Eli couldn't stop himself from wanting sex from Hunter anyway. It was the only time he felt like they were on the same page but even then he knew they weren't looking at it the same way. Hunter tried to make it romantic and sweet but for Eli, it was just about scratching an itch.
"I don't know, I thought I would feel better by now," Eli admitted to Pastor Ben one afternoon. It was almost October and he'd agreed to keep meeting with the pastor because he needed all the help he could get. He and Hunter had been trying for 7 months to fix their marriage but Eli didn't feel any closer to trusting Hunter. "Maybe it's me, maybe I should be doing something I'm not."
"You know, Eli, I don't think so," Pastor Ben smiled. "Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait. If you're doing everything you've told me, then you need to just sit back and see what happens."
"Hasn't it been long enough? I mean, I know I shouldn't rush things, but I feel like by now..." Eli knew he was wrong from the way the pastor was smiling at him. "Okay, so I'll just wait."
"Here's the thing. You're already walking it out. You and Hunter are going through all the motions. The only thing that can heal your trust is time."
"I don't know if I'll ever trust him again though."
"There's only one way to find out," Ben shrugged. "I'm proud of you, Eli, you're doing everything you can."
"I wish I knew for sure," Eli looked at Clay.
"Papa," Clay brought him his coloring page. "See?"
"Oh wow, look at that," Eli was impressed to see any color on the page at all. Clay had never really connected a crayon to paper before. "You did such a good job!"
"Good job, see?" Clay pointed out his page to the pastor.
"Yeah, way to go!" Pastor Ben cheered. "Can I take a picture of you with your Papa and your picture?"
"It can't be posted anywhere," Eli hated Hunter's rule that they didn't post pictures of Clay online for safety reasons, but he understood it. "Come here, big guy."
"That's okay, it's for you," Ben held out his hand for Eli's phone.
"Can you smile for Pastor Ben?" Eli looked at Clay.
"Smile," Clay repeated and hugged him. "I love you, Papa."
"I love you too," Eli's eyes got watery almost right away. He heard Pastor Ben snap the photo and didn't even care if he looked like a wreck.
"Smile!" Clay protested, patting his cheek. "No cry."
"I'm crying happy tears," Eli told him.
"Cry happy?"
"Yeah, happy crying," Eli kissed Clay's cheek and made him pose for one more picture before he let him loose.
Eli was still thinking about Pastor Ben's advice when Hunter got home from work that night. He seemed happy to be home. Maybe they really were going through all the motions. But was it enough?
"I have to go to Dallas," Hunter kissed Eli's cheek. "Do you want to come?"
"You're inviting me on a work trip?"
"You and Clay, yes," Hunter nodded. "I want you to see you have nothing to worry about."
"I don't know, Dax is in the studio right now," Eli sighed. "Do you really want us there or do you just want to prove something to me?"
"I guess I didn't know there was a difference."
"A big one."
"Eli, I don't know what I have to do to prove I want you," Hunter backed away. He turned, but not before Eli saw the tears in his eyes. "Come here, big guy, give Daddy a hug."
"No, get off!" Clay was busy playing and didn't want to be pulled away from his train.
"Wow, okay," Hunter stared up at the ceiling.
"He didn't mean it like that," Eli felt bad even though Clay had no idea he'd hurt Hunter's feelings.
"No wonder I'd rather be somewhere else," Hunter shook his head.
"What?"
"You heard me."
Hunter left the room, leaving Eli to pull himself together as Clay demanded he sit and play train. It was maybe the first honest thing he'd heard Hunter say since he'd discovered the affair and it hit him harder than anything else Hunter had ever said.
------------------------------------------
"You're glaring," Cole kissed Adam's cheek. "Need to let it go, sweet boy."
"I'm allowed to be mad," Adam made himself look away from Hunter and Eli, sneaking upstairs, away from the crowd. "My best friend's husband is a jackass."
Somehow it was already August and since Complexx was only back in town for a little while, Adam found himself at the Bieber house to celebrate Maddox's birthday. The tour was going well, especially since Cole was with him the whole time, but Adam knew it was probably their last tour. It just didn't feel the same anymore.
"We all know best friend doesn't mean to you what it means to the rest of the world," Cole kissed his neck. "Damn it, my back still hurts."
"I told you sex was a bad idea," Adam grinned at the memory of their morning. He'd lost count of all the times throughout their marriage he'd bent Cole over the kitchen table but it didn't matter. What mattered were the spots on the sides of the table where the wood was worn and shiny from Cole's hands always grabbing hold of the same place.
"Sex is never a bad idea."
"Do you need me to rub your back?"
"Later. So we can have more sex," Cole smiled. "If you promise to stop giving Eli that brokenhearted 'I can't have you' look."
"Go get me some cake," Adam narrowed his eyes. Cole laughed and kissed him before walking away.
Adam went to get himself and Cole another beer while he waited for Cole to come back with the cake. He'd only just gotten his drink open when Maddox cornered him.
"Since when are you and Eli friends?" Maddox demanded.
"I don't know, since Cole and I almost split up a few years ago?" Adam couldn't even remember. "How do you not know this?"
"I mean, I knew you two got along. I didn't know you were talking."
"Talking," Adam repeated. Funny how that word had two meanings. He felt a little flutter in his stomach and tried to push it down. "Yeah, we text or whatever. Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay! I just wish I knew so Brent and I could stop doing this either or shit," Maddox shook his head. "We're always picking who gets invited for dinner and Brent kept saying we should just have you both but I was like, trying to make you both happy by not having the other person there."
"That's cute. But yeah, you can stop. We hang out," Adam really hoped he sounded as casual about it as he wanted.
The thing was, hanging out with Eli didn't feel casual anymore. Adam knew it was wrong to fall for a married guy, especially when that guy was apparently trying to save his marriage, but he couldn't help it. Eli had always been cute and the more Adam got to know him, the sexier he got. That was the problem. The more Adam got to know Eli, the harder he fell.
"Um, hello?" Maddox nudged him. Adam felt his cheeks getting warm.
"Sorry, what?"
"What are you looking at?" Maddox looked around. "Oh. Of course."
"Yeah," Adam was relieved to see Dax looking right at Cole. "Kitchen table this morning."
"You know, we've never done it on the table. The floor, the counters, leaning on the fridge once," Maddox smirked. "It ruins the mood when you have to start moving high chairs."
"We don't have that problem," Adam handed Cole his beer.
"Nope, we never have that problem," Cole agreed. "What are we talking about?"
"Moving kid stuff to have sex."
"Nope. Not even once."
"You'll get there and you'll love every second of it," Maddox had on what Eli called his daddy smile.
"We sure will," Cole didn't even miss a beat. Adam just shook his head. He couldn't lie that easily. Cole went to take a sip of his beer and stopped. He made a face. "I should take something for my back, this is stupid."
"You of all people don't have pills with you?" Maddox laughed.
Cole flicked him off and pulled a prescription strength painkiller out of his pocket. He swallowed it with his beer, but Adam saw the way he had to turn his head to get a sip instead of just drinking normally. Cole met his eyes and smiled.
"Don't worry, I still intend to give it to you good tonight."
"If you're still standing," Adam rolled his eyes but he was already imagining it. Cole probably needed a break from bottoming so Adam knew it was bound to be a good night. He decided to skip the second piece of cake he wanted and switched to water, just in case.
Eli and Hunter came back and Adam tried his hardest not to glare at Hunter. If Eli was happy, Adam knew he should try to get over it. Deep down he couldn't stop thinking about how destroyed Eli was every time Hunter hurt him.
"I love them," Brent caught Adam looking that time. "I can't imagine anyone being a better fit for Eli. Like don't you just picture them coordinating their planners as foreplay?"
"No," Adam tried not to gag. Brent cracked up.
"I think it's sweet. They're a cute family."
"Don't believe everything you see," Adam shrugged. He had to bite his tongue to keep from telling Brent the whole story.
"I'm sure it's not as perfect as it looks on the outside. Nothing ever is."
"We are. 110% flaw free," Cole came up behind Adam and put his arm around his chest.
"Are you ever not full of shit?" Brent rolled his eyes.
"You can have me however you want me, boo," Cole laughed. "I keep my men happy."
"I will never be one of your men."
"Your loss."
"Damn," Adam could imagine Brent and Cole together and the picture was incredible. "That, uh, wow."
"Gross, don't think about it," Brent made a face.
"I can't stop, it would be really good," Adam felt Cole's arm tighten around him. "Sorry."
"Down boy. Let's go home," Cole laughed.
"No, don't go while you're thinking about me," Brent protested. "That's not allowed."
"Try and stop us," Cole dragged Adam away. "You're in so much trouble."
"I hope so," Adam was tempted to say they should just go upstairs but Clay came running and grabbed his leg.
"Adam, up?" Clay looked up at him with the biggest smile.
"Ugh, all the cute boys want you," Cole let go of Adam and he picked up Clay.
"Hey Rotten, what are you doing?" Adam hugged him.
"Um," Clay looked like he was thinking. "Um, dog?"
"Dog? Are you looking for Flower? My dog?" Adam guessed. "He's not here today."
"No? No dog?"
"Not this time," Adam could see Eli coming their way and the butterflies kicked up. It was almost annoying how he couldn't even think about Eli without feeling the flutter.
"No dog," Clay repeated, his bottom lip poking out. "Papa, go dog?"
"You want to go see Adam's dog?" Eli managed to translate Clay's words into a full sentence. "Maybe we can go for coffee while Adam is home and you can see his dog."
"Coffee!" Clay's whole face lit up. "Adam coffee?"
"I'm here until Thursday," Adam nodded. "We could do that."
"Go!" Clay pointed to the door. "Go dog!"
"Not today, Clay," Eli patted his back.
"No?" Clay repeated, his face falling. Adam watched, horrified, as Clay started crying.
"Come here, big guy," Eli tried to take him but Clay grabbed on to Adam with his tiny fists and buried his face in Adam's shoulder.
"Noooooooo," Clay sobbed, like his world was ending. "Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-og."
"We could-" Adam started to offer to go get Flower but Eli shook his head.
"It's okay, Clay, when you calm down I bet Adam has videos of Flower you can watch," Eli was impressively calm.
"Nooooooooo."
"I'm sorry," Eli shook his head. "I can take him, it's just a phase he's going through. I hope."
"It's alright, he seemed like he wanted me to hold him," Adam shrugged.
"I know, he doesn't want me to take him but he also doesn't want to wear pants or have his face washed," Eli rolled his eyes. "It's fine. You looked like you were leaving."
"We were," Cole agreed.
"We can stay a little longer," Adam shot Cole a look. Cole gave him a knowing grin.
Cole was still smiling when they left an hour later. Clay calmed down and watched a video of Flower for about 30 seconds before he got bored and ran off to play somewhere else. Eli and Adam made plans to get coffee before Adam went back on tour.
"We can stay, let's get coffee," Cole teased. "Want me to bend over for you, Eli?"
"You jealous?" Adam knew he was blushing but didn't care. He turned on the car and fixed the mirrors since Cole had driven them to the party.
"No, actually, this is exactly what I wanted."
"What?" Adam looked at Cole.
"Please. Tell me if he and Hunter split up you wouldn't be right there to snatch him away," Cole grinned.
"Cole," Adam sighed.
"Say it."
"Fine. I like him. A lot. Are you happy?"
"Almost," Cole's smile widened. "Want me to fuck Hunter? Let's make this happen."
"That's sick," Adam smacked Cole's leg. "I don't want to ruin his life, I want him to be happy."
"I know. You just want to be the one who makes him happy."
"I don't know. It's really complicated."
"That's life, sweet boy," Cole took Adam's free hand and kissed the back of it. "I'm jealous. I want you to have an adorable crush on me again."
"I love you, it's better than a crush."
"Mmm, mostly."
Cole was quieter than usual on the drive home. Adam didn't think about it much until they were getting out of the car and Cole was taking forever.
"Hey, if you're gonna take all day I'm just going to get myself ready," Adam called to him as he went into the house. He went up to their bedroom to prep.
Just as he'd suspected, Cole came in not long after that. He didn't act like his back was bothering him at all, carrying Adam out of the bathroom and throwing him on their bed.
"Face down, ass up," Cole laughed, kissing his way down Adam's spine. "What I wouldn't give to see Eli's face the day you put this glorious thing in him."
"Oh god," Adam wished his body hadn't reacted, but the idea made him so hard. Cole just laughed more, running his fingers over Adam's length as he kissed and licked his way inside Adam.
"I've been a lucky man having this all to myself," Cole had grabbed the lube when Adam wasn't looking. "Such a lucky, lucky man."
"I love you," Adam cringed as Cole slid two fingers in him. He reached back to play with Cole's semi-hard cock. It hardened the rest of the way at his touch and Adam smiled. "Put this in me, Cole, make me scream."
"Mm, happy to."
Adam gripped the sheets as Cole drove into him at a frenzied pace. The angle was just right and lasted just long enough that Adam barely had to touch himself before he came hard at the end. Cole pulled out and Adam turned over, opening his mouth so Cole could finish with his cock deep in Adam's throat.
"You kept your promise," Adam felt a little weak as he went to clean up. "Damn, Cole."
"Like I said, I keep my men happy," Cole collapsed onto their bed.
When Adam came back, Cole was already passed out. He laughed and put a blanket over him so he wouldn't wake up freezing. Adam checked his phone and got into bed, hoping Cole would wake up and cuddle. It wasn't like him to pass out right after sex but Adam hadn't seen what kind of painkiller he took so he figured it was related.
A few days later, Adam met Eli and Clay for coffee. They sat outside the coffee shop and Clay played with Flower while Adam and Eli talked. It was a pretty day, so unlike most other August days.
"Up please," Clay crawled into Adam's lap without waiting for permission. "Luff you."
"Aw, Clay," Adam gave him a big hug. "I love you too."
"Water?" Clay leaned over the table, looking at the coffee cups. "Water?"
"Please may I have some water?" Eli prompted.
"Please may water?" Clay repeated. "Now?"
"I'll get it," Adam put Clay down.
"Stay here, Clay," Eli grabbed him before he could run after Adam.
Adam went inside the coffee shop and got in line behind an elderly woman. She turned to smile at him, her eyes lighting up like she knew him, and Adam waited for the inevitable comment about how much her granddaughter loved the band. Instead, she patted his arm.
"You have the most beautiful family. I've been watching you and your husband since I got here. He looks at you just like my Jimmy used to look at me," she told Adam.
"Oh, um, thank you," Adam was confused at first but realized it was an easy mistake to make because he and Eli were both wearing wedding rings. For a second he wanted to tell her the truth, but he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face and she started laughing.
"You are the sweetest thing. I hope you take good care of them."
"I try," Adam nodded. It wasn't a lie. "How long were you and Jimmy married?"
"52 years. We had no idea what we were doing but we were both stubborn enough to make it work."
Adam got a cup of water for Clay and took it back outside. He could tell Eli and Clay had been practicing while he was gone because Clay's face lit up.
"Tank you water, Adam!" Clay announced and immediately looked at Eli, as if to ask if he'd done it right.
"You're so welcome," Adam handed him the cup and watched him take little sips through the straw.
"Dog water," Clay held the cup out to Flower.
"Flower has his own water," Eli took the cup away. Clay's face crumpled.
"Mineeeee," he started sobbing.
"You may have it back when you stop crying," Eli shrugged. "Sorry, Adam."
"Um, no, is he okay?" Adam wasn't sure how to react. Eli seemed so calm but Clay looked very upset.
"Yup," Eli pointed and Adam realized Clay wasn't crying anymore but had gone back to rolling Flower's ball across the patio.
"Okay then," Adam relaxed. "Wow."
"I know, that's why I'm hoping this phase will end soon," Eli shook his head. "Are you ready to get back?"
"Yeah, you know, this is probably our last tour," Adam admitted. "I have no idea what I'm going to do when this ends, but I'm actually ready to be done."
"Really? Or are you just saying that because it's the middle of the tour and you're tired?" Eli smiled. "I think we all hit that point."
"Yeah, that's true. I don't know," Adam shrugged. He saw the old lady from the coffee shop walking out to her car, smiling at him. The butterflies stirred up. "It will be good to get back though. I need to get away from here for a while."
"Yeah, I need Dax to go on tour again," Eli nodded. "Actually, maybe I need a vacation. Alone."
"Mmm," Adam wanted to ask how things were going with Hunter but he didn't actually want to know. The less he knew about Eli's marriage the better. At least until he could get his feelings under control.
--------------------------------
"Papa? Daddy!"
Clay's screaming jerked Eli awake. He almost fell out of bed, his legs tangled in the sheets. Eli shook himself awake and rushed to Clay's room, just in time to see Clay crawling over the rail of his crib.
"Clay, no," Eli picked him up. "We talked about this, big guy."
"Papa," Clay sobbed, pushing his face into Eli's shoulder. "Scawy."
"Did you have a bad dream?" Eli rubbed his back. Clay nodded.
"Did he climb out of his crib again?" Hunter yawned, standing in the door of Clay's room.
"Yes," Eli sighed.
"Come on, big guy, let's go back to bed," Hunter motioned for Eli to take Clay to their bedroom. They didn't do it often, but it was the fastest way to get Clay back to sleep.
Eli had to admit it was nice to get back in his bed, still warm, and have Clay curled up there next to him. He calmed down quickly and passed out again. It didn't take Eli long to fall asleep too.
When he woke up, Hunter was kissing him goodbye. He had his suitcase by the door and Clay on his hip.
"What time is it?" Eli squinted at the clock.
"Almost 9," Hunter rubbed his back. "I let you sleep as late as I could."
"Thank you. Do you want a ride?"
"No, I have a car coming," Hunter shook his head as Eli got up. "I just wanted to say goodbye, I can watch him while you get dressed if you want."
"It's fine," Eli started for the kitchen to get some coffee but stopped at Clay's door. The crib was gone. Hunter had converted it into a toddler bed. "What are you thinking?"
"That he can't stay in that crib, it's not safe."
"He's too little for a bed!" Eli just stared. "How could you do this without even asking?"
"I have no idea how long I'll be gone, Eli. He's climbed out of his crib 5 times this week. He needs the bed and I don't want to leave you without it."
"So you just decided?"
"Yes. Clay's safety is more important to me than being right," Hunter shrugged. "I'm sorry you're mad at me."
"Papa mad?" Clay squirmed to be put down. "Go play."
"Go on," Eli told him, glaring at Hunter. "I hope you are right. I will never forgive you if he falls out."
"Just add it to the list," Hunter shook his head. "I have to go. I love you."
"I love you too," Eli sighed and let Hunter kiss him goodbye. He hated that they had to fight right before Hunter walked out the door.
Complexx had finished the first part of their tour and were back home again so Eli took Clay to visit Dax and Brent that day. Kylie was over with her two kids, plus Aiden and Scarlett, so it was a great day and Eli knew Clay would be exhausted by the end.
They played in the pool and then Eli watched in awe as Brent painted Hannah's nails. He couldn't get over it. Maddox got a phone call and left the room, giving Brent a look.
"Hannah, let Dada take a break and see if Daddy needs help," Brent told her. "Let your nails dry, okay?"
"Okay," Hannah nodded, studying her hands.
"Your daddy does such a good job on those," Eli told her.
"Yeah, him's good," Hannah agreed. She turned her head and frowned, like she was listening to something. "Chloe's cryin."
"Okay, I'll tell someone," Eli thought about going in to get her but he was curious about Maddox's phone call. He went to find Dax and Brent.
"When is he due?" Brent was asking as Eli got closer.
"March," Maddox told him.
"I'll be gone, but Chloe will be 2, it's perfect timing."
"I can't handle a newborn alone. Not with these two," Maddox went on, filling in the details Eli wanted to know. Another baby. Eli couldn't even imagine.
"It's not what I would pick either," Brent paused. "Should we ask Hunter and Eli if they're ready for another baby?"
"We're not having another one," Eli interrupted. "Don't bother."
"Okay," Maddox glared for just a second but smiled so Eli knew he wasn't really mad. "Spy much?"
"I just came to tell you Chloe's awake," Eli explained. He only felt a little guilty for listening in.
"Would you mind getting her?" Brent smiled too, looking so excited that Eli already knew they would take the baby even if they hadn't decided yet.
"Yeah, sure," Eli smiled at them before he turned to leave. It was funny how life went on for everyone around him while his own felt like it was falling apart. Still.
Chloe wasn't crying when Eli reached her room, just standing in her crib frowning at the door. She glared at him and held her arms up.
"Da?" Chloe asked. "Hannah?"
"Yeah, let's go get them," Eli lifted her out of her crib and carried her to the foyer. She squirmed to get down and, much to Eli's shock, started walking toward Brent and Dax as soon as he set her down.
"Oh my," Maddox gasped, looking as shocked as Eli felt. Brent's eyes widened and he started smiling so proudly, as if he were watching her win an olympic medal.
"Da, up?" Chloe walked right to Brent.
"Come here, monkey," Brent turned to pick her up. He put his arm around Maddox so they could both cuddle her at once. "How was your nap?"
"More. Peash."
"Let's have more sleep later," Maddox suggested, kissing her cheek. "Daddy's so proud of you for walking."
"Chloe walked!" Hannah came running, holding her hands out to protect her nails. "I saw!"
"She did," Brent agreed. "Wanna give her a kiss so she knows how proud you are?"
"Don't mess up my nails," Hannah held her hands out of the way as Brent lowered Chloe so Hannah could kiss her cheek.
"Let's see if we can get her to do it again," Maddox suggested, getting his phone ready. "Put her down and come over here," Maddox told Brent.
"This is mean, she's so sleepy," Brent pouted but he set Chloe down and went to stand with Maddox.
Eli couldn't help it. He took his own phone out and got a video of Aiden, Scarlett, Kylie and Maddox taking video of Chloe walking for the second time. Everyone cheered her on but Chloe looked annoyed.
"Good job, baby girl," Brent picked her up and Chloe snuggled into his arms. "We are so proud of you!"
"Da, peash," Chloe yawned. "No more."
"Okay," Brent laughed.
Everyone was excited for Chloe, sending the video to everyone they could think of and posting it online. Eli sent it to Adam, knowing he would get a kick out of watching everyone's reaction. Adam texted back right away and they texted for a bit until Dax came over to sit with him.
"Are you talking to Hunter?" Maddox laughed.
"Huh?" Eli looked up, locking his phone immediately.
"You were smiling at your phone, I figured you were talking to Hunter."
"Right, yeah," Eli lied. "Hunter. I sent him the video of Chloe."
"I wonder how many babies go viral taking their first steps an entire year past when they should have?" Maddox wondered.
"Only yours," Eli looked at his phone one more time.
"That's a great picture of you two," Maddox smiled, pointing to the picture Eli had as his lock screen, the one Pastor Ben had taken.
"I know, that was a good day," Eli grinned. His eyes watered just thinking about it. "He said his first real sentence right before that: 'I love you, Papa.'"
"Aww, Eli," Maddox smiled.
"I know, ugh, look at me," Eli laughed and fanned himself, his eyes teary. "I love him so much."
"You're a good dad," Maddox told him, squeezing Eli's shoulder.
"I'm getting there," Eli shook his head and saw Clay running toward him. "Oh no, did you climb out of your port-a-crib?"
"Yah," Clay giggled. "Missed you."
"I missed you too, bud," Eli lifted him up and gave him a big hug. "You can't do that, okay? It's not safe."
"Luff you," Clay kissed Eli's cheek, ignoring his warning.
"I love you too," Eli sighed. Maybe Hunter was right after all.. "Let's go see what Wes and Aiden are up to," he set Clay down. Clay ran off immediately and Eli followed.
As it turned out, Hunter was right. Clay was fine in his toddler bed. Eli prepared himself to admit it to his face when he came home two weeks later. He dreaded having to do it, but it was the right thing to do.
"Can we talk?" Hunter asked as Eli came out of Clay's room after putting him to bed that night.
"Yeah," Eli followed him to their bedroom. "I have to tell you that you were right about the bed."
"Okay," Hunter took a deep breath. "Will you sit down?"
"Oh," Eli felt his heart drop. Hunter waited until Eli was sitting on their bed and then sat down facing him.
"Do you remember the day before our wedding when you asked me if I could choose you?"
"Like it was yesterday," Eli closed his eyes. He already knew what was coming.
"Today I choose you too. I choose to let you have the life you can't have with me," Hunter took Eli's hand and put his wedding ring in it. "I'm giving you everything, Eli. Let's sell this house, I'll sign over full custody of Clay and you can move on. Find the guy who's strong enough to see you and only you."
"Fuck you, Hunter," Eli let the ring fall. "How dare you make it sound like this is some generous gift? And full custody? Did you even think about what's best for Clay?"
"Only every second of every day. I want him to have two parents that love each other and you can give him that. I can't."
"What about the parents he has now? The daddy he wants with him when he wakes up in the middle of the night? Leaving me is bad enough but you want to leave him too?"
"I tried, Eli, you know I've tried. I can't do it, I can't be the guy you want me to be. If you need to hate me, go ahead."
"I can't believe this," Eli wanted to throw up. "I've been here all year doing everything I possibly can to-"
"I know. But we both know it's not working," Hunter interrupted. "I'm filing the paperwork tomorrow."
"And then you're going back to D.C." Eli finished.
"I think it's for the best."
"I don't even know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. I talked to a lawyer today and he said it will probably take about a year, even if you don't fight it. There's a waiting period and then scheduling gets backed up."
"Why would I fight it? I'm not going to try and keep you if you don't want to stay. I did all this because you kept insisting you wanted to be here, that you loved me," Eli stood up. He had to pace. "This is insane, Hunter."
"I do love you, but I ruined us," Hunter started crying. "I know that, Eli. I thought I could fix it, that with enough time you could trust me again but I can't take it anymore. I have to admit that it's not fair to either of us to try to stick it out."
"Not fair," Eli repeated. "You're right, it's definitely not fair. I can't believe you're doing this to Clay. You wanted a baby so bad and now you're going to walk away from him."
"It's for the best," Hunter got to his feet. "I'm going to stay in the guest room tonight."
"Alright."
"Oh, and um, if you want to start dating, I won't use it against you."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Eli lost it. He'd been so calm but that was the final blow. "Dating? You think I want to even think about dating right now? I'm still in shock that you want a divorce. Don't you dare try to make yourself feel better for cheating on me by saying I can date."
"I had to say it. A year is a long time," Hunter backed up. "Now you know, okay?"
"Just go," Eli waited for Hunter to leave the room before he sat down again.
He'd expected to cry or maybe even start throwing up, but Eli actually felt a huge weight come off his shoulders. It was terrible to feel relieved, especially because he had no idea what it might do to Clay. But the pressure of trying to save his marriage was gone and that was enough to help him fall asleep that night.
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Adam's heart was beating so hard he was surprised he couldn't hear it echoing off the walls. Cole squeezed his hand.
"It's probably nothing," Cole had only said it 500 times that day. "Just like every other time."
"We both know it's not like the other times," Adam closed his eyes. The door to the exam room opened and he knew right away that he was right.
Cole's doctor wasn't alone. He came in with two other doctors, each carrying tablets. They all shook hands with him and Cole before sitting down.
"I've asked Dr. Lee and Dr. Kline to consult on your scans," Cole's doctor explained. "We all agree, Cole. Ashby-Rhodes triggers certain markers in your brain. They light up on an MRI when they're active and right now we see 3 of the 5, which means it's just in the very early stages."
"It's happening," Cole squeezed Adam's hand again, not letting go.
"It is," his doctor nodded. "We have some treatment options that might slow the progression of the disease and give you some more time. That's all we can do. There is no way to cure this."
"What kind of treatment? When do we start?"
"That depends," his doctor glanced at Adam. "You have a pretty risky lifestyle, Cole. I need you to get off all other drugs before I can safely prescribe you something new."
"Done," Cole nodded. "How much time are we talking?"
"There's no way to know. I've never treated a patient who didn't have all 5 markers yet. I've seen those patients live 6-12 months after diagnosis, so I think you have at least 6 months. Hopefully and probably more."
"6 to 12 months," Adam repeated. He'd known for years the day would come but experiencing it was nothing like what he'd thought. It just seemed too distant to be real, like it wasn't happening to Cole but someone else.
"If I may," Dr. Lee spoke up. "I think you could be looking at 12-18 months, maybe even 24. It all depends on how quickly the other 2 markers activate. We're intervening early so who knows how this will work?"
"It also might not make a difference," Dr. Kline added. Adam glared at him.
"We'll see," Cole put his arm around Adam. "No drugs, what about alcohol? Pot?"
"Let's keep alcohol to a minimum. I don't think pot would be a problem, it might lessen some of the spasms and nausea," Dr. Burton looked at the others, who nodded. "But let me prescribe it so we know it's not laced with anything."
Adam took notes as the doctors continued telling Cole what to expect and how often they wanted to repeat his tests. In addition to the money Cole had set aside for treatment, Dr. Burton had won a research grant that they were going to use to pay for his testing. There were so many papers to read and sign that Adam felt like they should have brought a lawyer with them.
"How are you doing?" Cole asked Adam when they were in the car alone.
"I guess I'm just in shock," Adam admitted. "It doesn't feel real. You look fine. Do you feel okay?"
"I feel great," Cole shrugged. "Tired, like I always do when I travel. But not like I'm dying."
"I'm happy you're going to take their pills."
"If it gives me even one more good day with you, I'll do it," Cole started the car. "I won't let them lock me in a lab, but if all it takes is giving up my coke, fine. Plus, did you hear the side effects? Hallucinations? Sign me up."
"Savage," Adam shook his head and Cole started laughing. For a few seconds it felt like any other day.
"Most important, where are we having lunch now? I'm starving."
"You know what I want."
"I know you want my dick, but I need to eat first," Cole turned it into a joke but he took them to Adam's favorite place. Just like a normal day.
The first weeks didn't feel any different. Adam knew reality would sink in at some point, but he had no idea what it would take for him to accept that it was really happening. At last. It wasn't some uncertain day in the future. 'In case of death' was more serious than ever.
"Look, Chloe walked!" Adam brought Cole his phone so he could see the video when Eli texted it to him.
"Yeaaaaah, look at her go!" Cole's whole face lit up. He took the phone and then got an evil look on his face. "Ohhh this is interesting."
"What are you doing?" Adam narrowed his eyes.
"Nothing."
"Cole! Give it back," Adam wanted to grab for it but he knew Cole could keep him off and that fighting would just make whatever Cole was doing worse.
"You're welcome," Cole winked and handed the phone back a second later.
Just as Adam suspected, Cole had gone back to the text from Eli. Dax had caught him smiling at his phone and texting so Eli lied and said it was Hunter instead of admitting it was Adam. Cole had written back that his secret was safe, adding a kissy emoji, and then sent Eli the picture of Adam trying on a bathing suit Adam had taken a few days earlier and asked if he thought it was too tight to wear in public.
"You jerk," Adam rolled his eyes. He'd originally sent the bathing suit question to Cole, who told him to buy 2. It wasn't an answer to the question, but Adam had gotten the suit anyway.
"Just a casual reminder that all this could be his. If he wants a preview, I won't even make him wait 12-18 months," Cole grinned.
"Hey, don't joke about that," Adam glared.
"I'm not. Say the word and we'll split this marriage wide open again. You can give Eli as much of that-"
"Ahhh," Adam almost dropped his phone when Eli wrote back. "Is he flirting? I think that's flirting."
"What did he say?" Cole looked so excited.
"That he'd have to see it in person to know for sure," Adam felt his heart jump when Eli followed that with a wink emoji. "He's flirting. Right?"
"Quick, send a nude!"
"No, he's at Dax's house."
"Good, then someone's watching the kid."
"You're impossible," Adam tried to think of the right way to answer, just in case Eli wasn't actually flirting. He decided to just tell the truth, that he'd bought it. Eli sent back a smile and then said Clay was up, which Adam knew meant he wouldn't be able to text as fast.
"Like I said, when he's ready, he can come get it," Cole kissed Adam hard. "What if I hire someone to seduce Hunter? No one would have to know."
"Ugh, you ruined it," Adam felt his heart drop. "I forgot about Hunter. Ugh."
"Sorry," Cole kissed him again. "Why don't you run up and put on that bathing suit and we can see if it gets see thru when it's wet?"
"Fine," Adam only agreed because if he went to their room he could grab a joint while he was there. It was the upside to Cole's diagnosis - they had an endless stash of the best pot Adam had ever smoked.
Cole had his next set of scans and everyone was happy to see that nothing had changed. It felt just like before, when they knew any day Cole would hear the worst news. The only thing bad about it was that Adam knew it would hit him hard one day and he had no way of knowing when.
Eli texted one morning, asking if Adam would come for dinner. Cole teased him all day, even hanging Adam's new bathing suit on the front doorknob. It was exactly the kind of thing that made Adam feel a little sick when he thought about how much he would miss Cole's jokes.
That was still on his mind when he got to Eli's house. Eli answered the door and Clay came bursting out, flinging himself at Adam and practically crawling up his leg until Adam picked him up.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you," Eli shook his head. He smiled in such a way that Adam's heart jumped around even more.
There was something different about the house that Adam couldn't quite figure out as he played with Clay. Eli was busy cooking and every time Adam looked his way, he was staring off into the distance. He looked exhausted and thin, which Adam soon discovered was because he didn't seem able to eat.
"Are you getting sick?" Adam watched as Eli pushed his food around, taking small bites that he struggled swallow.
"God, I hope not," Eli turned to look at Clay. "Put that in your mouth, not on your face."
"No in ear," Clay giggled. Eli gave him a stern look and Clay sighed. He put the tiniest bite of chicken in his mouth.
Adam watched Eli choke down a few more bites, his heart sinking further as their meal went on. When would it end? What had Hunter done? Why couldn't he see what he was doing to Eli? Strong, beautiful Eli who'd spent his whole life picking up the pieces of everyone else's life. It was enough to make Adam's blood burn as he offered to clean up while Eli was getting Clay ready for bed.
He fought to keep from throwing the dishes into the dishwasher. Eli didn't keep chemicals in the house but Adam wished he could pour bleach on every surface he saw, killing all the hurt and all the sadness he felt every time he looked around. He settled for watching vinegar foam up around the baking soda he'd used to scrub the sink.
The kitchen was sparkling by the time Adam finished. He rinsed his hands and hung up the towels, turning just in time to catch a wet Clay who was streaking naked through the house toward him.
"Adam, hide me!" Clay pleaded.
"Oh man, quick," Adam scooped him up before Clay could put his still soap covered hair on his shirt. "Cover your eyes. I'll get you to safety."
Eli looked ready to snap as he came storming out of Clay's bathroom, a towel over his shoulder.
"Clay, I sa-wear," Eli's accent, which Adam hadn't heard in ages, was clear as day. His eyes landed on Adam, holding Clay, who had both hands over his eyes and Adam could see him give in. "Oh, Adam, where is Clay?"
"I don't know," Adam grinned. "But it's bedtime so I bet he put on his jammies and went to bed already. He's a good boy like that."
"You think? Maybe I should go check," Eli rolled his eyes but stepped aside. Adam carried Clay back into the bathroom and started to set him in the tub.
"No no no!" Clay gasped. "Bad Adam!"
"Hey, let's rinse off real quick and surprise Papa when he goes to check your bed," Adam suggested. Clay looked at him like he was insane and flailed to get out of the tub. It took everything Adam had to keep him from hitting his head.
"Clay, enough," Eli snapped. "I'm going to count to three and if you don't let Adam rinse you off, you're going to timeout."
"Oh," Clay's face crumpled and he started crying but he held still long enough that Adam could rinse him down and get a towel around him.
Adam stayed with Eli while he finished putting Clay to bed. It was a rough night and Adam wondered how many rough nights they'd had in the past few weeks. If the dark circles under Eli's eyes were a sign, there had been quite a few.
"I'm so sorry, he was actually good all day," Eli apologized when they finally escaped Clay's room. "I thought he could handle having you here, but his routine is all messed up lately."
"No, it's okay," Adam insisted, watching Eli yawn. "I should get out of your way so you can sleep too."
"Please, don't run away," Eli looked so upset that Adam's heart broke. "I need to tell you something."
"I do too," Adam felt all his rage from earlier come back with extra force. "I can't take it any more, Eli. I'm sorry. You're my best friend but I can't sit here and listen to you talk about your husband anymore. I have to be honest."
"Adam-"
"No, just, let me do this before I lose my nerve," Adam couldn't let him interrupt. "You need to know that I have feelings for you Eli. Strong ones. Like I'm pretty sure that if we spend too much time together I'm going to fall in love with you. So I don't think it's a good idea for me to sit here and let you talk about your marriage. Maybe we shouldn't even talk at all, I don't know. But, um, you needed to know."
Eli stared at him, opening his mouth a few times and closing it again. He looked overwhelmed, almost as if Adam had hit him. Neither one of them spoke for what felt like an hour but was probably just a minute or two.
"I'm sorry, Eli. I just see how much you're hurting and I know it's because of him," Adam cleared his throat. "It was bad timing, but I thought you should know, like in case you were hoping I could give you another pep talk about making it work. But, um, if that's not why you wanted to talk then I'm sorry."
"It is," Eli nodded. "Hunter filed for a divorce."
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A/N: Next update is already done so it will be out on Wednesday. <3 you.