Adam wasn't sure what to expect when he and Cole got to Maddox and Brent's house for Christmas but he was greeted by the most beautifully decorated house he'd ever seen. In true Maddox style, you'd never have guessed by looking that there were already 10 adults, 5 kids, 2 toddlers and one infant in the house because it was still perfectly clean and tidy.
"Last chance. We can back out now and spend tomorrow with your parents instead," Cole offered. Adam gave him a look.
"Jeff and Monroe know we're having Christmas with them on the 26th," Adam reminded him. "We're not going anywhere."
"No, we're not," Cole's expression changed and Adam turned to see Brent carrying Chloe out to greet them.
"Hi," Brent hugged them both and left Chloe in Adam's arms. "We're going to let you two take a guestroom in the pool house."
"Perfect," Cole wasn't even looking at Brent anymore. He was too busy smiling at Chloe. She smiled back at him, her eyes sparkling. It was almost heartbreaking how much she looked like Cole when she smiled. "Hi there, trouble."
"Go go," a little voice insisted and Adam looked away from Chloe to see Clay run-walking in their direction.
"Careful!" Eli warned. He was holding Clay's hand but Clay was nearly walking on his own. It was easy to see he was still pretty unsteady.
"Hey," Adam had to smile at the two of them. Whatever struggles Eli had, Adam still didn't really know the story, he seemed to be back to his normal self again. He finally acted exactly how Adam had imagined Eli would be as a dad.
"Hey!" Eli's face seemed to light up when he saw them. Cole nudged Adam and Adam pinched him. "Merry Christmas!"
Clay shouted something that sounded a lot like Merry Christmas without managing to say either word correctly. This prompted the kids to come running out to see who was at the door. They all came over and gave Adam and Cole hugs before most of them ran back to whatever they were doing. Hannah and Maddox's nephew, Wes, stayed, watching.
"Are you gonna bring our stuff in?" Adam looked at Cole.
"I'll get it later. I smell food," Cole gave Chloe a kiss on the cheek and grabbed Hannah, making her giggle, before he carried her into the kitchen.
"Dax and his mom and Hunter are cooking enough food to feed us for all of next year," Brent laughed. "Right, Wes?"
"Yeah, I eat a lot but this is way more than I could eat," Wes nodded.
The house seemed to be in total chaos until after dinner. Everyone sat down in the family room while the youngest were put to bed. Wes crawled up on the couch between Adam and Cole, complaining that his stomach hurt.
Justin read everyone the Christmas story from the children's bible. Adam watched Cole, absently stroking Wes' hair and listening. It was such a perfect moment that Adam couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if he and Cole could have their own kids. He pushed the thought aside and put his head on Cole's shoulder.
When the story finished, Justin surprised Adam by asking if anyone wanted to say a prayer before they went to bed. Brent jumped up but Aiden beat him to it. It was the best way to end the night. Aiden and Scarlett didn't have to be told to get to bed after that but some of the other kids were slower.
"Come on, Wes," Kylie came over to the couch like she wanted to reach between Adam and Cole and physically carry him to bed. "The sooner you go to sleep the sooner Santa will be here."
"Just a few more minutes," Wes pleaded.
"Do you want Adam and Cole to take you to your bed?" Kylie offered.
"No, I'll go," Wes turned pink and hurried after Aiden.
"Okay, little muffin, I think your Daddy is waiting," Eli stood up. Hannah gave everyone hugs and then slipped her hand into Maddox's.
"Daddy, is our brother gonna sleep in Chloe's room?" Hannah's question was just loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the room.
"Well, that's where the babies go, isn't it?" Maddox didn't seem to realize everyone was paying attention. His mother clapped her hand over her mouth and looked at Justin with wide, teary eyes.
"Will Dada put him a crib in there?" Hannah had more questions. "So him has his own bed?"
"Yes, he'll have his own bed," Maddox nodded.
"An him's gonna need boy clothes," Hannah went on. "Does Santa know that?"
"Of course, Santa knows everything," Maddox said as they started walking out of the room. "Don't worry, Hannah. When your little brother gets here he'll have everything he needs. Dada and I will make sure."
"Good," Hannah seemed happy with that answer.
Everyone was quiet for a few more seconds. Eli was the first one to speak.
"I didn't see that coming. At all," Eli shook his head.
"Me neither," Clara turned to hug Eli.
"Really? No one ever sneaks things past you," Justin laughed. "Hm, let's find the champagne."
They were all gathered in the kitchen when Maddox and Brent got back from putting kids to sleep. Brent didn't seem to notice that everyone turned to look at them when they walked in but Maddox sure did.
"Um, yes?" he looked around.
"Is there something you want to tell us?" Clara was standing with her head on Justin's shoulder. "You and Brent?"
"You know where your rooms are, right?" Maddox frowned, like he was thinking. "And we agreed to start around 8 tomorrow morning."
"Hannah already told all of us, just say it so we can open the champagne," Kylie interrupted.
"What exactly did Hannah tell you?" Brent looked like he was about to laugh.
"That she's getting a brother," Cole obviously couldn't hold back either. "His name is Peanut."
"She told me his name was Flower," Hunter grinned.
"And none of you thought maybe she was making it up?" Maddox smiled.
"I heard his name was Phillip, so I believed her," Justin shrugged, reaching for champagne bottle.
"Oh, they would totally name their kid Phillip," Adam nodded. "I can see that."
"Ew, no," Brent made a face. "His name is not Phillip."
"Because he doesn't exist," Maddox added quickly. "Hannah asked Santa for a baby brother. I didn't realize she thinks she's actually getting one."
"Oh, shit," Cole squeezed Adam's hand.
"But we heard you talking to her just now," Eli protested. "About where to put the crib and all."
"That's my fault, I didn't understand," Maddox sighed. "She's going to be so upset."
"So there's no baby?" Justin asked. Maddox shook his head.
"Not yet," Brent put his hand on Maddox's shoulder. "It's going to be at least a year before we even think about another one."
"Dax, you better write her a letter," Clara didn't even seem disappointed, though Adam figured she had to be after she'd been so excited. "All the other kids are getting what they asked for, you don't want her to feel like Santa let her down."
"That's a good idea," Hunter agreed. "Let's look online, I bet we can find examples. And a North Pole stamp."
"This is why you shouldn't tell your kids about Santa," Cole rolled his eyes. "This is some major bullshit. Faking letters from Santa."
"It's adorable," Adam insisted, elbowing him. Cole shook his head but he smiled.
In the end, Cole ended up being the one to write the letter while Eli came up with what to say because Cole had the best handwriting. They rolled it up and tied it with a ribbon so Hannah would find it the next morning when they sat down to open presents.
"I hope this works," Brent tucked the letter onto the Christmas tree, balancing it up high enough that it wouldn't get knocked down but low enough where the kids would be able to see it.
"None of the other kids got letters from Santa," Eli pointed out. "I'm sure we can make it a big deal."
"My fingers are crossed," Maddox smiled.
Everyone went to bed after that. Cole went to bring in the suitcase he'd left in the car earlier that night and Adam watched through the window as Maddox went around cleaning obsessively. It was so cute and predictable.
"I'm so glad we're here," Cole confessed as they were getting into bed. Adam looked at him, surprised. "It's just good to see that everyone's back to normal, you know?"
"Yeah, it is good," Adam sat down. That thought sank in a second later. "Wait, hang on."
"Hmm?"
"I'm just realizing something. You're kind of a hopeless romantic, aren't you?"
"What?" Cole gave Adam a look like he was out of his mind.
"You are! That's the big secret. Everyone thinks Cole Stryder is this big badass who doesn't give a shit but deep down you want to see everyone have a happy ending."
"That doesn't mean I'm a hopeless romantic, and I don't give a shit," Cole protested. "Just, sometimes. For certain people."
"If I didn't already love you, that would have done it," Adam told him.
"Ew, don't be so soft."
"You love that about me."
Cole didn't answer but Adam knew it was the truth. He snuggled in, trying to imagine what Christmas morning would be like with so many little kids in the house.
Morning came much earlier than Adam expected. He woke to Cole kissing his face over and over as he slipped out of bed.
"Stay here, I'll be right back," Cole ordered. Adam groaned.
"I have to pee, I can't stay here."
"Okay, go pee but then get back in bed."
Adam took his time peeling himself out of bed. It was way too early to be awake on a day when he didn't have to be at work. He heard Cole leaving the guest house and knew he was up to something. Then again, it was Christmas morning, so that was predictable.
The empty bed looked so inviting that Adam didn't have to think twice about getting back in. He dozed off, only to wake up to the feeling that someone - no, something - was in bed with him. Adam froze until he heard little sniffing sounds by his ear. Then he felt a small lick, followed by another.
"Oh..." Adam opened one eye. There was a little black and tan puppy sniffing his neck. "Cole, I swear."
But when Adam sat up, he and the puppy, who was wearing a big red bow, were alone in the room. Adam rolled his eyes. That was so like Cole. Adam scooped up the puppy and carried it down the stairs, pausing only to let it run around in the grass for a minute to make sure it had done its business before he carried it into the main house.
"Cole!" Adam's voice echoed through the house. No one was in the kitchen yet but Adam could hear voices upstairs and in the baby's room. "Get out here!"
He listened for a second and decided that Cole was probably in the baby's room with Dax and Eli. Adam could hear them talking as he went down the hall. When he turned the corner, Cole was holding Clay in place while Eli changed his diaper.
"Cole," Adam tried to sound angry but he wasn't sure it worked because Dax and Eli both smiled at him. Or maybe they were smiling at the puppy.
"Merry Christmas?" Cole looked nervous.
"He's perfect!" Adam laughed.
"Oh good," Cole smiled.
"What should I name him?"
"Hannah has some great name suggestions," Eli joked. Maddox grinned at him.
"Hannah," Chloe yawned and signed "please." Adam hadn't believed you could teach a baby sign language until he saw it in person.
"Eat first, then we can see your sister," Maddox told her.
"Eat!" Clay cheered. "Yum yum yum."
"Yes, let's go eat," Eli agreed, fastening his pajamas in place. Cole came over to pet the dog and kiss Adam.
"I would hug you but I should probably wash my hands first or something," Cole told him. Both Maddox and Eli cracked up.
"You weren't even doing the messy part," Eli scoffed, putting Clay down.
"Gross," Cole shuddered.
"There's sanitizer on the changing table," Maddox laughed. "But even I don't wash my hands every time. Not anymore."
"Good to know," Adam wondered how many times he'd gotten a hug from one of the guys after changing a diaper. The puppy decided to start licking his face again and he cringed. "You really need a name."
Adam spent the rest of the day trying to pick the right name for the puppy. Everyone tried to help, except Cole, who kept calling the puppy "Flower." Aiden thought that was so funny he went out of his way to say it over and over until Adam knew it would stick.
"I'm really glad we spent Christmas here," Cole said as they were leaving to go home that night. "It was like the big extended family Christmas I never had."
"Yeah, it was pretty great," Adam smiled and looked at the pictures Kylie had texted of the whole family by the tree and the ones of him and Cole alone, holding Flower. "I'm getting this framed."
"Nah, come on," Cole made a face. "Just post it online somewhere and call it good."
"It's my picture, I'll do what I want."
"Send it to our parents then. I don't want to stare at pictures of myself all the time."
"I think I will," Adam decided. His dad might hate it, but at least then no one could accuse Adam of not trying.
"Maybe we should make some of those picture books," Cole's voice softened a little. "So you have the memories somewhere nice."
"Framed pictures are nice," Adam didn't want to think about memory making after such a perfect day.
"Framed pictures don't give you the choice to see them or not. They're just there on the wall, staring at you. Then you have to decide if you're gonna take them down or move them or whatever."
"Books sound nice," Adam decided. He locked his fingers through Cole's. The question was right on the tip of his tongue, but Adam wasn't sure he wanted to ask. Cole squeezed his hand.
"I'm not saying this because I'm worried," Cole answered, as if he'd read Adam's mind. "I just want us to plan. So it doesn't hurt so bad while we're doing it. And because I don't know if I'll be all there when the time comes."
"I get it," Adam had been in counseling with Pastor Ben long enough to know what Cole was referring to was part of grieving process. He just couldn't imagine a time when Cole was gone and all he had left were some photo books.
"Alright, enough of the sad shit. Let's go surprise your parents with their grandpuppy," Cole turned the car toward Jeff and Monroe's house instead of toward their home.
-------------------------------------------------------
Eli woke up, startled by a noise he thought was Clay. He waited to be sure and then sat up. Hunter was still awake, on his phone.
"I was about to go," Hunter insisted.
"No, it's okay," Eli would never admit it, but in some ways he felt like he had to make up for being depressed the whole first year of Clay's life.
"I love you, thanks, Babe."
"Sure," Eli kissed his cheek and got out of bed. He was still tired, but the overwhelming exhaustion was pretty much gone. There were plenty of days he was convinced he was doing it all wrong at least half the time, but Eli was still amazed at how much easier parenting was when he could see the good moments.
"Papa, uh-oh," Clay said as soon as Eli walked in. He looked guilty, if such a thing were possible.
"Uh-oh?" Eli repeated. He turned on the dimmest light in the room and saw the wet spot on Clay's pajamas. "Did your diaper leak? Uh-oh is right. I think you're too big for this size."
"Uh-oh," Clay repeated, rubbing his eye.
Eli turned off the baby monitor and got Clay cleaned up. Hunter had worked a terrible case where a predator had hacked into his client's baby monitor and recorded video anytime that family's baby was naked. Since then, they only ever turned the monitor on when Clay was fully dressed. Eli was counting down the days until he felt safe enough to throw it out completely.
Fortunately that night it took no time to get Clay back to sleep. He almost fell asleep in the rocking chair with Clay, but Eli made himself get up and put Clay back in his crib. Eli wandered down the hall to his room, half asleep.
Hunter had fallen asleep with his phone in his hand. He was still sitting up and the light was on. Eli smiled and went to Hunter's side of the bed to turn off the light before he got back in bed. Hunter's phone lit up. It was unlocked so Eli could see the new text. It was from David.
David: can't wait to hold you again
Eli backed away from the bed, his heart in his throat. He couldn't breathe. Hunter lied. And for how long? His first instinct was to reach for the phone and find out.
"Eli?" Hunter pulled the phone away before Eli could reach. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to decide if I should shove that up your ass or down your throat before I take our baby and leave."
"Oh fuck," Hunter cringed. "Eli, I-"
"No. You told me you'd picked me. You promised I could trust you. You insisted that all we needed was a baby and that you wanted what we have to better than what you and David had," Eli held up his finger. "You lied, Hunter. About all of it."
"I didn't," Hunter shook his head. "I do want what we have to be better than what I have with David."
"You said you ended it! Almost two years ago!"
"Shh, no, I didn't. I just said I was picking you. Not that I was going to break up with him."
"That was implied! We spent all these hours in therapy, wasting our time-"
"It wasn't a waste! I love you, Eli, I picked you. I want to be with you."
"Stop lying," Eli couldn't take it. "If you wanted to be with me you would have ended it with him."
"It's not that simple," Hunter threw the covers back. "I thought it would be, or should be, but it's not."
"Why not, Hunter? What's so complicated about sticking to your vows?"
"I never expected to fall for someone else, okay? I didn't know that was possible. And I'm not blaming you but there were a few months when I wasn't sure you even wanted to get better, so-"
"You can't blame my depression for your cheating!"
"No, but I did wonder if we could survive it, Eli."
"So you were going to walk away when I needed you the most?"
"You refused to get help, Eli! I wanted to support you, but you can't do that when someone won't even help themselves. I was trying to look out for Clay," Hunter gestured to the baby monitor. "I didn't want to leave you, I just didn't think I had a choice."
"And now what?" Eli looked around. "What are you doing, Hunter?"
"I'm here, I love you, Eli."
"You're not here, you're planning to see him again!" Eli pointed to Hunter's phone. "What did you expect? That I would just let you go back and forth?"
"No, I don't know," Hunter took a deep breath. "It was working for a while, wasn't it?"
"It worked because I thought you'd ended things with him," Eli knew he was going to cry and he didn't want to stay in the same room as Hunter any longer than he had to. "You have to make a decision."
"I know, I just don't know what to do," Hunter gave Eli the most pathetic look. "I really love you, Eli, please know that. I never meant to hurt you. I just-"
"Made a mistake? Save it," Eli grabbed his phone and left the room. Hunter asked where he was going but Eli ignored him.
He went to the guest room where he wouldn't have to cry in front of Hunter. Eli curled up on the bed, crying. Deep down, Eli felt like he'd known all along he couldn't trust Hunter anymore. Finding out the very thing he'd been afraid of was true hurt so much more than he expected.
Eli cried himself to sleep. He woke up when Clay started crying and ran to grab him before Hunter could. It was strange, but holding Clay made him feel better. Clay seemed upset to be awake and held on to Eli even after he'd gotten a clean diaper and they'd gone downstairs.
Hunter came downstairs a few minutes later, already dressed. He started making coffee, which he brought to Eli. Clay lifted his head and reached for Hunter.
"Dada, sit?"
"Yeah, I'll sit down," Hunter sat next to Eli and Clay climbed into his lap. "Can you take me to the airport later?"
"You're going to D.C." Eli felt like throwing up.
"Yes."
"Okay," Eli didn't know what to say. He ran his fingers through Clay's hair. "I'm, um, going to go get dressed."
It was a good excuse to get away from Hunter for a few minutes. Eli took his time getting dressed so he could pull himself together before he went back downstairs. It was good that Hunter was leaving because it would give him time to think, but knowing he would be with David made Eli feel like throwing things.
Before he left his room, Eli texted Adam to see what he was doing that night. He had to talk to someone and Adam already knew the first part of the story. Adam agreed to come for dinner.
Dropping Hunter at the airport felt final in a lot of ways. Eli could barely hug him goodbye. Hunter was much better at acting like everything was okay. He took his suitcase out of the trunk and opened the back door to kiss Clay goodbye.
"You didn't puke in this one this time, right?" Hunter laughed. Eli shook his head.
"Have a...safe trip," Eli realized the word safe had two meanings for the trip. Hunter glanced at Clay.
"I've always been careful, Eli."
"Not careful enough."
"I-" Hunter looked at Clay again. "I love you. I'll text you when I land."
Adam showed up that night with dessert. He greeted Clay with a big hug and was led off to see Clay's latest discovery - the cabinet of pots and pans.
"Oh, wow, I don't know if you're supposed to be playing with those," Adam cringed as Clay dragged a pot out of the cabinet.
"He can't hurt them, it's just loud," Eli shrugged. He took out the ingredients he would need to make dinner. It was challenging to navigate around Clay playing on the floor while he cooked but he made it work.
"Are you okay?" Adam surprised Eli with the question a few minutes into his dinner prep.
"No, but, we can talk later," Eli had to be honest.
Adam looked worried but he nodded and went back to entertaining Clay. It gave Eli enough time to calm down so he could get through dinner. He was already imagining how Adam would react to the news and it wasn't pretty.
Dinner seemed to fly by. They played with Clay until it was time for bed and Adam never left Eli's side, staying while he got Clay to sleep. It was oddly comforting to have him there and seemed to help Clay too.
"You look like you need a drink," Adam was the first to speak after they left Clay's room.
"I need more than one," Eli sighed. He decided one beer would be okay and went to the fridge.
"Is it Hunter again?"
"Again? Still," Eli corrected. Adam's eyes widened. "Yeah, he never broke up with David. For two years I thought we were getting better but I was wrong."
"What the fuck?"
"And," Eli grabbed two bottles from the fridge and passed one to Adam. "He had the nerve to try and blame me."
"No way."
"Yes. Because I was depressed last year and didn't get help for a long time," Eli told him. He tried to twist the lid off his beer but they weren't twist off caps.
"That sick fuck," Adam took Eli's beer and popped the lid off with his keys. "Is he there now?"
"Yeah. Which is almost good because I don't want to be around him at the moment," Eli took a big gulp of his beer. "But then there's part of me that's afraid he won't come home and I don't know how I could get through that. Like all this time I thought he was fully here, I had no idea there was anyone else. Maybe, I mean, you shared Cole for a while, maybe I could make it work sharing Hunter."
"No way," Adam shook his head. "You deserve a million times better than that, Eli."
"Was it so bad though?"
"Yes. And it would be for you too because it's not your choice," Adam wouldn't even hear it. "I know there are people out there who do the whole polyamory thing and they're happy. But they're doing it because they want to, Eli, because they're choosing that. You can't do it because you're scared of losing Hunter."
"I mean, it's not just me anymore. Clay's here too," Eli reminded him.
"I know, and he needs you at your best. Not constantly worrying that Hunter is with another guy."
"Well, I can't leave Hunter either," Eli felt his stomach knotting up. "Clay needs two parents."
"I'm not trying to tell you to leave him," Adam insisted. "That's not what I meant. I mean, I don't think you'd be single forever and there are single dads out there who are totally awesome, so it's not like it would be a mistake if you did, but I know it's complicated."
"Yeah," Eli didn't know what to say. He hadn't even thought about leaving Hunter. He was just afraid Hunter might leave him. That had to mean something.
"I also know you're an amazing dad and a really strong person," Adam went on. "You'll figure this out, Eli. I'm here for whatever you need."
"Thanks," Eli felt his heart do a little skip when he looked in Adam's eyes. It was so unexpected that he felt his face get warm and he had to take another gulp of his beer. "You're going on tour soon, aren't you?"
"Yeah, we leave in a few weeks. Right after Chloe's birthday. Are you doing anything for Clay?"
"We talked about just doing a small thing, but now this," Eli hated how everything came back to Hunter cheating. It had been that way the first time too.
"Psh, do it anyway. It's for Clay, not Cunter."
"Adam!" Eli gasped but then started laughing so hard he couldn't stop.
"Sorry, that was awful," Adam laughed too. Eli nodded but he was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. He had to set his beer down.
"Awful....and.....perfect."
Adam laughed harder the harder Eli laughed. Before long, Eli could barely breathe and his face hurt but he couldn't stop. The joke wasn't that funny. Eli kept laughing until he couldn't make any noise.
Then he started crying. Almost like he'd expected it, Adam wrapped him in a big hug and held on. Eli cried long enough that Adam took him to his bedroom and tucked him in.
"I'm going to stay, just sleep," Adam whispered, going around to the other side of the bed. "I'll listen for Clay."
Eli couldn't calm down enough to thank Adam. He just moved close to him, not waiting for permission before he cuddled close. Adam pulled Eli into his arms and held him while he fell asleep.
Morning was awful. Eli woke up, his head throbbing from crying so much the night before. He felt disgusting from sleeping in his clothes and being awake meant he remembered all over again that Hunter was still cheating. To make it worse, Adam was still asleep next to him which meant Eli also had to remember his humiliating breakdown.
"Papa?" Clay's little voice sent a jolt through Eli. He pushed the door open.
"Oh my god," Eli was on his feet in seconds. "How did you get out of your crib?"
"Papa, eat?" Clay was oblivious to the pure adrenaline running through Eli's veins. Eli scooped him up though he could see Clay was perfectly unharmed. "Noooooooooo."
"You scared Papa," Eli told Clay, rubbing his back. "You can't do that, Clay."
"Down!"
"Shh," Eli gave Clay a hug before he put him down. "Let's get you a clean diaper and then go eat."
"Eat! Yum!"
Eli's pulse went back to normal by the time he had Clay's breakfast ready. He watched Clay put fistfuls of banana and cheerios into his mouth, managing every few bites to spoon some yogurt in too.
"Is he okay?" Adam yawned when he walked into the kitchen. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear him wake up."
"He's fine, it's not your fault," Eli shook his head. "I don't think he fussed to get up."
"Okay," Adam looked around. "Do you want coffee?"
"Yes, that would be great," Eli's mouth watered just thinking about it. "Oh, um, I can make it though."
"I can do it, just tell me where everything is," Adam went to the coffee pot.
"You can make coffee but you can't cook?"
"I can microwave," Adam grinned, as if he were very proud of that skill. It was so cute Eli had to smile.
That was the second time in 24 hours he'd been surprised by his feelings for Adam. Eli knew he was losing it. Finding out your husband was a complete prick did a lot of twisted things to a person.
Eli finished feeding Clay his yogurt and turned on cartoons so he could make breakfast for Adam and himself. Clay watched TV, so transfixed he started putting one cheerio in his mouth at a time. He was still doing that when Eli sat down to eat.
"That's so creepy," Adam laughed.
"I know, this is why I don't let him watch that much TV," Eli admitted. "It makes me look like a super awesome parent, but it's really just because he gets that zombie stare."
"I'll never tell," Adam winked and Eli laughed but when he felt himself blushing he jumped up.
"Forgot the salt and pepper," he lied.
"Oh, I can reach," Adam moved to grab the salt and pepper shakers off the counter right as Eli went to pass him and Adam's hand hit Eli right in the groin.
Fortunately it wasn't a forceful blow so there was no pain. Eli gasped anyway. Adam jerked his hand back, looking up at Eli with a panicked expression on his face.
"I'm okay," Eli backed up, his hands dropping to cover the slight stiffening between his legs. It went away quickly.
"I'm so sorry," Adam was turning red too.
"Um, I'm just going to get those," Eli grabbed the salt and pepper and sat back down, thankful he had an excuse for his red face.
They finished eating without any other mishaps. Eli turned the TV off when Adam offered to clean up and Clay came back to life, demanding to be set free from his highchair. He and Eli were playing in the family room when Adam came in and sat down, bringing Eli a fresh cup of coffee.
"Thank you so much," Eli wasn't even surprised when he felt his heart skipping around again. What really caught him off guard was when Adam gave him a shy smile, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks for just a second. "I'm hallucinating."
"What?"
"Uh, I mean," Eli knew he'd said it outloud but he hadn't meant to say it so randomly. "I'm so worn out, you know? I'm like, seeing stuff."
"Got it," Adam nodded. "I've been there, trust me."
"I do," Eli willed his pulse to settle down, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized how true that was. Adam had been through a lot of the same things he had - losing his mom, falling for the best friend he couldn't have and, though it wasn't exactly the same, seeing his husband with someone else.
Another thought crossed Eli's mind - could it be that the reason he'd hated Adam at first was that they were so similar? Then again, he'd hated Hunter at first too and he knew how that ended. Or did he?
Adam pulled out his phone and Eli made himself pay attention. Clay was happily "driving" his alphabet blocks around as if they were cars. He expected Adam to check his texts but instead he took a picture of Clay.
"If you need to go, you can. I'm okay for now," Eli told him.
"I'm good for a while," Adam smiled. "Unless you want me to go."
"No, you can stay as long as you want," Eli insisted. He hoped he didn't sound too desperate.
"Hey, um, hold still a second," Adam bit his lip and leaned forward. He moved slowly, meeting Eli's eyes first as if asking permission. Eli held his breath. If Adam kissed him right that instant there was no way he was pulling back.
Adam wiped something off Eli's cheek and sat back again. He held up his finger so Eli could see what it was. Clay's yogurt.
"Oh," Eli's heart sank. "Gross."
"I'm guessing meals are like a contact sport with that one," Adam grinned. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I wasn't expecting that."
"What did you think I was doing?" Adam must have realized a second later what Eli was thinking. His voice softened. "Did you think I was going to kiss you?"
"Papa, kiss," Clay flung himself at Eli, almost knocking him down with sheer dead weight but saving him from an awkward conversation. When Eli looked up, Adam was laughing at them.
"Ow, Clay, that's how I got yogurt on my face in the first place," Eli cringed but he felt Clay give him the softest kiss on the cheek and almost melted. "Come here, you," he buried his face in Clay's neck and nommed on him until Clay was shrieking with delight.
Adam stayed until after lunch. Somehow, yet again, Clay went down for a nap. Eli couldn't see anything different between what Adam was doing and what Eli always did, but as he watched Adam leave Clay in his crib, he felt another overwhelming set of butterflies.
"He's so funny," Adam shook his head as they went back to the family room. "I would be laughing at him all day."
"Sometimes I do. He's so smart too, sometimes I don't even know how he figures things out," Eli agreed.
"He's got a smart dad," Adam shrugged. He looked at his phone and sighed. "I wish I didn't have this meeting, I really don't want to leave you right now."
"It's okay," Eli's chest got tight. He didn't want Adam to leave either but he was pretty sure they didn't mean that the same way.
"Just text me if you want me to come back tonight, okay? Cole is recording so he's pretty much living in the studio right now. I can be here."
"I, uh," Eli wanted to tell him the truth, that he already knew he wanted Adam to come back that night but he stopped himself. "Thanks. It'll be fine."
"You can text anyway though, like always," Adam walked to the door so Eli followed. Adam gave him a hug and as they pulled back, it looked like Adam was going to say something. But he didn't, just smiled at Eli and started for his car.
Eli watched him go, desperately wanting to call out to him to come back that night. He thought back to that morning and how he'd thought - hoped - Adam was going to kiss him. It was probably a bad idea to have him around. At the last second, Eli decided to tell him the truth.
"Adam, wait," Eli's mouth went dry as soon as he said it. Adam turned around, the look on his face clearly stating he had no idea what Eli was thinking or feeling and was probably completely unprepared for the confession.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, your, uh, tire looks low. Let me check it," Eli lost his nerve. He went to the garage to find the pressure gauge.
"This thing is supposed to tell me if the pressure is low," Adam frowned when Eli came back.
"I bet by the time you get to the gas station it tells you," Eli nodded. "It, uh, just caught my eye."
"Thanks," Adam watched. "You just know this stuff?"
"Yeah, I spent just enough time in the garage to memorize the basics," Eli shrugged. "And we have two cars to keep up so I use it just enough that I can't forget it. See? You need to put some air in."
"Okay then," Adam held out his hand to help Eli off the ground. Eli expected him to let go right away but he didn't. "Um, just so you know," he paused for a second. "When I do go to kiss you, you'll know it's happening."
"Oh, uh, okay," Eli knew Adam's face really was getting red at that point, he wasn't imagining anything.
"I'll text you later."
Eli went back inside, listening to be sure Clay was still asleep before he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Without Adam there to keep him distracted, Eli felt his emotions churn up again. Why was this happening? Hunter hadn't even called, he'd just texted to say he made it safely to D.C.
More than that, how? How could Hunter even think what he was doing was okay? He had to have known Eli would be destroyed to find out. Did he even care? Hunter swore he loved Eli and wanted to be with him but it didn't feel true. Not knowing he was with another man right that second.
The wedding picture that hung in the front entry had been replaced by a family picture. Hunter was smiling at Clay and Eli, so convincing in his role. Maybe he did love them. But was that enough? It wasn't enough to get him to walk away from David. Was it enough to keep their marriage alive?
Hunter didn't make it back for Clay's birthday. Eli took him to the Bieber house and they celebrated with the family. For the first time in Clay's life, Eli was glad he was so little because he knew he wouldn't remember that Hunter hadn't been there for him.
By the day of Chloe's birthday party, Hunter still wasn't back and Eli was going out of his mind. Not only was he exhausted and completely drained from having Clay all to himself, but he was still emotionally wrecked from the ongoing nightmare of knowing his husband was with someone else.
Eli took Clay to Dax's house, excited to get out and be around other adults for a little while. He was happier still when he saw the house was full decorated in a jungle animals theme. Clay went nuts, looking at all the animals and running around all the people. It took everything Eli had to keep up with him and before long, he failed at that.
"Ooh, not so fast, Champ," Maddox caught Clay as he broke away from Eli's grasp.
"Daaaax," Clay protested but he was grinning.
"Thanks," Eli sighed and took Clay's hands again. Maddox put Chloe down. She stood up as long as she could hold his hands but when he let go she wobbled and fell almost immediately.
"Up?" Clay asked her.
"Clay, can you say Chloe?" Maddox looked at him.
"Koe."
"Good job!" Maddox smiled. Chloe stood up and Clay pushed her back down.
"Clay!" Eli gasped. "No!"
"I think she's okay," Maddox still had Chloe by the hands and she was already trying to get up again. Clay moved like he was going to push her again but Maddox stopped him this time. "Play nice," he warned.
"No," Clay frowned, trying to push Maddox's hand away. "Owie."
"If you can't behave we're leaving," Eli pulled him away from Chloe and Maddox.
"Mine," Chloe protested, reaching for Clay. She almost fell again but Maddox caught her.
"Chloe, he's a person, he's not yours," Maddox shook his head.
"Clay and Chloe," Adam walked over with a beer in his hand and Eli felt his heart get jittery. "They'd be a cute couple."
"Yeah, love at first smack," Eli lost his grip on Clay again and he started running. Adam reached out and grabbed him. He handed his beer to Eli and scooped Clay up, spinning him around.
"Whoa," Clay went wide-eyed.
"Come on, Rotten, let's fly away and let Dad have peace for a second," Adam looked happy to be holding Clay. "I know where there's a puppy who could use someone to wear him out."
"Don't come back," Eli mumbled and took a swig of Adam's beer, without thinking about how Dax was watching him. Of course Dax called him out on it.
"Did you just-" Maddox didn't get to finish the question.
"Daaaaa," Chloe pulled on Maddox's hand, bored that Clay was gone.
"Is she saying your name?" Eli followed them over to her toys.
"No, not really," Maddox sighed. "She only says a few words like Hannah and thank you, but she's talking a lot more baby talk now than ever so the doctor thinks soon. Her hearing test was fine so they're not worried."
"Do you just worry all the time?"
"Only when I talk to the doctors," Maddox admitted. "Normally she's just Chloe, you know? I don't think about it anymore. She's obviously strong and happy and that's kind of all I care about."
"You're such a good dad," Eli shook his head. "I'm never going to do this right."
"Let go, Eli," Maddox squeezed his shoulder. "Stop thinking about doing everything right and just have fun with your baby. He's so cute, and he's really a good boy."
"Maybe I'm not meant to be a dad," Eli sighed. "I'm barely making it."
"That's not true, you're a great dad. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a good job, Eli."
"Psh, he's doing an awesome job," Clara interrupted, wrapping her arms around Eli from behind. She was so tiny next to him that she could barely reach his shoulders. "Go take a nap, Eli, I'll watch Clay as long as you want."
"I shouldn't," Eli sighed. Clara let go and pinched him. "Ow!"
"That wasn't an offer, it was an order," Clara looked so ferocious that Eli was afraid to protest. "Go, get out of here."
"Ouch, okay," Eli cringed. "Dax, do you care which room?"
"Better go out back," Maddox gestured. "It'll be quiet out there."
"Enjoy," Clara said as Eli drained the rest of Adam's beer as he walked toward the door.
Eli meant to relax but he kept wondering what Clay was doing. He was wide awake when the bedroom door opened and Adam came in, shutting it behind himself.
"Hi, sorry," Adam paused, as if he wasn't sure what he was doing. Then he walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I just wanted to say something because I'm going to go crazy if I don't get this off my chest."
"Um, okay," Eli's heart was in his throat.
"The other day, when you asked me about sharing Hunter, I panicked. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and offend you," Adam took a deep breath. "But the truth is, Eli, I don't want you to stay with him. He had his chance to do the right thing and he completely ignored it. And it's not just that you deserve better, it's that you deserve everything, Eli. Just like you once told me - the guy who wants to give you all of himself, to the point where he can't see anyone else. Not just for cute romantic moments but in the hard times too."
"Yeah. I thought I had that."
"I know," Adam scooted closer. "You had the guy who could put on the show, say enough of the right things and do enough of the right things. So what would it look like if you had a guy who was really all in? So fully in the relationship with you and with Clay that it didn't matter if things weren't always picture perfect or the checklist always checked off. I mean something so real it could only be true."
"I, um," Eli caught himself looking at Adam's lips. He made himself sit up straighter, heart pounding. "I don't know if that exists."
"It does. They have it," Adam gestured to the main house. "Cole and I have it, for now. That's how I know it can happen for you."
"I'm not sure I even..." Eli tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "That just sounds like it could take so much and I'm not sure I have it in me."
"Maybe not right now, but don't you dare give up, Eli. This isn't where the story ends."
"I'm not giving up, I just need to think."
"Okay," Adam looked like he wanted to say more but he was quiet for a few seconds. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your nap."
"No, I wasn't sleeping yet."
"Good. I might go to the other room and nap too, honestly. It's way better than watching Cole play with all the kids and pretending we're just too wild and crazy to have our own. If one more person tells me I'll change my mind someday I might lose it."
"Ugh, yeah," Eli couldn't begin to imagine that feeling. "You can stay here, if you want. I'd rather not be alone. I mean, if you're okay sharing. You don't have to."
"That would be nice," Adam nodded. He stood up and went around to the other side of the bed. "Fair warning though, I'm totally in a cuddling mood."
"I could really use that right now," Eli had to be honest. Adam scooted right up to him and wrapped him up tight in his arms.
It was by far the best nap Eli could remember having. He slept for almost 3 hours. Adam was still holding him when he woke up and Eli was tempted to lay there a little longer. There was no way around it, he definitely had feelings for Adam. But could they last? Or was he just falling for Adam because he had too many feelings to handle with everything going on with Hunter?
Eli got a text that Clay was asking for him and he decided he had to get out of bed. He also decided that he had to push whatever he felt for Adam aside. Real or not, he definitely didn't need anything else to complicate his life.
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A/N: Adam's puppy, Flower at the top : )