Adam lay in bed, staring at his phone. Every single picture on Cole's Instagram feed had a caption about how sad he was and how much he missed Adam. It broke his heart. Even the fans commenting on the pictures agreed that they missed seeing happy pictures of Cole and Adam together. Of course, they all assumed it was because Cole was on tour.
Without even thinking twice, Adam texted Eli to admit the pictures were getting to him. Eli wrote back immediately.
Eli: get off there!!!
Eli: looking will only make you crazy
Eli was right, of course, but it wasn't like Adam could just unfollow Cole. Except...he could. He could decide to give up pretending that everything was okay and just let the world know they were struggling. No one would blame him if he decided to quit. In fact, everyone expected their marriage to end. That was what happened when you married someone you barely knew, wasn't it?
That question kept haunting Adam. When was it time to give up? He'd been hiding at Dax and Brent's house for two weeks and didn't feel any closer to an answer. In fact, Adam had more questions than before. How many of their problems were his fault and how many were just because Cole was...Cole?
That was also the part where Adam felt weakest. He loved so many things about Cole, like how he didn't give a shit about what anyone thought of him, but Cole was that way because of his disease. It was easy to do whatever the fuck you wanted when you knew you wouldn't have any of it come back to bite you 10 years later.
Which always got Adam feeling guilty again, because who even knew how much longer Cole had? Would it really be so bad to stick it out until Cole died? Then they could prove everyone wrong about their marriage not lasting, Adam wouldn't be letting Cole down and he wouldn't have to keep feeling so heartbroken.
Adam got another text from Eli.
Eli: you can do this Adam you just have to be strong
Eli: remember why you started this whole thing
How was it that Eli knew exactly what he was thinking? Adam sighed. Eli was right again. The problem wasn't how much Adam loved Cole. The problem was that Cole didn't listen. He didn't care what anyone thought and that included his own husband. Just because Cole thought he was doing what Adam needed didn't make it okay.
That settled one decision. Adam went through and unfollowed every one of Cole's accounts. Maybe it would get people talking but it didn't matter. He could always point out that Cole's stuff was public so he didn't have to follow him to see what he was posting.
With that handled, Adam went outside to smoke a joint. It was a little creepy because he was usually going to bed right around the time Hannah woke up for 3am bottle and Adam could watch through the window as Dax or Brent made the bottle and fed her. He loved knowing that there were people in the world who could give kids such amazing lives. Not that he knew anything about Hannah's birth mom or why she gave her up but he did know that Hannah's life would be as close to perfect as anyone's could get.
After just two weeks of watching his best friends be dads, Adam decided he wanted that too. He'd always known he wanted to do something big to help kids in need but seeing how much it took to care for a baby made him realize adoption was big enough in its own way. As much as Adam loved Cole, they could never adopt children together.
It was Brent's turn that night and, almost as soon as Adam was in the chair, he saw Brent carrying Hannah into the kitchen. Even half asleep, Brent was obviously head over heels in love with the little girl. Adam couldn't blame him a bit. He loved Hannah too, which was weird because she wasn't even his baby, but Adam couldn't help it.
Brent walked over to the window and waved at Adam, turning Hannah so Adam could see she was already falling asleep with the bottle in her mouth. Adam waved back and smiled. The only thing that made watching them less creepy was that Dax and Brent both knew he was doing it. It was just so soothing Adam couldn't make himself stop. He loved the reminder that all the mess in his life was so small next to everything else happening in the world.
It took Cole two days to say anything about how Adam unfollowed him. If the fans noticed before that, Adam didn't know because he stayed completely off his accounts. Cole tried to call at least three times every day and texted almost nonstop but Adam never answered.
About a week later, Adam was sitting with Brent and playing with Hannah when Zack showed up. He knew it was a serious conversation from the look on Zack's face when Adam tried to show him that Hannah could look at her reflection in the mirror and Zack barely smiled.
"Um, I guess we should go out back," Adam suggested, getting up.
"Yeah, we have to talk," Zack walked out the back door in front of Adam. Brent gave Adam a nervous look.
Zack waited for Adam to let him into the pool house and sat down on one of the couches. He looked like he was going to either cry or be sick. Adam sat down across from him, not sure what to think.
"I, um, we probably should have talked about this," Adam realized as he noticed Zack's hands shaking.
"You think?" Zack sighed. "Adam, you didn't just leave Cole, you know."
"I, well," Adam tried to think of a way to explain it. "You and I are-"
"Nothing. We're not a thing. I can see that," Zack shook his head. "I'm not stupid, I always knew I cared way more about you than you did about me. Cole kept saying to just give it time but I was around for that whole Trevor thing."
"I'm sorry."
"No, this is not about that because I knew, I know, Adam, you just hide from your shit. I knew you'd never be able to say it to my face," Zack still looked like he was going to cry. "I told Cole we're done. I'm moving in with Carlie."
"Okay."
"Yeah. So come home, Adam. Stop putting Cole through this."
"Wait, what?" Adam couldn't believe he'd heard Zack right. "Stop putting Cole through this? It was his idea to-"
"I know that too. He told me everything Adam, about his...condition, why he thought you and I should be together, all of it," Zack wiped his eyes. They were red but Adam didn't see any tears.
"He told you?" Adam's heart stopped. How many times had he told Cole he didn't want him to tell Zack about his disease? How many times was he going to have to say no to Cole before he finally listened?
"How could you, Adam? How can you just walk away from him when you don't even know how much time you have left?" Zack demanded. "I don't understand how you can treat him like-"
"Because he doesn't treat me right either!" Adam snapped. He couldn't take it any longer. "He doesn't listen to me. He does all this shit saying he's doing it to take care of me but he doesn't really care how I feel or what I want. All he's doing is just checking things off his list and moving on. I know we have no idea how much time he has left and I would love to spend every day with him, being so in love and making sure he has everything he needs but I can't do that when what he needs makes me so miserable."
"Oh," Zack looked stunned.
"I asked him not to tell you about his disease. I told him I wasn't falling for you like I wanted to, because I did, I wanted to, Zack," Adam all of a sudden realized he was going to cry. "I know you love me and when someone cares so much about you it's so hard knowing you don't feel the same way. I know we would have been so happy together but-"
"I'm not Cole."
"I tried, and it was so nice, but I think we're just not quite right," Adam nodded. Zack moved so he was sitting next to Adam. "He promised me we could end it if I decided it wasn't working but when I told him it was time, he said I was wrong. Like he knew better than me. And that's not all, Zack, I wish that was it but-"
"I'm so sorry, Adam," Zack hugged him. "I shouldn't have blamed you, I'm just trying to deal with this whole disease thing."
"I know," Adam squeezed Zack as hard as he could.
"I didn't realize there was so much more going on, I thought you were just avoiding breaking up with me."
"I guess I'm more like an iceberg than like a panda, right?"
"Mmm, ice panda," Zack laughed. "No, you're like a panda because you don't look as strong as you really are."
"Aw, Zack, that was really cute."
"It's just the truth," Zack sniffed. "So are you going to divorce Cole?"
"I really don't want to," Adam wiped his face. "I love him so much but I don't know if I can live like this. Part of me wants to just hang on until the end but then I think, like what if it's 10 more years?"
"Yeah, I mean, you could talk to him."
"That's just it though, it's like the thing I love most about Cole is the thing I'm not sure I can handle," Adam really started crying as he thought about that. He couldn't just ask Cole to change who he was.
"I bet you can work it out though. Like just try again?"
"Maybe," Adam took a breath and tried to calm down. "I want to believe we can figure something out, I just don't know how."
"Well, I'll be gone so maybe that will help," Zack hugged him again. "I'm sorry, Adam, I never should have gotten in the middle of all this."
"It's not your fault, at all. I really did want it to work," Adam insisted. "You're a really good friend, Zack."
"Thank you," Zack smiled. "So, um, I guess you're not coming home?"
"No, not yet."
"Alright, well, I'll text you when Carlie says I can have friends over. You should see the place, it's really nice."
"That sounds good," Adam agreed.
Zack said goodbye before he left and Adam went outside to smoke and think about the conversation. How many more times was Cole going to completely ignore Adam's wishes and do something Adam clearly said he didn't want him to do? It was worse than thinking about Cole's disease. At least with the disease they would have a warning.
Adam fell asleep in the lounge chair, waking up to a hand on his ankle as someone shook him awake. Eli.
"Dax is making dinner, do you want to come in?" Eli looked worried.
"Yes," Adam groaned. "Am I sunburnt?"
"It's February."
"I know, I just wondered," Adam sat up. "Ugh, it's so cold."
"Exactly, you can still catch hypothermia if you're not careful," Eli put his hand on Adam's cheek. "Ugh, you're frozen. What were you thinking?"
"That I might have to divorce Cole," Adam admitted.
"Well there's no point in that if you kill yourself first. Get inside," Eli ordered and pulled off his hoodie. "And put this on. I swear, Adam."
"I meant to go back inside, I just passed out."
"I know. I'm not mad, I just want you to take better care of yourself."
"Yeah, I really should," Adam agreed. Eli was right, there was no point in ending things with Cole if he was just going to be a complete mess. He put Eli's hoodie on, an almost spicy smell filling his nose. It was comforting and the hoodie was still warm from being on Eli. "Ohh this is so much better. Is that you? It smells good."
"Get in the house already, geez," Eli pushed him toward the door but Adam saw the slightest hint of pink in Eli's cheeks. Was that from the cool air or something else?
Inside the house, Brent had Hannah strapped to his chest with what looked like a big blanket. He was setting the table while Maddox was at the stove, cooking. Everything Eli had said about how suddenly Brent and Dax seemed like 90 steps ahead at adulting really hit Adam right then. How did that happen?
"That smells so good," Adam went to look over Maddox's shoulder.
"Adam was asleep outside," Eli tattled.
"Isn't it too cold for that?" Brent frowned.
"Yes, Dad," Adam rolled his eyes. "Eli already gave me the lecture."
Maddox and Brent gave each other looks, just like real parents but they didn't say anything. Dinner was a nice break from being alone with his thoughts. Adam actually had a good time until Cole's next round of texts started coming in.
"What is it?" Brent leaned over to look at Adam's phone.
"Same thing as always," Adam turned his phone over so Brent couldn't read Cole's latest messages. What he decided not to tell anyone was that Cole was coming home for a few days and wanted to see him.
Adam obsessed over what to do about Cole's visit until the day he showed up. If only he felt closer to making a decision it might have been easier to agree to see Cole but Adam still didn't know what to do.
He was still trying to decide if seeing Cole would help when Cole texted him that he was outside. It was just past midnight and when Adam didn't answer his text, Cole started calling. Adam lasted through 4 calls before he broke down and answered.
"Please, Adam."
"I'm on the way," Adam sighed. He looked over Cole's shoulder to see if anyone inside could see them but all the lights in Dax and Brent's house were off.
"You look like hell," Cole shook his head when he got inside.
"You don't look great either," Adam shrugged.
"Yeah, having your husband ignore you for over a month will do that," Cole looked around. "Why are you doing this? Why not just go home? Zack is gone now."
"I needed to be away from you," Adam told him. "I'm trying to figure out what to do, Cole."
"There's nothing to do. Zack is gone, it's just you and me. Go home, Adam, you won."
"I didn't win anything!" Adam lost it. "You did what you wanted, just like you always do. I asked you not to pay off my debt and you did it anyway. I told you I didn't want to be with Zack and you told me I had to try anyway. I said I didn't want you to tell him about the Ashby-Rhodes and you told him anyway. I can't live like that, Cole!"
"You can't tell me what to do, Adam, it's my life."
"Then you can't get mad at me for deciding I don't want to be part of that life anymore," Adam hadn't planned to say it but it was the truth. The look on Cole's face told him that maybe he'd finally gotten through to him.
"Are you serious?"
"I've been thinking a lot, Cole," Adam took a deep breath but he didn't get to go on.
"No, wait," Cole held up his hand before Adam could say anything else. "You've been thinking, but you've been here alone. Can you please wait to make a decision until we've had some time together? Just you and me, no one else."
"I, um," Adam glanced at his phone. He wanted to text Eli to ask if that was okay but he was pretty sure he couldn't do that in front of Cole. "Um. See, I just-"
"Please, Adam, let me have some time with you," Cole reached for Adam's face and ran his fingers over Adam's cheek.
"That's the problem, Cole, you don't listen," Adam closed his eyes. "I love you so much and I know we'll be okay while we're together. But I have to live with everything when you're not around."
"I promise not to do anything to you tonight you'll regret tomorrow."
Adam gave in but he made Cole leave before anyone in the house woke up. It was like that for the rest of Cole's time at home. He snuck in late and left early for two more nights. Cole seemed to think that a few nights of sex would solve everything.
"Take care of yourself," Adam told him when he said goodbye the last night.
"You should just come with me, then you could do it yourself."
"Yeah, right."
"I'll help you pack," Cole looked around until he saw Adam's suitcase.
"Cole, stop," Adam took his bag from Cole. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Not even home?"
"No, we never talked," Adam reminded him. "This hasn't changed anything. I'm still trying to make up my mind what I want to do."
"You say that like you're thinking about leaving permanently," Cole made a face. "What do you want me to do to fix this?"
"I don't know, Cole, I don't know if it can be fixed. Maybe I do need to move on," Adam waited for the hurt look on Cole's face. It hit a second later and then disappeared again.
"No. That's not happening," Cole took Adam's suitcase again. "You're not leaving me. I told you, the only way out of this marriage is over my dead body."
"I thought you were kidding," Adam protested. "You can't keep me stuck here, I'll get a lawyer."
"And I will fight you every single step of the way. I love you, Adam, I'm not letting you give up on us."
"Who said anything about giving up? Do you realize you just told me I don't have a choice but to be married to you? Like, really, Cole?"
"You think I don't listen but I hear you. I just need you to trust me."
"No, you need to let me have the things I want," Adam argued. "I know I can't tell you not to tell people about your Ashby-Rhodes but what about the other stuff?"
"How do I fix that now, Adam? Tell me what you want me to do and I will do it."
"Stop packing my stuff," Adam ordered. Cole stopped, holding his hands up. "Now get out."
"This conversation is not over."
"It is if you refuse to hear me," Adam crossed his arms. "Or you can talk to my lawyer, whatever you want."
"You're actually really adorable when you threaten me," Cole grinned and kissed Adam's cheek before he could stop him. "I love you, sweet boy. Please go home."
"Not a chance."
"Please," Cole repeated and started to leave. He was still on the stairs when Adam felt the guilt hit him.
"Hey Cole?" Adam went out to see his face. Cole stopped and looked up at him. "I love you too. In case of death."
"Thank you," Cole looked a little happier and Adam knew he'd given him false hope. But he also knew he couldn't live with himself if he hadn't said it.
Back in the guest room, Adam crawled into the bed that still smelled like Cole and slept better than he had in weeks.
The next 6 weeks were agony. Adam missed Cole like crazy but he was even more certain that he couldn't stay married to him if something didn't change. He also knew that divorcing Cole was going to wreck him, probably forever.
"So, how much longer do you think you might be here?" Brent asked while they were cleaning up after dinner one night.
"I don't know, I can go if you need me to," Adam was embarrassed when he thought about how long he'd been at their house.
"No, not at all. I just wondered. Maddox and I were talking about you babysitting, if you think you would be okay with that," Brent grinned. He'd obviously figured out that Adam loved Hannah.
"Would you?" Adam raised his eyebrows. "I'm pretty sure I could handle it as long as nothing weird happened."
"You will probably have to change a diaper."
"I can learn that, right?"
"Of course you can," Brent laughed. "If I learned, you can too. Why do you all act like Dax and I became robots or something?"
"Because it happened so fast," Adam had to laugh too. "I just looked up one day and you were like perfect adults and I'm over here still trying to figure out how to be married."
"You've been married longer than me, I still have no idea what I'm doing," Brent shrugged. "Mostly I just stand back and let Maddox be Maddox. He does the hard work of putting up with me."
"Ugh, stop being fake humble," Adam rolled his eyes. "I let Cole be Cole and I ended up with a boyfriend, a pet brother-in-law, a pot addiction and 20 sex toy versions of my dick."
"20?" Brent started laughing so hard Adam thought he was about to choke. "20? Please tell me you use them all at once. I will get a notepad and learn some new things."
"He had to have one in each of the 10 colors, one vibrating and one not," Adam shrugged. "We've only used 3 at once, he keeps trying to use one on me but I think that's weird."
"Mm, but then you would know what we've all gotten to experience," Brent grinned. "Okay, but seriously, don't blame Cole for your pot problem. That was an issue before he ever showed up."
"He's contributed heavily."
"Still. Be fair."
"I don't know, Brent, maybe I can't do this after all," Adam admitted. "It's so much harder than I expected."
"I don't know either. But will you hate me if I ask what you expected when you agreed to marry him after just 6 months?" Brent looked nervous.
"No, I won't hate you. I know what everyone thinks," Adam sighed. "That question helps, actually. I knew going in that my marriage would never look like...this," Adam gestured to the house around them.
"So what changed?"
"Right," Adam tried to swallow the lump in his throat but he couldn't. His phone buzzed in his pocket. "Dammit, Cole."
"Is he calling?"
"No, it's just a text. He's coming home," Adam's heart dropped when he read it. "A doctor appointment."
"He doesn't travel with a doctor?"
"Yeah, they want to do some tests," Adam bit his tongue. "Ugh, now I feel guilty. I should call him."
"What kind of tests?" Brent frowned.
"He didn't say," Adam lied. The doctor wanted to do another CT scan, just like two years earlier when the blood work wasn't clear.
"I'm sure it's nothing. They're probably just being super careful," Brent gave Adam what should have been a reassuring smile. If Adam didn't know better, he would have believed Brent.
"Hope so. I have to call," Adam decided and headed outside. Cole answered right away.
"I knew that would work."
"What's going on?"
"Same as last time. I'm fine, Adam, it's just to be sure," Cole sighed. "But I figured you'd be more angry at me if I didn't say anything than if I scared you for no reason."
"But you don't know it's for no reason," Adam pointed out.
"Technically. I don't have any symptoms though."
"Alright," Adam took a deep breath. "When do you get here?"
"Tomorrow. Can I come see you?"
"I'll go to the hospital with you, that's all."
"We should settle this, Adam."
"You don't want to do that right now," Adam warned him.
"You still think you want a divorce?"
"We'll talk when you get here," Adam closed his eyes. Talking to Brent had helped him figure out what he wanted and it wasn't a divorce - at least not really.
"With or without the lawyers?"
"Goodbye, Cole," Adam shook his head. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Adam met Cole at the hospital for his appointment the next morning. Cole looked fine, but he'd always looked healthy to Adam. The tests took hours and Adam got more and more nervous but in the end everything came back clear. Cole was still okay.
"Okay, well, are you coming back with me so we can talk?" Adam asked as they reached the hospital parking lot.
"I have a better idea. Why don't you just come with me to the airport and we can go back to my tour together?"
"You said you wanted to settle this," Adam felt like screaming. "When I said we could talk, did you already know you wouldn't be here?"
"I didn't plan to wait 3 hours to get my CT scan, actually. I did plan to have more time," Cole sighed. "You can come right back if our talk doesn't go well."
"Right, just like how you promised we could end things with Zack if it didn't work out."
"Did I lie? Zack is gone."
"Damn it, Cole," Adam was so mad he could barely see straight. "Fine. Have a safe trip back to wherever."
"Wait, where's my goodbye kiss?"
"You don't get one today."
"In case of death?"
"The doctor just said you're not dying!" Adam didn't care who could hear him shouting. He got into his car and slammed the door.
When he got back to Brent and Maddox's house, Adam didn't go into the pool house. More than anything he wanted to hold Hannah and remember that there was still good in the world. But he could hear Maddox singing and realized it was probably naptime.
Instead, Adam went upstairs to find Brent, assuming he would be in his office playing video games. Brent wasn't at his desk but the computer was on, as if he'd just stepped away for a second. Adam went into one of the guest rooms to look out the window while he waited.
Maddox and Brent's house was near a bluff and had a gorgeous view of the ocean when the weather was just right. That day it was too hazy and overcast to be nice. It almost looked like it could rain but probably wouldn't.
"Hey," it wasn't Brent coming into the guest room and shutting the door, it was Cole.
"What the fuck? Did you follow me?" Adam was more startled than mad.
"I did and maybe if you checked your mirrors you would have seen me, sweet boy," Cole grinned. "While I was following you I made a decision."
"What now?"
"I'm not going back to work until you move home where you belong."
"Oh really? How does Justin feel about that?"
"I hope I won't have to tell him," Cole shrugged. "But I'm sure he'll pick my marriage over my tour. Even if it is more expensive."
"Let's find out," Adam crossed his arms. "You can't tell me what to do either, Cole. It's my life."
"And I made a vow that your life is my life until death do us part," Cole smiled again. "And we just heard that I'm not dying this month, so we have some work to do."
"Fuck you."
"I'd really rather fuck you, it's been much too long," Cole pulled his shirt off. "What do you say, sweet boy? If you won't talk then let's fuck."
"This is the last time," Adam decided. Cole was right, he was going to give in and go back to Cole's house just to get him to leave. Justin would never know about Cole's plan not to go back until Adam was home. But that meant Adam was going to get something he wanted too.
He let Cole take charge but was happy to channel all his frustration into fucking. Adam forgot until it was way too late that they were in Dax and Brent's house and could probably be heard. He held off cumming until Cole pulled out and went down on him so they wouldn't make too much of a mess in the guest room they weren't even supposed to be in in the first place.
"So, I hate to ask," Cole actually looked nervous as they started to get dressed again.
"Yes, I'm coming home, but only because you're being an idiot about it and I feel bad staying with Dax and Brent for much longer."
"But you're still mad."
"Furious."
"Do you really want a divorce?"
"I want a different marriage," Adam corrected him. "When we got married I didn't really know what I was getting into but now I know better. I can't live with what we have now for the rest of your life, Cole."
"So yes then?"
"If you're going to refuse to listen, then yes," Adam hadn't even gotten to explain what he meant. Cole was just doing what he always did and assuming he knew what would happen next.
"Let's finish this at home," Cole looked away.
Maddox and Brent were standing in the kitchen laughing and kissing each other when Adam and Cole came downstairs. The look on their faces told Adam they'd heard everything, or at least enough to know what he and Cole were doing.
"Sorry," Adam apologized.
"Don't worry about it," Maddox shook his head.
"You know you two have a whole house of your own you could be doing that in," Brent pointed out.
"Cole has a house," Adam corrected him.
"It's yours," Cole rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving, remember?"
"I don't want the house," Adam looked away.
"Well, it's yours," Cole shrugged. "I'm not going to live there without you."
"Then sell it."
"You sell it," Cole argued. Adam shook his head. Of course Cole had to be difficult. Of course.
"Are you going home while he's on tour?" Brent raised his eyebrows. "You've been here almost three months."
"Yeah, I'm going," Adam sighed. "Someone has to watch Lucas so, lucky me. I get the house and a brother-in-law in the divorce."
"Stop saying that word," Cole cringed.
"You can't just pretend it's not happening, Cole," Adam protested.
"You're really breaking up?" Maddox looked shocked.
"Not if I can help it," Cole told everyone. "I'm not giving up just because you're mad right now."
"I've been mad for six months, Cole!" Adam finally snapped.
"Shh, Hannah's asleep," Brent warned.
"Whatever, I'll go pack," Adam decided.
"I'm here to help you with that," Cole started following him.
"Can you not?"
"No, I came to help. And I brought your pot so you're gonna let me help."
"Fine," Adam rolled his eyes and went out the back door.
"Don't smoke in the house," Maddox ordered, as if Adam hadn't been doing it outside the whole time already.
"Did you have to tell our friends we're getting divorced?" Cole followed Adam into the guest house.
"Did you have to tell Zack you're dying?"
"Is this what it's like living with me? You're being so damn difficult, Adam, I swear."
"Yes, actually, what you're going through is probably exactly what it's like living with you," Adam went into the room where he'd been staying and grabbed his suitcase.
"You're already packed?"
"I thought we were going to work this out, but you don't want to listen," Adam shrugged. "So yes, I was packed."
"What do you want, Adam?" Cole sat down on the bed. "What kind of different marriage do you want?"
"I want that," Adam pointed to Dax and Brent's house. "I don't want to wait for my next husband to just have something normal and happy. No more sharing guys, no more boyfriends, no more just doing what you think is best if it goes against what I said I wanted and expecting me to just trust that you know better. And yeah, if you can't give me that then I want out."
"That's not what we agreed to, Adam, you know why I want you to date other guys."
"Yeah, I know. I've changed my mind."
"I can give up a lot of things, but I'm not sure I can handle not knowing what you'll do when I'm gone," Cole closed his eyes. "Do you know that I would do anything to give you the perfect fairytale life? Just you and me, two kids, a dog and all the cuteness you could ever want or imagine?"
"Then let's do it, Cole," Adam sat down to hug him as he saw a tear roll down Cole's cheek. "Not the kids, but everything else. I know it won't last forever, losing you is going to destroy me no matter what so can't we just make the time we do have as good as possible?"
"You promised, Adam, I have to know you'll have someone when I'm gone."
"I know, but," Adam sighed. "That's on me, Cole. It's not your job to find me someone."
"I can give you everything else, Adam. I can't let that go."
"What if I promise to find him on my own?" Adam figured he could just promise he was looking and never actually do anything about it. "I mean, you want me to find a new husband, it's not like that's going to be a quick and easy thing."
"If I can tell you're actually trying, fine," Cole put his arms around Adam. "Can I please take you home now?"
"Does this mean you're going to start listening to me when I ask you not to do something?"
"Yes, and I promise we're going to give Saint Brent and Sunshine in there a little competition for that perfect couple title," Cole grinned.
"Alright. Then you can take me home."
------------------------------
"Okay, I'm standing in front of our closet. Which suitcase do you want?" Eli looked at the two black suitcases on Hunter's side of the closet. He and Hunter were on Facetime, trying to sort out how to get Hunter more clothes.
"Open the one on the right. If it has the blue polo shirt on top, that's the one," Hunter sighed. "I'm so sorry, Eli, I was supposed to be done in DC. Everything just blew up again."
"I'm used to it," Eli forced himself to smile at his phone camera as he dragged the suitcase out of the closet.
"That's the wrong bag."
"How can you tell? I haven't even opened it," Eli protested, unzipping the suitcase.
"It's got the red band on the tag," Hunter explained. "Please just get the other one."
"Wait, you said the blue polo shirt," Eli held up the shirt so Hunter could see. "Isn't this a blue polo shirt?"
"That's light blue. The one I was talking about is regular blue."
"Okay, let me just put this back," Eli folded the shirt again and put it on the top of the stack. He pushed it down, trying to make sure everything fit before he closed it again but there was a cardboard box on the side that got in the way. Without even thinking, Eli picked it up.
"Hey, look at me for a second," Hunter startled Eli and he looked up at the phone. "I love you."
"I love you too," Eli smiled. He heard Hunter take a screenshot and rolled his eyes.
"I'm really sorry."
"I told you, I'm used to it," Eli shrugged.
"No, that's not what I meant," Hunter sighed. Eli went to tuck the box in his hand back into Hunter's suitcase when he realized what he was holding. His heart stopped.
"Wait, why are there condoms in your bag?"
"Well, we should talk about that," Hunter took a deep breath.
"Are you kidding me?" Eli felt like throwing up. No wonder Hunter took a screenshot of him smiling. "Did you cheat on me?"
"I'm sorry, Eli. I did."
Eli froze, everything around him fading out of focus as he tried to make sense of what he'd just learned. Hunter was explaining in his calm, methodical voice about the capitol hill staffer he'd met while working with Kelly and how he hadn't meant to but it just happened - but Eli couldn't pay attention.
It was the one thing, out of so many fears, Eli had never, ever thought to worry about. That Hunter would cheat on him, when he barely had time in his busy day to talk to him, had never crossed Eli's mind. When they were together, everything was perfect.
"When?" Eli interrupted Hunter's apology.
"What?" Hunter hadn't expected that question. "Um, it started last time I was here. David and I were-"
"David," Eli repeated. "I want to see a picture."
"No, Eli, come on."
"Or his Instagram account."
"What? No, that's-"
"He knows who I am, Hunter. My face is all over your instagram feed. My whole life is online, he can just go look me up and find out anything he wants. I don't know anything about him. You have to give me this much."
"His instagram is private," Hunter sighed. "I'm texting you a picture, okay?"
"I can't even believe you would do this," Eli still felt like he could throw up at any second. "Why? How could you? We were supposed to start a family soon, I mean, oh my god."
"I'm sorry, Eli, I told you, I didn't mean for it to happen," Hunter launched back into his apology. It sounded like he'd practiced it. Eli saw the text come through and opened the picture.
"He has kids? Tell me you're joking!" Eli was looking at what looked like an adorable family picture. Hunter and David and two kids.
"They're from his ex-husband, he only has them part of the time," Hunter made it sound like that made any difference whatsoever.
"You have a secret family."
"No, it's not-"
"I'm looking at the fucking picture!"
"We're not a couple, he knows I'm married," Hunter actually had the nerve to sound offended. "I'm not leaving you, Eli, I just made a mistake. I was lonely and we've gotten close. Too close."
"Well good, then I can leave you," Eli wanted to throw his phone across the room. "Fuck you, Hunter, how dare you? You think I haven't been lonely here? You think I haven't been absolutely miserable missing you all this time? I kept my mouth shut about how much I hate your stupid job so you could go live your dream and suffered in silence all this time and this is what happens?"
"Eli-"
"No! Stop saying you're sorry. I'm so fucking done, Hunter. Sorry doesn't mean shit at this point."
"Please, Eli, don't leave me," Hunter was crying. "I love you so much, I never meant for this to happen."
"I can't even talk to you right now, this is insane," Eli could feel his anger turning to tears. "I can't believe you. I can't believe anything you say anymore, Hunter. We weren't perfect but that doesn't mean...this is just..."
"Please-"
"No. Goodbye, Hunter," Eli hung up the phone before he started crying. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried so hard. It wasn't as bad as when his mom and sister died but it felt close. And to make things worse, all he wanted was his mom.
For a few seconds, Eli thought about calling Clara. She'd always promised him that if he needed a mom he could call. But talking to her would mean it was real - and then he would have to tell Dax. That was the last thing Eli could handle.
Before Eli knew it, he was crying so hard he was going to throw up. Maybe he'd lost his mind or maybe it was just a normal reaction when someone found out their husband was a cheating shithead asswipe but rather than drag himself to the bathroom, Eli leaned over and threw up into Hunter's suitcase. He noticed, happily, that he'd gotten it all over that light blue polo shirt, probably staining it forever.
As soon as he had control of himself again, Eli turned and grabbed their wedding pictures off the dresser. It took him 5 seconds to gather all the pictures in the house. He only felt a tiny bit guilty when he dropped them all in the suitcase and zipped it up.
But even with all the pictures gone, Eli felt trapped in the house. He could still see Hunter everywhere. The walls were closing in on him and he had to get out. Without even thinking, he grabbed his phone and called the only person he thought might be able to make him feel better.
"Eli? Is Dax okay?" Adam sounded shocked that Eli was calling him.
"Are you at home? I'm on the way," Eli grabbed his keys.
"Um, yeah, are you," Adam paused. "Are you okay?"
"Hunter cheated on me."
"Eli."
"Text me the address."
"Maybe I should come to you, I don't know if you should drive."
"I have to get out of this house," Eli was already on the stairs.
"Oh, um, okay. Well, I'll see you soon."
Even with the traffic, Eli made it to Adam's house in 20 minutes. He didn't have to knock, Adam was waiting on the front step when he pulled up.
"Don't hug me," Eli warned. He knew if Adam hugged him he would just start crying again. "Do you have-"
"I pulled out Cole's stash, we have everything you could want," Adam opened the front door. "Except heroin, but I didn't think that was your style."
"I was just going to ask for something I could break," Eli's eyes widened when he saw the collection of drugs on the dining room table.
"Hey! Drop it!" Adam shouted, almost like he was yelling at a dog. Instead, a guy who looked terrifyingly perfect dropped a pill bottle on the table. "I counted everything, Lucas, don't be an idiot."
"Adam, I am so bored. Please, just let me have something," Lucas whined.
"Have some homework. Or join a club," Adam held his hand out. To Eli's surprise, Lucas handed over an impressive number of pills and two joints.
"You're the worst."
"Eli, this is Cole's younger brother," Adam gestured. "He got expelled from his school in Phoenix for drugs. So now he lives here until I can catch him fucking up enough to convince his mom he needs to be in boarding school."
"Um, hi," Eli wasn't sure what to say.
"You'd love that, wouldn't you? You look all snow white innocent but you're really the most evil," Lucas crossed his arms.
"If I were so evil I would demand you give back the two joints you still have in your pocket," Adam gave him a smug grin. Lucas looked shocked. "I told you, I counted. If I find out you took those out of this house I'm not even calling your mom, I'll call the cops and dump the rest of this in your suitcase."
"Adam, that's," Eli started to protest but Adam shot him a look and Eli was scared to speak again.
"O-okay, don't get crazy," Lucas backed up. "I just wanted to have some fun."
"Enjoy," Adam waited for Lucas to leave the room before he turned to Eli. "So, no drugs?"
"I think I just wet my pants. I'm scared to say yes," Eli admitted.
"Good to know," Adam grinned and turned to pack everything up.
"Wait, what is all this?" Eli had never seen most of the things on the table. Adam explained all of it as he packed it back into a pretty wooden box. There were leftover painkillers and other prescription drugs, a few different kinds of pot, some coke, poppers, and random over the counter pills too.
"Oh, plus the essential oils," Adam pointed to a section of the box. "But they don't get you high."
"Do you just have, I don't know, wine?" Eli looked around the dining room and realized that the fur was gone. "Wait, when did you redecorate?"
"Mm, Cole did this while we were finishing our tour," Adam smiled. "Come on, let's get you some wine and I'll give you a tour."
Eli followed Adam to the kitchen where Adam opened a cabinet and showed Eli the biggest collection of wine he'd ever seen in person. He picked the only bottle he recognized and Adam uncorked it, handing him the whole bottle.
"Thank you," Eli didn't even wait for a glass. He put the bottle to his lips and gulped down as much as he could. To his relief, Adam just smiled and held up his own bottle.
"To dickbag husbands."
"Fuck dickbag husbands," Eli corrected and tapped his bottle against Adam's. "Now let's see the house for real."
"Yeah, it actually came out really great," Adam closed the wine pantry and showed Eli through the house.
It took Eli two bottles of wine before he could tell Adam the story. They ended up drunk, by the pool, as Eli shared everything Hunter told him about David. Once he started talking, Eli realized he didn't actually know that much.
"He didn't even say it was over, or that he would end it," Eli remembered. "What the fuck, Adam? All he said was it was a mistake."
"But a mistake isn't let's take a family picture," Adam pointed to Eli's phone. "A mistake is like, why did I drink so much last night? Let's never talk about it again."
"Right, yes," Eli looked at the picture again. It did look like a perfect, happy family picture. "Should I leave him? I don't know how we can move on after this. Not if he's going to keep working in D.C."
"He has to travel for work, right?"
"Yeah, so maybe he has a family in every city he visits, I don't know."
"That's not what I'm saying," Adam shook his head. "I just meant you have to be able to trust him."
"Right."
"Before this, you did, right? Everything was good?"
"Minus the distance, everything was really good," Eli couldn't stop himself from crying. He'd tried so hard not to but he couldn't hold it back anymore. "We were going to have a family, buy a house, all of it. Soon too, I mean right after Dax's tour."
"So then I think you should fight," Adam looked sad. "I know it won't be easy, but I think you should try."
"I don't know if I can, Adam. I always trusted him before and this is what happened. I don't know how to keep going."
"You have to talk to him. Figure out what he wants, but not what he says he wants, what he actually does," Adam sighed. "Like his actions need to show you, you know what I mean? None of that sorry ass, 'I promise to change' if he never does it."
"Right, yeah," Eli wiped his eyes. "I'm just going to be scared every time he's in D.C. now."
"It's either that or live without him."
"I'm just so mad, like, why? Why did he have to do this?"
"You're never going to get an answer to that."
"But maybe there's a good reason. Like what if it's me?" Eli tried to look at the picture of David but Adam grabbed his phone away.
"It's not you."
"How do you know? What if I got fat and don't know it?"
"Eli, you're not fat."
"I haven't worked out in...maybe a year. There's a good chance I'm-"
"Shut up. It's not you."
"Look at his picture, Adam, he looks like he can probably bench press a house."
"Okay, listen to me," Adam held up Eli's phone and deleted the picture of David and Hunter. "I'm only going to say this to you once because I am drunk and normally I know better. But the only reason this happened is that there's something fundamentally wrong with Hunter. He's a cunt, Eli. When I look at that picture it looks to me like he's the one who got chubby and if anything he's just using this David guy to make himself feel better."
"No, that's-"
"Yes, remember I spent half my last tour with Hunter. Also remember that you spend all your time around unnaturally gorgeous celebrities. I personally can't blame your annoying ass husband for being insecure."
"You kind of are unnaturally gorgeous," Eli realized, looking at Adam. He was just in shorts and a t-shirt but the shirt was tight and thin enough that Eli could see a hint of abs.
"That's not, um, I didn't mean," Adam's cheeks turned red. "Thank you, but, um."
"Sorry, I shouldn't have," Eli felt his own face getting warm. "I'm um, a little drunk too, obviously."
"Well, that was the goal," Adam handed Eli his phone back. "Anyway, all I'm saying is don't blame yourself. Also I hate Hunter. And I promise never to say that again."
"Okay," Eli went to get another sip of wine but his bottle was empty. "I should stop."
"Mmm, what's your middle name?"
"Gabriel. Elijah Gabriel Warren," Eli had to lean back when Adam choked on his wine.
"Your name isn't just Eli? I had no idea!"
"I actually don't think anyone but Hunter knows that," Eli thought for a minute. "Whoever filed my paperwork when I got my job."
"Mind blown. This is too crazy for words," Adam stood up. "Anyway, if you can still remember your name you're not done drinking."
"If you say so," Eli followed Adam inside to get another bottle of wine for each of them.
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A/N: Picture at the top because guys wearing babies is one of my weaknesses. I couldn't find a guy that looks like how I picture Brent but this gives you an idea. Anyway...poor Eli. I was sorry to cut this chapter off here but I have to draw a line somewhere. Next chapter picks up close to where this left off.