One week turned into three and Maddox was still at Adam's house. In some ways it was fun, but mostly Adam worried. Was Brent ever going to admit there was something going on? It seemed like Brent was too busy trying to prove nothing was wrong to realize he was getting worse.
That night Zack was out, leaving Adam and Cole alone with Maddox. If it bothered anyone but Adam, he couldn't tell. Cole and Maddox acted like friends, nothing more. Dax made dinner, like always, and they were still at the table when his phone rang.
"It's him," Maddox gasped. "Should I even answer it?"
"Yeah, I mean, just in case," Adam nodded. He took Cole's hand. Cole squeezed his hand but his face was neutral, as if he didn't care at all what Brent had to say. From across the table, Adam couldn't hear anything Brent was saying but he sounded angry.
"No, leave my family alone," Maddox insisted. "I'm fine, Brent, just go home."
Cole sighed and let go of Adam, gesturing for him to get up. Adam waited until he heard what Maddox said next.
"I'm not with Eli. I don't want to see you, Brent."
"Liar," Brent's voice got so loud Adam could hear him before he got around the table. "You think by now I can't tell when you're lying? Just fucking tell me where you are. I'll find you, Maddox."
"No, you won't," Maddox put his phone down just as Adam made it over to him.
"He would never hurt you," Adam put his arms around Maddox.
"I don't think I even know him anymore."
"Drugs," Cole shook his head. "It's drugs."
"He's not on anything, Cole," Adam protested.
"It's the only explanation. Saint Brent completely snapped one day out of nowhere. Either he's lost his mind or he's on something."
"I would know if he was getting high," Maddox argued. "Or my mom, my mom would know."
"Okay, no offense," Cole laughed. "You don't know anything about drugs, Maddox, you won't even smoke pot. Trust me, I do lots of drugs. And Adam, you've been around drugs most of your life, don't you think it makes sense?"
"You really think he's on something?" Adam felt his heart breaking. He knew either Cole was right or it was worse than drugs.
"Yes, I do," Cole nodded. "Oh stop making that face at me, not even Brent can actually be perfect."
"Why?" Maddox held onto Adam a little tighter. "Why would he do that?"
"Who the fuck knows?" Cole laughed. "I'm guessing he just went on something to help him work out harder or longer and it got a little out of control."
"He's calling me," Adam could see his phone. "What do I do?"
"Answer it," Cole laughed. "Just like you always do," he shook his head and went to the fridge, grabbing himself a beer. "Dax?"
"No, I'm good," Maddox looked like he wanted to cry when Adam let go of him to answer the phone.
"Adam, I fucked up, I fucked everything up. I need to - I don't know, I need to do something and I can't find Dax and everything is ruined and it's all my fault. I don't even know how it got so bad I just-" Brent was talking too fast and he sounded like he was either crying or about to start.
"Slow down," Adam could hear how panicked Brent was but he had to remind himself he wasn't suppose to know anything about what was happening. "What's going on?"
"Just when I think my life isn't going to revolve around Brent anymore," Cole sighed.
"Are you home? I'm coming over," Brent sniffed. "It's easier than explaining and easier than sitting in this fucking empty house."
"No, don't come over," Adam gasped. "I'll come to you, just stay where you are."
"Okay, but," Brent took a slow breath. Cole tossed Adam's keys at him and Adam managed to catch them. "Can you stay on the phone with me?"
"Yeah, I'll stay on the phone with you, just calm down. I'll be right there," Adam promised and ran out the door.
"I don't understand, Adam, this was never supposed to happen. I just thought, oh my god, I'm so stupid."
"No, you're not stupid."
"You don't even know, I can't even-" Brent started crying so hard Adam couldn't understand anything else he said for the rest of the drive.
Brent was still crying when Adam got to his house. All he could do was hug him and wait until he calmed down enough to explain.
"I need Dax, I need him back," Brent kept saying. "I want him to take me back."
"Okay, why don't I call Maddox and ask him to come home?"
"He won't, he left me, Adam. He's never coming back."
"I'm going to call him," Adam decided. Brent was too upset to tell the story right but he didn't know that Adam knew Dax hadn't really left him. Then again, maybe Brent was so messed up he couldn't understand anymore.
"Adam, what's going on?" Maddox answered right away.
"Maddox, um," Adam paused, remembering Brent could hear his side of the conversation. "It's Adam, um, can you come home?"
"Is that a trick question?"
"No, I know you said you wouldn't, but Brent needs to tell you something," Adam hoped that didn't sound suspicious. He didn't want to be the one to tell Brent that Dax was at his house. "I think you should listen."
"Okay," Maddox sighed. "You know what I said, if he's going to admit he has a problem, yeah, I'll come."
"Just come here. See you when you get here," Adam put his phone down and looked at Brent.
"Is he coming?"
"Yes," Adam nodded. "Can you tell me the truth?"
"I always-"
"No, you don't, but tell me now. Are you on something?"
Brent's expression told Adam everything he needed to know. Cole was right.
"How did you know?"
"It's the only explanation that makes sense," Adam took a deep breath. "What is it, Brent?"
"You know that preworkout I told you about?" Brent wiped his face. "I knew it was bad stuff, but it made me feel better, and then there was so much going on I kept taking it and I knew I was taking it too much but it helped. It's so hard, Adam, you don't even know, being in love with someone who's as depressed as Dax was and trying to be there with him while everything else was going on. There was just all this pressure and everyone was always looking at me, they're still always looking at me and I'm not..."
"Okay," Adam hugged Brent as he started crying again. "You have to pick, Brent. Drugs or Dax?"
"You know what I want, don't ask me that."
"Say it out loud."
"Dax, I pick Dax. I've always picked Dax."
"I know," Adam choked back the tears that were trying to escape. "Let's go get your stash. All of it. Every last bit."
Adam followed Brent to his car where he pulled out a gym bag and showed Adam the small collection of pill bottles. They had labels and looked like every other supplement you could buy at a store but Adam had a feeling the labels didn't actually have anything to do with what was inside.
"This is all of it. It's the only place Dax doesn't clean so," Brent shrugged.
"Dax cooks and cleans? Like he doesn't have help?"
"We have a cleaning lady, but Dax keeps the house spotless anyway," Brent shook his head. "That's what I meant, Adam, I can't keep up without a little help, but now it's ruined my whole life, like, Dax is perfect at everything he does and I can't compete."
"It's not a competition, you're married," Adam motioned for Brent to go inside. "And Dax isn't perfect, not any more than you, and he has help to make him look better than he is. You know that."
"I used to help him, I used to be able to take care of him and I can't anymore," Brent set his pill bottles on the kitchen table. "I don't know how to handle it, Adam."
Adam sat down next to Brent and put his arm around him. He didn't know what else to say. So much of what Brent was saying didn't make any sense, but some of it did. Of course "Saint Brent" thought he had to be perfect, Brent worked harder than everyone at making the world think he was perfect.
"We'll figure it out," Adam promised.
Maddox walked in a few minutes later, his eyes fixing right on the pill bottles on the table. Adam could almost read the thoughts going through Maddox's mind. His face said it all.
"You were right," Brent shook Adam's arm off his shoulders. "I messed up."
"What is all this?" Maddox sounded like he was fighting not to cry.
"It was just supposed to be supplements. To help with my workouts but then I got this stuff that I could take so I could eat like, whatever I wanted and not have to be on any crazy diets but," Brent shook his head. "I don't know, I just wanted more and then I didn't know how to stop."
"How long has this been happening?" Maddox reached for a pill bottle and looked at the list of ingredients.
"When we got back from our honeymoon. After you went back to therapy. I didn't think it would get so out of control, Dax, I really didn't."
"Right," Maddox put the bottle down. "So now what?"
"I don't know," Brent shrugged. "I want to stop, I know I need to stop."
"Okay," Maddox took a deep breath. He sat down across the table from Brent. "What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to come home," Brent started crying again. "I can't do this alone, I need you."
"Yeah, but what are you going to do, Brent?" Maddox reached across the table for Brent's hands. "I want us to get through this, and I want to do it together. But we need a plan. I can't just come home and pretend that fixes everything."
"I know," Brent nodded. He took a few breaths like he was trying to calm down. "I can throw all of this out."
"Babe, where did you even keep all of this? How could you hide it from me?"
"It was in my car."
"Okay so when you throw this out how do I know you're not just going to buy more?" Maddox let go of Brent. Adam's heart dropped. The conversation wasn't going quite like he thought it would. "You've kept so many secrets, Brent, how will I know you're not still doing that?"
"Because I'm going to get better," Brent insisted. "I don't know how to prove that to you, Dax, but please, let me try."
"I want to say yes," Maddox closed his eyes. "More than anything, B, I just want us to be okay, but I'm really afraid we can't come back from this. I don't know how to trust you anymore."
Adam bit his tongue but it was no use. Hearing Maddox say those words was too much. Hot tears spilled over his cheeks and he focused on staying quiet, not calling attention to himself. He couldn't blame Maddox for what he said at all, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"Maddox," Brent put his head down on the table, sobbing. Maddox looked over at Adam as he got up and went around the table. Dax was crying too. He put his arms around Brent.
"Brent, I love you," Maddox whispered to him. "I won't quit on you now, I promise, I'm just really scared."
"I am too," Brent choked the words out.
Maddox held Brent until he calmed down and wasn't crying so hard. Adam was able to get control of his feelings too and he knew it was time for him to give Dax and Brent some space.
"I'm going to take the dogs outside," Adam cleared his throat and got up. He didn't want to leave until Maddox told him it was okay.
After being outside for a while, he got a text from Maddox that said Brent was letting Dax ask his parents for help. Adam waited until he saw Maddox get off the phone but then he went back inside to say goodbye.
"Thank you," Brent hugged him. Adam could still feel Brent's heart racing and wondered how long it would take for that to go back to normal. Fortunately Brent didn't cry as they were saying goodbye. "For everything, Adam."
"Of course," Adam closed his eyes for a second before he let go and turned to Maddox. "Um, you can text me if you need anything."
"I will. Thanks, Adam," Maddox gave him a huge hug, squeezing Adam much tighter than he expected. Dax was stronger than he looked. He also held on for long enough that Adam wondered if Brent would get suspicious, but he didn't. "You're a really amazing friend."
"Thanks," Adam wasn't sure what to say to that but he gave Dax a squeeze before he let go.
Cole was already in bed when Adam got home but he was still awake and had a joint waiting. For a second Adam almost turned it down but the stress of the day was too much. He knew his head would never stop racing and let him sleep.
"The happy couple is a couple again?"
"Yeah. You were right. It's drugs."
"I'm so sorry, Adam," Cole rubbed his back. "I hate that I was right."
Adam told Cole the whole story, breaking down as he remembered Maddox admitting he wasn't sure he could trust Brent again. Cole just held him and let him cry. He couldn't even be embarrassed about it. By the time he stopped crying, Adam realized what he felt more than anything was relief.
"I guess I was more scared than I knew. But Dax's parents are going to help so, I mean, I know it'll work out."
"Dax's parents will definitely handle everything," Cole agreed.
What Adam hadn't expected was that they handled everything so well that from the outside it was impossible to tell anything was going on with Brent. Adam kept waiting to see or hear something, but nothing ever came. Work went on as usual.
Cole and Adam went to Atlanta for a week and even with Cole working every day it felt like they were on a romantic vacation. Adam had never felt quite so indulgent in his life - spoiled even. For the first time ever, he made himself stop thinking about how much money it all cost and just let Cole do whatever he wanted.
"I hate to admit it, but I could get used to some of this," Adam confessed on their last night. "Like I'm a little sad to go home."
"You could just let me do this stuff for you all the time," Cole kissed him. "I'd be more than happy to make this your new normal."
"We'll see."
"Oooh, that wasn't a no. I like that."
"It's hard to say no to you."
"Funny, I have the same problem when it comes to you, sweet boy," Cole grinned. "I mean, the first time I met you I told myself I was not going to see you a second time. Now we're married. And I was never, I mean never, going to do that."
"You asked me," Adam protested as Cole kissed him again.
"Damn right I did. Best decision of my life. Now tell me - are you going to be in my music video?"
"Yes, I'll be in your porn video. Since that's the only way I'm ever going to get to live in that house," Adam rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't even care but they're going to raise our rent on the house we're in now."
"Mm, we'd better hurry up then. Quick, let's practice."
Back home, Maddox had the new version of their album finished. They all went to the studio to hear it and Adam was so excited when he heard it that he forgot he'd been against having Dax work on it in the first place. It was different from their first albums and his songs sounded a million times better than he'd ever imagined.
The next night, Cole dropped Adam off at Dax and Brent's house for dinner. It was the first time he'd gotten to hang out with Brent since the night he admitted he had a problem so Adam was nervous but relaxed almost right away. Maddox's mom was there and she was a better cook than Dax.
They spent the night talking about everything except Brent's recovery. If Adam couldn't see the change he would have been worried, but it was obvious Brent was getting better.
"So Dax got asked to do a full season of ads for Dolce and Gabanna," Brent announced.
"That's awesome, I never knew you wanted to model," Adam had only seen a few of the pictures from Dax's first shoot with the designer but of course he always looked perfect.
"I don't, I just like them enough to make an exception," Maddox shook his head.
"He just wants the clothes," Brent teased.
"Oh, you were selling clothes? In the pictures I saw your clothes were coming off so it was hard to tell," Adam grinned.
"Okay, enough," Maddox shoved Adam.
"Gross, you two really are like friends," Brent made a face but Adam could tell he was happy.
"I know, right?" Adam laughed.
"It's weird," Brent rubbed his forehead.
"Are you okay?" Maddox put his hand on Brent's shoulder.
"Yeah, my head hurts," Brent sighed. "Ugh, I'm so sick of this. I seriously just want to feel normal again. It's been three weeks since I stopped taking those pills, I should be okay by now."
"You really haven't taken anything since the night you told us?" Adam had never actually been able to quit smoking pot that long and he wasn't addicted. At least he didn't think he was.
"Really," Brent nodded. "I haven't cheated once."
"That's really good," Adam smiled. "You look better, you know."
"You mean fatter."
"Don't make me call my mom in here," Maddox sighed. "You know you're not supposed to say stuff like that."
"You gain 10 pounds in 3 weeks and see if you don't feel fat too," Brent huffed. "Sorry guys, I think I have to go to bed."
"It's okay, really," Adam insisted. "I can ask Cole to come get me."
"I can drive you, it's no big deal," Maddox stood up. "Just let me put this guy to bed."
Adam watched Maddox walk Brent to their bedroom. For a second he wondered if he would have to do things like that for Cole. A little voice in the back of his head pointed out it would probably be a lot worse when Cole needed his help that way. Adam pushed that away as fast as he could.
"Here, I packed you some cookies to take home with you," Maddox's mom brought Adam a big bag. "I thought you boys would want them tonight, but Brent's clearly not in the mood."
"Oh, um, thanks," Adam took the bag. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to. If they're here, I'll eat them," Clara smiled.
"Yeah, my roommate will probably eat all of these at once," Adam reached into his pocket to get his phone but when he pulled it out his lighter fell out too. He cringed. "Um, sorry."
"Fuck if I care. I was actually about to go out for a smoke. Want to come?"
"You still smoke pot?" Adam knew he shouldn't be surprised by that news, but it was a little weird for Clara to act like such a mom in one second and then turn around and ask him to smoke with her.
"I have a prescription."
"Okay," Adam followed her outside.
"I know it makes me a hypocrite to be doing this while I'm here helping Brent get off other drugs," Clara admitted. "But I get migraines and this is the only thing that fixes it."
"I'm just kind of a stoner," Adam told her. "Maybe that's bad, but it really just helps me keep my mind from going so fast."
"I'm in no place to judge. How's Cole?"
"Good. Um, yeah. Good."
Clara didn't push him for more information, she just nodded and kept the conversation going until Maddox came outside to get him.
"Sorry about that," Maddox apologized as they got in the car. "I don't know how you live with Cole doing drugs, this is brutal. Or do you do enough too that it doesn't bother you?"
"It's kind of that but I'm also used to it," Adam realized Dax must not know his story. "My mom was a meth addict. I grew up around all that. It's kind of comforting when I see other people acting like her, actually."
"That's messed up."
"I guess it is."
"Sorry," Maddox sighed.
"No, you're right," Adam hadn't thought about it before. "It's just what I know."
"So your mom, is she?"
"She died," Adam hadn't mentioned that to the public because his dad had trained him not to talk about her in front of other people. "My dad left her when I was little but he took me in and had just enough time to fuck me up before I signed with the band. He and my stepmom are super insane Christians, like the kind that are so fucked up and hateful they aren't really Christian anymore. If I have to pick between that and drugs, I pick drugs."
"I get it," Maddox nodded.
"My mom loved me, at least," Adam decided to change the subject. "Anyway, I hate that Brent is going through this. I hope it's almost over."
"I hope so too. I hate watching him suffer, he takes it all so hard."
"See, and all I see is how he is at work where he acts like everything is fine. I know it's all fake and that he's putting on a happy face for everyone when really he's struggling."
"I don't know which is worse," Maddox admitted. "Knowing he's lying or seeing him hurt."
"Probably seeing him hurt."
They were quiet for the rest of the drive to Adam's house. There were no other cars there so Adam knew he would be alone. He didn't really want to be alone with his thoughts, so he invited Maddox in.
"So you've been writing songs again?" Adam asked as he went into the family room. Maddox had mentioned it when they were talking with Brent earlier that day.
"Yeah, actually," Maddox admitted. "Do you want to hear?"
"If you have it with you," Adam nodded.
Maddox pulled out his phone. The house was wired with bluetooth speakers so they wouldn't have to plug anything in. Adam went to lay down on the floor, forgetting Brent had told him that was Maddox's way of listening to music. Of course Dax called him out for it right away.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"Oh," Adam's face got warm but he could see Maddox smiling. "Um, I think music sounds better if you lie on the floor while you're listening to it."
"It definitely does," Maddox laughed and went to sit next to Adam. They both lay down and Maddox played the few songs he had on his phone.
"I really liked the second one," Adam said after Maddox had played him every song. "Are you going to do anything with them?"
"I don't know," Maddox shrugged. "Probably not."
"That sucks," Adam sighed. He glanced at Maddox. "Can I tell you something?"
"Yeah."
"Brent's the one who told me about lying on the floor to listen to music. He always said you made him do it."
"He hates it," Maddox laughed.
"Yeah, I know," Adam sighed. "But I tried it after he told me that and I decided you were right. I never told him."
"I miss him."
"I miss him too," Adam turned his head toward Maddox. "He'll be back soon, Dax."
"I know," Maddox took a deep breath. "No, actually, I don't. I'm not sure I'll ever have the Brent I thought I knew back. After all of this? I don't see how we can go back."
"Maybe you shouldn't," Adam moved and felt his hand brush against Maddox's. Of course, he had to be awkward while he was trying to be reassuring. Why had he agreed to smoke with Clara? "I mean, maybe you two just need to move on. Focus on being together from now on instead of everything else before."
"That sounds so much easier than it is," Maddox looked at Adam, almost studying his face.
"Yeah, tell me about it," Adam raised his eyebrows. "But it's worth trying. That's how me and Cole do it. Sometimes it doesn't work but mostly it does."
"Maybe," Maddox sat up. "Alright, my turn to tell you something."
"Okay," Adam felt his pulse jump around. Dax was so serious, he wasn't sure what to expect.
"Your skin is unfairly perfect," Maddox told him. "Seriously, I want detailed instructions on how you accomplished that."
"It's mostly just luck," Adam laughed. "I barely remember to wash it half the time."
"Don't say that," Maddox groaned.
"You can touch it if you want," Adam joked but Maddox did reach over and touch his cheek. He felt the skin tingle where Dax ran his fingers over his jaw and took a sharp breath.
"Sorry, I shouldn't," Maddox's voice got a little softer, almost sad.
"No, it's okay," Adam leaned toward him. He put his forehead against Maddox's. "I wish-"
"What are you doing?" Cole demanded, startling Adam away from Dax.
"Nothing, Cole," Adam insisted. He hadn't even heard the door.
"Oh, fuck, is this happening?" Cole gasped. "Did I just ruin it?"
"Nothing is happening," Maddox gave Cole a look.
"If only you could see what I'm seeing," Cole laughed. "You two have the exact same guilty look on your faces right now."
"You don't know what you're seeing," Adam didn't know why Maddox looked guilty but he knew better than to think it was anything like what Cole hoped.
"I know what I wish I were seeing," Cole pulled his shirt off. "Don't mind me, I'm just going up to bed. Love you, boys, have fun."
"Love you," Adam called after Cole as he left the room. He sighed and lay down again. "We're friends, right?"
"Yeah," Maddox lay down too.
"I don't really have a lot of friends."
"Me neither."
"What I was going to say," Adam turned on his side. "I wish we were friends before. I mean like that we could have always been like this. Maybe all of this would have turned out different."
"You mean maybe Brent would be okay now?"
"Yeah, cause you and I would have talked about it sooner," Adam nodded. "I know that's dumb but I was just thinking that."
"It's not dumb," Maddox rolled to face him. "We're friends now though, so that's what matters, right?"
"Yeah," Adam looked down for a second. "Do you think we'll ever feel like Brent is okay again?"
"I don't know," Maddox admitted. "I keep wondering that too, like how can I ever just trust him after this? He kept so many things hidden from me and I just had no idea."
"Exactly. I see him every day through all of this just acting like he always did. I asked Zack a few days ago if he thought something was up with Brent and he said no, like I was weird for asking."
"Do you think it's going to hurt the band when he does tell them?"
"Not really," Adam made a face. "Tyler and Zack will be upset cause they're really friends with Brent but Jimmy pretty much does his own thing these days. I think they'll never realize how bad it was, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess they won't have any idea," Maddox sighed. "Maybe it's not really that bad, like if he can keep it all hidden maybe we're just being dramatic."
"Do you really think that?" Adam ran his finger over the scars on Maddox's wrist.
"I wish it were true," Maddox rolled onto his back. "Do you ever feel like there's never a happy ending? Like that maybe all we'll ever get are just good days so we'll be tricked into going on when really life is just always going to be hard and hurt?"
"Don't the happy days make up for that? I mean, sometimes the good parts are really, really good."
"Yeah, I just don't know if it's all worth it."
"I don't think you can do that kind of math," Adam put his head down on Maddox's shoulder. "I think if you have to ask, you'll always get an answer you don't want."
"You're probably right," Maddox sighed and tucked his arm around Adam. "I never knew you were such a cuddly person."
"There's lots you don't know about me," Adam laughed. "But yeah, I guess I am. It's too hard not to touch you."
"I don't mind. It's kind of nice, actually. I haven't really had this lately."
"I wanted to ask, but I wasn't sure I should," Adam confessed. "I'm guessing Brent isn't really um, up for much these days?"
"No, he's definitely not up for anything," Maddox laughed. "It's so sad."
"I bet that's the worst part for him," Adam couldn't imagine being sober and struggling to get hard. Brent would definitely take it to heart. "Poor guy."
"And poor me," Maddox pointed out.
"You know Cole would happily take care of you."
"I'm trying to save my marriage, not end it," Maddox rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, well, there's always me," Adam tickled Maddox's side.
"If I get desperate," Maddox laughed and tried to retaliate. Adam caught his hand before he could reach and pinned Dax to the ground. "Oh shit, you're a lot stronger than you look."
"Funny, so are you," Adam laughed. The look on Maddox's face told him Dax probably loved being dominated. "And I bet you really like-"
"What the fuck?" Zack demanded. The kitchen light flipped on and Adam looked up to see Zack standing there with his arms crossed.
"Oh hey," Adam released Maddox. "How was your night?"
"Where's Brent?"
"Sleeping," Maddox left out the important parts of the story.
"So how long are you staying this time? A month? And I'm just supposed to pretend I have no idea what's going on?"
"Zack, it's not like that," Dax shook his head.
"I'm sure," Zack snapped. "Why don't I just call Brent and ask him how he feels about this?"
"Please just wait until tomorrow," Adam cringed. "I swear, we're not doing anything wrong."
"I'm not an idiot, I know what I walked in on."
"Wait, what did you see?" Cole came rushing in. "What did I miss?"
"They were all over each other," Zack pointed.
"Details, Zachary, I need details," Cole insisted.
"This is all he saw," Adam leaned over Maddox to show Cole exactly what had happened. "That's it."
"Now kiss!"
"No!" Zack groaned. Maddox and Adam sat up again.
"Do you want me to kiss you instead?" Maddox offered.
"Someone seriously needs to explain what the fuck is going on here," Zack ignored Maddox's question.
"Brent the Great obviously fucked up again and Maddox is here to wait until he's ready to go home," Cole shrugged. "And no matter how many times I beg and bribe, Adam and Dax are just friends."
"I'm not like that with my friends," Zack protested.
"Yes, well that very delicious sexual tension is why I keep pleading with them to just fuck already," Cole put his hand on Zack's shoulder. Zack shook it off.
"You have to be wearing pants if you want to touch me."
"So many rules to remember," Cole sighed. "When was the last time you and that girl you drag around actually hooked up? You're awfully high strung."
"I'm going to bed," Zack left the room.
"You two," Cole gave them a stern look. "Less flirting, more fucking. Next time I come running down here I want it to be for a good reason."
"When we fuck you will never know," Maddox promised.
"Oh really?" Cole raised his eyebrows.
"You said when, not if," Adam smiled at Dax.
"You know what I meant," Maddox rolled his eyes but he smiled back at Adam.
"This is as much fun as watching paint dry," Cole remarked. "I'm going back to bed."
Adam motioned to Dax to be quiet and waited until he heard the door to his room close. Then he turned to Maddox.
"Can we just agree that if we ever do hook up that we never tell Brent or Cole anything about it?"
"I can't imagine a world where that happens," Maddox laughed.
"I mean they would know about it, but we would never tell any details. It would be our way of getting back at them for always begging us to do it."
"Maybe we should just lie and tell them we did it," Maddox suggested.
"So they could be mad at us for cheating?"
"Don't you and Cole have some kind of understanding?"
"We don't cheat. There are other people but we share, we don't do it alone."
"Yeah, I'm 99% sure Cole would forgive you instantly," Maddox laughed.
"Brent would not," Adam shook his head and decided he might as well admit it. "Whatever, I'm just gonna say it cause I'm pretty sure you already know. If you ever wanted to, I would so fuck you."
"Um, okay," Maddox grinned. "That's really not going to happen, but thanks."
"Never say Never, Bieber," Adam joked and reached over to tickle Maddox again.
"I should probably go home," Maddox yawned a minute later. "It's late."
"Yeah, okay," Adam had to yawn then too. "Text me anytime, okay? I don't have anyone but Cole to talk to about this and he doesn't really get it."
"Eli knows, but he doesn't get it either. I'll definitely text you," Maddox agreed, getting up.
Adam walked Maddox out and then went to his room. Cole was still awake and it looked like he was about to jack off so Adam went right to Cole's side of the bed.
"No, this means you and Dax didn't do anything," Cole groaned.
"Shh," Adam sat down so he could suck Cole off. It was hard not to imagine what it might be like to be with Dax. Making out with him for a music video was hot enough, the real thing could be deadly.
After Cole came, he pulled Adam over and went down on him. Adam closed his eyes but the longer Cole teased him the harder it was to imagine Maddox. They were friends but Cole was right, there was definitely tension there. Then again...
"Zack," Adam gasped, remembering how much of a fit Zack threw when he got home and saw Dax and Adam together.
"I knew it!" Cole sat up. "You are into him."
"No, wait," Adam realized too late what it must have looked like to Cole. "I was just thinking about how upset he was to see me with Dax. Like he's always been upset about seeing me with other people."
"Oh, Adam," Cole shook his head and bent back down to his cock. "You're so pretty."
"Just suck my dick," Adam glared. Cole laughed but then he did and that was the last moment Adam could think about anything else.
---------------------------
"Babe, stop glaring," Hunter nudged Eli as he watched Maddox playing with his little nephew, Wes.
"I wasn't," Eli insisted. "I love Wes."
"You're a terrible liar," Hunter grinned and kissed his cheek. "Have you talked to Dax yet?"
"No," Eli sighed.
Just a little over a month had passed since the night Maddox's mom called, asking Eli and Hunter to pack a bag and meet her at Maddox's house. Brent finally admitted he was addicted to his pre-workout pills. A quick test at the doctor's office told them the pills contained scary amounts of dangerous chemicals. It explained all of Brent's mood swings and his weight loss.
The good news was Brent was completely off the drugs and getting all kinds of counseling. Kelly assigned Hunter to make sure the media and fans never found out and so far, it was all working well. But the bad news was Eli couldn't stop thinking about how it was Clara who told him everything - not his best friend.
At first Eli understood. He knew Dax was a wreck over the whole thing. But he and Hunter had all but moved into Maddox's house, staying in the pool house so they could help out. Whenever Maddox was around Eli he acted like nothing had changed. They didn't talk about Brent, just the fact that Dax was bored.
Eli kept waiting for Maddox to break down and start talking, but he never did. For the first couple of weeks Eli was on edge, knowing at any moment Dax would need him. But then he was talking to Clara one afternoon and she mentioned how sad she was that Dax had gone to stay with Adam before Brent admitted he had a problem.
That was the end of Eli feeling anything but mad at Dax. He couldn't understand why, of all people, Maddox would go to Adam. Adam who ruined everything he touched, who'd almost cost Dax his husband and caused the biggest scandal of their whole relationship.
Eli didn't care if Brent had forgiven Adam or if they were still best friends. He didn't even care that he couldn't stop thinking about that moment in the bathroom at Maddox's wedding and how Adam was so close to telling Eli some big secret. Anyone else would have let it go, deciding it had to be some stupid thing about how he was still in love with Brent. But Eli knew the look in Adam's eyes and the way he talked about it told him it was bigger than that. Darker.
"Just talk to him and get it over with," Hunter rubbed Eli's back. "You'll never be able to relax until you do."
"Right, yeah, talk to Dax," Eli had to remember Hunter couldn't hear his thoughts and didn't know he was still thinking about Adam. Adam the no-good-best-friend-stealing-life-ruiner.
"Hey, I'm glad you're both here," Clara stretched out her arms to hug them both at once. "I just talked to Brent and he says he'll be okay if I go home. I miss my bed."
"Good!" Hunter cheered. "We, of course, do not miss our little apartment, but I guess we'll have to leave soon too."
"Yeah, you know, another week is probably plenty," Clara nodded. "Thank you both so much for being here. We couldn't have done it without you."
"Of course," Hunter hugged Clara again. Eli fought the urge to point out that Adam probably would have been more than happy to help.
"Alright, wish me luck. I'm going to tell Dax."
"We'll take care of him too," Hunter assured her, putting his arm around Eli's waist. "What do you think, can you talk to Dax this week?"
"I can talk to Dax whenever I want," Eli pulled away.
"We're not leaving until you do."
"I am not part of your assignment. You cannot check me off your list."
"I seem to remember making vows about taking care of you and stuff," Hunter grinned, sending little butterflies through Eli's stomach.
"I hate that you can make me fall harder for you when you're being so stubborn about something," Eli huffed, leaning over to kiss Hunter.
"I love you."
"Love you too."
"Seriously, get it done, Eli. I'm tired of the jealous moping."
"Ooh, I picked the right time to walk in here. What are we jealous about?" Brent's face lit up.
"He thinks Dax has a new bestie," Hunter answered and just like that Eli stopped feeling butterflies and wanted to kick him in the teeth.
"Oh my gosh, stop," Brent started laughing so hard Eli decided he wanted to kick him too. "Please don't even."
"Whatever," Eli shook his head and got another set of laughs from the guys. Of course that was when Maddox decided to walk over and Eli had to shake it off as fast as he could.
"Aww, you found Sophie," Brent turned to Maddox. Sophie scrambled out of Maddox's arms to get to Brent. "How's my baby?"
"Traumatized forever," Maddox laughed. "Scarlett was trying to scrape her out from under the chair with a magazine."
"Bless that child," Eli was glad to have a distraction he could laugh about before Maddox caught on that he was upset about something.
"We were just trying to decide how much longer we should stay," Hunter looked at Maddox. "I'd like to be here another week, if that's okay with you."
"If that's okay with Brent, I'm good with it," Maddox nodded.
"Kelly is going to keep me here until Brent finishes telling everyone he wants to tell," Hunter explained. "So I'll be around but I thought I would stay here at least until the band knows."
"Yeah, you know, this house is going to seem really quiet after tonight," Brent said as Aiden and Wes ran screaming past them.
"I was just thinking that. It actually looks like someone's home tonight," Eli looked around. The house felt alive when it was full. "Instead of like a Pinterest picture, you know? Kids everywhere, baby toys on the floor."
"A little quiet will be really nice," Maddox put his arm around Brent's waist.
"Just for a minute," Brent kissed his forehead. "Don't worry, we'll collect a bunch of kids soon and this place will look like this all the time."
"Nice," Maddox rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, they're not pokemon," Hunter laughed.
"Have you guys decided when you might start all that?" Brent looked at them. Eli gave Hunter a warning look.
"I just got accepted to college," Eli reminded him. "If I finish in 4 years, we'll wait until then."
"You didn't tell me!" Maddox gasped. Eli shrugged and looked away, not ready to point out there wasn't a chance for him to say anything since Maddox was too busy hanging out with Adam all the time.
"I think it'll be another 4 or 5 years no matter what," Hunter put his arm around Eli. "It sounds like forever."
"We'll never make it that long," Brent laughed. "I'm lucky Maddox can't get pregnant, he would have done it on our wedding night."
"I would have popped out like 20 kids by now," Maddox agreed.
"Me too," Hunter gave him a sad smile. "Anyway, I should go check in with Kelly."
"Yeah, I'm going to make sure no one leaves anything here," Maddox hugged Brent and disappeared into the chaos again.
"You know Dax and I both love you, right, Eli?" Brent smiled.
"I know."
"Thanks for being here through all this. I know it's been rough for all of us," Brent gave him a hug. "Don't think Dax has stopped loving you. Elix is still the greatest relationship of all time."
"It's not, but thanks," Eli shrugged. "I have to talk to Dax."
Wes came running to get Brent a second later and Eli was alone in the kitchen. He decided to clean because it would take his mind off everything. Having Maddox's whole family over for dinner meant there was definitely enough to clean.
"I wiped down all the counters and the tables," Eli was sweeping the floor when Maddox came into the kitchen. "I'll probably have to mop here where the kids were eating."
"I'll do it, don't worry about it," Maddox shook his head.
"I know how to clean, Maddox," Eli huffed.
"Yeah, I just don't want you to," Maddox told him.
It may as well have been a smack in the face. That was Eli's greatest fear in one fragment of a sentence. Maddox didn't want him to do anything anymore. Before Eli could say anything, Brent and Hunter came back.
"I'll just finish sweeping," Eli decided after another second. Maddox shrugged and walked away again.
"Did you talk to him?" Hunter asked.
"No, and I don't want you to bother me about it anymore," Eli put the broom away. "I'm going to bed."
Hunter and Brent looked at each other but didn't say a word. Eli tried to walk away but Hunter followed him out to the pool house.
"I'm not defending him, but I would like to remind you that I would be a pretty miserable best friend if I hadn't had sex in over a month," Hunter pulled his shirt off as they went up to their bedroom. "Brent told me that he lost his boner like 10 seconds after Dax got it in his mouth."
"Did he cry? I would have," Eli tried not to feel bad for Maddox but it was impossible. "Can we never get old please? Like what are we going to do if that starts happening to us?"
"I honestly don't know, it's never happened to me before," Hunter reached for Eli's shirt. "I prefer to just imagine we'll never have that problem."
"Still, it doesn't excuse anything else. Adam. Of all people, why did it have to be Adam? He could have picked you, at least then I could understand but Adam? I hate Adam."
"You don't hate anyone," Hunter sighed. "But thank you for the backhanded compliment."
"It just doesn't make any sense. I've never done anything wrong. I gave up my whole life to be his best friend, like what else could Dax possibly need from me?"
"Eli, please. I'm done listening to this. If you want to talk to someone about it, go talk to Dax. I'm done and I'm trying to have sex with you," Hunter shook his head.
"I know, I just...maybe I need a spanking," Eli tried to change the subject.
"I'm not going to spank you, but I will punish your ass," Hunter laughed.
"Really?"
"I could never hit you, even if it wasn't supposed to hurt. I don't know why, I just feel weird when I think about it," Hunter shrugged. "I know you like it rough, I do my best."
"You do a good job," Eli wanted to reassure him but when Hunter laughed he knew he'd failed.
"I love you. Get naked."
Eli felt a whole lot better when Hunter was done with him. The truth was, Hunter was never quite as rough as Eli wanted but it didn't actually matter. He definitely made up for it in other ways.
They were still in a good mood the next morning when they went into Maddox's house to get breakfast. Dax was already in the kitchen, cutting up fruit and as they walked further into the kitchen Eli could see he wasn't wearing anything but a tight pair of white boxer briefs. They were almost see through.
It wasn't until Dax smirked that Eli realized he and Hunter were both staring. Eli tried to shake it off but it had been a long time since he caught himself looking at Dax that way. He'd worked hard to master Maddox's skill of looking without being obvious but it clearly failed him that morning.
Hunter poked Maddox's butt as he walked past to get his coffee and Dax stood up a little taller, like he was proud of himself for the scene.
"This is really cute," Eli told him, reaching around Maddox to grab one of the strawberries he was cutting up.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Maddox grinned. Eli rolled his eyes and went to get his own coffee. Apparently Hunter was right about how Dax was handling the lack of sex.
Maddox was actually licking fruit juice off his finger when Brent walked in. It was so staged and yet somehow it seemed casual, like he was just the kind of guy who always prepared a color-coordinated breakfast in his most revealing underwear.
"Oh wow," Brent rolled his eyes but he smiled at Maddox. "I see what you're doing, Dax."
"Making you breakfast?" Maddox managed, somehow, to look innocent.
"Sure you are," Brent grinned. "You wanna put some clothes on before you freeze?"
"No, I think I'm good," Maddox shrugged.
"Yes, you are," Hunter commented quietly. Eli gave him a shove.
It was no surprise when Brent asked them to make other plans for the night so he and Dax could have some space. Hunter decided they should have a date night of their own and Eli was careful not to bring up how mad he was at Dax. Not even when they saw TMZ playing in the restaurant and the story was all about what Adam and Cole were caught doing in a club the night before.
Eli had to assume that Brent's little problem was fixed when he and Maddox started spending all their time in their bedroom after that night. Of course he wouldn't have had to assume that if Maddox was still talking to him like he always had, but Eli didn't get to say that to Hunter because he was still refusing to listen.
"Look, tomorrow Brent tells the band. It's going to go really well so Dax will be in a good mood. Why not go talk to him then?" Hunter suggested.
"How do you know it's going to go well?" Eli made a face.
"I practiced with Brent. He knows how to tell his story without making anyone mad. They're all just going to get emotional for a second and then be happy everything is okay," Hunter explained.
"Can you not see how manipulative that is?"
"It's not, it's just organizing your words so people hear the part they care about first. Everything's okay, and it might not have been, but it's okay and about to get even better."
"If you ever start using your word magic on me, I will be so mad," Eli warned him.
"I wouldn't dare. I've thought about it, but I know how you feel and I love you too much to disrespect your feelings that way," Hunter smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Eli started to lean in but he realized what Hunter had done and jerked back.
"Not okay!" Eli protested. "You can't tell me you're not going to do it while you're literally doing it."
"I only did it because I knew you would figure it out," Hunter laughed. "You saw right through it."
"How do you not just feel gross when you do that?"
"It's not gross, Eli. It's about making people feel better."
"I feel like you lied to me," Eli realized. "You were saying you respect my feelings but you weren't actually respecting them when you said it. How am I supposed to take that?"
"I never meant to lie, I'm sorry," Hunter took a deep breath. "I really will be careful not to do it."
Eli wanted to believe that but he still had a gross feeling the longer he thought about their conversation. But he'd always trusted Hunter and that had always been right. Hunter really wasn't the type to do anything he'd have to lie about anyway.
The next night, Eli decided it was time. Brent came over to tell Hunter all about telling the band so Eli took that chance to go over to the house to talk to Dax. Eli got about halfway to the back door when he looked up and saw Adam in the family room. He turned around right away. So much for talking.
His phone rang about five seconds later. Eli answered, planning to make something up if Dax wanted him to come over but he didn't get a chance.
"Did you just see Adam and leave?" Maddox demanded when Eli answered.
"Are you spying on me?" Eli gasped and turned to see Maddox at the kitchen window. "What the fuck, Dax?"
"I was watching for Brent to come back. Come talk to me, please. I miss you."
"You don't need me if Adam's here," Eli couldn't help it.
"Why are you so jealous? Can we just talk about this?"
"Fine," Eli hung up and glared at Maddox the whole time he was walking toward the house. Maddox rolled his eyes and turned away from the window. He was putting steaks in some kind of marinade when Eli walked into the kitchen. Eli only felt stupid for a second when he saw Zack and Tyler were over too.
"Come on," Maddox motioned for Eli to follow him. They went to the sunroom, Maddox's favorite room in the house, and sat on the couch. "So exactly why do you hate Adam?"
"Um, let's see," Eli wondered where he should start the list. "He tried to steal Brent from you. Twice, actually. Then he almost destroyed your relationship again leaking photos and videos to the media, which made you have to completely re-do your wedding."
"That wasn't his fault," Maddox protested.
"Whatever, you and Brent could have ended over that whole thing," Eli's voice jumped up. "He's just lucky you two are stronger than that. And then because he's terrified you might finally get to be happy he ran off to Vegas and married your ex-boyfriend not even 24 hours after wrecking your life with his stupid blow job video."
"Okay, Cole's not my ex-boyfriend. And that really didn't have anything to do with me," Maddox shook his head.
"Of course it did, he totally stole your thunder!" Eli lost it. "I don't know why you and Brent can't see what a devious snake he is. He even tried to start a fight at your wedding, Dax. And then I find out you went running to him when you thought Brent needed help? What the fuck is that about?"
"Adam apologized for all of that," Maddox sighed. "He's not a bad person, Eli, I swear. He came to me about Brent one day and asked if I knew what was going on with him. So when I realized Brent really did have a problem I went to Adam because I didn't want to have to tell anyone else. Adam already knew something was wrong."
"Who cares? How did you even know you could trust him? For all you knew he might have gone right to the media."
"He loves Brent, he wouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I didn't come to you, but I also knew Brent would find me if I was at your house. Adam's was the last place he would have ever looked for me."
"But you didn't even tell me anything was wrong. I had to find out from your parents, Dax."
"Can you maybe just think about what I was going through?" Maddox finally snapped. "I was going around telling everyone he was fine, that he wasn't on anything, like a fucking moron. Seriously, I had no fucking idea anything was wrong until I found out about the baby and then-"
"What baby?" Eli interrupted, his heart stopping. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, there was more to the story.
"Oh my god," Maddox covered his mouth and Eli saw his eyes water. "I haven't told anyone this," he closed his eyes. "I was never going to tell anyone."
"Dax?" Eli put his hand on Maddox's shoulder. Maddox pulled away.
"Our lawyer found a baby for us," Maddox looked at Eli. "Brent was never going to tell me. He told our lawyer we would think about it and was planning to just call back and say no after a few days. I only found out because I happened to answer his phone one night cause he was in the shower and I saw that our lawyer was calling."
"Wow," Eli never dreamed Brent would do something like that.
"Yeah," Maddox nodded. "So I left and went somewhere I knew he wouldn't think to look for me. I was so mad at him. And then the night he told me about the pills, that was the same night you came here. I never had a chance to tell you, Eli. I mean, I could have said something before but I didn't know how. Other than the baby thing, which I seriously never wanted anyone to know, I didn't have any proof. All I knew was that he'd lost weight and you love Brent so much you always try to talk me out of whatever I think he's doing wrong."
"I'm right almost all the time," Eli shrugged. "And I can get all of that, but why keep hanging out with Adam? I was right here, Dax, I've put my life on pause to be in your house where you can get to me 24 hours a day."
"Adam and I are friends now. You don't have to like it, but he's Brent's best friend and I actually like him now so he's going to be here."
"I'm here!" Eli raised his voice again. "I've been here this whole time, and you act like I don't exist."
"I'm sorry! I know you think I'm used to it by now but it's still not easy for me to make all the right decisions when my life is falling apart. No matter how many times it's happened."
"I guess I just don't know how I was supposed to know your life was falling apart," Eli got a little quieter. "You barely talk to me or act like anything is wrong. All you would say was you were bored and wanted sex, which is not really different from how you feel every other day."
"Well, it was," Maddox looked away. "I was humiliated, Eli, and terrified. But you're my best friend, not my therapist, I got to feel normal around you. That was what I wanted. I didn't want to sit here crying and telling you how awful everything was. It was better when we just hung out and ate ice cream like it was just another day. That was what I needed more than anything, Eli."
"Really?" Eli raised his eyebrows.
"Yes," Maddox nodded. "That was the best part of hanging out with you. It wasn't all this serious talk. You just acted like everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about."
"I guess," Eli shrugged. Maddox hugged him and after a second Eli hugged him back. "I still won't ever like Adam."
"You don't have to," Maddox sighed. "But he really is my friend. And I don't think he's a bad person, he just did a bad job of dealing with his feelings."
"Maybe," Eli hated himself for thinking Dax was right. "I don't like the way he looks at you."
"Ugh, don't start," Maddox let go of Eli. "It's not any different than how you and I are."
"You and I basically had a relationship," Eli protested. "We had feelings for each other, Dax. You shouldn't have feelings for Adam."
"I don't. That's not what I meant."
"I just think it's dangerous," Eli followed Maddox back to the kitchen. "And I think you're in denial."
"No, I'm not," Maddox took the veggies out of the fridge. Hunter and Brent had joined the rest of the guys in the family room. Eli took everything Maddox handed him and started rinsing it off.
Their talk didn't fix everything, but Eli felt a million times better anyway. He had fun with Dax that night for the first time in months.
"Hey, guess what!" Eli told Hunter when they went to bed that night.
"You finally talked to Dax and everything's fine again."
"Well, not fine, but better," Eli nodded. "We're going to hang out tomorrow when Brent goes out to rehearsal and he wants me to come to his next photo shoot too."
"Good, then you'll be busy," Hunter smiled. "Maybe you won't even miss me."
"What?"
"Kelly sent my next case. It's in Washington, D.C. and I'm really excited. Like I can't say anything else, but Eli, this is really big," Hunter's eyes were all lit up and Eli had to smile too.
"Well that's exciting, I guess," Eli got in bed with him. "When do you leave?"
"Sunday night. I think you and I should move back home tomorrow, if that's okay."
"Yeah, of course."
Hunter let Eli drop him off at the airport and Eli watched him walk away. It hit him a second later that he'd forgotten to ask Hunter when he would be back. Eli texted him but Hunter wrote back that he didn't know. He would be in D.C. until the case ended.
At first it was okay. Eli stayed busy, spending time with Dax and doing his schoolwork. He talked to Hunter when he could but as the days dragged on Eli noticed that Hunter was texting less and less.
"Does he call?" Maddox asked when Eli admitted two weeks into the case that he missed his husband. They were on set for one of Dax's modeling jobs.
"Yeah, he does," Eli nodded. "Um, every day, actually."
"Good. He'd better be calling if he doesn't text."
"He does call," Eli watched Maddox practice poses in the mirror.
He felt better about it until he got home that night. As Eli looked around his empty apartment and realized so much of Hunter's stuff wasn't out where he normally left it the feeling of being lonely overwhelmed him. Dinner seemed stupid when he just had himself to feed.
Eli grabbed a bag of popcorn and curled up on the couch. He texted Hunter, knowing he wouldn't answer and realized before he could send another "miss you" text that he finally knew what all his ex boyfriends must have felt.
That was all it took. Eli texted Hunter that he loved him and put his phone away. He promised himself right then and there that he was not going to act like his exes and start whining about the distance, no matter how much he hated it.
------------------------
A/N: Yes, this chapter is over 10k words and no, I am not sorry. Love you all.