"What are you working on?" Logan wrapped his arms around Eli's shoulders and peeked at his laptop screen.
"I need to find Maddox a new assistant," Eli sighed. "He hates everyone I show him. I'm so tired of going back to the agency but I can't tell anyone I'm hiring for Dax."
"An assistant though? I thought you were his tour manager."
"I am."
"So shouldn't you be looking for that?"
"Why would I replace myself?" Eli laughed, turning to kiss Logan.
"Aren't you going to quit?"
"What? No way! I love my job. Why would you think that?"
"Because he cheated on Brent, again," Logan pulled away. "How can you work for someone so shady?"
"What Dax does in his personal life doesn't impact me," Eli shook his head. "He's great to work with like 99% of the time and I love what I do."
"Don't be fooled, Eli. If he'd treat Brent like that he'd treat anyone that way. Unless you want to work for someone who's better to his staff than his boyfriend."
"It's not the same thing, Logan," Eli closed his laptop. "Besides, Dax is devastated over this. It's not like he's running around fucking everyone who walks in."
"I hate when you call it that," Logan shuddered. In addition to hating porn, Logan apparently also hated calling sex anything other than sex or 'making love'.
"Well, what do you call it when you're not in a relationship?"
"A mistake, I don't know."
"Okay, well he knows what he did was wrong and he's trying to make it right," Eli explained. "And it's not like he can cheat on me so I don't see how it's related."
"You can't make cheating right. And he can't cheat on you but he could do some other crappy thing. Like refuse to hire a new assistant so you can have your life back."
"He's not doing that on purpose, he's just picky."
"Alright, well, if you're sure," Logan shrugged. "I wanted to take you to the dinner tonight, can you still go?"
"Yes, just help me pick out what to wear."
"We have to get you another suit," Logan sighed and led Eli into his closet.
Eli decided not to tell Logan that Maddox had picked out his one and only suit and just agreed. He still daydreamed about getting to wear suits more often. There was just something about knowing how slick he looked that made him feel so in charge.
The good thing about going to events with Logan was that it almost always put Logan in a good mood. Logan was every bit as charismatic as Maddox when it came to making a great impression at events. By the end of dinner, Logan seemed to have forgotten all about their fight.
"Are you ready to move in with me yet?" Logan asked when they were on the way home.
"I think it's probably time," Eli smiled. "I can't remember the last time I slept in my own bed."
"Well, your mattress is kind of crappy," Logan laughed. "So, you really want to?"
"Yes, let's do it," Eli ignored Logan's comment. "They were gonna raise my rent anyway, might as well."
"Perfect. Now if I can just convince you to quit working and stay home..."
"Not gonna happen," Eli waited for him to say something about Maddox but Logan just laughed.
"Let me dream. Maybe if we have kids later you'll think about it."
"Mm, I might change to a job that doesn't make me travel," Eli agreed. "But I want to work, I like knowing I've earned my way."
"You think watching kids isn't work?"
"Oh, I know it is. That's just a long time from now."
"True. Maybe when we're 30."
"Sure, okay," Eli tried to imagine Logan with a baby. "You know kids are messy, right? Like all the time."
"That's why I want to wait as long as possible. And we're just going to adopt kids and skip the baby stage so we can skip diapers and potty training."
"I love babies though," Eli frowned. "When they fall asleep on you and then you get sleepy cause they're so heavy and warm. Ugh."
"Ew, really?" Logan made a face. "No thanks, I don't even like it when you fall asleep on me."
"I know."
"Anyway, you can move this weekend, right?"
"Yeah, I'll probably just sell or donate most of my stuff," Eli knew it wasn't worth fighting with Logan over the few and very cheap furniture items he'd collected. Logan's condo was professionally decorated.
"Yay, I love you," Logan kissed Eli's cheek.
"I love you too," Eli closed his eyes as Logan put his head on his shoulder. He could feel the nerves kicking in at last and reminded himself that Logan was safe and they would probably be very happy together.
---------------------------------
"I know you're nervous, but I'll be with you the whole time," Brent promised.
"That scares me too," Adam admitted. "They're going to say something nasty to you, I just know it."
Almost a week had passed since Brent and Maddox started their break. Adam didn't know what to think about what he and Brent were doing but he knew he didn't want it to stop. Ever. It was hard enough transitioning between what he and Brent did in private and living in the real world outside their room. Thinking about coming out, talking to his parents and worse - the reality that Brent would go back to Maddox at some point - was too much.
"We're not going for another week. Try not to think about it."
"I'm trying," Adam nearly melted when he felt Brent's hands slide up his back.
"Let me help."
Adam turned, knowing he should protest but forgetting all about it when Brent's lips connected with his. He felt like crying tears of joy every time. To think he actually had Brent, even in secret, was so far beyond anything he'd ever dreamed.
"Hang on," Adam pulled away when he realized he was getting hard.
"What's wrong?"
"I just need a second," Adam sat down on his bed. Their bed. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm down but when he looked up he realized he was at eye level with Brent's hips. "Oh golly."
"Ooh, I'll take that as a compliment," Brent laughed but he sank to his knees in front of Adam. "If you want me to slow down, I can. I've been trying not to take things too fast."
"No, actually, I was trying not to rush you," Adam admitted. "I know you don't do, well, you never used to do sex outside a relationship but-"
"Yeah, but you and I are kind of together," Brent kissed Adam's hand. "Right?"
"Are we?"
"Do you want to be?"
"Yes," Adam couldn't decide how to feel. "Kind of together" was probably as good as it was going to get and it was better than nothing.
"Okay, so where's the line? Oral?"
"Whatever you want."
"Adam, I'm trying to figure out what you're okay with," Brent laughed.
"I'm good what whatever you want though," Adam shrugged. "I don't know where the line is, like you can have anything you want."
"Anything?"
"Yeah, I, uh, won't stop you," Adam could see Brent open his mouth to protest. "I mean, I want to give you that. Me. Whatever you want to call it, cause I'm not really a virgin but-"
"Aw, I get it," Brent kissed Adam's other hand. "Me too. No lines for you."
"So..."
"So let me help you with that," Brent's eyes dropped to Adam's lap and he reached for the waistband of his pants. Adam leaned back, giving Brent full access to his growing erection and lifting his hips so Brent could get his pants off.
"Please, anything you want," Adam begged when Brent rubbed him through his briefs.
"I want to-" Brent stopped when he pulled the elastic away. "Oh god, yes, Adam."
"What?"
"I knew it was big but damn," Brent kissed the underside of Adam's cock. "This is beautiful."
"Mmm, if you say so," Adam closed his eyes for a second when Brent's mouth closed around him but he wanted to watch so he could always remember it. "It's okay if you can't get it all."
"No, it's not," Brent shook his head, lips brushing over the tip. "But I'm not worried," he grinned and took Adam in his mouth again.
Adam watched, fascinated, as Brent swallowed his entire length. He wasn't sure if the sound Brent made at that point was a good one or a bad one but the feeling was so euphoric he couldn't make himself care enough to stop him. The sight was just as intoxicating.
"Oh wow," Adam shuddered, realizing he wouldn't last that way for very long. Fortunately Brent seemed to know and pulled back so his mouth wasn't so tight.
"I want this in me," Brent said when he pulled his mouth away, switching to his hand. "Can you get hard again if I make you cum now?"
"I don't know," Adam admitted. "I mean, not right away."
"You'll have time," Brent dove back in, getting Adam off almost as fast as the first time Adam ever had a blowjob.
The rush that followed came as a huge surprise. Adam was used to feeling sleepy after getting off, not full of energy he felt like he couldn't control as he helped Brent out of his clothes. Any boundaries Adam thought were between them before were gone. He had no reason to hold back anymore.
"Tell me what to do," Adam begged, dropping to his knees. "How do I get it all the way in?"
"Don't worry about it now," Brent brushed his fingers over Adam's head. "I have so much I want to teach you."
"Okay," Adam tried to watch Brent's face as he took him in his mouth. He saw goosebumps break out over his skin and Brent's nipples harden, almost if they were the ones being sucked. It didn't take watching very much of that before Adam felt himself getting hard again.
"Let me lie down," Brent said when Adam took a break. He didn't go to the bed but went over to his suitcase instead, taking out a smaller bag. "I need to get some more lube soon."
"Where?"
"I just order it online, it's more private that way," Brent brought the lube and condoms over. "Okay, so go back to what you were doing and I'll talk you through the rest of it."
Brent explained each step to Adam and Adam tried to listen but it was so hard to memorize anything about what they were doing. He was more interested in the gasps and little moans Brent was making in between instructions and the taste of his skin.
"You'll have to teach me again," Adam admitted when Brent made him move his mouth away from his cock.
"Mhmm," Brent nodded. "Put the condom on."
"Right," Adam looked at the little foil packet and prayed he wouldn't embarrass himself with it since he had no idea what he was doing. He ripped open the pack but didn't have a chance to fumble around because Brent took over.
"Sorry, I can't wait," Brent kissed Adam. "Lay down."
"Me? Wait-"
"Shh, it's okay," Brent pushed him away, gently. "On your back."
Adam lay down, realizing a second later how Brent meant for it to work. He'd never thought about positions but when Brent crawled over him, Adam was already glad Brent decided to do it that way. Brent kissed him, grinding their hips together.
"Are you sure it'll fit?" Adam wondered when Brent sat up and started guiding him into place.
"I'll stretch," Brent nodded. "Pass me the lube, please?"
"I don't know if I can hold off that long," Adam tried to control himself as Brent stroked him and started pushing down. The thought alone was making him crazy, he couldn't imagine how much more intense it was about to get.
"You'll do great," Brent promised, taking Adam's hands. He put one on his cock and just held the other.
And Brent was right, again. It took longer than Adam expected, but he did fit all the way inside and he lasted much longer than he first thought. Not that Adam thought he would ever get enough of Brent or having him so close.
"Oh my god," Adam gasped when Brent told him he was going to cum. "I don't want it to be over."
"Me neither, but I can't-" Brent moaned and that was it. Adam's body decided to react with an orgasm of its own.
"Fuck."
"Oh damn," Brent leaned forward, kissing Adam hard. "Want to try bottoming?"
"I don't know if I can handle that," Adam admitted. He wanted to just say yes, especially since he'd already insisted there were no limits for Brent but after seeing it he just had too many questions.
"We'll work up to it," Brent promised. He shifted his hips and cringed as they separated. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
"Really?"
"Since I saw you at auditions," Brent laughed. "You gave me this look and I swear, I thought so many dirty things. After that, there so many times I was in your bed and I hoped you'd get hard for me, you can't imagine how happy I was the first time it happened while we were kissing."
"You never wondered why I turned my back on you or like, jumped out of bed sometimes?"
"I hoped, but I couldn't ask."
"Yeah, it happened. And also a few times I heard you...you know, and-"
"Shhh I did that too!"
"What? No," Adam felt so guilty, he couldn't imagine Brent doing it too. "You could hear me?"
"Yeah, not jacking off but I heard you with Joe a few times," Brent kissed him. "Being with you was so much better in real life than it ever was in my head."
"We shouldn't have our rooms next door to each other."
"Probably not, I'm sure you heard all kinds of things."
"Mm, Bose sent us those noise cancelling headphones," Adam reminded him. "I usually just wore those around if I knew you had someone over."
"Sorry."
"No, it was fine," Adam sighed. He hated to move but he knew he had to get up. "Um, how do I get this off?"
"Oops," Brent laughed and sat up. "You can just kind of slide it off but remember gravity is a thing so I usually get up first unless I want cum all over me."
"Well, someone already got it all over me."
"Shh, you liked it. Do you want to shower?"
"I mean, maybe. Should we?"
"Only because then I have a good excuse to touch you some more."
Morning came way too fast and Adam could barely stay awake when they visited a local radio station for an interview. He tried so hard not to act any different around Brent but it didn't work. Monroe pulled him aside when they went to lunch.
"What are you doing?"
"Uh, I was going to order my food," Adam frowned.
"No, I mean with Brent. Adam, he's not really single."
"I know, they're just taking a break," Adam nodded. "It's okay."
"It's not okay," Monroe shook his head. "Look, I know, you're so happy to finally have a turn with him but be careful. I don't think it means the same thing to you that it does to Brent."
"I don't know."
"Just remember you have to work with him after this ends," Monroe sighed. "That's all I'm asking."
"Okay," Adam decided to talk to Brent about it when he got a chance. Eventually.
It was raining the day Adam and Brent drove out to Westboro to talk to Adam's parents. At first, Adam was pretty sure he'd never get ahold of his dad to set the whole thing up, but Jeff called Mindy and she agreed right away.
"So where was your school?" Brent kept looking at the empty country fields. "And the grocery store?"
"I should have taken you there first," Adam sighed. "If I'm not too mad on the way out I'll show you."
"Did you get internet out here?"
"Yeah. It was slow, but it worked," Adam pulled into the driveway. "Um, so when I lived here I lived in that house."
"That's cute," Brent smiled. "I completely understand everything now, by the way."
"They actually fixed that up since I was here last," Adam frowned. "And they're growing stuff...weird."
"You didn't farm?"
"No, we weren't farmers," Adam snorted. "This is the new house."
"Wow," Brent's eyes widened. "That looks bigger than my parents' house."
"It's not," Adam shook his head. "Ugh, there she is."
"Oh, yeah, Mindy."
"Mindy," Adam agreed, turning the car off. His stepmom was already on the front step.
"Adam, you didn't tell me you were bringing anyone with you," Mindy hissed. "I am not ready for guests."
"We're not staying, we just need to talk."
"Well, yes, but," Mindy glanced at Brent and then back at Adam. "Why is your friend here?"
"Because I didn't want to do this alone," Adam shrugged, the knots in his stomach tightening. "Can we come in?"
"Yes, yes, of course. I didn't tell your father you were coming though so he's going to be surprised to see you."
"Mindy," Adam sighed. Of course, she'd found one more way to make the whole thing as awful as possible.
"Bobby! Look who's here," Mindy called, leading Adam and Brent into the kitchen. "Adam wants to talk to us."
"I have nothing to say to you," Adam's father barely looked at him and continued pouring himself a glass of water. "Or your faggot friend. You might as well get out of my house."
"Technically, it's my house," Adam pointed out, sitting down at the table. He knew it seemed bold since no one had asked him to, but the truth was if he didn't sit down he was going to pass out. "I'm letting you stay here as a favor, remember?"
"Let's just listen," Mindy pleaded. "Go on, Adam."
"I don't want to be here either, Dad," Adam waited for his father to sit down before he started talking. "My managers said that I needed to talk to you before I made any kind of announcement because they think it's the right thing to do. So, here's your warning."
"Is that why he's here?" Adam's father glared at Brent for a second before turning his stare to Adam. It was the same look that haunted him the past several years, the one that had Adam convinced he was going straight to hell. "Don't you dare, Adam. You will not go out there and make a fool of yourself or this family."
"What? What are you doing?" Mindy didn't get it.
"It's already planned. I'm coming out," Adam waited for her to react but she still didn't understand. "I'm gay."
"No!" Mindy let out the most horrible gasp. "Adam, why would you say that?"
"Because it's true," Adam watched his father stand up and stood up too. "Look, that's all I came to say so there were no surprises. I had to tell you before the rest of the world."
"Damn it, Adam, you think I didn't already know?" his father slammed his glass down on the counter, water sloshing everywhere. It was the outburst Adam had expected. He wanted to reach for Brent's hand but he was frozen in place.
"W-what?"
"I've known your whole life, we all did. That's part of why I left your mother. She kept saying to leave you alone but I told you, no son of mine was gonna end up a worthless faggot," his dad shook his head. "Mindy and I agreed when you moved out here you could only be our son if you'd learn to control that faggot impulse. Every time we caught you looking at another boy it made me sick to my stomach knowing you were in the house."
"Please, stop," Adam couldn't believe anything he was hearing.
"Letting you out of here was the worst mistake of my life. You've ruined everything for us, Adam. Our whole lives are destroyed because you're an ungrateful, greedy, God-hating, unrepentant homosexual."
"I ruined your life? Me?" Adam felt like someone flipped a switch in his mind. "Fuck you, Dad. You abandoned me for something I couldn't control and then you took me in just so you could use me to get you a bunch of money that was never yours!"
"You think it didn't cost anything to take you in?"
"Don't even start that," Adam refused to listen to his father try to make that argument. "You knew my mom was a junkie and you left me anyway. I could have been the straightest guy on Earth and you still would have found a reason to hate me because I remind you of her, don't I? You were probably hoping she would kill me so you'd be free of both of us."
"Well you're dead to me now."
"Bobby!" Mindy gasped.
"No, that's it. If you humiliate this family any further by telling the whole world you're a filthy homosexual then you are dead to me, Adam. I won't have a son anymore."
"Better plan my funeral then," Adam left his father in the kitchen. He could hear Brent following him so he didn't stop until he was outside.
"I should drive," Brent insisted.
"Wait!" Mindy came running after them. "Adam, wait. Listen, just let me talk to him. You know we can't support that...lifestyle choice and I don't think you should be around your little sisters again but-"
"You've never let me around them anyway," Adam pointed out. It hit him a second later. "Because you always knew I was gay. Oh my god."
"Yes, but I thought you were past all that. We could pray, Adam, I know the pastor has some programs we could try."
"No, just stop," Adam shook his head. "It's better if Dad just acts like I'm dead."
"But that's not the Christian thing to do."
"Newsflash, Mindy, 90% of the shit you do is not the Christian thing to do. Let it go, okay? I won't bother you and you don't have to think about me."
"I really think we can work this out, Adam. What if-"
"No. Goodbye, Mindy," Adam got in the car, not waiting to hear anything else she had to say.
He barely managed to put the address for the hotel in the GPS before he felt tears pricking his eyes. Adam swallowed hard. He didn't want to cry. Didn't want to let those people - his family - get any further into his head than they already were.
"It's okay," Brent took his hand. Adam jerked away.
"It's not okay, I just-" Adam lost control and a sob escaped his throat. "All I ever wanted was to make my dad happy, to make him proud of me and I will never have that. He's never going to love me."
"You don't need him, Adam, that man isn't your father," Brent insisted. "Monroe and Jeff are more your dads than he is."
"It's not the same."
"I know, but-"
"I'm going to hell, aren't I?"
"What?"
"What if he was right, Brent? I've turned my back on God and on my family. For what?"
"Adam, you're scaring me a little right now," Brent pulled over. "Your parents used you, Adam. There's a difference between turning your back on them and asking that they treat you right."
"I guess."
"Definitely. And I don't think questioning your faith is the same as turning your back on God. It's normal to have questions."
"Maybe Mindy was right though, maybe I should try one of those programs."
"No. No way," Brent started driving again. "I am getting you out of this middle of nowhere town before you come up with another idea like that. You know better, Adam. You've already spent years of your life trying to be someone you're not. It's time to be the real Adam."
"The real Adam," Adam repeated. Those were the magic words he needed to hear. He hadn't thought it possible, but Adam started crying harder.
How was it that fighting with his dad could take him right back to being the scared, mixed up kid he was when he first left home? All those months of therapy, breaking through the lies his parents and their flavor of religion tried so hard to taint him with, just lost. Adam had only wondered for a minute, maybe two, but the feeling made him want to throw up.
But as always, there was Brent. Right there to say exactly what he needed to hear. And after the two hours it took to get them out of Adam's own personal hell and back into the life that saved him, Brent knew exactly what to do.
"Take off your clothes and lay on your stomach," Brent kissed his neck.
Adam stripped as Brent put a towel down on the bed, motioning for Adam to lay on top of it. He stretched out and waited to see what Brent planned to do.
"Oh, yes," Adam let out a deep sigh when Brent started massaging his back with some lotion he'd warmed in the hotel room microwave.
"We need to start those monthly spa days as soon as we get home."
"Yeah, home," Adam hadn't let himself think about what going home would be like.
Brent and Maddox had moved in together right before their tour started so it wasn't like they would even be living in the same house. Unless Brent moved back in with Adam.
"Hey, don't think about it like that," Brent kissed Adam's cheek, as if he knew what Adam was thinking. "We have time to figure this out. I don't know where Dax and I are anymore."
"You do too," Adam rolled over, giving up on his massage. "I know I'm just borrowing his time, Brent, this isn't going anywhere."
"I don't know, Adam, I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through Maddox cheating on me ever again. I want someone I trust, someone I can count on. Right now I'm not sure I can go back to Maddox and wait for him to decide I'm really worth the rest of his life."
"If you really felt that way, you would just break up with him."
"It's really not that easy. I wish it were," Brent lay down with Adam. "I wish I could be the boyfriend you really deserve, Adam. You should have someone so amazing."
"You are amazing," Adam sighed. "And I don't care. I'd rather have you for as long as I have you than never know what it's like. I love you, Brent."
"I know. But you deserve more and I'm sorry I'm not giving it to you."
Adam turned to kiss him. Their kiss only got deeper and more hungry. Before long they were tangled in each other, getting closer and more connected until Adam found himself buried as far as he could be inside Brent.
"I love you," Adam whispered. He kissed Brent's shoulder, sucking on his neck.
"I love you too," Brent moaned. "Mmm, I'm going to-"
"Shh," Adam closed his eyes, pretending that Brent really meant what he said when he said 'I love you too.'
Morning showed up way too soon. Adam tried to ignore the alarm, but he couldn't ignore Brent kissing his neck.
"Mmm, I really love waking up with you."
"Really?" Adam opened his eyes.
"Yep. I feel so safe with you, it's so peaceful," Brent kissed his chest. "I so don't want to get up yet."
"Me neither," Adam ran his fingers through Brent's hair. "But I really have to pee."
"Shh, I didn't have to until you said that."
"Sorry," Adam laughed as he got up. It was so cold outside the bed he regretted it instantly.
As Adam stood in front of the mirror, he realized there were marks on him from the night before. Scratches and faint bruises spread across his back. At first he panicked but when he realized they would probably all be covered when he put his clothes on, Adam started smiling.
"What are you grinning about?" Brent smiled back at him, tossing his phone aside when Adam came out of the bathroom.
"Your signature," Adam turned so Brent could see what he'd done.
"Ohh, sorry," Brent made a pouting face. "I didn't mean to do that."
"I don't care. I actually think it's kind of awesome."
"Good, cause I don't know how to stop," Brent reached between his legs and Adam realized he was semi-hard. "And it looks really sexy."
"Mmm," Adam glanced at the clock. "I wonder how fast I can get you off."
"Happy to find out."
"Of course you are."
Adam got on his knees with every intention of setting an impressive record. He tried every trick he knew, which he quickly learned wasn't very many. The important part was Brent didn't seem to notice or care. His moans had Adam hard too, imagining Brent would return the favor and definitely outdo anything Adam could.
"Oh, fuck, Adam," Brent gripped Adam's hair as he came.
"Think you can beat that?"
"Mm, let's see," Brent stood up, pulling Adam to his feet. He kissed him. "I love you."
"I-I love you too," Adam's heart twisted. "Wait, really?"
"Yes, really," Brent frowned. "Didn't you hear me say it last night?"
"Well, yeah, but you came like 5 seconds later so I wasn't sure you meant it."
"I'm sorry, I definitely meant it," Brent ran his fingers along Adam's cheek. "I'm really in love with you."
"I never thought I'd hear you say that," Adam closed his eyes. He could feel the sting of tears but fought them off.
"I never thought we'd end up like this, Adam, but you mean so much to me," Brent gave him a soft kiss. "And I hate to say it but we're going to be late if we don't get dressed. Can I finish what I owe you later?"
"Mm, there might be a late fee."
"That's fine. I'll pay interest too," Brent grinned and let go of Adam. "Hey, let me wear one of your shirts today. The Bradam fans need something to talk about."
"Bradam is real," Adam started laughing and realized a second later he couldn't stop. Brent started laughing too though Adam wasn't sure if he was laughing at what Adam said or at Adam. They were still laughing when he and Brent went to meet the rest of the guys for breakfast.
"You're in a good mood," Monroe raised his eyebrows.
"Bradam is real," Brent tried to explain but no one else thought it was funny.
"Don't tell us, okay?" Tyler made a face. "Like it's one thing to know but I don't want to hear about it or see it. I'm not here for that."
"You sure loved Bradam when it was making you money," Jimmy pointed out, picking up his coffee.
Jeff chose that moment to start talking about their schedule so there was no fight, but Adam could feel the tension. He tried to focus on what Jeff and Monroe were telling them but it was hard to pay attention. All Adam could think about was Brent.
For days, Adam felt like he was floating. Though Monroe had warned him about getting too attached, he was suddenly teasing Adam about how he was smiling all the time. Even Jeff stopped giving Brent and Adam time in the single room and let the other boys rotate having it instead.
Adam found himself daydreaming most of the time. What would it be like to have Brent forever? Would they spend the rest of their lives sharing a room while they toured, performing all over the world and then go home to their own house somewhere? Or maybe it would be a sleek downtown loft apartment.
That night, Adam got out of the shower and saw Brent texting furiously. It was the first time he could remember seeing Brent obviously having a conversation with someone on his phone in a long time. Adam's heart dropped.
"Ugh," Brent huffed, throwing his phone down. Adam wasn't sure if he should act like he hadn't seen it or say something. He decided to just ask.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, come read this," Brent rolled his eyes. "I swear."
"What is it?" Adam's heart felt like lead as he took the phone from Brent.
"I know I shouldn't get upset but I have no patience," Brent made another displeased sound. "My mom seriously doesn't understand."
"Mm," Adam scrolled through the texts from Brent's mom. She was talking about a family reunion that Brent obviously didn't want to attend. He'd explained about 5 times but his mom was not backing down.
"Whatever, I'm not going. She'll get over it."
Adam passed Brent's phone back to him and went for some pajama pants. His heart was slowly dropping to its normal rate but the damage was done. Once again, Adam had to face the fact that Brent wasn't really his. No matter how many breathtaking "I love yous" or kisses they shared, their relationship was still on borrowed time. Brent sighed again and Adam turned around.
"What did she say now?"
"Nothing, I just didn't want you to cover up."
"I'm really tired," Adam lied. "Actually, I might be getting sick."
"Oh no, I'm sorry," Brent got up and grabbed his own pajamas. "Do you want me to get you anything? Some tea?"
"No, just..." Adam's stomach turned. If his time with Brent was so precious, he knew he should cherish it while he could. "Just hold me, please."
Adam had a hard time sleeping that night. He couldn't stop thinking about how just the day before he'd been so happy and how fast that ended. How stupid could he be? He'd gotten so wrapped up in what they were doing, Adam completely forgot it wasn't real. Not as real as he wanted it to be.
But it was hard to remember that when every day, Adam fell a little harder for Brent. He couldn't list everything he loved anymore, there were just too many things. No matter how often Adam told himself to knock it off, to let go, he kept finding himself more and more in love.
They got to Chicago on a gorgeous afternoon. They had a few days off before their next show and Adam was so busy imagining how they would spend it that he automatically followed when Brent started to walk to the elevator.
"Adam," Monroe grabbed him and handed him a room key. "You're sharing with Zack."
"Oh," Adam stared at the key for a second. "Why?"
"Because it's Brent's turn for the single," Jeff answered and Monroe sighed.
"Really? I think he should know."
"That's between him and Brent."
"No," Monroe shook his head. "Adam-"
"Maddox is here," Adam saw Steve, Maddox's bodyguard, in the hall.
"He came to surprise Brent, he set it up with Jeff. Brent had no idea."
"Okay," Adam bit his tongue and went to the room he was supposed to share with Zack. Zack gave him the saddest look when he walked in.
"I'm so-"
"Don't say it," Adam begged. He closed his eyes and opened the door between the rooms. Part of him wanted to hear everything Brent had to say but the other part of him was scared of what he might hear.
"No, don't do that," Zack pulled Adam away. "You'll make yourself crazy. There are some things you should never know."
"Like what?"
"What if Brent's in there telling Maddox something you don't want to hear? Like...I don't know...he was never really in love with him? That he used Dax to get us famous? Or maybe Maddox has some more secrets, like maybe he makes Brent dress up like a stuffed animal before he'll have sex with him and Brent loves him but can't handle that?"
"You need to stay off the internet."
"I'm right though," Zack looked around. "Wanna smoke? We haven't gotten to hang out in ages."
"I don't have anything, I ran out and never called Joe."
"I've got some," Zack went to his bag. He paused. "Wait, maybe they're done talking. I can't hear anything."
"I'm going in," Adam decided and before Zack could stop him, he opened the door. "Babe, are you- oh."
Maddox was standing in front of Brent, his face red. Brent was sitting on the bed, crying. Adam stared, waiting for Brent to look at him but he never did. That was all Adam needed to know, right then and there. All his breath left him and his chest got so tight that Adam expected to collapse right there.
"Did you just call him babe?" Maddox demanded, his eyes getting wide.
"I guess you're not done talking," Adam managed to say before he shut the door, almost falling over Zack who was standing where he could hear but not be seen from the other room.
"Enough," Zack shut the second door and locked it, as if that would keep Adam from opening it again. "Smoke this."
"I'm not sure I know how to breathe anymore."
"Come on, Adam," Zack wrapped his arms around him. "You knew this would happen. If not today, at some point. They can't stay away from each other."
"I told myself that every day and it still hurts," Adam hugged Zack as hard as he could. "Why does it hurt so bad?"
"I don't know," Zack rubbed his back. "But I do know how to take your mind off it for a little while."
"Okay," Adam agreed, stepping away from Zack. He took the joint and the lighter. If it would numb the pain, even just a tiny bit, Adam decided he would never breathe clean air again.
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Eli let himself into Logan's place - their place, he reminded himself - after work that day and listened to see if Logan was home yet. He didn't hear anything so he went to the bedroom to change out of his jeans and found Logan in the shower. The need ran through him so hard, Eli pulled his shirt off before he thought about what he was doing.
"Hey, are you almost done?" he called.
"No, just got in," Logan poked his head out. "Why?"
"Don't wash too well," Eli raised his eyebrow and Logan turned the water off.
"Ugh, I wish you caught me before I was all wet," he laughed as he got out of the shower. "Mm, I don't want to wait until my hair is dry."
"Well, could we put a towel down?"
"No, let's just do oral," Logan suggested. "I'll owe you."
"Okay," Eli resisted the urge to point out they could just have sex in the shower. He'd tried that once and Logan went on another rant about how they were not in porn and how the shower was a one-person activity.
Logan went back to the shower when they were finished and Eli started their dinner. He barely cooked for Logan, who really only wanted to eat salads. It saved time but there were nights Eli really wanted hot food.
"So, this week we have the charity ball and a lunch at the museum," Logan reminded Eli as they ate. "Did you pick up our suits from the dry cleaners?"
"They're in our closet, Lo."
"Thank you, I didn't even see that," Logan frowned. "I feel like there's something else."
"Dinner with your director, tomorrow," Eli grinned. "You're so cute."
"Why?"
"Trying to keep me on track. It's what I do all day every day, you know?"
"It's not supposed to be," Logan made a face and poured himself more sparkling water.
"I talked to a few more candidates today, one of them sounds good," Eli was still trying to convince Maddox to hire a new assistant.
"You're being way too picky."
"I have to hire someone who can actually help me or it's not worth it."
"You have to want help."
"I-" Eli didn't get to argue because his phone rang. Logan sighed. "Steve?"
"Hey, can you pack a bag? There's like a 90% chance I'm gonna need you to come out here."
"Where are you?" Eli got up. Steve never called, he always texted. If he was calling...
"About to leave for Chicago with Dax. I can't say why but it might not go well and I think Dax will want you."
"Steve," Eli warned.
"I can't tell you, Dax will kill me. Just be ready."
"Okay," Eli sighed. Logan already had he disappointed look on his face. "I'll start packing."
"Let me guess," Logan crossed his arms when Eli got off the phone.
"I'm so sorry, I don't know what Maddox is doing but it sounds like a mess."
"Alright. Well, I'll let my publicist know you're probably canceling this week."
"I'm really sorry, Logan."
"I know, I'm not mad. It's just business," Logan smiled but Eli could see through it. The more time he spent with Logan the easier it was to tell when he was faking his good attitude.
Eli finished eating and cleaned up, packing a small suitcase before he went to the shower. He kept his phone within an arm's reach just in case.
Sure enough, Maddox called as Eli was drying off. He barely said hello before he started crying.
"Dax? Where are you?"
"C-can you come? I'm at the New York house."
"I'm on my way," Eli promised, barely hanging his towel up before he ran to get dressed. "What can I bring?"
"No-othing, I just..." Maddox was sobbing. "I just need you."
"Okay, I'm coming," Eli yanked on his clothes, listening to Maddox's cries. He wished he knew the right questions to ask, anything, but he couldn't imagine what happened. Unless Brent broke up with him...again.
Logan looked sad as Eli kissed him goodbye. He didn't have time to worry about that, barely making it to the airport in time for the last-minute flight he'd somehow managed to book while sitting in traffic.
Eli took the stairs two at a time when he got to the Bieber house, finding Maddox curled up on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniels. He knew then it was bad because Maddox normally only drank tequila. At least he'd stopped crying.
"I went to ask Brent to marry me."
The words all made perfect sense and, in theory, Eli knew what Maddox was saying. But to see him sitting on the couch in sweats, tearstains on his cheeks and an open bottle of whiskey in his hand as he said it didn't make sense at all.
"What?"
"I went to Chicago, to propose," Maddox was staring off into space, not even looking at Eli. "He was ready to throw me out and then...Adam walked in and...they're together. Or they were. He's been cheating on me with Adam since I..."
"No," Eli cringed. Maddox had asked him so many times if he thought Brent and Adam were cheating and every single time Eli said no. He'd figured Maddox was just paranoid.
"I just handed him the ring and left. And I thought about...I got the razor, but," Maddox shook his head and took another long drink from the bottle. "I still want to fucking be alive. Even though I could claw my own eyes out and not have it hurt as bad as losing Brent, I still don't want to die."
"Maddox where is the razor?"
"My bathroom, with the sleeping pills," Maddox gestured like he was opening a door. "The bottle says something else."
"Okay," Eli sat down next to him when he saw Steve quietly take the set of knives off the kitchen counter and leave the room. He heard him on the stairs a moment later and assumed he was going to clean out Maddox's bathroom. Thank God they were both on the same page with that. "Has Brent called?"
"He did, like 50 times before I turned the phone off. I can't handle a breakup yet. Maybe tomorrow I'll be ready, but not today. Today I was supposed to get engaged."
"You never told me you were thinking about asking him to marry you. I figured Brent would be the one to propose."
"I was going to let him, when I was ready. But with all this going on I just realized," Maddox's face crumbled. "He's the one, the only one. And I wasted all this time, fucking it all up so bad."
Eli stopped asking questions and just let Maddox cry. He texted Tim and asked him to cancel all of Maddox's appointments for the next day since it was too late to do it that night, promising to explain in the morning.
No sooner had Eli sent Tim those texts did he start getting messages from Brent. He wanted to know if Maddox was okay. Eli started to answer but wondered if Maddox would be upset if he did. He deleted his reply and decided to stay out of it. Except that Brent obviously could see him texting because he started calling a second later.
"Hi," Eli left Maddox asleep on the couch.
"Is he okay? What's going on?"
"Maybe you should tell me that," Eli decided.
"He won't answer and neither will Steve. I'm losing my mind, Eli, just - do you know if he's alright?"
"No, of course not. What did you think?" Eli ducked into the closest room and shut the door. "He thought he was getting engaged today, instead he found out you were cheating."
"I know, I fucked up but, Eli, I mean, what was I supposed to think? He cheated on me. I didn't have any idea he wanted to get married."
"Look, I don't want to be part of this."
"I don't want to put you in the middle, I just need you to know I'm gonna make it right. I don't know how but...I love him so much, Eli."
"Alright," Eli felt his resolve softening. "Look, all I can do is take care of him. You have to do the rest."
"I know, I will. Whatever it takes. I'll figure it out."
"Okay. Hey Brent?"
"Yeah?"
"Good luck."
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A/N: I feel like this is the part in the story where I have to promise a happy ending. Then again, I don't know how many of you are reading who haven't already read Haunted (can you let me know?) so maybe you don't need to be reassured, just reminded that Adam's story ends beautifully.