Authors note:
Hi guys, so this part may get a bit confusing because the point of view changes quite often. But try and keep up with it, this is a very important part in the story ;)
My headache has got worse. I've woken up this morning feeling like someone's hit me in the head with a brick.
I gradually walk downstairs with a blanket wrapped around me and a wooly hat on my head. It's freezing this morning, just 3 degrees Celsius. It's November now, November 1st. And the winter is certainly starting to kick in.
My brother suddenly starts running down the stairs and as he meets me, he says "pinch punch, first of the month" then carries on running towards the kitchen.
I slowly follow behind him, then eventually greet my mum and luke at the breakfast table.
"Morning Darcy, how are feeling today?" My mum walks over to me looking concerned. She's not looking too great either, baggy eyes, in her dressing gown, flushed cheeks. She probably got no sleep last night either.
"I'm alright, I guess."
"Up for some breakfast?"
"Not really"
"Well I'll get you something anyway, you need to eat. Just because you're upset doesn't mean you shouldn't eat"
I guess she is right, I need to keep up all the health I have left in me.
"Why are you upset?" Luke says surprised and confused.
"Um... We'll tell you later. " my mum says.
"Im fine luke, don't listen to mum. How about you go upstairs I'll meet you up there in a minute"
"Okay!" He says excitedly.
Me and my mum sit at the breakfast table, eating our cereal opposite each other.
It's certainly been a rough night, and it's even worse as we haven't even told luke yet. He doesn't know that his blood couldn't cure me. It would kill him to find out I'm still not better. But I don't want to tell him, he doesn't need to know yet.
"So... Darcy, I know you don't really want to hear it, but I would like to talk about some things that Dr. Kartor said."
"Alright go in then. Make it quick"
"Okay" she sips her cup of tea, then carries in talking "he thinks the next thing would be radiation, then some more chemo. Maybe a stronger dose this time. And then maybe-"
My mum is interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. We both hesitate, but I go to pick it up.
"Hello?" I say.
"Hi, Darcy?! It's ben, I just wanted to check up on you, see if you were feeling up for a chat today"
"Oh I don't know ben, I'm still-"
"I know, but can't I atleast see you, even if we don't do any talking?"
"Give me a sec Ben."
I turn to my mum and say "it's Ben, I'm just going to take this upstairs."
"Alright darling, then come back down Okay, so we can finish talking about everything"
"Yes, fine"
I start heading back up the stairs to my room.
"Sorry ben, I just had to tell my mum who I was talking to. But yeah, I guess you could come over."
"Great, we don't have to do anything, I just want to know that you're feeling alright. I can't stand to see my Darcy upset."
As I'm walking up the stairs, my knees buckle and I fall over.
"Darcy what was that? Are you alright?" Ben asks.
"Yeah, I'm um... I'm fine, just went a bit dizzy for a second. What were you saying again?"I carry on walking up the stairs, but I start getting really breathless. Then I suddenly realise what's happening. My cheeks get that tingly sensation right before you throw up, then before you know it, I'm leaning over the toilet bowl, vomiting.
"Darcy!" I hear ben shout through the phone. But I'm too weak to reply.
Then suddenly, a weird sensation falls over my entire body. I feel the phone starting to slip out of my hands, like I can no longer control them. Then I start shaking, shaking uncontrollable.
Ben continues to shout through the phone, but I'm a trembling, vomiting mess I can't reach it and I Can't shout for help. But then out of the corner of my eye, I notice luke staring at me then running downstairs whilst screaming "MUMMY MUMMY HELP!"
I see two shadowy figures sprinting up the stairs, but by this time my full body is lying on the cold floor. Then my surroundings start to fade, and my world turns black .
Sarah's (Darcy's mums) POV:
I dash up the stairs to find my baby girl, shaking uncontrollably whilst lying helplessly in the floor.
I get a sudden flashback from the past, and realise what is happening. She's having her first seizure, and I saw my husband seize... Often.... I know what this means. But I can't let my emotions get the best of me. If she's going to survive this, I need to act fast.
I send luke to his room, to avoid him seeing all of this traumatic mess.
I then lean down on my knees and grab hold of my darcy, who now is completely unconscious. I try and stop her shaking, I try to calm the seizure down. But she just won't stop!
I call luke and tell him to grab the phone. He quickly passes it over to me looking terrified, then I immediately ring 999.
"I need an ambulance please, my daughter has Cancer and she's having a seizure." I scream and cry into the phone.
I know I Won't be able to deal with this alone. I need someone to help me.
I then dial Ben's number, and he straight away picks up.
"Mrs greenwood, what's going on?"
"It's Darcy, she's having a seizure, I need you to calmly but quickly get here fast. Would you mind assisting us in the ambulance?"
"Of course not, I will be there as soon as I can"
I'm still keeping a tight hold of Darcy, whilst praying to God that it stopes soon. The longer one goes on for, the higher the risk is that she gets brain damage. She will never be the same.
Just 5 minutes later, Ben arrived and sprints upstairs to our rescue.
"Oh my god Darcy!" He hollers then leans down to hug her. "What is happening, why is she shaking?"
"She's having a seizure, it... It's because there's something wrong with her brain, but we can't talk about that right now, we need to concentrate on getting her to hosptial. The longer she shakes for, the more traumatic this is all going to be.
Ben's POV:
I suddenly recall something that her doctor said. He said something about her brain, that if the Cancer spreads there... Then it's...it's terminal... But no! No it can't be!
I stare at Sarah as she seems upset but seems to know what she is doing.
I guess this is what her husband had. He had seizures quite often because he had Brain Cancer. In a way it's good for Darcy in the situation now, because she's in the safest hands, with an expert.
Finally, the ambulance arrive, and they come straight upstairs to witness the sick Cancer patient on the floor.
"Right, hello everyone, We're paramedics and will be at your assistance today. I would like you to all keep calm, so we can get her out of here as quickly as possible. Okay, so what's this lovely girls name?"
"This is Darcy, she's my daughter, and she has Cancer"
"What type of cancer? Brain cancer?"
"No, leukaemia"
"Oh, has this ever happened before"
"No" Sarah bluntly says. The paramedics look at each other, and I think we all know the situation.
"Okay then, this needs to happen smoothly but quickly. " he leans down towards Darcy's head. "Hello Darcy, can you hear me?" There is no response. So the paramedic continues "alright then, let's start this now. " they put in an IV in her arm, and give her some medicine to try and help with the immediate effects of the seizure. They then give her a full body check-up, then put her on a stretcher.
"I'm so sorry Luke, grandma will be here in a minute to look after you okay, I love you" Sarah kisses Luke On the forehead then continues to follow the paramedics out the door with Darcy. And we're off to the hospital in the ambulance.
No one really says much, we all just stare at Darcy's fragile, deteriorating body. But then suddenly, she slightly opens one eye. But then closes it again "I think she's awake!" I shout then stand up "she opened her eyes." The paramedic stands up and walks over towards Darcy.
"Darcy, can you hear me? Darcy darling, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand once if you can, you don't have to speak" I stare closely at her hand, and notice a small movement. "Good girl Darcy, I'm a paramedic and you're in an ambulance okay. You're in the best hands now alright, we're going to get your better"
I look over to Sarah and see her lean back and let out a sigh of relief. Then she aims a small smile towards me. But Darcy's eyes are shut again, it looks like she's drifting in and out of consciousness.
Darcy's POV:
I can faintly detect what's going on. But I can't keep my eyes open for much longer than 3 seconds at a time. I'm in an ambulance, and there's a paramedic standing next to me. Ben and my mum are sitting next to each other, hugging, and both crying. The last thing I remember was talking to my mum in the kitchen and her asking me to come back downstairs after a call with Ben, but I don't actually remember if I went back downstairs or not. I'm guessing not.
I don't know exactly what's going on right now. But I can feel the oxygen mask on my face, the IV in my line in my arm, and the tubes attached to my body. So i know it's not good.
Bens POV:
I think she's awake, but I don't think she has any clue what's going on. She's pretty much out of it.
We eventually arrive at the emergency room entrance. And Darcy is immediately wheeled out of the ambulance and into the Emergency Department. We've had so many scares like this one with Darcy, but the outcome has always been quite good, I don't know if we're going to be as lucky with this one.
I've never seen her look so sick.
As she's rushed out of the ambulance and into the ER,me and her mum walk beside her through the whole thing.
She's rushed straight down the corridor, and now about 5 doctors have joined us to take over the paramedics.
"This is Darcy, and she has just experienced a seizure. She has stage 3 leukaemia, and was unconscious for 15 minutes." The doctors shout out all sorts of technical medical words that I don't at all understand, all whilst still rushing down the hallway. I can tell Sarah understands what they're saying though, which I guess isn't a good thing. She understands the severity of the situation.
We've now been taken into a large room where all the emergencies are delt with.
I watch, feeling helpless, just wanting this all to end... And know she's going to be okay...
--
She's still lying there, looking in pain. But me and Sarah haven't left her side for a single second. She's been admitted to the ICU, and Dr. Kartor is just about to come down to talk to us all.
She's been put on some pretty strong medication, so she's pretty much out of it. She's opened her eyes a couple of times, but hasn't spoke once. Her bodies covered in tubes and leads, and she lies there, probably still unaware of what's going on.
They gave her an MRI scan on her whole body, including her brain. But to be honest, I think we all know what's going on. We're now just waiting for someone to say it, someone to make it official. I still have hope, hope that things are going to be okay. Everytime I think of us, I imagine us running into the sunset on our wedding day, holding our own precious children in our arms, and living a long, happy life together.
I can't even begin to imagine a life without her, and without all of that.
Dr. Kartor suddenly opens the door. Then goes straight to Sarah for a hug. Over this past year and a half he seems to have made it into part of the family. He isn't just seen as a doctor to Darcy and Sarah anymore, he's seen as family. Someone they can trust.
"Oh Sarah, Ben, I'm so sorry this has happened again. You know, I really thought Darcy was going to be the one patient... The patient that was going to make it through and live a long, joyful life. I'm just so sorry"
It's then, that I think it hits both of us. It's official now, she's not going to make it.
"Dr kartor, isn't there anything we can do?" Sarah grovels.
He takes a seat, and holds Sarah's hand and looks into her eyes. " I really wish there was Sarah. I would do anything to give Darcy another chance at life. But I'm afriad, that it has spread to a large proportion of her brain. And it's also back in her lungs too. There's no more treatment that would work for her... I'm truly, utterly sorry... I really am. The Cancers terminal, so I guess all you can do now is make her as comfortable as you can, and make the most of the time you have left with her."
I try to hold it in, but I just can't. Neither can Sarah. I soon find myself drowning in an inescapable flood of tears. The brutal reality has just hit me!
I'm not going to be able to spend the rest of my life with Darcy. She's not going to beat Cancer! "But Dr.kartor , you all seemed so hopeful. You would always talk about her and say how tough she is, and how she's going to get through this."
"I know Ben, and I honestly thought that she would. She is one of the strongest patients I have ever had. I'm truly going to miss her so much, she's certainly been a big influence on me and a lot of the other patients here. I don't know how we're going to say goodbye" a tear falls down his cheek, and Sarah resumes crying. I get up off my chair and launch myself into Sarah's Arms to comfort her. But I also need it too. I stare at darcy, and think about how she doesn't even know yet. She doesn't know the Cancers terminal, she doesn't know, she's going to be leaving this place behind.
Suddenly, whilst we're all soaking in a waterfall of tears. Darcy's eyes, slowly awaken.
Darcy's POV:
I wake up to a pretty depressing scene Infront of me. My mum and Ben are crying and hugging, and Dr. Kartor is wiping his eyes in the corner of the room.
This can't be good news.
I try and sit up, but the weight of all the tubes and leads on me is too heavy for my weak body to Handle. But my movement causes Ben and Dr. Kartor to notice me, and they immediately come over to me.
"Darcy, you're awake" Ben says shocked, but still looks extremely sad.
"What... What's going on?" I ask, with what's left of my voice. I... Once again.... Start preparing for some bad news. But I've had a lot of bad news recently, I don't think it can get much worse. Can it?
"Do you want the doctor to tell you...or me?" my mum says whilst sucking up her tears.
I look back to ben, who is trying not to cry, he is trying to smile but it's not really working. I know now it's going to be bad, really bad.
"You, mum I want you" at this point I still don't really even know what is going on. But I need to find out quickly before I begin to panic.
"I'm afriad... It's not good news" she bursts out crying "darling... Darcy, the Cancer... It's um... It's... It's terminal!" She almost screams as she lets out her tears.
I Can't make any words from my lips. I Just lie down, and all I can do is cry.
Both Ben and my mum come and lie in bed with me and just hold me tight.
Is it really true? Am I going to die? I'm not going to win? the Cancer's beaten me. But it can't of. Not yet.
I suddenly find myself sitting up and glaring towards Dr. Kartor. I need to ask him how severe it is. How long do I have? So I simply say "How long?"
"I honesty can't say Darcy. It depends."
He obviously doesn't want to tell me, so I decide to ask a different way. "It's currently November 2nd (I think) and less than 2 months until Christmas...Will I live to share another Christmas with my family?" I say optimistically. I don't let out a single breath, until he eventually opens his mouth.
"No" he mumbles under his breath.
But That's... Thats... That's less than 2 months away.
Instead of feeling upset, I get a sudden feeling of hatred and anger. I scream to the top of my voice, then rapidly un-attach myself from the tubes going into my port. I tear off all the stickers and machines on my body, and take the oxygen tube out from my nose. And I get up off my bed, and head straight for the door.
"DARCY WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CANT DO THIS!" My mum shouts and grabs my arm.
"NO MUM, I DONT CARE ANYMORE" I slip out from her hand, open the door and sprint as fast as my legs can take me. With the tubes from my port hanging from my chest, and the hospital gown tied around my body, i continue running through all the people, and try and get as far away as I can. I don't know where I'm going but I just need to get away from here. I have to wake up I just have to! This has got to be some sort of a nightmare!
But the suddenly, I feel my legs collapse from beneath me, and now I'm face down on the floor. But this time I'm still conscious and completely aware of my surroundings. I can see a blurred vision of 3 figures sprinting towards me, it's Ben, my mum, and Dr. Kartor. I would keep on running away from them but my legs physically won't work. And my lungs seem to have given out on me. I suddenly feel Ben's arm grab hold of my waist and then I'm being pulled up from the ground and into his arms. I can't hear much, just some crying and a lot of yelling.
Then before you know it, I'm back in my hospital bed, with my family surrounding me, and many doctors.
--
Ive calmed down a little now. I'm feeling more upset than angry. But I haven't said much. There is nothing to say. For once during this journey, there is nothing left that anyone can say. No one can help me. My death is inevitable.
I've had to face the truth now. I'm going to die. And there's nothing more anyone can do about it...