Me and melody had a good chat last night. It lasted for hours, until eventually she needed to sleep.
It's been a few days now, and I've only got 2 days left in the hospital.
Ben has visited me twice, not as much as usual though. But it's okay, I understand why.
He'll be coming tommorow though, so we can both say goodbye to this place.
As it has been a massive part of both our lives for the past year.
Each day has been a normal day. I get chemo, I eat, then I sleep. That's about it. But it's nice to have another girl to talk to. I miss not being able to talk to sadie, but it's nice to have someone around my age to talk to. We can relate to more things. And it's okay for her to know the truth of how serious her condition is.
We're going to have another chat today after her oncoligist comes in to tell her the results form her recent scan and blood tests.
We don't actually know that much about eachother, just that we both have Cancer. And are in a lot of pain.
So today I'm going to try and find out more.
--
Her oncoligist has been in there for a while, which usually means it isn't good news. As soon as everyone leaves, I go into melody's curtains.
She's crying.
"Melody, what's wrong?" I pounce over to her and sit at the end of her bed.
She doesn't reply, I can tell she doesn't feel like talking. So instead I give her a hug.
"I'm sorry" she mumbles. "I just got some bad news."
"Do you want to talk about it. It might make you feel better."
"Um... Sure? The doctor said that my Cancer has spread further than They thought. I've got stage 4 cancer, and there are only 4 stages. Im really scared Darcy." She hugs tighter in to me.
I try and calm her down before I say anything.
"It's alright, it's alright... Okay, I will admit that isn't the best of news, but it doesn't mean you can't still kick cancers butt. I know plenty of people who have got stage 4 cancer and survived it. My nan did. And she's a grumpy old lady, if she can do it you can too."
"I guess... Maybe."
"Don't let this put you down huh! Let's talk about something else. Like... Where are your parents?"
"They're at home with my brothers and sisters. They hardly ever come here."
"Oh, do you have a lot of siblings?"
"Yeah, I have 4 younger brothers and 2 older sisters"
"Wow, that's a lot. Well I don't blame them for having to stay at home. It doesn't mean they don't care about you, I'm sure they still love you very much and are exteremely worried about you, but maybe it's just a bit difficult right now. They're probably still finding it hard to deal with the fact their baby daughters got Cancer. I'm sure they'll sort things out."
"But how?!"
"melody, its only been a week since you were diagnosed. These things take time. You will all get to grips with things eventually. I promise."
She sucks up her tears, and sits up on her bed.
"Thanks darcy. I don't know what I'm going to do without you when you leave."
"You'll get a new roommate, and she would have been through the exact same thing that I have. And you can have lots of chats with her. I'm sure she'll be as nice as me."
"Probably not, I don't think I've ever met anyone as nice as you are."
"Thanks melody that means a lot. But trust me, Cancer does something to you. It brings out a side to me I never knew I had. And one day, when your getting your last round of chemo, you can talk to a younger, new girl just like I am now. And you can tell her how hard it was, but how worth it it all was. You will get through this. "
The look melody gives me when I speak is so inspiring. It's nice to know I can help other people who are about to go through what I have gone through already.
I never thought Cancer would have any point to it. But I think it does in some aspects.
Bella comes in to my room to un attach me from the toxic chemicals entering my body.
"So how are you feeling today Darcy?"
"Better thanks. Honestly, I've just been looking forward to getting out of here."
"I don't blame you. You've spent enough of your life here."
"But I am going to miss you though. A lot. I'm never thought a nurse could become one of my best friends. I hope the next Cancer patient you have to look after is as amazing as me." We both laugh at my little joke, but then suddenly her smile drops, and she looks quite sad."something wrong?" I ask.
"No. Well... There's something I want to talk to you about." She finishes off with all my tubes and everything, then she sits at the end of my bed. "I've been thinking about it for a while. And I have actually come to a decision."
"About what?" I ask concerningly.
"I've decided to move on from being an oncology nurse."
"What really?"
"Yes, It was a really hard decision. But since I've been here I've realised I'm still young and have still got so many wide opportunities available. It's working with sick kids everyday that has made me realised this. But no offense ."
"Of course not, I understand. So what do you want to be?"
"I'm not sure yet, but I'm going back to university. I want to try something new, something I've never done before."
"That sounds amazing ,I'm really happy for you. So when do you leave?"
"Next week."
"Really!? So I'm your last patient?"
"Yes, I'm so glad I get to spend my last week with you."
"So am I. At least I got to be with you for my whole journey with Cancer. And I'll never have to know what it's like without you."
"Well... Obviously when you have to come back in and stuff I won't be here but-"
"Wait what?"
" for check ups, and scans and things."
"Wait I still have to have tests done?"
"Yes darcy."
I've been so caught up in knowing that chemo will be over, that I completely forgot that I would still have to come in for check ups and things.
"Cancer doesn't end when you're in remision. It's a harsh truth. I know. There will most likely be some long term effects from all the treatment you've had. And the doctors obviously need to check that you haven't relapsed or anything."
I suddenly start feeling sick at the thought of getting Cancer again. I haven't really been thinking about the possible risks as I've just been focused on all the positive things.
"Sorry Darcy, I didn't mean to upset you."
"No it's alright, it's just a shocking realisation."
--
Today is officially my last day. I know it's not going to be my last day in the hospital forever. But it is certainly the last time I will have to stay in hospital for 5 days at a time.
My mum and luke are here and ben will be arriving later. They're all as excited as I am.
"Darcy I'm so proud of you" my mum gives me a hug and cries tears of joy."just a few hours left and we can get out of this place."
Then luke comes up to me and I give him a big hug.
"Are you coming home forever?" He asks.
"Of course luke, I'm getting much better now."
"When we get home can we play on the wii."
"Of course, we can do whatever you want."
"Yay!!" He jumps up and down then runs back over to mum.
I've only got a few more hours then I can leave. I decide to take melody for a walk as she has barely left her room since she's been here. And today she is all alone.
"Would you exuse me for a minute mum. I'm just going to chat to melody for a bit."
"Of course darling that's fine. Me and luke will go down to the coffe shop."
"Thanks."
I walk to her room, carrying the pole around with me.
"Hey melody, feel like a walk?" She's hesitant at first, but eventually gets out of bed and joins me.
"I'm not liking this whole having to carry around a metal pole with me." Melody complains.
"I know, I didn't like it at first either"
"I feel stupid"
"You don't need to. Look around you, remember where you are. Everyone is going through the same thing. If there's one thing you're not here, it's stupid."
We decide to take a stroll around the oncology department. I say hi to a lot of
People a long the way. A lot of people also congratulate me on today being my last day.
"Darcy I'm so happy for you. This is your last day right?"
"Yes, Thankyou" a girl I barely know gives me a hug then limps back over to her nurse.
"Wow darcy, your like famous in this place. You must have made a big impact."
"Not really, it's just that I've been here for so long. I haven't done anything spectacular."
"Well... From what you've told me, I'm pretty sure it's amazing the amount of times you've needed surgery or have nearly died but you've got through it."
"Thanks melody. But I don't want you to think that only I can do it. It's not impossible to beat this. Sadly, I have lost some friends a long the way on my journey, but I also know people who have gone home and survived it. You're going to be one of those people melody. I can already tell. Your strong. Physically and mentally. And you're a very likeable person. Don't be afraid to open yourself up to people. That's what we do here. We're a community. We help eachother through the most difficult of times. I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends whilst you're here."
"Thanks Darcy. I'm sure I will, thanks to you. It's weird, I've only known you for a week but I feel like I can tell you anything. Even when you leave, we can still be friends right?"
"Of course. When I come in for check ups and things, I will always come and visit. I'm going to miss a lot of people, I've made some great friends."
"That will be great." She gives me a hug, then we walk back to our room. It's tiring enough having Cancer and walking around, but dragging a heavy pole attatched to lots of machines makes it even harder. I will certainly not miss this.
Eventually, ben arrives at the hospital and comes to my room.
"Darcy hey, I've missed you so much."
I sit up and give him a kiss and a hug.
"Hey ben, I've missed you too. Only a few more hours left, can you believe it?"
"Yes I can actually, I knew you could do it. It was only you who ever doubted yourself."
"I guess, but you can't blame me for doubting myself after everything that has happened."
"Of course not. You've gone through a lot."
My whole family spends the last few hours with me, just talking and reminiscing the past year we've had.
We talk about plans for the future and things we can all do together this summer. I am more than excited!
It's officially the last time my nurses are coming in to un attatch me from my chemo drip. "3,2,1 and its out."
"Yay!" Loads of doctors and nurses surround me and some start tearing up.
My mum and ben pack up my things and prepare me to go home.
One by one each nurse and doctor gives me a hug. Even Dr. Kartor. Which I am surprised about. My mum takes him outside to give a personal Thankyou for everything he has done for me.
Bella is last to give me a hug, she doesn't let go for ages.
"Thankyou darcy, for being such a good friend to me. I will miss you lots."
" I should be thanking you bella, you shouldn't be thanking me. You're the one who has got me through this. You are one of my closest friends and I am going to miss you so much." I give her another hug and this time I can't let go.
The last thing I do in my hospital room is have a photo with all the staff, I hold up a banner in front of me that says "I kicked Cancer's butt"
My mum takes the photo. Then I go into the bathroom to get changed.
I lock the door behind me and just stare at myself in the mirror for a while. I glare at my hospital gown and my bald head, knowing I'm never going to have to see this again. I happily tear it off my body and get changed into normal clothes. When I step out back into my room, there's no one there a part form melody.
"Goodbye Darcy, I hope you have a good life." She hugs me then starts leading me out the doorway. I take one last look at my room, then step outside.
"Surprise!!!" Everyone screams as I enter the hallway. Literally every single one of the doctors and nurses from this entire oncology ward has come out to celebrate my last day. Some I haven't really even spoke to before. They're all holding up banners and have party hats on. Loads of sick Cancer patients also gather around and cheer me on as I walk down the hall. Confetti is thrown at me and everyone has massive smiles on their faces. I've seen this done before to Cancer patients when they finish their last treatment, everyone gathers around and celebrates it.
Then you get to ring a bell that's hang up outside on the wall in reception to let the world and Cancer know that you have won! You've beaten this!
"Ring the bell! Ring the bell! Ring the bell!" Everhone starts chanting.
I happily grasp the rope then I ring that bell and everybody cheers.
I get more confetti thrown on me then get picked up and carried to the car park.
They follow me out to the car, then I carry on waving out the window until the hospital is no longer in sight.
And that is it, 10 months of gruelling chemotherapy, surgeries and tears. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did! Nothing can prepare you for what you're going to have to face. But it's all worth it in the end when what you're fighting for is your life.
I know my dad would be proud of me. It's exactly what he said he wanted his kids to turn out like. Stay positive during the hardest of situations. And enjoy life whilst you're doing it. And I've had the most amazing family by my side whilst it's all been happening. I know I'm not going to be able to escape Cancer forever. It's changed my life, and the person I am today.
I've been too afraid to talk about my future because It's been uncertain. But now I can really start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My life, can truly start to begin.
It might be a bit later than some. But it's better late than never!
From now on, I don't want to be known as the girl who had Cancer. I want to be known as the girl who beat Cancer !!!
Authors note:
This is not the end of the book, just thought I'd let you know because it sounds a bit like it is. I still have quite a few more parts to go. Things might sound perfect at the moment... But will things stay perfect forever?