Chapter Ten | I'll Be There
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In those times when you feel all alone
Forced to find your way through worlds unknown
Look ahead and don't be scared
I'll be there
I'll be there through the rough winds, rain and ice
I'll be there when the nights falls and troubles rise
I'll be there when you need me
No matter what how or when
My friend, I'll be there - Tiffany Evans
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Essence
I tapped my Coach sneaker along the tiled floors as I impatiently waited for my dad's prescription to be re-filled. My nerves were bad, so tapping my foot was the only way I could cope. The past couple of days have been very hard on me, so today I decided to spend some time with my old man. After our house was invaded and someone basically threatened my son's life, we haven't been back there since then. Money goes by to get clothes for us, but I never went back and right now I never want to go.
I will not be somewhere where my son's life is put into danger. That boy means everything and more to me. It's my fault for the death of my first child, the full blame is on me. I put myself in that position of danger and lost my baby in the process. This time around, I don't care who or what, I will protect my son at all cost. I couldn't bare to lose another child, and if it's up to me, I won't have to. From the day that I seen my child after being released, I vowed to always protect him.
As of now, the three of us are staying at my old condo when I left Money a couple years ago. I'd bought it, so we'd always have it until we decided to sell the place. It became of good use now though, so I'm glad we kept it. We've been staying there going on a week now and I've actually gotten quite comfortable in the small space. I still have the paranoia of whomever it was finding us again, but I just put the faith in God to allow us to make it through each night.
"Johnson," the woman from the counter called and I hopped up to my feet with the quickness. I went straight over there and took his prescription from her hands. I placed it in my shopping cart, before making my way towards the counter to pay all of my things. I'd got him medicine alonh with some soup, crackers, and Gatorade that he had requested for me. I'd also picked up some snack foods and Gatorades for us as well to hold us over until we could go actual grocery shopping.
It didn't take me long to purchase all of the things and get them into the trunk of my BMW before pulling off from the store. I headed towards my dad's house with a slight smile on my face. I was always happy to see him, no matter what. We'd just been together about a week ago, but I could never get enough of my father's presence. He was the only parent that I had, so I was going to embrace the feeling forever. He was so different from my mom, it was a good difference, God rest her soul.
After a couple of minutes of driving, I was parking behind his F150 truck in the driveway and stepping out of the car. I was dressed simple in a Victoria Secret's PINK burgundy hoodie, with dark denim jeans, and a pair of brown Coach sneakers. My hair was pulled up into a high ponytail and I had 5 carat studs in my ear. I was dressed very simple today at the beginning of the December month. It was cold, so I had to keep warm.
I rang the doorbell a couple of times and waited on the porch with the bags in my hand. The wind was whipping past my fast and it made my cheeks go numb. Within seconds, he'd opened the door and my smile resumed as I saw him. I walked in and gave him a side hug while he placed a kiss on my forehead. These were some of the things I loved about having a father. He just made me feel loved, protected, and cared about when around him. I lacked all of those things from my mother.
"Hey daddy," I chimed as I followed him into the kitchen to put his things away. I did all of the work as he grabbed a can of his soup and started to fix it for himself. I made myself a coffee as I put the juice into the refridgerator and put away the box of crackers after he'd taken a pack out. My dad was a neat freak, so I made sure to put everything inside in a neat and orderly fashion.
"Hey baby girl," he smiled weakly and coughed as he placed his bowl of Campbell's chicken noodle soup into the microwave. He looked like he had just gotten out from the bed in his baby blue and orange Ralph Lauren polo pajama pants and a matching white t-shirt. My dad always had the juice, even at the age of 53. He didn't have a wife or girlfriend anymore, which I was happy for.
Once his soup was done and I had put sugar and cream inside of my coffee, we moved to the living room where he had on the movie Hot Boyz. My daddy was really a thug on the down low. I smiled as I sat down beside him as he ate on his soup. The movie had just started to the commercials and things still had to play. So, I used that time to have conversation with him, but he beat me to the punch with that.
"How have you been baby, y'all holding up alright over there?" he asked almost out of breath as he munched on his crackers and gave me his undivided attention. I shrugged my shoulders, sighed and sipped from the smoking hot coffee as I thought about my life again. I was living the life of a rollercoaster. It's up and then down, up and then down, and honestly, I'm tired of all these downs. They are wearing me out.
"I guess you could say that. I mean, we're living in my old condo right now. I don't know what we'll do about the house just yet. I don't want to stay there again, but I haven't discussed anything with Money. Someone knows where we live and obviously wants to hurt us, so if we go back, who's to say they won't kill us this time around?"
"You're right baby girl, but I'm sure your husband is going to take care of everything and make sure you all are safe. Don't stress your pretty little head out over that, everything will be fine, Domani will be fine Essence. Just continue to pray about it. Anyway, how is my little grandson anyway?" my father spoke, taking short pauses in the midst of his sentences.
I sighed and couldn't help but to smile at my father's words. "He's been fine. The home invasion hasn't stopped him from his terrible behavior. I'll have to repaint the white walls because those are marked up with crayons of every color. He just feels that he can write on everything at this age." I chuckled as I thought about my baby boy. Domani Jalil' Johnson was my world, if I lost him, it would be like losing myself. I couldn't even bare it.
"Awe, leave that boy alone. Boys will be boys, it'll be alright, he's just in his exploring stage. He'll be two in another two months, it'll go away soon. He'll be on to bigger things like picking up his father's ways. How is the husband?" he questioned and my mind wandered to my dear husband whom I loved so much. The thought of him made me have to cross my legs tighter and take a sip from my now warm coffee. Damn, just thinking about him got me all horny. My period had just gone off, so that could also be a reason.
Yeah, I was on birth control, but Money made me stop going, so I'm back to my monthly periods. Money wants a baby girl so bad and the fact that I didn't get pregnant last time made it worst. I don't know what it is with him and babies, but he wants a little girl, like yesterday. It was kind of cute, but I don't know if I was ready to be pregnant again. Only time will tell.
"Money is the same old money, out with the guys most of the time, but when he's home things are nice. I enjoy the family time we have together. It makes me forget about the tragic things happening around me. I just have faith that this phase in my life will pass over and brighter things will come into the picture for me and mine. Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about just me. How are you old man? You living over here all alone has me worried about you." I told him as the movie finally started to play.
My dad continued to eat his soup and didn't respond to my question. His eyes were trained on the movie that was playing. I rolled my eyes and took another sip from my coffee as he ignored me. I hated to be ignored, but I just kept quiet and watched the movie with him as he ate his soup and crackers. We were having a little bonding time, so I couldn't and would't complain about it.
Once he was done with his soup and the whole pack of white crackers, he drank some Gatorade and ended up in a series of coughs. I put my coffee on the table and patted his back while he held his chest. I figured he probably had a cold and the mucus was clogging his throat. When he asked me for soup, that was a definite clue. I rubbed his back and handed him his Gatorade again so he could clear his throat. Once he was fine, he grabbed the remote and paused it before turning his frail body completely towards me.
"Essence, I have something important I need to tell you." he said in a low, raspy voice as he continued to look at me. I grabbed my mug and took a sip of it before nodding my head for him to continue. I didn't know what he was about to tell me, but whatever it was got me uneasy as he rubbed his hands together and coughed again. I grabbed his Gatorade, but he shooed me away. Soon it died down and he began to talk again.
"Essence, there is no easy way to say this or no way to make it sound better than it is baby girl, because its not good at all. Its not looking too good for your old man right now, so I'm telling you this before it's too late. You're the first one I'm telling, not even your brother knows about this yet," he said and coughed again. I patted his back as I began to shift in my seat as the words left his mouth. My hands got sweaty and clammy.
"I have a bad heart Essence. My heart isn't pumping blood the way it should, it's way too slow for me to almost do anything now. I was put on the list for a heart transplant, but on that list I'll be number twenty four and hearts don't come that easily around here. The doctor told me she'd give me about another couple of months to live if I eat right and do less activity as possible that won't tire my heart out, but it's bad baby and I can't control how it works." he said sympathetically and I felt my eyes watering once he was done.
I looked up at my dad and how weak he looked made me emotional all at once. I couldn't help but to cry after finding out that my dad will be dying soon if he doesn't get a heart. This was just something that put the icing on the cake. This was the last parent I had left and he was about to be taken away from me soon too and that pained me. I couldn't even deal anymore as I cried into the palms of my hands as my heart ached.
"H-h-how long have y-you known about this?" I asked as I peaked up at him through the cracks in my hands, but the tears didn't stop flowing from my eyes. Death is a huge thing and for it to be my dad made things worst. I could only imagine how Marcus would take things when he did find out about all of this stuff. Marcus has known him way longer than I have, so I know this will be harder on him than it is on me.
"I've known about my bad heart since I was old enough to understand, but it has just started to get this bad about a few month ago. I feel myself getting worst as the days pass and I just had to tell you before I passed and it was too late. I plan to tell Marcus later if the good Lord lets me live long enough. Now, stop crying your pretty little eyes out and give your daddy some love." he smiled weakly and I moved over into his embrace and continued to sob into his arms. I just couldn't wrap myself around the fact that he wouldn't always be here with me.
"Dad, no. This just isn't right. I haven't had enough time with you yet and you're already leaving me here. I don't have a mom anymore and now I'm losing my dad too." I sobbed into his shirt as I gripped onto his thin arms. I felt him sigh and kiss my forehead as he held me in his arms and consoled me. He rubbed my back in a soothing motion as he rocked me. This felt good, but the situation at hand made everything bitter for me.
"Don't cry Essence, you're way too beautiful for all of those tears girl. I'll be fine, you'll be fine. Everyone just has a time and mine is soon, but you can't keep crying about it. I've been in chest pains for years, so now I'll finally be able to be pain free for once in my life." he said and this time I only responded with more tears into his Ralph Lauren shirt. I didn't even care as I just allowed myself to release all of then pent up emotions.
"I don't want you to die yet," I sobbed.
"I know, I know, but it'll just be my time when he calls me on home baby girl. Don't cry, do that one last thing for me. Don't cry in front of me, okay? Just smile and thank God that we were able to meet and spend time together before things went sour for me. I'm glad I got to meet my baby girl, that has been the greatest gift yet," he said as he brushed the hair from my face and hugged me tightly. I was just shaken up and tired of losses right now. I wanted my life to be on the up again.
"Dad, please stop talking like that. You'll be fine, I know it. Just please, don't talk like that around me." I trailed off as I wiped some of my tears and looked up at him. He sighed as he rubbed my back.
"It's the truth baby girl. This is just it for me, but we'll meet again on the flip side. Enough of this now, I'm done discussing my health. I just want to spend the rest of the day with my daughter and forget about my bad health for a while." he said and I nodded and sniffled as I snuggled into his side. I rested my head onto him as I got comfortable. I was sleepy as hell all of a sudden, but when I closed my eyes I got scared and opened them back again.
"Dad?"
"Wassup baby girl?"
"If I go to sleep, will you promise to be here when I wake back up?" I asked like a small kid, but I couldn't help but to ask the question. Maybe I was childish for it, but I wouldn't be able to go without knowing that he'd be here when I wake up. I knew it was a chance I'd be taking.
"I promise, I'll be here." he said as he rubbed my back and that was enough to put me to sleep unpeacefully. I would be losing my father soon and that was one of the worst feelings in the world, but I just had to pray to God and ask him for the strength to make it through all of these tragedies that are coming my way at this point in my life.
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. I will not stop until I've overcome these obstacles that he's placed in my life as to test my faith in him and strength. I won't fail, I won't tap out, I won't bow down, I will come out of this stage in my life if it's the last thing I do.
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Money
I was getting mad as fuck as I called Essence's phone for the fifth time and she ain't pick up. I was straight blowing her shit up and she wasn't answering me at all. For one, she ain't tell me where she was going this morning, so I was worried about her ass. It was three in the afternoon and I hadn't heard from her since around nine. With the shit that happened about a week ago, I was always on edge when her and Domani weren't in my presence, so excuse my uneasiness.
"Where the fuck she at?" I mumbled to myself before looking towards Domani to see him drawing shit on my walls with some crayons. I smacked my lips and threw a pillow over there at him so that he'd stop. It didn't hit him, but he saw it and looked towards me with a juicy mouth ass grin. This little nigga thought shit was funny, but it would be far from it when his crazy ass momma came home and saw that shit. I frowned and pointed my finger at him.
"Just to let you know lil' nigga, you gone wash all that shit off when you done too. Yo moms aint bout to have my head for no shit you did." I told him seriously and he started laughing and grinning before he turned back to the wall to continue his art work. I shook my head and sighed as I dialed Essence's number again. She was raising my pressure.
The phone rang a couple times and with each ring my pressure went a little higher. Essence knew better than this shit. I already got anger problems and she steadily doing shit to test my patience. I sighed as I tapped my foot and waited. Once the last ring hit, I was about to hang up but a deep and barington voice sounded through the phone and it surprised me.
"Hello,"
"Yo, who the fuck is this?" I asked once I recognized a nigga had answered the phone. I stood up from the couch and began to pace the room as I listened to this nigga breathing. I got angry as fuck when I heard the nigga laughing on the other end of the phone. My blood was boiling.
"Son, calm that bass in your tone and watch your language when you're talking to me. I'll only let this time slip because I have been a worried husband before." he said and I stopped in my tracks and smacked my lips. I held my chest and sat back down on the couch once I realized it was only Melvin on the phone. I blew out a breath of relief and rubbed my temples.
"My fault Melvin, I thought you was somebody else right then," I said as I calmed my nerves right quick. She had a nigga going crazy for nothing. Now, I'm forced to smoke some weed because of this shit.
"I know you did, which is why ian' gone fault you for it," he said and then erupted into a series of coughs. Once he started to talk again his voice was raspy and he could only say a few words before going back out of breath. I noticed thay, but didn't bother to say shit. Nigga probably ate too much of the wrong stuff lastnight.
"Where my wife at?" I asked and he coughed once more which made me get suspicious right then. He was coughing too much and the shit was scaring me. This had to eat the worst shit in the world coughing like that. "You aight man?"
"Yeah, I'm fine Money. Essence is here at my house sleeping, we watched a film together," he said and I nodded once I got some information on where she had been all day. I could really become calm now that I knew she was out of harms way. I still needed to blow some trees though, just for the hell of it. Essence ain't play that smoking in the house shit though and it was December, so it was cold outside.
"Aight, just tell her to hit me back when she wake up," I told him and he agreed before we hung up the phone on both ends. I stuffed my phone inside of my pocket and looked back at Domani to see him still drawing on the walls. I sighed and went over to him before picking him up and throwing him across my shoulder. This nigga had already drawn enough, we had shit to do today.
"Aye little nigga, you need a line up, cause yo shit is all fucked up." I told him as I looked at his crooked ass line up, while he just laughed. Adrian cut our shit whenever he went to his cousin's barber shop, and he was there today so we were both gone swing through. I could use a cut myself, so we both could be in and out, just like how I wanted to be in my baby momma. I been trying to get a nut worst than the squirrel on Ice Age. A nigga been stressing.
"Duice da da, duice." he said and I stopped in the middle of the hall and looked at him upside his head. I wanted to put him down and tell him to go get it himself, but I wasn't gone be an asshole today so I went and fixed him some juice.
I'm ready for my son to grow up, so we can kick it. For my son sixteenth birthday, strippers gone be every where man. Call it bad parenting, but I call it life. I rather him experience it with his pops the right way, than with some lame ass niggas that ain't got shit to throw at the strippers. Of course, I aint gone throw shit, because I got a wife, but my son free to blow some stacks.
After I got Domani his juice, we went in the back and put on some white air force ones. Me and my nigga was dressed alike today, it was cold outside. We both wore red adidas jumpsuits, white Air Force One's, a beanie, and a white T. It was simple, but enough for us to go get a line up in. We wasn't about to be out all day. I've seen Domani have a cold, I hated snot.
We hopped in my Aston Martin and pulled out of the parking garage that was designated for the condos we stayed in. I hated staying in this little ass space and I was gone talk to E about that. I ain't no condo type of nigga, I need at least five bathrooms I can shit in for it to be a home for me. Our last house was five bedroom, six bathrooms, so that was home.
I turned up some of Future's shit and me and Domani bumped out to that until we got to the barber shop a couple minutes later. I parked the car and looked at Domani to see him bobbing his head like a real ganster. I couldn't help but laugh as I shook my head and got out of the car. I made my way around to his side and grabbed him before going towards the shop.
"Wassup bitches," I said as I entered to see Adrian, Red, his cousin Eric, one of his customers, and little Red. Domani walked right on my tail as I walked up to Adrian and Red and pieced my niggas off with some dap. It was funny when I saw Domani try to do it with Red, but the shit was all wrong. They were first cousins, the only two young boys in the family.
"Damn man, I told yo ass three and it's almost five. You aint good for shit Money," Adrian smacked his lips as I went over and sat down in the waiting chair as Red got his hair cut. Domani and lil Red ran off to the back where the toys were to play. Them little niggas always had some weird shit going on. I knew they was gone be hell on our hands when they get around sixteen.
"I was busy nigga, I'm here now so shut the fuck up and stop actin' like yeen happy to see me." I said sarcastically and he flipped me off before continuing to cut Red's hair. I pulled out my phone once I felt it vibrate to see who it was. Turns out, wifey was finally hitting me back.
Wifey: I'm home.
Me: Aight, I'll be there in bout thirty. We gettin a cut at Adrian's.
Once I texted her back, I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and tuned into the news. Time passed by pretty quickly and before I knew it, Domani and I were done and we were heading in the front door of the condo. We had stopped and had Five Guys for dinner, so I brought Essence a burger and fries too because I aint know if she ate. If she did, I'll eat this shit myself.
Domani went towards the spare bedroom and started pulling out toys off the rip. I sighed and shook my head as I took off his shoes and jacket. His pamper was still good, so I gave that nigga a salute and went to see my baby momma. When I flicked on the light in the room, I came to find Essence sitting in the middle of the bed turning up a bottle of Hennessey, my Hennessey.
"Woah, woah, fuckin woah, what the fuck you doin' drinkin' all my shit?" I asked as I walked over to her. Thats when I notied how red and puffy her eyes were and she didn't respond. I sighed and started to wreck my brain to make sure I hadn't did no shit that would make her cry lately. I fucked up a lot, so a nigga had to be sure.
I sat down on the bed and grabbed the bottle from her hands and put the top on it. She had killed this, so I knew she was drunk ass hell because this was full as fuck when I bought it, and I ain't drunk not one drop of this shit yet. I knew her ass was gone have a bad hangover now.
"Essence, what's up man?" I asked and as soon as those words left my mouth, she burst into tears. I sighed as I kicked off my shoes on the side of the bed and climbed onto it and pulled her into my chest. I kissed her forehead and held her close to me. I didn't know why the hell she was crying, but something had her torn up because Essence has never been the drinker unless for a special occasion.
I wiped her tears as she sobbed into my jacket. I didn't say shit else as I waited for her to get it all out and calm down so that she could talk to me. I hated to see her cry, but I couldn't leave her so I aint have another choice. I've caused so many pf her tears to now, the shit just make me mad at myself whenever she cry, and sometimes, it's not even because of me.
Once she had calmed down and her breathing was evened out, I tried again. "Baby, talk to me. You cryin' and shit and ion' know why. Just tell me who I need to kill and give me ten minutes to get the job done." I told her seriously, but she laughed weakly as she held onto my body. I was dead ass, I never joked about putting a nigga down for wifey. Ion' hit females, but I will if they fucking with the Mrs.
"I wish you could Money, I really wish it was that simple." she said weakly as her tears just dripped all the way down her chin. I sighed as I held her tighter in my arms and caressed her back.
"What you mean? Help me, help you ma."
"Money, my father is dying from a bad heart. He doesn't have long and it's constantly getting worst. I was going to stay with him, but he wanted time alone to tell Marcus." she told me and I was lost for words. That pulled everything together, that's why he sounded so out of breath and coughing for air earlier. Damn man, I aint even know what to say to her after that. I lost my father, but damn, not like that. I didn't know he was gone die, it just happened.
"Damn baby, I'm sorry to hear that. I know you then got close wit yo pops and shit and now this happenin'. I got you though, I'm here E." I told her honestly and that only made more tears fall as she looked up at me with those beautiful ass eyes. If this had been any other situation, I would've suggested sex, but after sex, it still won't make her pops heart work any better.
"I love you Damian Jalil'" she whispered and I looked down at her and pressed my lips to hers. I hadn't kissed her ass all day, so that simple ass kiss was enough to satisfy me right now.
"I love you too, Essence Elise."
"Damian?"
"Essence?" I repeated.
"I know I'm emotional right now, but you know I'm gonna' kick your ass when I feel better, right?" she asked with a straight face as she looked up at me. I smacked my lips and frowned. What the fuck did I do now. It's always something man.
"Damn, What I do?" I asked like the little girl that went viral on the internet. She was cute too, I can't wait till I get me a daughter. I'm spoil the fuck out of her pretty ass because I know she gone be beautiful. Essence gone be hating, because my baby gone have me wrapped around her finger more than her. I can see the shit now, her getting jealous of our daughter.
"I saw that shit on the walls. You'll be getting that taken care of, since I know you were probably sitting on your ass watching him do it." she said and she had hit the nail on the head too. I smirked as I kissed her lips and smiled.
"Yes ma'am."
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Hope you enjoyed.
Excuse all mistakes.
Okay, don't be mad at me. I'm currently trying to prepare for college and update for you guys in the meanwhile. I'm trying, so please don't bash me for trying to get my education. thanks in advance. I hope you all understand and for the ones who don't, please feel free to find you another book to read. :)
xoxoxo @qveenV_